Sunday

 This day is beginning with humidity, but there's no rain indicated.

Monday was BIL's official retirement day, although I've learned since that he is going to remain as a "special consultant". Not sure how much time that will involve, but right now he is catching up on projects around their  house that have been put off.

Tuesday was a quiet day.  Although I did receive some gorgeous flowers from my neighbors, Barry and Kitty. No reason at all. I haven't seen her in person for several months; in fact I'd wondered if she had died. But that morning, when Missy started barking, I went to look and almost didn't recognize Kitty, who was  carefully navigating the walkway to the front door. She was so unbalanced she was walking with her arms outstretched, and still was determined to get to the door holding this beautiful bunch of flowers and greenery. 

I gave her a gentle hug, and she is a tiny little thing, just skin and bones-- she and he are maybe 10 years older than me. J was good friends with them and they have kind of been keeping an eye on me since.  She looks awful, frankly. I knew she had a terminal cancer, but can't remember what kind. It was so sweet of them.

Wednesday morning I got up early to get ready to go get my blood drawn.  I had the same phlebotomist as last time, and this time it all went perfectly-- I didn't feel a thing, and  better than that she got the vein right away. No bruising, no pain. Phew!

J's daughter Amelia has two daughters of her own, and the oldest celebrated a birthday this day also; she is 12, just like my granddaughter Layla. 

I skipped the Zoom meeting that evening, not feeling well enough to be "on".

Thursday morning I finally decided to refill the bird feeders in front. When I took them down, I saw the bird seed had solidified into a caked on mess. I spent quite some time scraping that stuff out, and cleaning the two feeders. I even put them in the dishwasher and did a cycle, which did a great job. They are my copper feeders, so easy to fill and keep track of, and the birds love them.  When I re-hung them, it wasn't long before the birds were back. I really should have checked them a few weeks ago. 

MissS was here also late morning Thursday, and mowed both front and back lawns. She is an Angel. Afterwards we both got in the pool, drifting and talking. She spotted two pileated woodpeckers in a tree close by, hammering away, maybe making a nest?

After we began cooling off, we came back inside and we finished watching a movie I'd started earlier with Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell.  MM would have been 100 on June 1, if she'd lived. She missed so much, leaving the planet when she did. Poor thing.

MissS treated us to a pizza and sub from Marco's. My sub was yummy, and my eyes got the better of me. I ate the whole 6 inches and felt quite overfull afterwards. Most uncomfortable. I learned my lesson-- but it was so nice to eat something I hadn't prepared myself! 

Friday morning was my sons' 40th birthday. Much to my surprise I heard from both of them that morning, early. Both admitted to feeling older and some shock, and the ongoing grief of losing their dad.

Later in the morning I made a new recipe called Hummingbird Dump Cake, and took it out of the oven at noon. It took me a few minutes to find a container to carry the 9x13 pan, which was quite hot! Then I took it out to the car and drove up to Sis' and BIL's and Dad's house, where I arrived at 1pm.  We caught up on things and had some of the cake. It was very, very good and very rich... Everyone loved it. I left plenty there when I left at 2:45, and stopped at Publix to pick up my meds.

Back at home, I got in the pool, and drifted for awhile before doing my stretching. When I got back inside and was trying to figure out what to do for dinner, I got another text from Nick. (He had shared earlier that they didn't have food stamps anymore due to the Felon's new requirements for food stamps. They've been living on food boxes passed out by various churches.)

He had also shared they had to move out by the 17th, and didn't know what they were going to do. (The property, the whole apartment complex, has been sold to new owners, who are going to revamp the whole thing and charge more money.) He said they weren't drinking as much, therefore Jason wasn't having any more seizures, and was "doing fine".

In this second conversation, he did ask very gently if I could send them some groceries, using Walmart's free delivery service. We went back and forth for a few minutes, figuring out logistics and what foods would be useful.  He even called, using the video call on Messenger. I was both glad to see them, and shocked. 

Even though he'd said they weren't drinking as much, it was clear they were drunk. Sigh. I don't know why I ever believe them, or expect any different. They both looked godawful. 

I finally figured out how to do the WM delivery, and ending up filling several shopping bags-- in OR they use paper bags with handles for the delivery; I'd forgotten they are so progressive back there that they have banned plastic bags.  Wish the whole country would.  Wish I lived in a blue state.  

The text came to me from WM that the order was delivered at 6:11 pm, their time... so of course it was after 9 here. I notified Nick,  but he said it wasn't there at their door, as promised. The photo showing the delivery wasn't very clear, but I sent it to Nick to see if he could figure out where the bags were delivered.

While he did that, searching all around the complex, I sent a scathing review to WM, and removed the tip I'd added for the driver.  I was so angry!  At one point I had texted Nick that since I couldn't fix it from here, it was up to him to go and find it. I said how angry I was that I'd bought $87 worth of food, and for him to please not tell me this was a waste.  I'd even chosen a small birthday cake from the WM bakery.

I don't know why I keep expecting gratitude.  Eventually he did text that he'd found it. It was misdelivered to the other side of the complex. There were five bags of groceries, and two gallons of milk. I don't know how many trips he made back to his apartment, but that's part of why I was so angry and disappointed. To go to the effort of arranging a delivery, and then have it mismanaged so badly. 

So I had done my best, and because I was tired and disappointed I probably did not handle stuff in the best way.  This is why I need the Meetings: I needed a reality check on what to expect, and what not to expect.

The next morning, Saturday, I woke up feeling physically awful. I don't know if it was the cake (which I'd only had a small serving of but OMG it was rich, and I'd used real butter since this was the first time I made it), or the fact that I'd restarted the damn antibiotic the day before, or the ongoing  pain in my leg/hip or, as my friend N later gently pointed out,  the emotional phone call and aftermath of all the emotions.  

I debated not going to the meeting, being deeply afraid I wouldn't make the trip without needing a bathroom before my arrival there. But by the time I thought of that, I had remembered I had the key to the door, and had to go. Plus I didn't have B's phone number to alert him to my absence. 

I made it to the meeting safely, but explained to him I might need to leave. I must have looked pretty bad, because this non-hugger actually put his arm around me and softly suggested I sit down and relax. He and the others finished setting up. I skipped the coffee, and just sipped on water. By the end of the meeting I felt emotionally better, as always. 

Physically I could tell it wasn't as bad, but I was still on the verge of tears; one of my widow friends there could tell, and she whispered some words of encouragement to me. 

I was talking to yet another widow friend, and my friend K passed behind me bringing the supplies back to their storage area. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and reached out to pat him on the shoulder as I was  listening. A minute later, I was enfolded from behind and he said, "That wasn't enough of a hug-- let's do this properly!"  So sweet. 

I did relearn what to expect from active alcoholics-- nothing. It was my choice to supply them with some food. It was funded by my insurance benefits card, so it didn't even cost me a thing. 

My mistake was expecting gratitude, more thanks than the simple "thanks Mom" I got. Seeing them on the video call was shocking, and frightening. One of my friends reminded me that as they age, they will experience more and more health issues. Then I reminded him they already had pretty serious issues-- the heart thing for Nick and the seizures for Jason. Both of them know they are alcoholic, they are not in denial anymore. How much worse do things have to get before they decide to try recovery? And what will happen to them after the 17th-- all their belongings and their dad's stuff, the cat, the car with its flat tire due to a nail.

I try not to involve myself in their lives, especially since they rarely ask for help.  They know what needs to happen.  I've been thinking about all this since Friday, and I know this is part of not enabling them. Maybe this eviction will be their bottom. 

It's so hard to have hope without expectations.

On the way home from the meeting, I was so low on gas I had to fill up, so I went to the Cumberland station I normally use. Oddly, every single time I tried to squeeze the handle to activate the fuel, it would almost immediately stop, or give me a gallon and then stop. There was no button to request help, so at the $4 mark I just gave up. Replaced the fuel pump hose, and left. I went to a 7/11 further up the road and even though it was more expensive I didn't care. I filled up there with no problem.

At home I did laundry, sweeping, remade the bed after the laundry was done, and actually took a nap. When I woke up I still didn't feel right, and the pool was only 82, so I skipped it. 

Instead I found a movie called On The Beach, with Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, and Fred Astaire, the first time he'd done a dramatic role, with no dancing. I'm going to have to read this book because it was riveting.

Set in 1964 Australia, because a nuclear accident has affected most of the world; it's filmed in B&W.  Along with the other residents of this town, they are the final  survivors; the movie moves us over the next five months as the radiation in the air increases. It was scary to watch, because this could so easily happen to us. Especially now with the political climate as it is. 

I have nothing going on this week, but I was able to access my lab results on Thursday. The bad news is the CoQ10 I've been on for 3 months didn't help at all with the cholesterol level. It's still considered "borderline high" so I'm not sure if I will be put on a statin, or whether they wait until it's officially "high". My appt isn't until next week, so I'll learn then.

Arghh. What an interesting week.  Oh, and today is June 7-- the days that mom and Gramma died, although 12 years apart. Gramma died in 2000,  mom in 2012.  

Sortedbyname.com lists Gramma's death date as June 8. Interesting. (Edit: we found the death certificate, which also lists the date as June 8. Why did we think it was June 7??)

Also fascinating is the below. It leads to a blogger who chronicles genealogical histories, and this entry concerns the house that Gramma lived in while growing up in Manhattan, also explaining the connection between the Edmonds and the Raetze families, which I had mostly forgotten or gotten confused on. I hadn't realized Stuart Edmonds was actually Gramma's adopted brother, along with Gris. I think I remember a tragedy involving Gris as well, but I can't remember the details. Probably Robert or Richard know. 

https://daytoninmanhattan.blogspot.com/2025/12/the-edward-t-and-viola-b-cockcroft.html

TYG

Sunday

Almost noon, and it's quite humid. The pool is at 83 degrees; this is after a few days of plenty of rain and thunder. I'll be getting in later.

"Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog"--currently playing on the radio. This was how J introduced himself when we met, stretching his hand out to me: "Jeremiah, as in Bullfrog if you go back that far..."  And of course I did. 

This was a very emotional week for me. For some reason, nothing in particular. The weeks of ongoing pain, the frustration of not being able to do anything, the fumbling attempts at pain relief via various gummies. The being alone through all these challenges. J wouldn't have allowed this!  I'm laughing inside because of course there's no way to allow or disallow this, only the promise that we'd get through anything together. And we did, until the end.

 

Lord, I miss him. 

So last Sunday MissS was over, I think-- as she is most Sunday afternoons. I don't remember if we did anything special. Monday was a holiday, not that it matters to me. One thing I noticed was there were no fireworks this past weekend. Normally there are plenty here in my neighborhood on any holiday.

Tuesday morning I called for the refill of my pain med, and went to Walmart to return both sets of the new light-blocking curtains, as neither was the color or material I wanted. 

MissS came over again in the afternoon, and together we decided (after I'd shared my dilemma over the LR rug) to try washing it in my washer. I can't remember where I bought it from, nor even when. We dragged it to the washer and tried to load it evenly, with the rug side out. An hour later after hearing tremendous banging and thumps, we collapsed in laughter over the effort to get it out of the washer and stretch it outside to dry.  It was SO HEAVY and bulky and damp of course.  I haven't laughed like that in a long, long time. It felt good. So it spent two days outside trying to dry.

Wednesday I knew the pest control tech was coming sometime between noon and five. I settled in to wait shortly after noon, and to my surprise he showed up at 12:25. He was done 15 minutes later, and then I could relax. 

I attended the Zoom meeting at 6, pausing the movie I was watching (Separate Tables) and saw a few of my friends in the meeting. My friend B had texted me earlier, asking if Nancy in Texas could reach out to me, as she is going through very similar lung issues. During the meeting she messaged me, saying she would text in the next few days.

Thursday my friend N was admitted to the hospital to have her new meds administered in a controlled setting. We texted that day, making tentative plans to speak Saturday, but by that time she was extremely fatigued and begged off. 

That morning I was trying to reach and schedule a physical therapy appt.  There were a lot of problems-- they didn't have the order or the approval, and after a 25 minute phone call with the person at the facility I gave up and called the PCP office, who again in a long conversation explained they had already sent the order and the authorization. I repeated that they didn't have it and I had had to take photos of the two pages and send them to her while I was on that very same phone call!

This nitwit explained again that they had previously sent both things to a certain fax number, and advised me to call the facility again. At that point I gave up. I hung up. I was also dealing with a computer issue I didn't know how to access. Between all these issues and feeling so helpless I just cried.  

MissS meanwhile had been searching for a laundromat with a commercial sized washer and dryer; she sent me the link to one and I contacted them for a pickup and delivery after the rug was cleaned. An Uber driver arrived at 10, speaking very little English, and took the rug. I was so relieved and thankful.  

But at 10:30 there was a knock on the door, and sure enough it was the Uber driver, bringing the rug back. He had no idea why, but told me the company couldn't do this.  He could see I was in shock, and kept apologizing, but he left me the piled up rug on the front porch.

I texted MissS and asked her to just  take care of it for me.  I was crying and probably not making much sense. She texted she was on her way. And shortly afterwards both she and Kit arrived. I was a sobbing mess as I tried to explain everything. 

Kit then announced he was there for the "gutter service"-- he got up on the roof and cleaned out all the gutters. The one I was concerned  with was on the front just above the front doorway-- the rain falls in sheets there. Kit explained it was because the gutter ends there and has nowhere else to go; he suggested contacting a gutter company for an estimate. Right then I wasn't in the frame of mind to do so, but I learned adding a downspout there might help too.

Meanwhile MissS fixed the computer issue, which involved 198 pages worth of my medical records from my previous workplace. Basically she made me a link to those records and left that on my laptop.

Then both of them took the rug to the closest laundromat, on Beville, and washed it again. I learned later they had set it first on low in the dryer, then had to do two more cycles at a higher setting; it still wasn't totally dry when they brought it back 3 hours later, but I spread it out on the guestroom bed, and in a couple of days it was dry. It looks amazing, like brand new. I was so grateful, so thankful. That was a very difficult day, and I am so appreciative of their support. 

Friday I had no energy, but I had to pick up Missy's meds, and my own lab orders. The PCP office still has no lab of their own and therefore needs to send me to a place to have this done. I'm not looking forward to this, but maybe I'll have better luck than the last time.

I also resumed my exercises, my stretching. I found a couple of appropriate YouTube videos for SI joint pain, and hip stretches in particular. I thought I was doing pretty well before this injury, but I guess it never hurts to add more effective motions. I only did a half hour or so, and the minute something didn't feel right I stopped, moving on to some other movement.

I also mailed two cards, one to each of my sons. I did not send money or gift cards. They will be 40 next week. I cannot believe it. 

Saturday I went to my Meeting, and sat with the guys as usual. There was plenty of time to catch up with friends before and after. 

This day was the first time I took my pain pill and it really did help. So I think I am finally healing. I am walking slowly, limping if I have to walk uphill --my driveway-- not healed enough to resume walking with Missy, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Standing is the worst, oddly. The pressure goes straight down my right leg. A mixture of extreme sharp pain and tingling and pressure. I have to just shift my weight to the left leg, or sit down.

I watched a movie, and then noticed Nancy had texted, so I asked if this was a good time to talk, and 4 minutes later we were talking. For about 45 minutes.  My voice started to fail, so we agreed to stay in touch. 

She has so many of the same symptoms and lab results. She's in Texas, experiencing much of the same first symptoms I had-- the constant coughing, the fatigue, the tastes of everything being so awful you don't want to eat anything. She has lost 20 lbs in the past 3 months. She's also gone through much of the same procedures. At least one of the bacteria growing in the cultures is the same as my Nontuberculous Mycobacterial Lung Disease: mycobacterium abscessus. She's waiting for the rest of the results. 

This week is my friend Judy's birthday-- she'll be 70 also.  Wednesday I have my lab appt at 8:30. And Friday is my sons' birthdays. Forty. Mind boggling.

I guess that is it. I will go do my stretching, and then see what happens.

TYG

Sunday

 It's a cloudy morning, humid, warm at 82 degrees. 

Last Sunday I spent a quiet afternoon, don't remember what I did really. Monday Chris brought me a bag of his homegrown yellow cherry tomatoes, which are a great snack.  

MissS came over that afternoon, having accepted the job she was offered. I think she is having second thoughts, but at the same time I think she feels it could be a healing place for her. Just working, having a structured frame to her days will be a huge change for her, not having worked in over a year. I do believe things happen for a reason. My friend N knows of this company, and felt this was a positive move for MissS.

Tuesday was Gramma's birthday. It was purposefully a quiet day for me, because Wednesday was a huge day: MissS came over to mow both the front lawn and the back lawns. I was so grateful-- I was hurting so much, and hated looking at the wildly overgrown lawns, but helpless to do anything.

I also picked up my grocery order. And I was able to get in the pool for the first time this year on Wednesday-- it had finally reached 84 degrees, which is my minimum for immersion.  (Actually I was guessing at the temp since I knew it was 84 Tuesday late afternoon, but Wednesday when I checked the temp I discovered the thermometer was broken. It has lasted a couple of years, so I ordered a new one which arrived Thursday.)

Getting in the pool made a big difference. The warmth and ease of motion really helped my hip/leg/glute issue.  I walked back and forth, and then "swam" up and down the length, using just my arms and sitting on the noodle. I do that to exhaustion.

Later Bro and SIL picked me up for dinner; I was not in a great mood, still hurting, waiting for the pain pill to kick in, and feeling so disgusted with this healing process. But dinner was wonderful-- I had the crabcake on a bun, with some garlic mashed potatoes. I also splurged and had 2 glasses of wine, which frankly helped a lot with the pain. It was great as always to spend time with Dad, and Bro and SIL.

Back at home I took Missy for her last outing even though it wasn't dark yet,  and while I was out there, Chris came over with his clippers and gloves, and pruned/trimmed the Robellini palms in front. I have to say it was a shock to see how much of the fronds are gone, but I have been reassured that this will all grow back. I feel so exposed now! They were providing a good wall for my privacy.

Thursday I exchanged my hallway curtains for the new ones, which I like so  much better. I am noticing the bedroom curtains do not block the sunlight in the morning, so I am finally deciding to do something there too. And around 11:45 Sis came over, and we went to lunch at Peach Valley. I had a yummy omelet which came with a homemade delicious biscuit, and she had a great looking salad. 

Friday I had a bunch of errands, and fortunately I had plenty of energy:  I took a package (containing an embroidery I'd made for Reed) to the post office to mail. While waiting in line I noticed my packaging tape was loose, but on the table next to me was a roll of tape so I used some to firmly fasten the package.  Unfortunately I didn't notice the words "priority mail" on the tape itself until I got to the counter, where the guy pointed out that now I had to send it that way. Regular mail would have been $3 something. Priority mail? $13.81.   Arggh.  I'd also forgotten you can buy shipping boxes there and whatever you can fit goes for a flat price. 

Oh well... expensive lesson learned.  I then went to Chase bank to officially close my home equity loan from 2019; then to the credit union to deposit another refund check from the imaging facility; picked up chlorine at the pool place; dropped off stuff at Goodwill, then went inside and found two tall vases; and finally drove from Port Orange to LPGA to get my hair trimmed. 

I was back home by 1:30. I decompressed by watching the last Late Night with Stephen Colbert, laughing and crying. What a ride, what a show.

I made spaghetti for dinner, and also made cookies, some of which I brought to the Meeting. Did in-home chores,  and rested with the heating pad, as I have been doing for over 6 weeks now.

Saturday was the Meeting, and I sat with the guys. Got to talk with R, J, N, F, and briefly hugged K, who was back from his trip. N will be in the hospital Thursday through Sunday, while they oversee administration of a very potent medication. She's a bit scared, but trying to have Faith. We made plans to do a phone call during this time.

At home I filled the birdfeeders, and swept the front porch, and spray-  painted the giant planter. I also repotted two other plants since I finally got some potting soil. And finally got in the pool again. It's always worth it. 

This coming Tuesday I have my pulmonology appt finally. I don't know if I will be kept on the inhaled antibiotic, since I can't remember when I started it! I think it was after the last visit three months ago, and I think he wanted me on this for 6 months-- but I will confirm that before I spend another $80 on the medication.

I got the notice in the mail that my physical therapy was approved-- for one visit. No one has called yet to schedule, so I might try calling them on Tuesday. Tomorrow is Memorial Day, so I imagine a lot of places are closed. 

Well, my grocery order is ready. Must go get that.

TYG

Sunday afternoon

This is a a cloudy and possibly rainy day, and it's almost one pm. I got distracted by checking out the Memorial Day sales at Wayfair, after I surrendered to their plea for reviews, and did a review of my sofa. I stumbled on some gorgeous curtains, and after debating, I ordered them.

Last week was fairly quiet, an up and down week of emotions.  I mailed birthday cards to two friends. I heard from one son, and my daughter for Mother's Day, which was wonderful. MissS brought me a beautiful bunch of flowers, and a frozen Stouffer's chicken enchilada, which she prepared for us for dinner.  So yummy!!

MissS also came over Monday morning to help with the yard debris pick up and transfer to the curb. She is so young and strong that she had most of it done by the time I managed to hobble outside. I was and am so extremely grateful; I never take family assistance for granted.  I did go to Publix and picked up my meds and ice cream.

Tuesday I worked on my finances, catching up on the spreadsheet. I went through a lot of my clothes to take stuff out to CityThrift. I found 3 bags worth of stuff I never wear anymore and won't miss.

Wednesday was another quiet day. Resting, trying not to push myself although it's maddening to not do what I would like to. I skipped my AlAnon meeting on Zoom because I was not in the right frame of mind.

Thursday morning Paul from Coastal arrived at around 9:15. We both reviewed the work I needed done, and I had unlocked the side gate for him, figuring he'd be in and out a lot. I kept the bathroom door to the sunroom closed, since he was working in there first of all. I verified he didn't need me and left him to it.  

I did check in on what he was doing, and helped with removing the curtains while he worked in the sunroom. (Man, does he like to talk. He is an interesting character, but far too hyper and energetic for me. I was exhausted after he left.)

Three hours later he was done!  The caulking in the kitchen and sun room, all done. The panels he built to close off the area behind the water heater where he thought the musty smell was coming from. The repaired foundation outside.  I handed him a check and thanked him profusely. 

I can't tell you what a relief it is to have this all done. All these years of these "little things" needing to get done, and it was all fixed in 3 hours.  J would have been amazed...  The happiness from this having been lifted from my shoulders lasted a couple of days.  

Friday morning I got a call from the pulmonology office-- the freakin' referral still hadn't come through, nor had I heard anything about the physical therapy. They rescheduled me for next week. I was long done with the steroids, and back to the daily pain and exhaustion from dealing with this.

So I called Conviva, and expressed my... frustration, politely. When they looked into it, the pulmonology referral had been approved on May 6. MAY 6. Why had they not sent it to the pulmonology office?? This was May 15. And now my pulmonology appt isn't until the 26th.

It turned out that the physical therapy was approved too, a few days after that; and that too hadn't been sent to the facility. 

This is so frustrating and annoying; someone somewhere has dropped the ball. I try to understand since I worked in medical offices for my whole life, and I know people do fall through the cracks-- but I don't want to be one of those people! 

I hate being my own advocate and having to stay on top of this stuff; it should just happen seamlessly. 

Ha Ha. Right....

I texted with Judy, who is packing up Mike's and her houses, in preparation for her move to MN. She is a strong woman, and working through her grief in such a healthy way. But the waves are hitting her too. 

Friday afternoon I put together the chickpea/rice/spinach casserole. I had that for dinner, and I'd also made brownies, so I had a few of those. So. Good. 

I also watched the series finale of Outlander. Thankfully the writers kept the original ending but with a twist. It is hard to believe this is all over. Years and years of watching. Even  J loved this series.

Now what I'm waiting for-- along with millions of other fans!--  is Diana's last book in the series. She indicates she is still working on it, still writing it, and hinted it was at least a year away. I really don't want to believe this, as she has been writing it for years.  She shares excerpts occasionally on special days, which are such teases. Well, there are always reruns of the series, and of course the books, each of which I have read at least 4 times. 

The most recent one was published in November of 2021. Back then I was right in the middle of my new diagnosis of the damn lung infection, and had to retire for medical reasons the next month, although I hadn't been able to work since September 13.  It seems so long ago.  Four and a half years.  I of course read the book, but this year I read it again, and had no memory of a good chunk of it.  I must have been pretty sick.

Saturday I went to the meeting, and as long as I walked slowly there was far less pain. My voice was working too, thankfully. I sat with "the guys", and they teased me about being one of them. I just shrugged, and said, "I like guys."  B explained to them why he and I call each other Eddie and Rosalita, and they all laughed.

Afterwards I walked out to the cars with one of them, who I haven't talked to a lot, and we got better acquainted. He's debating getting a pool, and had a lot of questions about how I maintain it, wondering if it was too much work for him and his young daughter.

Then I stopped at Publix and got my meds, and a few groceries. I forgot to stock up on water, so this week I'll do that, and get more potting soil, and more chlorine. 

MissS came over late in the afternoon. She was quite distraught, putting it mildly. She's been offered a job, with good pay, a great opportunity.  She's just not sure she is emotionally ready or able to manage this with the level of severe depression she is struggling with. 

Even if she wasn't struggling, it would be a tough job in some ways: It's not a job she can "leave at work" at the end of the day. It's similar to a social worker job dealing with young children and families in crisis.  It will be demanding, and could be rewarding, very satisfying. Plus it is a non-profit, so after 4 years there her student loan would be forgiven. People who are hired tend to stay there for years; there's not a high turnover rate, so that is extremely  important.

She stayed for dinner, and we talked a lot. I sent her home with some of the chickpea casserole, and some brownies.  She and Kit are going to a concert tonight so she came over Saturday afternoon instead of today. Kit's mom bought him a bike this week so he does now have transportation of his own. That is a huge relief for both of them.

Last night I took a half a gummy for pain, and then started to watch a movie. I paused the movie because I remembered I hadn't done my inhaled antibiotic so before starting that I took Missy out for the last time before bed.

Literally the moment the front door was open she took off outside,  heading to the area beneath my bedroom window, and barking like mad. I couldn't see a thing, as it was dark, around 9:30. She ran around shrieking, chasing something, and suddenly I heard Chris  saying in astonishment, Is that Missy!!?  He was outside too, and completely shocked she was acting that way. 

He came up to me and we stood there on the lawn talking for a half hour, catching up. Apparently one of the neighbors' dogs attacked his, Chris',  senior dog Loretta,  and the owner is not being cooperative or friendly about taking responsibility. Fortunately his dog is recovering, but she is 16 years old, and the attacker dog was a pitbull type, grabbing her neck with his jaws and shaking her.   

And the other thing I learned is that we-- in our neighborhood-- and even in my very own yard-- have coyotes. I personally haven't seen them, but Chris has, along with Kara, and two others farther up the road, on multiple occasions. He said he'd seen two coyotes in my yard jumping over the fence to my neighbor's yard!  They disappeared, and he didn't see them again. This was in daylight hours, too. 

This reinforces my determination to be out with Missy, and not let her wander too far off. Before last night's revelation, I was not nervous about being outside with her not on a leash. If I'm walking her in the morning she is on a leash for sure. 

But these night time outings haven't worried me since I am out there  with her, even if she sometimes wanders into the dark street, or heads toward the back of my neighbor's yard. I call her or go after her and herd her back to our own property, and so far she has been cooperative. Now I'm wondering.  Hmm.

Eventually Chris and I decided to head inside our respective homes, and when I got inside with Missy, I saw it was 10pm. I did my inhaler stuff, and was in bed by 10:30, much later for me than usual. 

This morning I discovered that one of my oldest and most prolific African violets had mysteriously broken off at the base from its fat root. The whole top of it has been broken off!  It looks like a flat round hat of leaves with some remaining purple flowers in the center... I suspect Sammy, but I cannot understand how this could have happened. I carefully removed the broken part and have placed it in a shallow bowl of water, hoping to encourage root growth so I can replant it. And maybe the fat root itself, which I left in the pot, will also start sprouting.

All of my other plants in pots are doing well, thankfully. I just have to keep an eye on the dryness of the  soil, because of the drought. On one of my jades outside, a funny little pink growth is happening. I have never seen it do this before so I am watching to see what happens. I can't tell if it's  a flower bud or what. 

Today is Reed's birthday, and Tuesday is Gramma's birthday-in-heaven.  If she'd lived she'd be 126!   Zeke's heavenly birthday was last week. It's a year since Rob died.  I feel I have to acknowledge these milestones for some reason. Time is passing more rapidly. 

Life is so INteresting, as Gramma would say.

TYG

Sunday

 Mother's Day,  quite warm outside already at 85 degrees-- it's 11:30 am. Ugh. But there should be some rain later, for the third day in a row...desperately needed.

MissS came over last Sunday afternoon, but I can't remember what if anything we did. I really need to write this stuff down. I was hurting, so didn't do anything except rest on Monday as well. I was supposed to have a pulmonology appt but the referral didn't come through in time.

Tuesday I met my friends at the little Rossi Side Street cafe in PO. I was limping badly but fortunately sitting is fine, not painful. Getting up and walking out was a pretty hard, too.

The food was awesome, very generous portions for a wonderful price.  Just before we ordered, they told me they were splitting my bill and each paying for me, as a late birthday gift. I didn't remember until later that Janis had a birthday too, the big 65. I'd sent her a card, but she was in the middle of a health crisis too, as was MaryAnn; so we all talked about our varied health stuff. (Yes, we are typical seniors.) All Boomers, Janis is happily married, MaryAnn is happily divorced, and me, the widow. 

We had a great time, surprisingly we had no shortage of things to discuss. We didn't once mention our previous workplace, which relieved me--  we had plenty to talk about. We were there over 2 hours! 

On my way home I picked up my WM groceries and since I had a special code for a half price car wash I did that. That few days of parking under the tree really showed how much pollen is in the air, as it was all over the car.

Wednesday morning (I discovered when I got up to let the dog out) I opened the slider and poor Finian rushed in, crying.  I can't believe how this happened, but he must have spent all night outside. Now, not only will I check to make sure the doors are closed when I leave, I need to check that all animals are inside at night. 

 That afternoon I met MissS at the theater in DB, and we saw Devil Wears Prada2, splurging on their delicious popcorn at that ridiculous price. We had a great time, and both of us want to see this again.  I stopped and picked up my 3 meds at Publix afterwards.

That evening I had my AlAnon Zoom meeting, finishing off my popcorn for dinner. 

Thursday morning I started the prednisone dose pack.  MissS had an interview at noon and came over afterwards to talk about that and other things. We watched the previous night's Colbert show with the interview with Sally Field, and the last visit Evie made on the show. MissS introduced me to Grey's Anatomy by watching the very first episode. I have since then watched 3 more episodes, and am really enjoying it except for the damn music soundtrack-- that part is so distracting.

MissS had a second interview with one place the next day, Friday, so that was hopeful.

Since I had finished my first day of steroids, I could not sleep that night; I woke up numerous times. But when I finally got out of bed pretty early, around 7:30 am, I didn't hurt! So I did my meds in the nebulizer, restarting the two-week stretch of the antibiotic. 

And then I tackled a lot of things: I walked Missy for the first time in about 3 weeks, bent over to pull more of the stupid petunia roots, power washed the pool deck, watered all the plants back there and the new jasmine and Zeke's garden, pulled out the dead petals on the curlicue plant, added chlorine tabs to the pool, came inside and vacuumed the house before mopping the kitchen floor. I can't believe I did all that. The pool temp was 81 degrees, so it's not quite ready to get in yet, but so close!

After showering I stayed inside and did my embroidery, enjoying the heavy rain and thunder later that afternoon.  So glad I swept the front porch and had let Missy out, because five minutes after that was when the clouds opened up.

I didn't sleep well that night either. I woke up at 1:30 in the morning, and that was it. I read most of the night, before giving up and getting dressed. A good shower always makes me feel better.

I knew Bro was coming over at some point to tackle the overgrown shrubbery outside my bedroom window. He hadn't arrived by the time I left for the Meeting, but later he sent me a couple of photos of his labor and the neatly stacked pile of greenery by the road. What a difference it makes! 

The Meeting was great and I'd been thinking I would share, but unfortunately I had no voice that day-- I was very hoarse and it was  difficult to speak at all. I don't know if it's related to the antibiotic. 

After the meeting I stopped at WM to get wine and more bananas and a few miscellaneous things. I got a selection of cards to mail out, and looked for potting soil again as I am almost out. I must have checked the wrong areas because I couldn't find any there, so I will go to Ace tomorrow. I have found a gift card for $25 in my wallet, so that will be a nice splurge.

At home for some damn stupid reason I decided I had to trim some of the back yard greenery. I meant to just go out for 20 minutes or so, but as usual I lost track of time. When I have my clippers and pruners and an empty wheelbarrow... I cannot stop. I left piles in various places.  I have to go outside tomorrow or Tuesday and drag it all out to the curb. 

The new neighbor's dogs-- both ugly looking pit bull types-- set up a howl when they heard me and Missy outside. They wouldn't stop, and of course Missy was shrieking back incessantly. 

Finally their owner came out to drag them inside , and that made it more peaceful to work out there, despite the humidity. Poor Missy was not easily cajoled to stop barking, and she couldn't see me working on the other side of the enclosure despite her being outside too. 

Eventually she found me, and only when I saw how tired she was I thought to say to myself, "Just stop this!!" before you ruin all the work the prednisone did. And sure enough back inside it was  a full hour later than I'd thought. 

I showered and sat down with my heating pad in clean dry clothes. Pool temp was 82. With the rain again in the late afternoon it was so nice, even though I was hurting again. 

I have been watching a lot of old movies. Found a really old one with Mary Pickford and Leslie Howard, made in 1933, her last film. That was enjoyable for me. 

Nothing coming up on the schedule for this week. Looks like it'll be good to finish the yard cleanup, and then lots of rest. 

Coastal will be calling to schedule the work here. BIL heard from the Ikon people and they are expecting the doors and window to be there by early July... so installing will be shortly after that. Wow, it'll be hot by then...

Very grateful for this life.

TYG

Sunday

 Got another late start this morning. Dragged myself carefully out of bed shortly after 9am. Jeez. I guess it rained during the night, because I let the animals out and the pool area was soaked: plants, chairs, cushions, umbrella. I was out of it-- didn't hear a thing. I must have needed it.

Last Sunday was Brand's birthday, sent him best wishes. I think he's 65. (My stepson, lol.)

I ordered the sofa I'd put in my shopping cart at Wayfair, as it had dropped about $40 more. Such a deal. It was scheduled to arrive Tuesday, so  when MissS arrived later I asked if she wanted the big sofa, and she said she'd talk with Kit.

She also offered to mow the back lawn. I sat out there too, watching her, and being so grateful. I did manage to put the hose back in the pool connection, again. When she was done we went back into the cool house and talked. After an hour or so, she offered to mow the front lawn too!  I almost cried. Again while she was doing that I swept the front porch, and watched and thanked my HP.   We made dinner, teriyaki chicken and rice, and watched HGTV.

Monday morning at 9am I called the doctor, and after multiple transfers I ended up talking with the nurse, who promised to talk with the doc and get back with me. All I thought I wanted was an appt!   But when she called back, the doc wanted me to have some xrays done first. (Due to problems with the insurance having the wrong address for my doc, it took until Wednesday for the order to be approved and sent to TL. TL then called me Thursday and were able to get me in for Friday.)

I also texted Coastal, and Tuesday they returned a text asking if Friday morning would work, and I happily agreed. And I got a text saying my new sofa would be delivered THAT day, not Tuesday!  

I quickly texted my Bro, and he and SIL came over after work when it had been delivered, and thankfully were able to move the old sofa to the back room, and bring the new sofa in, unbox it all and cut up the cardboard for me. I again was so grateful, so thankful for family. 

Tuesday MissS was able to come over after I picked up my grocery order. She put the sofa together in no time, and said they did want the big sofa, but needed to find a way to get it to their house. So that was a great solution--  I much rather wanted it to go to a good home than to some stranger. 

And while she was here, she helped me with transplanting all the new plants into the pots I had waiting. I was just so happy when it was all done. They all look amazing now. I know how difficult it is to do this-- the physical labor is so satisfying, but so hard too, with a back problem. 

Wednesday was an early day: BIL and the IKON person were here at 9:15, and he did all the measurements for the 4 sets of doors and the final window. There was lots of discussion because of course this is an old house, and a good portion of it was done without permits. So everything is wonky...sigh.

That evening I did a Zoom meeting at 6, and then another Zoom meeting at 7:30 featuring my friend as the speaker. I put my wine in a coffee cup so that helped, and shortly after it ended I was in bed, exhausted.

Thursday was another quiet day. I had a phone call scheduled at 5 with N, and that was an hour; we got caught up on each other's health issues, and covered a range of other things.

Friday was another early and big day: Phone calls with BIL to clarify where to sign/notarize the papers to initiate the work from Ikon. Then the Coastal Repair Pros arrived at 8:30; I felt comfortable with them right away, it is a husband and wife team, Mary and Paul. We spent almost an hour reviewing what I needed, and they will get back to me with an estimate. They don't do the pool work I need so I still need to find someone to do that.

I then received a call from DrZach's office, explaining they don't have a referral from the new doc yet, so I called them and explained all that,  adding that my appt was Monday.  We'll see what happens. I'm sure it'll be approved, just not sure it'll be approved that quickly. 

At 11:30, MissS arrived to help me take the cats to the groomer. I had managed to get them in the carriers, but just cannot lift them. At the groomer, they were fine as usual.  Paul made a joke about my beating up my husband (for some weird reason-- not like him), and I was caught off guard, saying, He's dead... and started tearing up. Paul was instantly apologetic and had forgotten, so later when I paid him I reminded him J had died over a year ago and I wasn't surprised that he didn't remember. I know he felt awful, but I also know he was genuinely and deeply sorry. I was embarrassed by the tears, but it happens. I have no control over that. Grief is ongoing.  Shows up at the oddest moments.

Back at home, MissS brought the cat carriers in, and then left, as she wasn't feeling well. I called BIL to report on the Coastal suggestions and we discussed that quite awhile. I then left to head to the bank to get the papers signed, picked up two bottles of wine and some bananas, and also filled up the gas tank before arriving on time at TwinLakes for my xray. That was quick and fairly painless. 

And then finally the day was over, and I could collapse and put my feet up. In between all this I did sweeping, dishes, cat boxes, laundry, etc. I still haven't been able to walk Missy, but I'm hopeful for next week.  I finished one embroidery this week, and started another, a  series of different colored dragons.

Saturday morning I went to the Meeting, which was in another room this time. I got caught up with N, R, T, and congratulated C on her speaking. The woman I'd gifted the jewelry to surprised me by creating me a cat out of all the pieces she had, in a frame. It is amazing.

Back at home, MissS, Kit, and his friend Donnie arrived in his truck, and loaded up the big sofa and took it away to its new home. So relieved.  I love my new sofa. It fits so much better in this house. The living room is small, so a smaller sofa is appropriate. I absolutely love the color.  Missy loves it too...

Of course, now I am realizing the rug is either too small, or it needs to be flipped the other way or...  I can't remember where I bought it, but I'd love this same one in a larger size... Well, we'll see.

This week I have a brunch date Tuesday with Janis and MaryAnn, former co-workers. I saw them last summer with Brandy (and the rest of the staff at the party we had to say good riddance to the mean Dr).  It'll be nice to catch up with them again.

I think I have an appt with my pulmonologist tomorrow, but I'll learn  tomorrow if the referral went through in time. If not, that will be rescheduled.

Otherwise I am just waiting for the results of the xray, and for Coastal's estimate.

TYG for my family...

Sunday

 Another long mostly-alone week.

Monday I was able to carefully bend down and turn on the hose for the front of the house. I cleaned my plant pots, watered in the front garden, and even washed most of the front of the actual house.  This was along with laundry, and cat boxes (which is my most-hated chore).

In the evening I did a Zoom "immigrant training" for Eyes On Ice; actually it was supposed to be for trainers, but thousands of other supporters also showed up. There were two speakers demonstrating and explaining what was legal and what wasn't, etc. 

Tuesday I was determined to rest, although I absolutely hate it. 

Wednesday, the only time I got up was to go pick up my contacts and Missy's meds, and also picked up a roast chicken and some bananas and dog food at WM.  I just embroidered and dozed and watched movies all day. At 6 I logged into the Zoom AlAnon meeting, snacking on the chicken.

Thursday was Sis' birthday; I had sent a gc for Etsy, because  this was something with varied possibilities. I also was surfing Wayfair, and put a beautiful sofa in my shopping cart; the price was fantastic and I was hoping it would go on sale during the WayDay sale starting on the 25th. 

And Friday my only activity was sweeping the front porch and watering my new plants who are still sitting in their store containers, waiting for me to plant them. Arggh. I hate this resting. I have too much to do!!

Saturday I loaded up with all my meds in me, and headed to the Meeting, where I stayed for only a half hour before leaving to meet the Family at a beach restaurant in OB. It turned out to be a 45-minute drive, worse because of it also being Jeep Week. It's only 14 miles, but I was coming from PO, which is 15 minutes south of me. 

It was a wonderful lunch, perfect weather, and great to see everyone. It's been awhile since we all got together. MissS and Kit were supposed to be attending but dropped out at the last minute. Not sure why.

This coming week BIL is coming early on Wednesday to help prep the way for the Ikon person to measure the doors and window. I also have the Zoom meeting at 6, and then a good friend is speaking somewhere up near Jacksonville. I cannot be there in person, but fortunately this meeting is hybrid, ie, it's both in person and Zoom, so I'll be listening and seeing her that way. 

Friday is May 1. May already!    

I haven't heard back from Coastal, so I'll reach out  to them again, and also first thing Monday I'll be calling the doctor to see if there is anything more I can do with this damn leg pain. 

From what I've read in my research, this sounds like a grade 2 glute tear, maybe with piriformis syndrome. The treatment is probable physical therapy, along with continued massage, heat, gentle stretching. I'm so mad this happened. It hurts so much, yet I feel like I'm letting myself down, and letting Missy down. I can't walk with her, and I hate saying that to her hopeful little face every morning. 

Well, hopefully MissS is coming this afternoon. I'm not such good company these days, and I can feel myself sinking into a gloom.  Time for a gratitude adjustment.

TYG