I have had the most difficult week in my life. I cannot believe how stressful and frustrated and hard this has been. Starting Monday morning: at 7-something as I was reading my email (anticipating a peaceful paid holiday), and then I stumbled on an incoherent email from my mom, describing her fall and fracture and ER visit and extreme pain... I had to read it twice, the second time out loud to J, and he said, "Well, it looks like we're heading north." I just immediately said, "Oh no, I can't do this, let's just wait til we hear more." I called mom and got no answer, and then continued reading my emails, off and on discussing with J what to do, if we should really leave and if so, what to pack, eat, bring, who should care for the animals, what to do with the LIFE we have here. What if: blah-blah-blah...
At some point I realized we'd really be leaving, so we started packing, and contacting my boss, and notifying relatives.
Long story short, we drove all day, and arrived around 6pm. Expecting to find the worst (because we still had not heard from her despite calling 3 more times during the day), mom actually greeted us smiling, standing upright, wearing a sling, happy and surprised and grateful we had come. Didn't seem to be in a *lot* of pain, but as the evening wore on, that changed. There was no position she was comfortable. (Later, she told us "it never occurred to her to call and ask us to come".)
I can't possibly recount the horrors of that week. I'm at home now, and recovering. Having had J with me, and having talked extensively with my sister today on the way home, and finally having met Alan and Debbie in person, I am at peace with the fact that I am Done. I am Done with driving up there. I am Done with trying to make it work, make her peaceful, care for her...whatever.
She was arrogant, argumentative, rude, tearful, angry. Didn't trust the docs. Didn't trust the nurses. Kept insisting she wanted Facts, and why was no one listening to her, and why was no one recognizing that she was the only one who knew her own body, why couldn't they just give her the information she wanted, no, deserved. Oh My God. When we showed her the photo xray of the actual fracture, it was "oh, that's why she was in so much pain". (Never mind that people had explained the fracture to her before.)
I have too many instances of her rudeness and arrogance to recount here. I think this whole week needs to be processed bit by bit. I think J and I both have PTSD. I know I will be cringing every time I think of that experience from now on. I will not be going up there again. Unless and until she is dying.
I am grateful to God that there are people like Alan and Debbie (never mind what J and I thought of them) who for some reason do care for her, and admire her, and are willing to be the people in her life who do the caregiving. We didn't get to meet Ken, but apparently he was there today, helping her get straightened out.
Last night: after arriving back at her house at 7pm, after the whole discharge from the hospital process, and within an hour after the respiratory therapist and company arrived (and explained and demonstrated and had her do the work of the O2 tanks and tubing and settings); within one hour! she had totally forgotten everything they said, and messed it up, deliberately turning the tanks off, and then calling the company to complain--but only after I refused to do this for her. I simply handed her the magnet-card with their 800 number on it, saying since I hadn't been there during that visit I didn't know any way to help with it. She was mad at me for "refusing to help" but this is something she needs to know on her own.
The reason I wasn't there for that Home Oxygen visit was because she had exploded at me once again, and I just finally left the room, knowing I couldn't do anymore. What had I done? I had simply removed the meds the doc told her to stop taking, and lined up the six meds she could take. When she came back from the bathroom and saw me lining those up, she blew up: "what are you doing!!!" I said, "I'm straightening out the meds you still can take--the other ones are on this shelf, out of your view, so you don't get confused." "WHAT!! I told you not to touch those!! I had those in a specific order!!" "Mom, the doctor says you can't take these anymore, so I removed them, so you won't get those confused". "NO HE DIDN'T say that!! That was only for a few days!!!" "No mom, it was for good-- so these are the only ones you can take now. See here it is, on the discharge papers." (Which we had gone over with the nurse at the hospital.) "NO IT ISN'T!! that's YOUR WRITING. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!" "No, Mom, that's not my writing, this is the doctor's orders." (At this point Debbie and Alan were chiming in, backing me up.) I finally realized she was being rude and abusive, and that I didn't need to accept this. I also realized nothing I said was going to make any difference.
So at that point I took my own suggestion and removed myself from the situation. (Also, I'd forgotten to take my own stomach meds, and the pain in my stomach was almost unbearable). I left the room and went into Gramma's room where J and I were sleeping, and shut the sliding glass door between us. And promptly burst into tears. I could not do anymore. I was done.
There was so much leading up to this: Every single interaction we'd had with her since Monday night was argumentative, scornful, difficult, refusing to listen to the doc or the nurse, or even believe that someone had said what they did. Having to drive into and back to Spokane (an hour at least each way) each day. Taking her to the pre-op appointment on Tuesday and getting the prescriptions filled; getting her up early on Wednesday to get her to the surgery appt by 10:30 (in the snow and ice and poor J having to put chains on and off and on and off and on and off again), and then doing the grocery shopping to replace the 2 TV dinners we'd eaten which she insisted we do. Spending all Thursday morning on the phone paying all the bills she hadn't touched since our last visit in early November: the electric, the phone, the TV, the four medical bills, the social worker who is trying to sign her up for the Rural Resources out in that county, the Medicare extended-care benefits application. Calling the oncologist office to request her records: she has told me so many different stories of what they've told her, that I don't believe her anymore, and need to see these for myself. She also had us : fix the back door spring, feed the deer, do the laundry, vacuum the whole house, clean the catboxes, water all the plants, pick up the disabled parking permit, asked us to remove the bags filled with aluminum, paper, magazines and take them to the recycling center which we never had time to do, pick up her mail, balance the checkbook. Oh, there was more: I'm just listing the ones I can remember.
I seriously believe now that she is mentally diminished. I think the chemo brain, and cancer pain, and underlying weakness, have finally gotten to her, and taken their toll.
She is supposed to be on oxygen 24/7 from now on, and so is once again trying a Nicoderm patch (which needs to be replaced every evening). She is also to use an inhaler type of thing every hour to strengthen her lungs, because she is only breathing at 70% . She is not to remove the sling or dressings til her appointment with the ortho on Jan 10, yet during the night last night she insisted that "the nurse" she spoke with (???!) told her it was okay to remove.
So she did remove it to get comfortable, but then could not figure out how to put it back on correctly. So J discovered her this morning sitting upright in her chair, with the sling incorrectly put on, causing her a great deal of pain. PLUS! she asked me if we had watched TV while she was gone, because now it "wasn't working right". Good Grief. I had to patiently say no, we sure hadn't had time to watch TV, and what happened? She mumbled "I don't know, but I called the nice Dish people, and they said they would get back to me". SIGH.
I truly feel sorry for her. Not only had she unhooked the O2 which she is supposed to be on, but she can't watch TV which she is addicted to, and she can't really move around. She can't go up to the barn at all (too unsteady on her feet and heavily drugged), and there is a real danger that she will fall again over the damn dog or her toys. She is high risk for pneumonia now due to her smoking history and her general poor health. If she refuses the O2 and the inhaler (as she had been), the risk will be even higher. At that point she will have to be hospitalized for treatment, and then put in a rehab facility or a nursing home against her will, because she is incapable of taking care of herself.
It's such a sad, sad ending.
When I left this morning, I wrote up a list of everything we had done since Monday night. I asked her to consider helping us out by sending us $50 since we'd spent close to $175 on all the expenses. At the very end, I wrote, "Sorry for the difficulties last night, we were all under an extreme amount of stress." As we woke her to say goodby this morning, she insisted that she'd written me a note which was on the kitchen table; there was no note. She was positive she had written it.
I haven't heard from her, and don't really expect to, but J called her when we got home to let her know we arrived safely. He also spoke with Alan to check in. Apparently KEN was the hero today: he called the doctor's office and "straightened out the meds situation". HE threw out all the "stopped meds", and for some reason that was okay with her. That's fine.
I guess at some point it's better for someone not related to be doing the day to day care. I'm grateful she has someone, someones, who do care and are willing to help. I don't hold grudges...but I know I can't do this again.
I am So Grateful to be home. So grateful to be married to J. So grateful to have a sister who understands and relates. So grateful for my own life. This has been a real learning experience, and I'm okay with my decision.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Saturday
...Morning. I'm getting ready to go to my meeting. I'm leading, and in surfing today (on an Alanon meeting topic list of suggestions), I found a great topic: control. Actually, the lack of. And how that's a good thing. That kind of thinking was very difficult for me to understand for many years. But it came down to recognizing that I do not have answers for someone else's life, even if they are asking! It's hard enough for me to recognize answers in my own life. No way can I do this for someone else. What a relief.
S came home safely last night; she arrived just after dinnertime, and we had a good evening decompressing and listening to all the events of the past 4 days for her. Apparently mom has not changed since our last visit. Hah!
Interestingly, at the oncologist office, S heard the doc say to mom that she has a year or so at this rate. This is so confusing to me: how can she have heard and said to me that it was 12-18 months from the time of diagnosis? Putting it at March--July. She was saying mournfully to me recently that she dearly wanted to make it to her birthday, March. But the idea of another year? I don't know... We've pretty much decided that future visits will not be work parties. These chore lists and endless jobs are not necessary at all, and there is no reason for J (or me or S) to be constantly trying to cross things off her list. J has volunteered to be the one to phrase this to her, as he can say it without saying it badly. That will be an interesting conversation.
But anyway, finally during a sleepless part of my night, I remembered I can request copies of her records. (She has given them written permission for me to access them.) So I will contact them Monday. Either their estimates are correct and mom is mis-remembering them from visit to visit, or the estimates themselves are changing.
J was bitten by Cinnamon Tuesday morning and has had to see the doc 3 days in a row to monitor the bite and its effects on his hand and arm. He's on two antibiotics, big pills, twice a day. But his foot is doing better--yay! He actually came walking to meet me returning from my walk yesterday. That hasn't happened since August, I think. It was a beautifully sunny if cold day, and the first sun in days. Amazing the effect the sun has on one's mood. Today, Christmas Eve, is also supposed to be a sunny one, and then the forecast is for rain for the next several days. We need the rain, so that's a good thing.
Still have to do some prep baking today, and house cleaning before tomorrow. The youngest 3 kids, Z, V, and S, are supposed to show up around 1:30 or so, and we'll have Christmas Lunch and open presents. No one has much money, so the gifts are small, few, handmade and/or home-made. That's fine, too. We sure don't need anything, so the point is to just be together and play a game, talk, or something low-key. Then J's two are going to their mom's for Christmas dinner. At some point I hope to hear from my two sons, and I will need to call mom.
Tonight will be just J and me, and I like that the best.
S came home safely last night; she arrived just after dinnertime, and we had a good evening decompressing and listening to all the events of the past 4 days for her. Apparently mom has not changed since our last visit. Hah!
Interestingly, at the oncologist office, S heard the doc say to mom that she has a year or so at this rate. This is so confusing to me: how can she have heard and said to me that it was 12-18 months from the time of diagnosis? Putting it at March--July. She was saying mournfully to me recently that she dearly wanted to make it to her birthday, March. But the idea of another year? I don't know... We've pretty much decided that future visits will not be work parties. These chore lists and endless jobs are not necessary at all, and there is no reason for J (or me or S) to be constantly trying to cross things off her list. J has volunteered to be the one to phrase this to her, as he can say it without saying it badly. That will be an interesting conversation.
But anyway, finally during a sleepless part of my night, I remembered I can request copies of her records. (She has given them written permission for me to access them.) So I will contact them Monday. Either their estimates are correct and mom is mis-remembering them from visit to visit, or the estimates themselves are changing.
J was bitten by Cinnamon Tuesday morning and has had to see the doc 3 days in a row to monitor the bite and its effects on his hand and arm. He's on two antibiotics, big pills, twice a day. But his foot is doing better--yay! He actually came walking to meet me returning from my walk yesterday. That hasn't happened since August, I think. It was a beautifully sunny if cold day, and the first sun in days. Amazing the effect the sun has on one's mood. Today, Christmas Eve, is also supposed to be a sunny one, and then the forecast is for rain for the next several days. We need the rain, so that's a good thing.
Still have to do some prep baking today, and house cleaning before tomorrow. The youngest 3 kids, Z, V, and S, are supposed to show up around 1:30 or so, and we'll have Christmas Lunch and open presents. No one has much money, so the gifts are small, few, handmade and/or home-made. That's fine, too. We sure don't need anything, so the point is to just be together and play a game, talk, or something low-key. Then J's two are going to their mom's for Christmas dinner. At some point I hope to hear from my two sons, and I will need to call mom.
Tonight will be just J and me, and I like that the best.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wednesday
Saturday's Nutcracker turned out to be simply amazing. My daughter got us great seats--as in, front row, just off center. We were looking directly at the stage in front of us, not 10 feet away. We could hear the dancers breathing and panting during the more athletic portions, and there was a lot of eye contact between the dancers and us. It was breathtaking. Beautifully costumed, especially. Love that music so much (although during the second act it's always a fight between what I'm seeing in front of me and what I remember occuring during "Fantasia"). (Must remember to add that to my Amazon wish list...)
Afterwards we fought the traffic to visit the store in the mall where J's youngest daughter works, and we met her current boyfriend too who also works there. She was so thrilled that we'd stopped by, and so happy to see her dad. It was worth it. She's been working insane hours at the jewelry store, like 10-12 hours daily. Every day. No wonder she doesn't communicate much!
Then we drove clear over to the other side of town to eat dinner with S at a restaurant. By the time we got home after dropping off S at her apartment near there, it was after 7, and we knew Murphy had been alone all day. But it was a great, great day.
Sunday we did more baking and relaxed, after my walk of course. S called in the afternoon saying she was going to go up and visit mom after all, leaving the next morning, and that mom had agreed to cover the cost of gas. So she ended up arriving (to spend the night) in time for dinner, and to play Scrabble, and talking about the trip.
J got up earlier than usual the next morning, Monday, and made lunches (for me as usual, and for her to take with her so she wouldn't spend any more money), and breakfasts, and helped her load up her car after I'd gone to work. Then she left, to get an oil change for the car before the trip. We ended up loaning her one of the credit cards we had paid off, so she had it for the oil change and gas and emergencies. She made it up there around 5, and I've heard briefly from her, that "So far, so good".
Other things are happening: yesterday morning Cinnamon bit J at the base of his palm (when he foolishly put his hand between Sheba and Cinny) as they were hissing and growling to try to break them up. Ouch. By the time I got home, the bite was red and hot and swollen, with a nasty red streak traveling up his arm. So off he went to Urgent Care, and got an rx for antibiotics after verifying Cinny was vaccinated against rabies. Fortunately she is, and due for her booster in April. He also got another shot in his left foot the day before, for the tendonitis. This time it's helping more, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that 3rd time's the charm. Otherwise the next step is physical therapy.
Jeez, what else. Oh, Saturday, Sunday and Monday I suddenly began receiving facebook emails from Liz, my cousin's wife, asking me to call her regarding a trip to see my mom. She was very animated, and yet each time I tried calling I ended up leaving a message. There were several back-and-forths before I managed to get through last night. (Meanwhile she'd also called my sister, and they spoke for quite a while, too. Out of the blue.) When I called last night, I actually got to speak with Alec himself. That was so cool-- having not seen him face to face since before Gramma died, it was wonderful to hear his voice, and exchange news. He had just hung up from reconnecting with another mutual childhood friend of ours, and so he was doubly stoked. I don't know if he remembered that T and my stepmom's son were business partners; this reinforces the whole small world theme... I finally got around to asking about Liz's Spokane plan, and his voice lowered, and he gently suggested she was in her manic phase, making wild plans, and maybe we should just give it a few weeks to see what happens. She had actually already gone to bed, utterly exhausted. So I totally understood, and we agreed to talk in a few weeks/months if she still seems interested. My cousin is a hero. I have so much admiration for him.
He also told me that his mom, my aunt Mary, is 82! Still living on her own, heats by wood, grows a garden, cooks and does almost everything on her own. Plus, he is a very caring and involved son: he stops by to see her and do things 2-3 times weekly, and since recently she has had a detached retina she has not been able to drive, so he takes her to doctor appointments, etc. He described her as "um, cantankerous! very determined to have her own way." Hmm. I can so understand that; although I wouldn't describe my mom as cantankerous, she is very stubborn. Alec's son Zander is also 25, like my sons, and apparently on his own. Damn. I can't believe we are all in our 40s/50s. With grown children. Good God.
It felt so good to speak with him. I'm not a big phone person--in fact, I could happily live without my phone except for emergencies. My husband is a phone person, and is quite comfortable speaking with his grown kids and old friends, frequently if not daily. The only people I speak to are J (daily on the days I work), and my daughter; also since Mom's cancer, I now speak with her weekly for 45 min to an hour. I'm okay using the phone to make business calls, or plans, but calling someone just to talk? No. Almost never. That said, it's a great comfort to me to know that I can.
Especially, knowing I can reach my sister at any time is so reassuring.
J called me yesterday at work to ask me to stop by See's and pick out my own Christmas candy... and I have happily agreed to do so. See's is the absolute best. I'll be doing that today on my way home if I can get into the Mall parking lot. I just dread that, but there it is.
Also my other Christmas present arrived yesterday: I was "allowed" (!) to spend up to $100 on clothes at Macy's. So I went online and found 4 tops I fell in love with. A gorgeous gray/ argyle patterned sweater, a charcoal-grey sweater/shrug kind of thing, and two turtleneck/tunic type things, one in burgundy and one in black. Two miracles occurred: they all fit me perfectly, and they were each less than $20. Yay for clearance sales! I'm thrilled...and when we get the Macy's bill next month I will still be happy with this purchase.
Normally we have Saturday morning meetings at this one particular church, but this year, that day is Christmas Eve. I've agreed to lead the meeting that day, as long as we get to use that room; I'm sure I'll be notified if there's no meeting. I can't imagine that the church wouldn't let us be there that day, but apparently there is some kind of holiday program taking place. Guess we'll find out. Same thing for NewYear's Eve-- another Saturday. I like having Christmas on Sundays. And this year I'm off work both of those Mondays; those are my paid-for holidays. Very nice!! I'm looking forward to 4 days off...maybe we can even go out to a movie. There are a few I really want to see.
I have no patients today so will be leaving at noon; and then tomorrow there are 3, all in the morning. Crazy.
TYG, for all my blessings.
Afterwards we fought the traffic to visit the store in the mall where J's youngest daughter works, and we met her current boyfriend too who also works there. She was so thrilled that we'd stopped by, and so happy to see her dad. It was worth it. She's been working insane hours at the jewelry store, like 10-12 hours daily. Every day. No wonder she doesn't communicate much!
Then we drove clear over to the other side of town to eat dinner with S at a restaurant. By the time we got home after dropping off S at her apartment near there, it was after 7, and we knew Murphy had been alone all day. But it was a great, great day.
Sunday we did more baking and relaxed, after my walk of course. S called in the afternoon saying she was going to go up and visit mom after all, leaving the next morning, and that mom had agreed to cover the cost of gas. So she ended up arriving (to spend the night) in time for dinner, and to play Scrabble, and talking about the trip.
J got up earlier than usual the next morning, Monday, and made lunches (for me as usual, and for her to take with her so she wouldn't spend any more money), and breakfasts, and helped her load up her car after I'd gone to work. Then she left, to get an oil change for the car before the trip. We ended up loaning her one of the credit cards we had paid off, so she had it for the oil change and gas and emergencies. She made it up there around 5, and I've heard briefly from her, that "So far, so good".
Other things are happening: yesterday morning Cinnamon bit J at the base of his palm (when he foolishly put his hand between Sheba and Cinny) as they were hissing and growling to try to break them up. Ouch. By the time I got home, the bite was red and hot and swollen, with a nasty red streak traveling up his arm. So off he went to Urgent Care, and got an rx for antibiotics after verifying Cinny was vaccinated against rabies. Fortunately she is, and due for her booster in April. He also got another shot in his left foot the day before, for the tendonitis. This time it's helping more, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that 3rd time's the charm. Otherwise the next step is physical therapy.
Jeez, what else. Oh, Saturday, Sunday and Monday I suddenly began receiving facebook emails from Liz, my cousin's wife, asking me to call her regarding a trip to see my mom. She was very animated, and yet each time I tried calling I ended up leaving a message. There were several back-and-forths before I managed to get through last night. (Meanwhile she'd also called my sister, and they spoke for quite a while, too. Out of the blue.) When I called last night, I actually got to speak with Alec himself. That was so cool-- having not seen him face to face since before Gramma died, it was wonderful to hear his voice, and exchange news. He had just hung up from reconnecting with another mutual childhood friend of ours, and so he was doubly stoked. I don't know if he remembered that T and my stepmom's son were business partners; this reinforces the whole small world theme... I finally got around to asking about Liz's Spokane plan, and his voice lowered, and he gently suggested she was in her manic phase, making wild plans, and maybe we should just give it a few weeks to see what happens. She had actually already gone to bed, utterly exhausted. So I totally understood, and we agreed to talk in a few weeks/months if she still seems interested. My cousin is a hero. I have so much admiration for him.
He also told me that his mom, my aunt Mary, is 82! Still living on her own, heats by wood, grows a garden, cooks and does almost everything on her own. Plus, he is a very caring and involved son: he stops by to see her and do things 2-3 times weekly, and since recently she has had a detached retina she has not been able to drive, so he takes her to doctor appointments, etc. He described her as "um, cantankerous! very determined to have her own way." Hmm. I can so understand that; although I wouldn't describe my mom as cantankerous, she is very stubborn. Alec's son Zander is also 25, like my sons, and apparently on his own. Damn. I can't believe we are all in our 40s/50s. With grown children. Good God.
It felt so good to speak with him. I'm not a big phone person--in fact, I could happily live without my phone except for emergencies. My husband is a phone person, and is quite comfortable speaking with his grown kids and old friends, frequently if not daily. The only people I speak to are J (daily on the days I work), and my daughter; also since Mom's cancer, I now speak with her weekly for 45 min to an hour. I'm okay using the phone to make business calls, or plans, but calling someone just to talk? No. Almost never. That said, it's a great comfort to me to know that I can.
Especially, knowing I can reach my sister at any time is so reassuring.
J called me yesterday at work to ask me to stop by See's and pick out my own Christmas candy... and I have happily agreed to do so. See's is the absolute best. I'll be doing that today on my way home if I can get into the Mall parking lot. I just dread that, but there it is.
Also my other Christmas present arrived yesterday: I was "allowed" (!) to spend up to $100 on clothes at Macy's. So I went online and found 4 tops I fell in love with. A gorgeous gray/ argyle patterned sweater, a charcoal-grey sweater/shrug kind of thing, and two turtleneck/tunic type things, one in burgundy and one in black. Two miracles occurred: they all fit me perfectly, and they were each less than $20. Yay for clearance sales! I'm thrilled...and when we get the Macy's bill next month I will still be happy with this purchase.
Normally we have Saturday morning meetings at this one particular church, but this year, that day is Christmas Eve. I've agreed to lead the meeting that day, as long as we get to use that room; I'm sure I'll be notified if there's no meeting. I can't imagine that the church wouldn't let us be there that day, but apparently there is some kind of holiday program taking place. Guess we'll find out. Same thing for NewYear's Eve-- another Saturday. I like having Christmas on Sundays. And this year I'm off work both of those Mondays; those are my paid-for holidays. Very nice!! I'm looking forward to 4 days off...maybe we can even go out to a movie. There are a few I really want to see.
I have no patients today so will be leaving at noon; and then tomorrow there are 3, all in the morning. Crazy.
TYG, for all my blessings.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thursday
My boss just left, and that was after being here only since noon. She's got a lot going on, although school is out and she did well in her classes. She came in to pay me, and catch up a bit with what we will be doing (not much) over the next few months. Reassured me my hours won't be cut even though we have practically no patients. Reinforced that she needs me here even if nothing is happening: in reality, there are some things to do daily, but not a lot. So I'm relieved to hear this.
Earlier this week, Monday I'd told her I'd found the cutest calendar with photos of Havanese dogs, like Murphy, and that I was going to buy it after pay day. The very next day there was a brightly wrapped package on my desk. It was the Havanese calendar! She'd spotted them last week and got the last two, one for her and one for me. She said she was having a very tough time keeping a straight face as I raved about the calendar, and figured she better give it to me early! What a sweetie...Oddly, I've ordered a Havanese-related thing for her, too, but it hasn't arrived yet. Hope it gets here before the end of next week. I got one for us too....
This week I've been dealing with stomach nausea every single day, and it took til this morning to figure out that the only thing I'm doing different is my Vitamin E dose. First, I'd forgotten to double check the expiration date on the bottle when I got it from mom's, and second, the dosing is 3 times what I normally take. So I have to think the nausea is not a coincidence. That bottle expired in 2005. Sigh. That'll teach me to check expiration dates. This morning I asked J to get rid of it, and I expect I'll be feeling better soon.
Last night J went to check on the chickens around 6 (as in, shutting the door to the coop after they've gone in), and came back inside saying he couldn't find them. We figured maybe it wasn't dark enough yet, although it sure seemed like it. At about 7 I went out, and while the coop has a warming light inside as an encouragement to them to resume laying, the surrounding area was pitch black. But I leaned in the door craning my head up to see up to the top of the coop, and only saw 2 hens; Lucy the Aracuna was not in there. (I had peeked out a bit earlier and seen one in the doorway and the other two shapeless blobs were sitting on the ramp to the door. So I knew she couldn't be far away.) I shone the flashlight everywhere, but didn't see her. I left the door open and went back inside, although it makes me nervous to do so when it's dark, due to the owls.
Finally we both got nervous about the coop door being open, and at 8 I went out one last time, and still there was no Lucy. The other two were speaking softly to me, and then I saw there was one egg, so I got that out of there and then ---shut the door for the night. We talked a lot about what to do if she was really gone, and decided to get a few more chicks and integrate them into the flock.
This morning, J called me at 9, and said Lucy was back! He'd gone out to open the coop door about 7:30, and the inside two popped out happily, but there was still no Lucy. But later, from the fir tree on the other side of the garden Lucy jumped down, and came running. We are so relieved; why on earth she didn't stay with the others as she normally does is a puzzle. Still, I think we will go tomorrow maybe, and get some more chicks. This no-egg business is very frustrating. All three ladies have now finished moulting, but the egg production has really dropped off. We actually had to buy eggs last weekend to do the baking. First time since August of 2010.
This is the last weekend before Christmas, so we'll be busy. Shopping, wrapping, packing and mailing both a couple of packages and a stack of Christmas cards, more baking, groceries. Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday gift to me (2 months early): she has tickets for the 3 of us to see The Nutcracker down in Eugene. One of my favorites...can't wait! She is debating on whether to go and visit mom next week. That's a heck of a drive of course, and also expensive. If the weather is bad then that's an added stress for her. If she goes, we'd need to borrow $ from our savings to front her for gas money til she gets up there and mom gives her that amount, plus enough to get back home. J has an idea though, and I think we'll talk more about that tonight.
Going to the bank on the way home, then a hair cut/trim, then pick up a pizza, and then home. Tonight we'll do our bills, and tomorrow we'll hit the town. I expect I won't get to write here til Sunday.
Earlier this week, Monday I'd told her I'd found the cutest calendar with photos of Havanese dogs, like Murphy, and that I was going to buy it after pay day. The very next day there was a brightly wrapped package on my desk. It was the Havanese calendar! She'd spotted them last week and got the last two, one for her and one for me. She said she was having a very tough time keeping a straight face as I raved about the calendar, and figured she better give it to me early! What a sweetie...Oddly, I've ordered a Havanese-related thing for her, too, but it hasn't arrived yet. Hope it gets here before the end of next week. I got one for us too....
This week I've been dealing with stomach nausea every single day, and it took til this morning to figure out that the only thing I'm doing different is my Vitamin E dose. First, I'd forgotten to double check the expiration date on the bottle when I got it from mom's, and second, the dosing is 3 times what I normally take. So I have to think the nausea is not a coincidence. That bottle expired in 2005. Sigh. That'll teach me to check expiration dates. This morning I asked J to get rid of it, and I expect I'll be feeling better soon.
Last night J went to check on the chickens around 6 (as in, shutting the door to the coop after they've gone in), and came back inside saying he couldn't find them. We figured maybe it wasn't dark enough yet, although it sure seemed like it. At about 7 I went out, and while the coop has a warming light inside as an encouragement to them to resume laying, the surrounding area was pitch black. But I leaned in the door craning my head up to see up to the top of the coop, and only saw 2 hens; Lucy the Aracuna was not in there. (I had peeked out a bit earlier and seen one in the doorway and the other two shapeless blobs were sitting on the ramp to the door. So I knew she couldn't be far away.) I shone the flashlight everywhere, but didn't see her. I left the door open and went back inside, although it makes me nervous to do so when it's dark, due to the owls.
Finally we both got nervous about the coop door being open, and at 8 I went out one last time, and still there was no Lucy. The other two were speaking softly to me, and then I saw there was one egg, so I got that out of there and then ---shut the door for the night. We talked a lot about what to do if she was really gone, and decided to get a few more chicks and integrate them into the flock.
This morning, J called me at 9, and said Lucy was back! He'd gone out to open the coop door about 7:30, and the inside two popped out happily, but there was still no Lucy. But later, from the fir tree on the other side of the garden Lucy jumped down, and came running. We are so relieved; why on earth she didn't stay with the others as she normally does is a puzzle. Still, I think we will go tomorrow maybe, and get some more chicks. This no-egg business is very frustrating. All three ladies have now finished moulting, but the egg production has really dropped off. We actually had to buy eggs last weekend to do the baking. First time since August of 2010.
This is the last weekend before Christmas, so we'll be busy. Shopping, wrapping, packing and mailing both a couple of packages and a stack of Christmas cards, more baking, groceries. Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday gift to me (2 months early): she has tickets for the 3 of us to see The Nutcracker down in Eugene. One of my favorites...can't wait! She is debating on whether to go and visit mom next week. That's a heck of a drive of course, and also expensive. If the weather is bad then that's an added stress for her. If she goes, we'd need to borrow $ from our savings to front her for gas money til she gets up there and mom gives her that amount, plus enough to get back home. J has an idea though, and I think we'll talk more about that tonight.
Going to the bank on the way home, then a hair cut/trim, then pick up a pizza, and then home. Tonight we'll do our bills, and tomorrow we'll hit the town. I expect I won't get to write here til Sunday.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday
No sooner had I finished all my "chores" for yesterday, the weekend, and was sitting and half-watching / half-notwatching a movie with J, than the phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number so I considered not answering, but I'm glad I did. It was my son Ja. He was calling from his gf's cell, as he has lost the ability to pay for his own cell phone number.
Jeez. I'm really just going to vent here. I'm distressed concerned worried upset scared-for him. In the big picture, his situation is very concerning, but I need to keep reminding myself that he has his own HP, and that his HP has a plan for his life. All of this which is happening, is happening for a reason; although I don't understand it and he doesn't appear to either, this is the way to a better life for him if he'll only pay attention.
He has lost his job, and his car, and has a couple of warrants out. He is still with Yvette and her child, but that relationship sounds rocky (to me anyway); they've broken up and gotten back together several times. One of those times he didn't go to work or call in, and so the second time he did that they fired him. I don't blame them one bit. Because he lost his job, he couldn't pay for the van, so he called the seller and had them come and repossess the van.
The warrants are for stupid things: one is for selling alcohol to a minor, and he did not provide details. The other is for soliciting without a permit, the standard ticket for the magazine subscription job: if they go door to door without obtaining a permit from that town first, they are arrested and given a ticket/fine. The managers of the crew usually pay for that ticket, as it is their responsibility to obtain the permits in the first place, although none of them bother to do so. They usually just let their crew get arrested and ticketed, and then the managers pay the fine or get the kids out of jail, before moving on to the next town. Such a shoddy business. This way the kids have an arrest record but the business doesn't. Ja assumed he was to pay the fine when he was told to appear in court but didn't have the money to pay, so he didn't go to court. Sigh. He is no longer with that mag crew, so has no leverage with them, to make them pay it.
That son of mine. I love him so. I recognize he is clearly still using/abusing alcohol. I fully see how powerless I am over this situation. I can only hope he is in enough pain to decide to make some changes. There is absolutely nothing I can do except pray, which I do. But I also told him we would forget about the money he owes us. He was thankful for that. He knows we won't be sending any money this Christmas. And I have to now let go of this, and go on with my day.
That is so hard to do sometimes.
Jeez. I'm really just going to vent here. I'm distressed concerned worried upset scared-for him. In the big picture, his situation is very concerning, but I need to keep reminding myself that he has his own HP, and that his HP has a plan for his life. All of this which is happening, is happening for a reason; although I don't understand it and he doesn't appear to either, this is the way to a better life for him if he'll only pay attention.
He has lost his job, and his car, and has a couple of warrants out. He is still with Yvette and her child, but that relationship sounds rocky (to me anyway); they've broken up and gotten back together several times. One of those times he didn't go to work or call in, and so the second time he did that they fired him. I don't blame them one bit. Because he lost his job, he couldn't pay for the van, so he called the seller and had them come and repossess the van.
The warrants are for stupid things: one is for selling alcohol to a minor, and he did not provide details. The other is for soliciting without a permit, the standard ticket for the magazine subscription job: if they go door to door without obtaining a permit from that town first, they are arrested and given a ticket/fine. The managers of the crew usually pay for that ticket, as it is their responsibility to obtain the permits in the first place, although none of them bother to do so. They usually just let their crew get arrested and ticketed, and then the managers pay the fine or get the kids out of jail, before moving on to the next town. Such a shoddy business. This way the kids have an arrest record but the business doesn't. Ja assumed he was to pay the fine when he was told to appear in court but didn't have the money to pay, so he didn't go to court. Sigh. He is no longer with that mag crew, so has no leverage with them, to make them pay it.
That son of mine. I love him so. I recognize he is clearly still using/abusing alcohol. I fully see how powerless I am over this situation. I can only hope he is in enough pain to decide to make some changes. There is absolutely nothing I can do except pray, which I do. But I also told him we would forget about the money he owes us. He was thankful for that. He knows we won't be sending any money this Christmas. And I have to now let go of this, and go on with my day.
That is so hard to do sometimes.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Sunday
So cold and foggy still. Jeez, it's just hanging on. I have forced myself to walk but it's a struggle. I've been putting the vivid yellow life jacket on Murphy to help keep him warmer too when we walk, and that does seem to help him.
He is still scratching a lot, despite the use of Comfortis instead of Frontline; but the application of Revolution to the three cats really seems to have helped them a lot.
I've been needing to refill the bird feeders much more often this past week-- there are so many visitors and early morning as we are sitting with our tea and laptops, we see a steady stream of species. Jays, juncos, chickadees by the dozen, numerous different sparrows and finches, doves, towhees, robins, red-winged black birds, nuthatches, woodpeckers. I've seen brown creepers on the fir in the chicken pen. We can hear the Canada geese honking overhead in huge flocks. They settle here for the winter in the various farmer's fields, and every so often we hear gunshots as the farmers try to scare them off. They can do a lot of damage to the fields in a very short time. The 2-3 pairs of owls are active at night. Sometimes the coyotes' howls are very loud, and other times it's faint, even though their homes are just across the fields, not a quarter mile away.
I did all kinds of baking on Friday afternoon. Made 3 different kinds of cookies and brownies, and discovered that using whole wheat flour entirely doesn't work for that! Fortunately I discovered that right after the first batch. J was nice enough to run over to the store and grab some regular unbleached flour so I could finish. Of course he was taste testing all the way, and happy to help!
We'd gone to his doc that morning to check his coumadin level. Last week it had shot up to 6 for some reason, when it's supposed to be 2.5. So his doc had taken him off entirely for four days, and then he was to resume the low dose of 5mg per day. By a week later, Friday, it had gone way down, to less than 1. Still Doc doesn't seem too worried, and wants him to continue with this low dose, and then get rechecked Tuesday. Each time this costs us $15. It all adds up.
So that was the morning. As we were driving around we spotted a temporary See's candy store and screeched to a halt to get some, even though both of us certainly do not need to indulge. But we do have Someone looking out for us: they didn't accept debit or credit cards, and I hadn't brought the checkbook. Phew! (Why do we still do these things to ourselves, when we know the negative affects??)
In the evening we watched "Cowboys and Aliens", which we'd rented. Well, that was different! Interesting story, gorgeous men to look at, but we had to swallow a hefty dose of "suspend your disbelief".
Saturday I went to my meeting, with the headache and mild queasiness I'd been feeling most of the week hanging on. But after I spoke about what I was dealing with (my conflicting feelings about mom, death, etc), miraculously my headache went away, and my stomach ache vanished. Now, I've been talking off and on with J all week about this stuff re mom; and so it's not as though I was keeping this to myself. But somehow, sharing at the meeting ended up being more helpful. I had no headache the rest of the day.
I did my walk when I got back, and then J and I decided on a whim to rearrange some shelves. Brought the DVDs downstairs and took the VHS tapes upstairs. We sure watch more DVDs than tapes, and this seemed more logical. (Although it did reinforce the feeling of needing to get rid of/toss/recycle the amount of *stuff* we have. ) I think it looks worse than it really is; our place is small enough that even a few boxes makes it look cluttered. When the Christmas decorations are up, it magnifies that feeling. But it's temporary, I keep reminding myself. And it's so pretty! I especially love the lights we have up now.
Cinnamon has really joined the family; no more sleeping in the bathroom, or the upstairs. We don't even have to keep the upstairs blocked off anymore. She sleeps on my chair if I'm not in it, or she stretches out on the sofa. She is quite at home. Finally! Facing the other two cats is a different story. She doesn't actually fight of course, but she knows how to swipe that paw.Mostly they all just ignore each other. Last night Murphy was sleeping curled up on one end of the back of the sofa, Sheba was on the other end, and Cinnamon was stretched out along the cushions themselves, full length. It was so sweet, so peaceful.
Elizabeth on the other hand is fading. She's not interested in fighting. She sleeps most of the time under or near the wood stove, like the old cat she is. She is thinner, frailer, more wobbly on her back legs. Sometimes she can hardly move, instead dragging her back end. She has difficulty jumping up on the ledge for her food. Now that they are all inside at night, they are pretty quiet. Once I was woken by Lizzie doing her godawful howling, but I scurried out to the wood stove where she was huddled, and when she felt my hand on her back, she instantly quieted down, and there was no more noise. I think she was having a nightmare. We've called the two vets we use, and found out the cost of euthanasia at both--there's a $35 difference in cost. I think that time is close at hand. I dug out her adoption records, and re-learned that we got her in April of 2001, and she was 5 at the time. So she's now 15. She's been the sweetest and most affectionate kitty I've had. Sheba was born in May of 1998, so she's up there too--I think that makes her 13 now.
Well, time to get the day started. Right now there are chickadees, purple finches, juncos and sparrows on the bird feeder. They are endlessly entertaining to watch. I'm so grateful for our lives together.
He is still scratching a lot, despite the use of Comfortis instead of Frontline; but the application of Revolution to the three cats really seems to have helped them a lot.
I've been needing to refill the bird feeders much more often this past week-- there are so many visitors and early morning as we are sitting with our tea and laptops, we see a steady stream of species. Jays, juncos, chickadees by the dozen, numerous different sparrows and finches, doves, towhees, robins, red-winged black birds, nuthatches, woodpeckers. I've seen brown creepers on the fir in the chicken pen. We can hear the Canada geese honking overhead in huge flocks. They settle here for the winter in the various farmer's fields, and every so often we hear gunshots as the farmers try to scare them off. They can do a lot of damage to the fields in a very short time. The 2-3 pairs of owls are active at night. Sometimes the coyotes' howls are very loud, and other times it's faint, even though their homes are just across the fields, not a quarter mile away.
I did all kinds of baking on Friday afternoon. Made 3 different kinds of cookies and brownies, and discovered that using whole wheat flour entirely doesn't work for that! Fortunately I discovered that right after the first batch. J was nice enough to run over to the store and grab some regular unbleached flour so I could finish. Of course he was taste testing all the way, and happy to help!
We'd gone to his doc that morning to check his coumadin level. Last week it had shot up to 6 for some reason, when it's supposed to be 2.5. So his doc had taken him off entirely for four days, and then he was to resume the low dose of 5mg per day. By a week later, Friday, it had gone way down, to less than 1. Still Doc doesn't seem too worried, and wants him to continue with this low dose, and then get rechecked Tuesday. Each time this costs us $15. It all adds up.
So that was the morning. As we were driving around we spotted a temporary See's candy store and screeched to a halt to get some, even though both of us certainly do not need to indulge. But we do have Someone looking out for us: they didn't accept debit or credit cards, and I hadn't brought the checkbook. Phew! (Why do we still do these things to ourselves, when we know the negative affects??)
In the evening we watched "Cowboys and Aliens", which we'd rented. Well, that was different! Interesting story, gorgeous men to look at, but we had to swallow a hefty dose of "suspend your disbelief".
Saturday I went to my meeting, with the headache and mild queasiness I'd been feeling most of the week hanging on. But after I spoke about what I was dealing with (my conflicting feelings about mom, death, etc), miraculously my headache went away, and my stomach ache vanished. Now, I've been talking off and on with J all week about this stuff re mom; and so it's not as though I was keeping this to myself. But somehow, sharing at the meeting ended up being more helpful. I had no headache the rest of the day.
I did my walk when I got back, and then J and I decided on a whim to rearrange some shelves. Brought the DVDs downstairs and took the VHS tapes upstairs. We sure watch more DVDs than tapes, and this seemed more logical. (Although it did reinforce the feeling of needing to get rid of/toss/recycle the amount of *stuff* we have. ) I think it looks worse than it really is; our place is small enough that even a few boxes makes it look cluttered. When the Christmas decorations are up, it magnifies that feeling. But it's temporary, I keep reminding myself. And it's so pretty! I especially love the lights we have up now.
Cinnamon has really joined the family; no more sleeping in the bathroom, or the upstairs. We don't even have to keep the upstairs blocked off anymore. She sleeps on my chair if I'm not in it, or she stretches out on the sofa. She is quite at home. Finally! Facing the other two cats is a different story. She doesn't actually fight of course, but she knows how to swipe that paw.Mostly they all just ignore each other. Last night Murphy was sleeping curled up on one end of the back of the sofa, Sheba was on the other end, and Cinnamon was stretched out along the cushions themselves, full length. It was so sweet, so peaceful.
Elizabeth on the other hand is fading. She's not interested in fighting. She sleeps most of the time under or near the wood stove, like the old cat she is. She is thinner, frailer, more wobbly on her back legs. Sometimes she can hardly move, instead dragging her back end. She has difficulty jumping up on the ledge for her food. Now that they are all inside at night, they are pretty quiet. Once I was woken by Lizzie doing her godawful howling, but I scurried out to the wood stove where she was huddled, and when she felt my hand on her back, she instantly quieted down, and there was no more noise. I think she was having a nightmare. We've called the two vets we use, and found out the cost of euthanasia at both--there's a $35 difference in cost. I think that time is close at hand. I dug out her adoption records, and re-learned that we got her in April of 2001, and she was 5 at the time. So she's now 15. She's been the sweetest and most affectionate kitty I've had. Sheba was born in May of 1998, so she's up there too--I think that makes her 13 now.
Well, time to get the day started. Right now there are chickadees, purple finches, juncos and sparrows on the bird feeder. They are endlessly entertaining to watch. I'm so grateful for our lives together.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Wednesday
Thick, thick fog for several days now. So thick I do not want to be driving in it, nor walking in it at night. So I haven't. It's also bitter cold. We added an extra blanket to the bed, and the green cloth canvas window cover for the living room. That all really helps.
I woke at 4 this morning. There were several owl pairs hooting back and forth for about 20 minutes straight. I just lay there listening, thinking. Planning. Finally fell back asleep around 5:30, and 15 minutes later J got up to start our day.
I hadn't heard from mom since sending out that email Monday morning, and there was no response to my email asking if she was upset that I'd sent it, and also no answer to the email saying "Are you okay? do I need to call the sheriff and have him check on you??". So I finally called her about 9 last night, and she answered. I said "Oh hi! You are there and okay!" and she said, "Yes, I only answered because I'm expecting a call from Kay." Thud. "Oh, well, then fine", I said, kind of joking; "if you don't want to talk to me I understand!"
She sounded pretty low, and said, "I'm sorry, that didn't come out right...", and went on to explain that she'd heard from the NP that the likely cause of that increasing pain is due to the cancer coming back after all. So it sounds like all this time she's been secretly thinking/hoping there was some other reason, not wanting to think it was cancer returning so quickly. She was so sad, and so overwhelmed, it almost made me cry. This morning I was listening to the radio on the way to work, and Josh Groban's song Believe came on. That did it. Always makes me cry.
I'd found two blogs yesterday written by people who are undergoing cancer treatments of their own, and sent her the links because their experiences sounded so familiar to me, from hearing the exact same things from mom. I thought she might appreciate the voices of other patients, and so she was happy to know why I'd sent them. I think she'll look at them, but who knows. She seems to have so little energy. (I can't imagine how the bloggers have any energy to write.)
My boss has her final Final today, and so probably won't be in again. No patients this week, so I basically sit here and surf the web, ready to answer the phone if it rings. Today I decided to bring a couple of projects from home with me to work on here. My sponsor and I are supposed to meet today at 1:30, but I haven't heard from her; if she forgets I'll just go home and walk the dog: I don't mind walking in the daylight if there's this fog, but I really don't want to do it at night.
I think I might hit the sack early tonight.
I woke at 4 this morning. There were several owl pairs hooting back and forth for about 20 minutes straight. I just lay there listening, thinking. Planning. Finally fell back asleep around 5:30, and 15 minutes later J got up to start our day.
I hadn't heard from mom since sending out that email Monday morning, and there was no response to my email asking if she was upset that I'd sent it, and also no answer to the email saying "Are you okay? do I need to call the sheriff and have him check on you??". So I finally called her about 9 last night, and she answered. I said "Oh hi! You are there and okay!" and she said, "Yes, I only answered because I'm expecting a call from Kay." Thud. "Oh, well, then fine", I said, kind of joking; "if you don't want to talk to me I understand!"
She sounded pretty low, and said, "I'm sorry, that didn't come out right...", and went on to explain that she'd heard from the NP that the likely cause of that increasing pain is due to the cancer coming back after all. So it sounds like all this time she's been secretly thinking/hoping there was some other reason, not wanting to think it was cancer returning so quickly. She was so sad, and so overwhelmed, it almost made me cry. This morning I was listening to the radio on the way to work, and Josh Groban's song Believe came on. That did it. Always makes me cry.
I'd found two blogs yesterday written by people who are undergoing cancer treatments of their own, and sent her the links because their experiences sounded so familiar to me, from hearing the exact same things from mom. I thought she might appreciate the voices of other patients, and so she was happy to know why I'd sent them. I think she'll look at them, but who knows. She seems to have so little energy. (I can't imagine how the bloggers have any energy to write.)
My boss has her final Final today, and so probably won't be in again. No patients this week, so I basically sit here and surf the web, ready to answer the phone if it rings. Today I decided to bring a couple of projects from home with me to work on here. My sponsor and I are supposed to meet today at 1:30, but I haven't heard from her; if she forgets I'll just go home and walk the dog: I don't mind walking in the daylight if there's this fog, but I really don't want to do it at night.
I think I might hit the sack early tonight.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday
Brrrr--good GRIEF it's cold. Mid 20s at night...low 40s during the day. No rain, no snow, but lots of fog, usually lasting into the early afternoon if not all day. We have the room heaters on, and the fire going mostly full-bore all day. I'm so grateful we did get the under-house insulation done; I can't imagine living through this cold and once again feeling it seeping in through the wood floors.
Thursday I got to meet and walk with my sponsor. It was a short meeting, as her fibro was acting up, but we agreed to meet again this week. I got home late, because I needed to stop at the bank to deposit my paycheck, and pick up a pizza on the way home.
Unfortunately I learned the next day (Friday, when the bargain market grocery store declined our debit card!) that deposits made after closing don't get credited to one's account until 48 hours later. Even though I deposited the check at 5:35 Thursday instead of 5:30, the full funds weren't available til today, Monday. In the meantime we were forced to use the credit card--I am thankful we have one paid off, and so we were able to use it for the necessities. As soon as we had used it, we wrote a check to cover that amount, and mailed it off. But we picked up Murphy's flea meds, and spent an extra $60-something to get 3 flea treatments for the kitties too. Applied those that day, and we'll see what happens.
Later we picked up meds, visited J's doc for his coumadin check, rented a couple of movies, bought Christmas lights and decorations on sale for the outside of the house, and headed over to J's son B's new place of business so he could replace the front parking light in the Lincoln. (In casual chitchat with B's wife as we were waiting, I learned she also changed doctors recently, and is now seeing my old NP, Kerri, the one I had such difficulty with! How funny-- she loves Kerri, and she was astonished to learn of my bad experiences with her.)
By the time we got home again it was almost 4; we'd spent most of the day out doing errands! I wished we'd planned this better: we could have locked up the kitties in the growing room outside and taken the dog with us, so we could bomb the house; but we didn't know or plan to be out that long. We ate lunch out at Sheri's for a very reasonable price of $12; I'd gotten a half sandwich and a salad, and he had a bowl of soup, and we split a piece of their famous chocolate silk pie--yum! So we were not hungry at all.
After the news, we watched one of the movies which was listed as a comedy, and 'wasn't terrible", as one of my sons used to say.
Saturday we went to the real grocery store to get our items, and then I went to my meeting. Right after I got home from that we began doing the inside decorations, and later the outside lights. This took all afternoon, even though we don't have a lot, as I didn't want to overload J. This time of year is always tough for him, having lost his mother in early December when he was a very young man, barely 20. It still hurts him, and he has a bit of difficulty with my wanting to decorate. Now, I've toned it down a lot, and we even have a small fake tree (but that's because there's simply no room for a real one). Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm asking him to help with the decorating, and other times I think he does enjoy some of it--I just have to be on the alert so I can be aware of when his energy is flagging.
Later that night we watched the other movie, a thriller with Nicolas Cage, and it was non-stop action, but pretty well done.
Sunday I did my walk with the dog early, even though it was damn cold. I put the lifejacket on him, which did seem to help with his shivering. I found some pussy willow trees which had been trimmed recently, and the trimmings were just lying there so I grabbed a handful and planted them when I got home. They will grow easily and cover over what's left of the stump of oak (or was it maple?) that we had cut down. It'll also help with protecting that bank.
In the afternoon I tackled the file cabinet mess. The dreaded file cabinet. Arghh! Even though there are only 2 of us, somehow we manage to "need" a file cabinet with 4 drawers. And every 2-3 months or so I need to go through and sort and organize and re-file and re-label, etc, so when it's done I always feel better. It will be a lot easier to find all our medical expenses when tax time comes around again. For us, it's February--that's the earliest we can get an appointment with the Tax-Aide people. And thats not too far away!
Then J had Murphy model the rain jacket we'd bought him last winter; J found it way big on him, but we never got around to trying to find a way to make it work anyway; yesterday we did. We brainstormed, and I ended up attaching some velcro fasteners in strategic spots, and then hemming the longer area in front. I think it came out well, and will try it on him tomorrow night.
My other plan was to gradually lure Cinnamon out into the living room. Each time I go into the bathroom she's curled up on a cushion near the tub, so I give her some scritches and try to speak gently and softly so she gets used to us. So Saturday I picked her up and cuddled her, and then also brought her out to my chair so I could get her used to sitting on my lap out there. Nope. She would have none of it, and leaped right off, stalking away.
However! Later in the day she wandered out of the bathroom twice, trailing delicately around the edge of the living room. No cuddles, but we each leaned down and spoke with her, happily greeting her. Sunday more of the same: and by the time dinner was over and we were discussing the phone conversation with mom, she was actually curled up on the sofa near J's chair, just inches below where Sheba was perched on the back of the sofa. I think we are on the right track...
The talk with mom: I'd tried her a few times from 4 on, but each time the line was busy. Finally around 7 she answered and I could tell she was tired from that previous phone call; fortunately that meant a shorter call. She summarized her report from the doctor visit: originally she'd said 12-16 months, and I was thinking over that time frame and all that it implied.
But apparently either she mis-wrote, or mis-understood. She meant 12-16 months, yes--but from the time of diagnosis. Since she was diagnosed in March, then we are looking at March through July 2012. Which is what they'd told her to expect. Technically she is now eligible for Hospice or palliative care, whatever is offered where she lives. That seems so soon, and I'm not the terminal one. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. Of course that's a guesstimate; could be sooner, or later, no one knows.
Still, she reported she had woken with a lot of energy, and had helped Alan with something when he'd stopped by that day--loading the trash? garbage? something; he's returning Wednesday to help with the re-tarping of the barn.
She has also regained some weight, and is now at 129, which is much better than the 116 she'd been at in September. Forcing herself to drink those Ensures has been helping. I am sure this is temporary, though, and am just looking at each day as it comes. As J says, I will be grateful in the future when I look back.
I wish I felt differently about her, but...I just don't. I wish I had a different kind of mom, sometimes. On the other hand, I'm what I am today partly because she was that kind of mom, however twisted that is. And I'm very grateful to be in my life these days.
Thursday I got to meet and walk with my sponsor. It was a short meeting, as her fibro was acting up, but we agreed to meet again this week. I got home late, because I needed to stop at the bank to deposit my paycheck, and pick up a pizza on the way home.
Unfortunately I learned the next day (Friday, when the bargain market grocery store declined our debit card!) that deposits made after closing don't get credited to one's account until 48 hours later. Even though I deposited the check at 5:35 Thursday instead of 5:30, the full funds weren't available til today, Monday. In the meantime we were forced to use the credit card--I am thankful we have one paid off, and so we were able to use it for the necessities. As soon as we had used it, we wrote a check to cover that amount, and mailed it off. But we picked up Murphy's flea meds, and spent an extra $60-something to get 3 flea treatments for the kitties too. Applied those that day, and we'll see what happens.
Later we picked up meds, visited J's doc for his coumadin check, rented a couple of movies, bought Christmas lights and decorations on sale for the outside of the house, and headed over to J's son B's new place of business so he could replace the front parking light in the Lincoln. (In casual chitchat with B's wife as we were waiting, I learned she also changed doctors recently, and is now seeing my old NP, Kerri, the one I had such difficulty with! How funny-- she loves Kerri, and she was astonished to learn of my bad experiences with her.)
By the time we got home again it was almost 4; we'd spent most of the day out doing errands! I wished we'd planned this better: we could have locked up the kitties in the growing room outside and taken the dog with us, so we could bomb the house; but we didn't know or plan to be out that long. We ate lunch out at Sheri's for a very reasonable price of $12; I'd gotten a half sandwich and a salad, and he had a bowl of soup, and we split a piece of their famous chocolate silk pie--yum! So we were not hungry at all.
After the news, we watched one of the movies which was listed as a comedy, and 'wasn't terrible", as one of my sons used to say.
Saturday we went to the real grocery store to get our items, and then I went to my meeting. Right after I got home from that we began doing the inside decorations, and later the outside lights. This took all afternoon, even though we don't have a lot, as I didn't want to overload J. This time of year is always tough for him, having lost his mother in early December when he was a very young man, barely 20. It still hurts him, and he has a bit of difficulty with my wanting to decorate. Now, I've toned it down a lot, and we even have a small fake tree (but that's because there's simply no room for a real one). Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm asking him to help with the decorating, and other times I think he does enjoy some of it--I just have to be on the alert so I can be aware of when his energy is flagging.
Later that night we watched the other movie, a thriller with Nicolas Cage, and it was non-stop action, but pretty well done.
Sunday I did my walk with the dog early, even though it was damn cold. I put the lifejacket on him, which did seem to help with his shivering. I found some pussy willow trees which had been trimmed recently, and the trimmings were just lying there so I grabbed a handful and planted them when I got home. They will grow easily and cover over what's left of the stump of oak (or was it maple?) that we had cut down. It'll also help with protecting that bank.
In the afternoon I tackled the file cabinet mess. The dreaded file cabinet. Arghh! Even though there are only 2 of us, somehow we manage to "need" a file cabinet with 4 drawers. And every 2-3 months or so I need to go through and sort and organize and re-file and re-label, etc, so when it's done I always feel better. It will be a lot easier to find all our medical expenses when tax time comes around again. For us, it's February--that's the earliest we can get an appointment with the Tax-Aide people. And thats not too far away!
Then J had Murphy model the rain jacket we'd bought him last winter; J found it way big on him, but we never got around to trying to find a way to make it work anyway; yesterday we did. We brainstormed, and I ended up attaching some velcro fasteners in strategic spots, and then hemming the longer area in front. I think it came out well, and will try it on him tomorrow night.
My other plan was to gradually lure Cinnamon out into the living room. Each time I go into the bathroom she's curled up on a cushion near the tub, so I give her some scritches and try to speak gently and softly so she gets used to us. So Saturday I picked her up and cuddled her, and then also brought her out to my chair so I could get her used to sitting on my lap out there. Nope. She would have none of it, and leaped right off, stalking away.
However! Later in the day she wandered out of the bathroom twice, trailing delicately around the edge of the living room. No cuddles, but we each leaned down and spoke with her, happily greeting her. Sunday more of the same: and by the time dinner was over and we were discussing the phone conversation with mom, she was actually curled up on the sofa near J's chair, just inches below where Sheba was perched on the back of the sofa. I think we are on the right track...
The talk with mom: I'd tried her a few times from 4 on, but each time the line was busy. Finally around 7 she answered and I could tell she was tired from that previous phone call; fortunately that meant a shorter call. She summarized her report from the doctor visit: originally she'd said 12-16 months, and I was thinking over that time frame and all that it implied.
But apparently either she mis-wrote, or mis-understood. She meant 12-16 months, yes--but from the time of diagnosis. Since she was diagnosed in March, then we are looking at March through July 2012. Which is what they'd told her to expect. Technically she is now eligible for Hospice or palliative care, whatever is offered where she lives. That seems so soon, and I'm not the terminal one. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. Of course that's a guesstimate; could be sooner, or later, no one knows.
Still, she reported she had woken with a lot of energy, and had helped Alan with something when he'd stopped by that day--loading the trash? garbage? something; he's returning Wednesday to help with the re-tarping of the barn.
She has also regained some weight, and is now at 129, which is much better than the 116 she'd been at in September. Forcing herself to drink those Ensures has been helping. I am sure this is temporary, though, and am just looking at each day as it comes. As J says, I will be grateful in the future when I look back.
I wish I felt differently about her, but...I just don't. I wish I had a different kind of mom, sometimes. On the other hand, I'm what I am today partly because she was that kind of mom, however twisted that is. And I'm very grateful to be in my life these days.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday
I am so excited. A, my sort-of daughter-in-law, the mother of my first dearly adored granddaughter, is seriously considering moving to Denver. At first I was surprised, but the more I thought of it, the more I like the idea. Especially because her mom and stepdad (who are her main emotional support) would also go, moving there as soon as they sell their own house. Her brother already lives there. I'm thrilled, because this way it'd be So Much Easier to squeeze in more visits, and see both granddaughters, and at least one son. And if N (the other son ) ever does move back there too instead of traveling, I could see him too.
This all came up rather suddenly, and I don't know what is spurring the discussion, but whatever it is, I'm all for it. I'm booked to fly down to Phoenix in January for a quick weekend with them, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be able to leave before then: she needs to find a job up there first, and then sell her house.
Cinnamon the Siamese is adjusting to living with us. She has spent several days now living in the bathroom, perched or curled up on a shelf overlooking the sink. Have no idea why. I'm concerned she might be sick-- J keeps finding little spots of vomit on the rugs. But she is eating just fine, and drinking plenty of water. She's greeting me now with little croaky squeaks, and likes to be petted and cuddled up to a point. Then, whap! out comes the paw.
The only issue we keep noticing is the ongoing battle against the fleas. Murphy got treated with Comfortis, and yet we notice him and the 3 kitties still scratching, so either the kitties need treating too, or we need to bomb the house once again. How to do so, since it's winter, and where/what can we do with the kitties while the spray does its job? Only one of the kitties goes outside during the winter, which explains the fleas--I think.
My daughter is having serious financial issues. She is not earning much from the part-time job, and even with the monthly help from her grandpa, my dad, that's not nearly enough to cover her expenses. I think she is living beyond her means, but she's also had some serious medical issues and that does account for at least $2000 of her bills. Fortunately or unfortunately, many many people are in the same boat: facing medical issues with no insurance. She is in the process of contacting each biller and working out payment plans. Still, it'll take literally years before she is out of debt.
Unless she manages to land a good-paying job soon, or even at graduation 6 months from now, this is just going to get worse. I need to remember I'm helpless to do much, since we have our own debt. But I did take her grocery shopping Monday afternoon. She may not have cash money to pay bills, but we can at least help with food, which she wasn't even bothering with when working out a budget. She does need to eat. That might be part of the medical issue-- a poor-student's diet certainly doesn't help with emotional and financial well-being, and it definitely might be contributing to her recent panic attacks. Money lessons are so damn difficult to live through, and learn from. J and I are still learning money lessons, even though we are both doing much much better than we were in previous marriages.
I remember learning some harsh lessons after my gramma died, and her sorely needed generous monthly checks stopped. My cousin, who was managing her finances at that time, was perfectly willing to continue sending those checks after her death, but I felt, finally, horribly embarrassed at that idea, and just decided to bite the bullet; I hoped that would be the final shove my then-husband needed to get a damn job and keep it. Didn't work.
Instead, I got a better job purely by "accident"--- or was it serendipity?? And eventually it dawned on me that I couldn't rely on anyone but myself to support myself. That started the process of returning to school, and getting a better job, and so on.
My daughter will have some more painful lessons too, when her grandpa's checks stop next year.
The local radio station I listen to in my work town only plays Christmas music now, 24/7. Sometimes I really like it, other times it's like, "enough already!!!" I'm grateful we have a great blues station, and a couple of great "timeless rock" stations. Music is so important. I remember visiting at mom's this last time, and I finally had asked if I could find some music to play while we did the Scrabble game. On the tv (that sounds weird) I found some great music channels, and was happily singing along to various tunes as we played. Suddenly mom looked up at me from her pondering of the board, and said, "You probably sing in the car, don't you?" I said that of course I did!
I don't know what I'd do if I could listen to music. Springsteen is lining up another tour for next year... and I just cannot wait. I've already told J we will be going to whatever shows are on the West Coast. He's so wonderful. He just laughed, and said "As long as they aren't in LA. SanFrancisco is fine, Oakland, Seattle, Portland, wherever---but not LA!"
This all came up rather suddenly, and I don't know what is spurring the discussion, but whatever it is, I'm all for it. I'm booked to fly down to Phoenix in January for a quick weekend with them, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be able to leave before then: she needs to find a job up there first, and then sell her house.
Cinnamon the Siamese is adjusting to living with us. She has spent several days now living in the bathroom, perched or curled up on a shelf overlooking the sink. Have no idea why. I'm concerned she might be sick-- J keeps finding little spots of vomit on the rugs. But she is eating just fine, and drinking plenty of water. She's greeting me now with little croaky squeaks, and likes to be petted and cuddled up to a point. Then, whap! out comes the paw.
The only issue we keep noticing is the ongoing battle against the fleas. Murphy got treated with Comfortis, and yet we notice him and the 3 kitties still scratching, so either the kitties need treating too, or we need to bomb the house once again. How to do so, since it's winter, and where/what can we do with the kitties while the spray does its job? Only one of the kitties goes outside during the winter, which explains the fleas--I think.
My daughter is having serious financial issues. She is not earning much from the part-time job, and even with the monthly help from her grandpa, my dad, that's not nearly enough to cover her expenses. I think she is living beyond her means, but she's also had some serious medical issues and that does account for at least $2000 of her bills. Fortunately or unfortunately, many many people are in the same boat: facing medical issues with no insurance. She is in the process of contacting each biller and working out payment plans. Still, it'll take literally years before she is out of debt.
Unless she manages to land a good-paying job soon, or even at graduation 6 months from now, this is just going to get worse. I need to remember I'm helpless to do much, since we have our own debt. But I did take her grocery shopping Monday afternoon. She may not have cash money to pay bills, but we can at least help with food, which she wasn't even bothering with when working out a budget. She does need to eat. That might be part of the medical issue-- a poor-student's diet certainly doesn't help with emotional and financial well-being, and it definitely might be contributing to her recent panic attacks. Money lessons are so damn difficult to live through, and learn from. J and I are still learning money lessons, even though we are both doing much much better than we were in previous marriages.
I remember learning some harsh lessons after my gramma died, and her sorely needed generous monthly checks stopped. My cousin, who was managing her finances at that time, was perfectly willing to continue sending those checks after her death, but I felt, finally, horribly embarrassed at that idea, and just decided to bite the bullet; I hoped that would be the final shove my then-husband needed to get a damn job and keep it. Didn't work.
Instead, I got a better job purely by "accident"--- or was it serendipity?? And eventually it dawned on me that I couldn't rely on anyone but myself to support myself. That started the process of returning to school, and getting a better job, and so on.
My daughter will have some more painful lessons too, when her grandpa's checks stop next year.
The local radio station I listen to in my work town only plays Christmas music now, 24/7. Sometimes I really like it, other times it's like, "enough already!!!" I'm grateful we have a great blues station, and a couple of great "timeless rock" stations. Music is so important. I remember visiting at mom's this last time, and I finally had asked if I could find some music to play while we did the Scrabble game. On the tv (that sounds weird) I found some great music channels, and was happily singing along to various tunes as we played. Suddenly mom looked up at me from her pondering of the board, and said, "You probably sing in the car, don't you?" I said that of course I did!
I don't know what I'd do if I could listen to music. Springsteen is lining up another tour for next year... and I just cannot wait. I've already told J we will be going to whatever shows are on the West Coast. He's so wonderful. He just laughed, and said "As long as they aren't in LA. SanFrancisco is fine, Oakland, Seattle, Portland, wherever---but not LA!"
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Saturday
Nice few days. Wednesday I left work early at noon, and stopped at Target on the way home to pick up some socks. I was wearing my white nursing clogs, and almost immediately (even though I wiped their soles on the rug at the entrance) fell on the slippery fall. I was embarrassed, but surprisingly, no one even offered help. I got up as quickly as I could, and continued on my way, keeping to the carpeted areas as much as I could.
Got home around 2, and J and I left to do our last minute groceries, and picked up a pizza for dinner with a great coupon. At home again I did my walk, and then had to take a tramadol. I stayed up til 10 (!) to watch all of the X-Factor show I'm really enjoying. My one son called to say he and his gf had bought a huge turkey, and were in the process of thawing in, the cold water way. He asked me how to cook it, and so we had a nice 20 minute or so conversation about what they were doing-- it was nice.
Thursday morning I took my walk fairly early. My other son called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving too; he was going to spend the day at his boss's with the rest of the crew. It was great to hear from him, and coincidentally the other son called at the exact same time to ask more questions about the 20lb turkey they were dealing with.
I was much more sore from the fall, and dealt with that extra hip pain all day. Did my Thanksgiving prep work, got the eggs cooking for deviled eggs, and we cleaned up the house. Neither one of us heard from our combined 3 youngest kids, although we'd sent emails to each, outlining when we'd be eating and so on. But no one had called to say they'd be there, or when. Weird. J was rather upset especially, at not hearing from his daughter once again, and could easily have worked himself into a depression. So we just decided to look at it as an opportunity to have an extra nice dinner on our own if no one showed up, and treat it as a special day to spend together, whether or not we spent it with our children; shortly after we came to that decision, my daughter showed up!
And we had a very nice rest of the day: Z and V both came, separately.V only stayed an hour or so, to eat some turkey, and share some of the dessert. But it was still a nice time. We sat around later, talking and laughing, listening to the music on the stereo, reviewing plans for the future.
Z left by 5 so he could help his mom with the dinner she had planned for around 6. (So it worked out just fine that we ate around 2, and they had theirs at 6. Planning these things with divorced families is sometimes a challenge.)
Meanwhile we watched the news, and then a movie which is part of our holiday tradition--Love Actually-- and even J watched this time. S left afterwards, and I think we went right to bed. I tried calling mom (but she was too tired to talk, I found out later) so I ended up just leaving a message. Long day... exhausted!
Friday my hip was not any better, so I decided not to push it by walking; instead I went outside after breakfast and grabbed the rake. Our lawn has been slowly covered, deeper and deeper; the past couple of weeks of rain and wind have really done their jobs as far as stripping the trees. J was in a very foul mood once again , over the past and how his ex had turned the kids (V) away. I've learned once he's sunk in those moods that physical labor really does help him. There's almost nothing I can say that'll ease his pain, so I steer us both to work. Fortunately the weather was gorgeously bright, sunny with blue skies. We took advantage of it and raked out leaves from various flower beds, mowed, emptied all the gutters using the ladders and leaf blowers, blew leaves off roofs of house, carport, and workshop. Tried re-seeding the lawn in certain places, too: found a sale on grass seed and took advantage of it. Hopefully the chickens won't eat it all!
We started all this outdoor stuff shortly after 9am. Took a break around 1 for 20 minutes to grab some leftovers for lunch, and went back at it. I had to stop at around 3, utterly exhausted with a nasty blister in the webbing of my right hand, even though I'd been wearing gloves. When J was finally done, he still had to go and blow off H&H's lawn, which he did in exchange for borrowing that leaf blower. When he got back from that I needed to go get my prescriptions, so I offered to do that alone; he wouldn't hear of it, and insisted on coming along. The pharmacy is in Safeway, and that's pretty close. The shops in that mall weren't as busy as I expected, but it was pretty late in the day...
At home again we watched the news, and then started to watch a Robert Downey Jr movie called Iron Man, but we were both exhausted. I think he went to bed around 9, and I joined him an hour later.
This morning I have my meeting, and since it's still supposed to be a sunny if cold day, we might do more outside work. I'll try another walk, but man, my hip is still aching...
Got home around 2, and J and I left to do our last minute groceries, and picked up a pizza for dinner with a great coupon. At home again I did my walk, and then had to take a tramadol. I stayed up til 10 (!) to watch all of the X-Factor show I'm really enjoying. My one son called to say he and his gf had bought a huge turkey, and were in the process of thawing in, the cold water way. He asked me how to cook it, and so we had a nice 20 minute or so conversation about what they were doing-- it was nice.
Thursday morning I took my walk fairly early. My other son called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving too; he was going to spend the day at his boss's with the rest of the crew. It was great to hear from him, and coincidentally the other son called at the exact same time to ask more questions about the 20lb turkey they were dealing with.
I was much more sore from the fall, and dealt with that extra hip pain all day. Did my Thanksgiving prep work, got the eggs cooking for deviled eggs, and we cleaned up the house. Neither one of us heard from our combined 3 youngest kids, although we'd sent emails to each, outlining when we'd be eating and so on. But no one had called to say they'd be there, or when. Weird. J was rather upset especially, at not hearing from his daughter once again, and could easily have worked himself into a depression. So we just decided to look at it as an opportunity to have an extra nice dinner on our own if no one showed up, and treat it as a special day to spend together, whether or not we spent it with our children; shortly after we came to that decision, my daughter showed up!
And we had a very nice rest of the day: Z and V both came, separately.V only stayed an hour or so, to eat some turkey, and share some of the dessert. But it was still a nice time. We sat around later, talking and laughing, listening to the music on the stereo, reviewing plans for the future.
Z left by 5 so he could help his mom with the dinner she had planned for around 6. (So it worked out just fine that we ate around 2, and they had theirs at 6. Planning these things with divorced families is sometimes a challenge.)
Meanwhile we watched the news, and then a movie which is part of our holiday tradition--Love Actually-- and even J watched this time. S left afterwards, and I think we went right to bed. I tried calling mom (but she was too tired to talk, I found out later) so I ended up just leaving a message. Long day... exhausted!
Friday my hip was not any better, so I decided not to push it by walking; instead I went outside after breakfast and grabbed the rake. Our lawn has been slowly covered, deeper and deeper; the past couple of weeks of rain and wind have really done their jobs as far as stripping the trees. J was in a very foul mood once again , over the past and how his ex had turned the kids (V) away. I've learned once he's sunk in those moods that physical labor really does help him. There's almost nothing I can say that'll ease his pain, so I steer us both to work. Fortunately the weather was gorgeously bright, sunny with blue skies. We took advantage of it and raked out leaves from various flower beds, mowed, emptied all the gutters using the ladders and leaf blowers, blew leaves off roofs of house, carport, and workshop. Tried re-seeding the lawn in certain places, too: found a sale on grass seed and took advantage of it. Hopefully the chickens won't eat it all!
We started all this outdoor stuff shortly after 9am. Took a break around 1 for 20 minutes to grab some leftovers for lunch, and went back at it. I had to stop at around 3, utterly exhausted with a nasty blister in the webbing of my right hand, even though I'd been wearing gloves. When J was finally done, he still had to go and blow off H&H's lawn, which he did in exchange for borrowing that leaf blower. When he got back from that I needed to go get my prescriptions, so I offered to do that alone; he wouldn't hear of it, and insisted on coming along. The pharmacy is in Safeway, and that's pretty close. The shops in that mall weren't as busy as I expected, but it was pretty late in the day...
At home again we watched the news, and then started to watch a Robert Downey Jr movie called Iron Man, but we were both exhausted. I think he went to bed around 9, and I joined him an hour later.
This morning I have my meeting, and since it's still supposed to be a sunny if cold day, we might do more outside work. I'll try another walk, but man, my hip is still aching...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday
One more update.
Last weekend when J's son Z stayed at our house to watch over the kitties and chickens, we warned him that the kitties are very vocal at night, and that's why we've been putting them in the bus at night. (I hated doing that, but I also know that shortly after I moved in up here, the noise from the kitties was more than J could deal with-- he was wakeful, and sure that this was why I hadn't been sleeping well for years. Soon he had me reassured they would be fine overnight in the converted-to-a-grow-room bus. I had to agree it was quite warm in there, and that we couldn't hear them outside at night. So they've been out there nightly ever since. )
Well, Z decided not to do that. On our return he reported to us that the cats hadn't made any noise at all. Incredulous, we tried leaving them inside the house a few nights later. That was 5 nights ago. There hasn't been a sound. I'm stunned. I'm also so relieved that they are inside with us; since Cinnamon's arrival, the resident cats have been even more affectionate, wanting to be in laps a good portion of the time.
Elizabeth's been steadily growing weaker in her back legs, but loves to be picked up and held in my lap for some cuddles in the morning before I leave for work. Sheba is not at all anxious to go out at night now that it's so cold, and wet, and dark, so she parks herself on my lap, and sits there til we all turn out the lights about 9 or 9:30.
I do not know where the kitties sleep, although last night Cinnamon slept on a low corner cupboard we have in the bedroom. She'd been on my pillow when I got home , and stayed there til J tried petting her (as he went to bed earlier than me) and she hissed-- he firmly picked her up off the pillow, and placed her at the foot of the bed, whereupon she jumped onto that corner cupboard and stayed there.
I absolutely love knowing "my" kitties are inside with us at night. I've felt guilty for the past 3 years that they were forced outside. But I had to go along with my husband's wishes, partly because I still felt as though it was "his" house, and partly because I didn't want to be the one responsible for him not sleeping well, and partly because I didn't want him to think I was --god forbid-- unreasonable about my cats. (Am I my mother's daughter, anyone??) I cried the first few nights they were out there, but over time I saw no problems, and the kitties seemed to hold no grudges, and we all 3 gradually got used to the routine.
Still, having them inside gives me a warm secure feeling, especially now that it's Winter. I'm just thrilled that Cinnamon is in our room, and settling in.
Last weekend when J's son Z stayed at our house to watch over the kitties and chickens, we warned him that the kitties are very vocal at night, and that's why we've been putting them in the bus at night. (I hated doing that, but I also know that shortly after I moved in up here, the noise from the kitties was more than J could deal with-- he was wakeful, and sure that this was why I hadn't been sleeping well for years. Soon he had me reassured they would be fine overnight in the converted-to-a-grow-room bus. I had to agree it was quite warm in there, and that we couldn't hear them outside at night. So they've been out there nightly ever since. )
Well, Z decided not to do that. On our return he reported to us that the cats hadn't made any noise at all. Incredulous, we tried leaving them inside the house a few nights later. That was 5 nights ago. There hasn't been a sound. I'm stunned. I'm also so relieved that they are inside with us; since Cinnamon's arrival, the resident cats have been even more affectionate, wanting to be in laps a good portion of the time.
Elizabeth's been steadily growing weaker in her back legs, but loves to be picked up and held in my lap for some cuddles in the morning before I leave for work. Sheba is not at all anxious to go out at night now that it's so cold, and wet, and dark, so she parks herself on my lap, and sits there til we all turn out the lights about 9 or 9:30.
I do not know where the kitties sleep, although last night Cinnamon slept on a low corner cupboard we have in the bedroom. She'd been on my pillow when I got home , and stayed there til J tried petting her (as he went to bed earlier than me) and she hissed-- he firmly picked her up off the pillow, and placed her at the foot of the bed, whereupon she jumped onto that corner cupboard and stayed there.
I absolutely love knowing "my" kitties are inside with us at night. I've felt guilty for the past 3 years that they were forced outside. But I had to go along with my husband's wishes, partly because I still felt as though it was "his" house, and partly because I didn't want to be the one responsible for him not sleeping well, and partly because I didn't want him to think I was --god forbid-- unreasonable about my cats. (Am I my mother's daughter, anyone??) I cried the first few nights they were out there, but over time I saw no problems, and the kitties seemed to hold no grudges, and we all 3 gradually got used to the routine.
Still, having them inside gives me a warm secure feeling, especially now that it's Winter. I'm just thrilled that Cinnamon is in our room, and settling in.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Monday, and updates
First: Cinnamon is adjusting. We realized after 2 whole days that she'd decided to live upstairs, instead of with the rest of us. So J waited til she was downstairs and eating her breakfast, and then blocked off the access to the second level. Turns out she is one smart and agile kitty. Two separate times she managed to gracefully leap straight up and onto the mattress (which was blocking the landing). And then happily settled in again upstairs.
Finally the third try on Sunday morning worked. She nosed around numerous times, trying to find an opening up there, and then would run lightly down the stairs and wander around before heading back up and attempting that again. We tried to pretend we weren't watching her work on this, but a couple of times I caught her eye...and then I would casually looked away. In the end, I think she's given up. Yesterday afternoon we were enjoying a lazy quiet day inside reading, and J finally yawned and said he was going to take a nap. Once in the bedroom, there was Cinnamon, curled up on my pillow. She slept there most of the afternoon. So cute!
Second: The desk mom gave J last July, which we brought home and which has been sitting at a furniture restorer's busines since. Ivan, the restorer, finally brought it to us Saturday afternoon. What a difference some love and attention to detail makes! J is thrilled. Ivan had to special order or specially make several replacement pieces; he says it was made in 1768, by a Jonathan Kent. It's a captain's desk, made to be on shipboard, kind of a compact desk, the drawers pull out on the side, there's a felt-covered writing area--it's beautifully designed. (I did some research online and could find no captain's desks before the early 1800s, nor the builder's name...but I only spent an hour or so looking. I'm sure Ivan knows what he is doing, and has access to a lot of places I didn't. He says it's now worth about $4200, and recommended we add it to our insurance coverage.)
J rearranged the living room somewhat so the desk has a visible place in the corner, by the window. We're all adjusting to a different arrangement. Murphy loves lying along the back of the sofa again, where he can look out the window.
Third: J went to the podiatrist today, having been referred by his regular doc; this doc says yes, it really is "only" severe tendonitis in his left foot. He's been told to stay off his feet for two weeks, and buy some arch supports, and not to wear the beloved old deck shoes anymore. How he is going to manage staying off his feet I don't know... but I'm glad it wasn't a worse diagnosis.
These past few days just flew by as usual. I led at my meeting Saturday morning, and that was a great meeting. We started with 3 people! By the time we were half an hour in, there were about 16 more... later at home I walked the dog in the very cold weather, and then J's oldest son and his son stopped by for a while. Then Ivan called, saying he was on his way. While he was here, another friend Craig (who is the one who gave us Murphy) stopped by for awhile. Murphy is always thrilled to see him, and cuddles and wiggles as though he is overjoyed.
Craig told us he'd just spent close to $2000 on his favorite dog, when she had a burst abscess on her uterus. $2000! Holy cow...that would have been a tough choice to make...(Oddly, later that evening after J had gone to bed and I was sitting up reading, J's oldest son called in a panic: he was rushing to the vet and needed his dad's financial help. Their dog had lapped up some antifreeze...So J dressed and drove over to meet him with our credit card. He got back home before 11, and it turned out happily-- the dog *hadn't* eaten antifreeze after all. Sigh. $140 later...)
Later we made a quick trip to Blockbuster to return what we thought was a defective disc of the latest "Pirates" movie-- we couldn't get the DVD to play anymore after about an hour--it kept bouncing back to the beginning. Very frustrating! So we got a replacement disc, and also a free rental. We tried "Green Lantern". I don't remember this comic at all, but the movie wasn't bad, and we were able to see the whole thing with no problem. "Pirates"? No; even the second disc refused to play beyond the same certain point the other disc had stopped at. Argghhh! So I don't know now what the issue is, and neither does J. If "Green Lantern" hadn't worked we were all set to replace the DVD player...but it worked just fine.
One really good thing happened yesterday, good as in: made me feel good to do a good deed. After finishing our grocery shopping, I went to place the cart in the rack, and there was another cart with someone's handbag left in it. I looked around, but even though the parking lot was jammed, there was no one frantically looking around. I brought it inside and turned it over to customer service. I liked knowing that someone is going to feel so relieved when she calls that store and discovers that someone found it...
Friday, J had made plans to look at a set of chains he found on craigslist for the Lincoln. So we drove all the way to Lebanon again--twice in one week! Literally, I'd never been there before this past week, and now we've been twice. J liked the chains and bought them for $20; and then we stopped in at the new Walmart there for groceries and a replacement shower curtain, and some socks we both needed. J can't stand dealing with large crowds, so I tried to choose as quickly as I could. We found a really nice shower curtain not made in China, and compared prices on food items-- generally Winco, our regular store, has the cheaper prices. Then home, and a walk for me in the rain again.
I called mom late yesterday too, and once again it was about an hour. I could hear her lighting up cigarette after cigarette. Complaining about ongoing pain, commenting on her weight loss which is continuing, asking me if she is "dying of cancer right now". I think she's pretty close to stopping the Tarceva entirely, as it's really killing her energy level and appetite. She kept asking what I thought, and so I tried to be supportive of whatever decision she makes; either she is buying herself time, or she isn't, and she gets to be the one to decide. No one else is going to tell her what to do, although she desperately wants someone to.
I think we're both learning that even the docs don't really know what is going to work on any given person, and mom is no exception. So that gives her freedom to choose other treatments if she wants. Unfortunately, I think she is tempted to try some treatments which are hideously expensive, because of some anecdotal evidence. The good news there is that she doesn't have a lot of money to play with, and therefore her explorations won't get her too far... I'm sure if these various alternatives worked with any regularity, they would be getting all kinds of press. But she is convinced that the BigMedicine companies are suppressing the (alternative) meds which do work, because of their being a threat to the drug companies' profits. Jeez. Well, whatever. I'm certainly not going to argue or try to talk her out of that. That would be useless.
It was nice to hear from my dad this morning, that he thinks I'm doing the right thing, even if I'm not getting much appreciation! That felt really good to hear.
Tonight is my book study meeting, and that'll be nice. I'm glad this meeting is so close to my home, as the weather is quickly worsening--apparently there is a huge storm coming this way for tonight, and the rest of the week. I saw snow in the foothills this morning, and that's about right for this time of year.
Finally the third try on Sunday morning worked. She nosed around numerous times, trying to find an opening up there, and then would run lightly down the stairs and wander around before heading back up and attempting that again. We tried to pretend we weren't watching her work on this, but a couple of times I caught her eye...and then I would casually looked away. In the end, I think she's given up. Yesterday afternoon we were enjoying a lazy quiet day inside reading, and J finally yawned and said he was going to take a nap. Once in the bedroom, there was Cinnamon, curled up on my pillow. She slept there most of the afternoon. So cute!
Second: The desk mom gave J last July, which we brought home and which has been sitting at a furniture restorer's busines since. Ivan, the restorer, finally brought it to us Saturday afternoon. What a difference some love and attention to detail makes! J is thrilled. Ivan had to special order or specially make several replacement pieces; he says it was made in 1768, by a Jonathan Kent. It's a captain's desk, made to be on shipboard, kind of a compact desk, the drawers pull out on the side, there's a felt-covered writing area--it's beautifully designed. (I did some research online and could find no captain's desks before the early 1800s, nor the builder's name...but I only spent an hour or so looking. I'm sure Ivan knows what he is doing, and has access to a lot of places I didn't. He says it's now worth about $4200, and recommended we add it to our insurance coverage.)
J rearranged the living room somewhat so the desk has a visible place in the corner, by the window. We're all adjusting to a different arrangement. Murphy loves lying along the back of the sofa again, where he can look out the window.
Third: J went to the podiatrist today, having been referred by his regular doc; this doc says yes, it really is "only" severe tendonitis in his left foot. He's been told to stay off his feet for two weeks, and buy some arch supports, and not to wear the beloved old deck shoes anymore. How he is going to manage staying off his feet I don't know... but I'm glad it wasn't a worse diagnosis.
These past few days just flew by as usual. I led at my meeting Saturday morning, and that was a great meeting. We started with 3 people! By the time we were half an hour in, there were about 16 more... later at home I walked the dog in the very cold weather, and then J's oldest son and his son stopped by for a while. Then Ivan called, saying he was on his way. While he was here, another friend Craig (who is the one who gave us Murphy) stopped by for awhile. Murphy is always thrilled to see him, and cuddles and wiggles as though he is overjoyed.
Craig told us he'd just spent close to $2000 on his favorite dog, when she had a burst abscess on her uterus. $2000! Holy cow...that would have been a tough choice to make...(Oddly, later that evening after J had gone to bed and I was sitting up reading, J's oldest son called in a panic: he was rushing to the vet and needed his dad's financial help. Their dog had lapped up some antifreeze...So J dressed and drove over to meet him with our credit card. He got back home before 11, and it turned out happily-- the dog *hadn't* eaten antifreeze after all. Sigh. $140 later...)
Later we made a quick trip to Blockbuster to return what we thought was a defective disc of the latest "Pirates" movie-- we couldn't get the DVD to play anymore after about an hour--it kept bouncing back to the beginning. Very frustrating! So we got a replacement disc, and also a free rental. We tried "Green Lantern". I don't remember this comic at all, but the movie wasn't bad, and we were able to see the whole thing with no problem. "Pirates"? No; even the second disc refused to play beyond the same certain point the other disc had stopped at. Argghhh! So I don't know now what the issue is, and neither does J. If "Green Lantern" hadn't worked we were all set to replace the DVD player...but it worked just fine.
One really good thing happened yesterday, good as in: made me feel good to do a good deed. After finishing our grocery shopping, I went to place the cart in the rack, and there was another cart with someone's handbag left in it. I looked around, but even though the parking lot was jammed, there was no one frantically looking around. I brought it inside and turned it over to customer service. I liked knowing that someone is going to feel so relieved when she calls that store and discovers that someone found it...
Friday, J had made plans to look at a set of chains he found on craigslist for the Lincoln. So we drove all the way to Lebanon again--twice in one week! Literally, I'd never been there before this past week, and now we've been twice. J liked the chains and bought them for $20; and then we stopped in at the new Walmart there for groceries and a replacement shower curtain, and some socks we both needed. J can't stand dealing with large crowds, so I tried to choose as quickly as I could. We found a really nice shower curtain not made in China, and compared prices on food items-- generally Winco, our regular store, has the cheaper prices. Then home, and a walk for me in the rain again.
I called mom late yesterday too, and once again it was about an hour. I could hear her lighting up cigarette after cigarette. Complaining about ongoing pain, commenting on her weight loss which is continuing, asking me if she is "dying of cancer right now". I think she's pretty close to stopping the Tarceva entirely, as it's really killing her energy level and appetite. She kept asking what I thought, and so I tried to be supportive of whatever decision she makes; either she is buying herself time, or she isn't, and she gets to be the one to decide. No one else is going to tell her what to do, although she desperately wants someone to.
I think we're both learning that even the docs don't really know what is going to work on any given person, and mom is no exception. So that gives her freedom to choose other treatments if she wants. Unfortunately, I think she is tempted to try some treatments which are hideously expensive, because of some anecdotal evidence. The good news there is that she doesn't have a lot of money to play with, and therefore her explorations won't get her too far... I'm sure if these various alternatives worked with any regularity, they would be getting all kinds of press. But she is convinced that the BigMedicine companies are suppressing the (alternative) meds which do work, because of their being a threat to the drug companies' profits. Jeez. Well, whatever. I'm certainly not going to argue or try to talk her out of that. That would be useless.
It was nice to hear from my dad this morning, that he thinks I'm doing the right thing, even if I'm not getting much appreciation! That felt really good to hear.
Tonight is my book study meeting, and that'll be nice. I'm glad this meeting is so close to my home, as the weather is quickly worsening--apparently there is a huge storm coming this way for tonight, and the rest of the week. I saw snow in the foothills this morning, and that's about right for this time of year.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thursday
I don't know what happened to me yesterday. Maybe it was the accumulation of a lot of emotion, but around 11 in the morning a Headache began. The gruesome details I won't go into but the Thing hung on all day, and worsened steadily despite doing everything I know of to deter/stop/cure whatever (acupressure, gulping lots of water, pinching the space between thumb and forefinger, fiorecet, excedrin, stretching exercises, getting up and moving often, aromatherapy, moving the freakin monitor so I wouldn't be at an unnatural angle, more stretching, deep breathing, placing an ice pack at the back of my neck). Nothing helped.
At 2, BossJ came in after her class, gave me my check, and I left at 2:30. At home I walked in the rain for over 2 miles, head pounding all the way, knowing I'd have to bathe the dog when I got home. He had a blast, but was completely soaked by the time we got in. Once inside J took over, so I could remove my wet clothes, pop a tramadol for my aching hip, and showered under very hot water, hot as I could stand. I even took half of a lorazepam because I was starting to think if I could just relax and *not* focus on the pain that would help. As it was, that was all I could deal with-- it was the worst headache ever, just back there throbbing away. Not a migraine, but just below that level.
J did his chiro thing on my neck, and rubbed my shoulders and back; I lay quietly in the darkened bedroom trying to breathe slowly. Later I wobbled out to lean back in my chair and sip some soup, which had no seasoning even. Bland. Ugh. But it was hot. And warming.
Finally I had a glass of wine, and when that failed to dull the constant pressure, I gave up, and went to bed. It was 7:15. I fell asleep pretty quickly and even when I woke at 6am, the last of it was still there. But taking two excedrin kicked it by about 9am.
I can do without those days.
At 2, BossJ came in after her class, gave me my check, and I left at 2:30. At home I walked in the rain for over 2 miles, head pounding all the way, knowing I'd have to bathe the dog when I got home. He had a blast, but was completely soaked by the time we got in. Once inside J took over, so I could remove my wet clothes, pop a tramadol for my aching hip, and showered under very hot water, hot as I could stand. I even took half of a lorazepam because I was starting to think if I could just relax and *not* focus on the pain that would help. As it was, that was all I could deal with-- it was the worst headache ever, just back there throbbing away. Not a migraine, but just below that level.
J did his chiro thing on my neck, and rubbed my shoulders and back; I lay quietly in the darkened bedroom trying to breathe slowly. Later I wobbled out to lean back in my chair and sip some soup, which had no seasoning even. Bland. Ugh. But it was hot. And warming.
Finally I had a glass of wine, and when that failed to dull the constant pressure, I gave up, and went to bed. It was 7:15. I fell asleep pretty quickly and even when I woke at 6am, the last of it was still there. But taking two excedrin kicked it by about 9am.
I can do without those days.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday
We are home. Sheer relief.
Leaving early Monday, we packed up and didn't wake mom until we were literally warming up the car. She is and always has been quite groggy in the morning, and of course now there's a lot of pain to deal with too. We all hugged and kissed goodbye, took some photos, she was very happy we'd been here, and we were glad to be able to do what we could. A friend told me to think of it as a gift, that my time up there is a gift to her in the ending of her life. And that has helped so much somehow. Puts a different perspective on this. Reminds me this is all day-by-day.
I had felt clogged up and sinus-y since Saturday, probably due to the smoke. I didn't feel clean and clear-lunged til Monday night. Good grief, it's a long drive, and a long day. S sat in back all the way, working on homework, listening to her IPhone. J and I talked a lot, but also enjoyed the silence a lot. We saw a bald eagle, and snow geese, and 3 separate sightings of the bighorn sheep, and a coyote, sitting on a hill overlooking the highway. It was a very windy and gusty ride for the first half--I was glad J was driving, and that we were in the Lincoln. Stopped in TriCities for McDonalds, and all in all it was a nice ride. A far cry from the Honda.
There would have been enough room for the desk she is giving me, but the forecast was for rain, and so we didn't dare risk it. It actually didn't rain til more than halfway home, but then it was pretty hard for an hour or so. Wrapping the desk in blankets would have protected the desk, but not the inside of the trunk. So, next time...
Arrived home about 5:30, S left almost right away for her home, and J and I unpacked, ate Mexican take-out, while I cooked up the roast chicken which we will have tonight; puttering in your own home is wonderful! Watched the news, cuddled the kitties a lot, they missed us, and the chickens did fine too. J got his tub bath, first since last Thursday, which he really loves.
We have a new family member. Recently I had seen an ad on craigslist: "retired cat needs retirement home"; foolishly I clicked on it and saw a beautiful Siamese, Cinnamon. I was horrified at the woman's description of not having time for this cat anymore (and there was more...). And so after talking to J about it he agreed we could go get her. He was concerned about the furniture, and whether she still had claws. So last week I'd texted with this woman and made tentative plans to pick her up Tuesday if all went well during the "interview" with her (the cat, not the woman--she couldn't bebothered to be there, but her fiance would be). And I left work at 2, got home by 3:15, and we left shortly afterwards to find this place over in Lebanon, a half hour away.
When we arrived, the place actually surprised me: lots of land, a well-lit and taken care of double-wide manufactured home, wide driveway with lots of parking; a large chicken coop and pen with about 20 chickens, several horses over in the next field, dogs running outside. Inside were 2 employees and the woman they were feeding (it is an adult foster care home), and Josh, the fiance. Seemed very nice, very surprised to know Karisten had been looking for a home for the cat.
*She* was walking briskly, curiously, right over to us, sniffing and allowing herself to be petted. She seemed quite active, and not at all her age, which was about 17. Apparently she'd been dumped at this residence with 2 kittens about 15 years ago, and the vet guessed her age to be 2 then; she was spayed and declawed. (YAY--phew!!) After talking with Josh, and determining diet, habits, health, moods, sleeping, etc, it turns out they just wanted a quiet home for her where she could live out her life-- with the foster home and all the other animals creating constant noise, she was kinda "grumpy" they said. (Who can blame her...)
Josh gave us the cans of cat food she'd been used to, and picked her up to say goodbye, telling us he wasn't a cat person but that she was sweet. He handed her over to me, and she was fine, resting quietly, purring, touching my hands. We had brought a cardboard pet carrier with us, so in she went without a struggle. We all shook hands again, and promised to stay in touch, via texts and facebook. (Sure enough, there was a fb friend request when I finally had a chance to check this morning...)
At home (after the quietest drive I have ever had with a cat--she didn't make a sound) I left her in the carrier for about half an hour, and let her get used to the sounds of the house, the news on tv, the greetings of Murphy and the two other cats, getting dinner, etc. I set up a food station for her near the other cats', and then moved the carrier into the bathroom (where the catboxes are, and the food and water). Opened the box, and she poked her head right out, exploring. I placed her near her food and she went right for it. As I stroked her back while she ate, she was making this funny growling/humming/talking noise--it's not loud or aggressive, it's like she is talking. Num-num-num-num.
Then we tried to just leave her alone and let her adjust. Elizabeth was quite surprised to see another face looking down on her from the ledge where the catfood bowls are! She was curious, but since she can't hear anything, she wasn't bothered by the noises. Later still, Sheba and Cinnamon faced off, some minor hissing on both sides, and again, we let them work it out. I think it helps that they are all senior cats.
After an hour or so, I was in the kitchen cleaning up, and caught a movement-- Cinnamon was out and exploring. Murphy promptly got up in J's lap, where Sheba had already settled herself. From that vantage point they watched Cinnamon's progress in the house. I was amazed at her boldness. Siamese trait?
She settled herself finally on the bottom step of the stairs, where she sat and washed, and finally curled up. I have no idea where she slept, but there was no sound during the night. (Sheba and Elizabeth always are put out in the old truck/growing room at night because of their night-time vocalizing.)
I'm happy J is at home, and able to monitor Cinnamon's adjustment; I kinda wish I could be there too. But I know he'll handle it, and that he is absolutely thrilled she is declawed. I'm absolutely thrilled I have a husband who is happy to make me happy! As a friend of his told him yesterday, "You're lucky-- my wife loves...horses!"
At work, I have only one patient this whole week, who has come and gone this morning already. Today is a catching up (on the Web!) day for me, my regular blogs, etc. I get paid today too, so will stop at the bank on the way home. BossJ and I got caught up yesterday, and exchanged news etc. I am really so lucky.
Leaving early Monday, we packed up and didn't wake mom until we were literally warming up the car. She is and always has been quite groggy in the morning, and of course now there's a lot of pain to deal with too. We all hugged and kissed goodbye, took some photos, she was very happy we'd been here, and we were glad to be able to do what we could. A friend told me to think of it as a gift, that my time up there is a gift to her in the ending of her life. And that has helped so much somehow. Puts a different perspective on this. Reminds me this is all day-by-day.
I had felt clogged up and sinus-y since Saturday, probably due to the smoke. I didn't feel clean and clear-lunged til Monday night. Good grief, it's a long drive, and a long day. S sat in back all the way, working on homework, listening to her IPhone. J and I talked a lot, but also enjoyed the silence a lot. We saw a bald eagle, and snow geese, and 3 separate sightings of the bighorn sheep, and a coyote, sitting on a hill overlooking the highway. It was a very windy and gusty ride for the first half--I was glad J was driving, and that we were in the Lincoln. Stopped in TriCities for McDonalds, and all in all it was a nice ride. A far cry from the Honda.
There would have been enough room for the desk she is giving me, but the forecast was for rain, and so we didn't dare risk it. It actually didn't rain til more than halfway home, but then it was pretty hard for an hour or so. Wrapping the desk in blankets would have protected the desk, but not the inside of the trunk. So, next time...
Arrived home about 5:30, S left almost right away for her home, and J and I unpacked, ate Mexican take-out, while I cooked up the roast chicken which we will have tonight; puttering in your own home is wonderful! Watched the news, cuddled the kitties a lot, they missed us, and the chickens did fine too. J got his tub bath, first since last Thursday, which he really loves.
We have a new family member. Recently I had seen an ad on craigslist: "retired cat needs retirement home"; foolishly I clicked on it and saw a beautiful Siamese, Cinnamon. I was horrified at the woman's description of not having time for this cat anymore (and there was more...). And so after talking to J about it he agreed we could go get her. He was concerned about the furniture, and whether she still had claws. So last week I'd texted with this woman and made tentative plans to pick her up Tuesday if all went well during the "interview" with her (the cat, not the woman--she couldn't be
When we arrived, the place actually surprised me: lots of land, a well-lit and taken care of double-wide manufactured home, wide driveway with lots of parking; a large chicken coop and pen with about 20 chickens, several horses over in the next field, dogs running outside. Inside were 2 employees and the woman they were feeding (it is an adult foster care home), and Josh, the fiance. Seemed very nice, very surprised to know Karisten had been looking for a home for the cat.
*She* was walking briskly, curiously, right over to us, sniffing and allowing herself to be petted. She seemed quite active, and not at all her age, which was about 17. Apparently she'd been dumped at this residence with 2 kittens about 15 years ago, and the vet guessed her age to be 2 then; she was spayed and declawed. (YAY--phew!!) After talking with Josh, and determining diet, habits, health, moods, sleeping, etc, it turns out they just wanted a quiet home for her where she could live out her life-- with the foster home and all the other animals creating constant noise, she was kinda "grumpy" they said. (Who can blame her...)
Josh gave us the cans of cat food she'd been used to, and picked her up to say goodbye, telling us he wasn't a cat person but that she was sweet. He handed her over to me, and she was fine, resting quietly, purring, touching my hands. We had brought a cardboard pet carrier with us, so in she went without a struggle. We all shook hands again, and promised to stay in touch, via texts and facebook. (Sure enough, there was a fb friend request when I finally had a chance to check this morning...)
At home (after the quietest drive I have ever had with a cat--she didn't make a sound) I left her in the carrier for about half an hour, and let her get used to the sounds of the house, the news on tv, the greetings of Murphy and the two other cats, getting dinner, etc. I set up a food station for her near the other cats', and then moved the carrier into the bathroom (where the catboxes are, and the food and water). Opened the box, and she poked her head right out, exploring. I placed her near her food and she went right for it. As I stroked her back while she ate, she was making this funny growling/humming/talking noise--it's not loud or aggressive, it's like she is talking. Num-num-num-num.
Then we tried to just leave her alone and let her adjust. Elizabeth was quite surprised to see another face looking down on her from the ledge where the catfood bowls are! She was curious, but since she can't hear anything, she wasn't bothered by the noises. Later still, Sheba and Cinnamon faced off, some minor hissing on both sides, and again, we let them work it out. I think it helps that they are all senior cats.
After an hour or so, I was in the kitchen cleaning up, and caught a movement-- Cinnamon was out and exploring. Murphy promptly got up in J's lap, where Sheba had already settled herself. From that vantage point they watched Cinnamon's progress in the house. I was amazed at her boldness. Siamese trait?
She settled herself finally on the bottom step of the stairs, where she sat and washed, and finally curled up. I have no idea where she slept, but there was no sound during the night. (Sheba and Elizabeth always are put out in the old truck/growing room at night because of their night-time vocalizing.)
I'm happy J is at home, and able to monitor Cinnamon's adjustment; I kinda wish I could be there too. But I know he'll handle it, and that he is absolutely thrilled she is declawed. I'm absolutely thrilled I have a husband who is happy to make me happy! As a friend of his told him yesterday, "You're lucky-- my wife loves...horses!"
At work, I have only one patient this whole week, who has come and gone this morning already. Today is a catching up (on the Web!) day for me, my regular blogs, etc. I get paid today too, so will stop at the bank on the way home. BossJ and I got caught up yesterday, and exchanged news etc. I am really so lucky.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, at mom's
Yesterday was filled with more awkward moments.
First, she slept until almost 1 in the afternoon. We were awake by 6:30. Because we'd gotten in about 5 the day before when it was already dark, it was too dark to look at the various outside chores she had planned. So in the morning, we learned it had snowed, but also that there was very little information to go on as far as what she wanted done. Yes, she'd left a chore list, but it apparently only "made sense to the writer", as J tactfully put it. He was very frustrated, and both of us felt groggy anyway. Neither of us had slept well. So he kind of milled around looking for stuff to do.
I made breakfast for us, and even lunch. Emptied the fridge of the expired stinking items, and later she retrieved the dead avocados. J and I exchanged glances of understanding, because we knew she'd object to some aspect of my cleaning!
I worked on the piles of mail and various papers in different stacks, learning that she hadn't been able to keep up with dealing with payments to a few crucial places. I found several "final notices", and hope we can deal with them today, a Sunday.
When she finally did wake up she appeared very groggy, too. I know she was up very late, at least until 1 or 1:30. J and I had fallen into bed around 10, while S stayed up with her for awhile. Took her awhile to get going, and by the time she did, she basically forced herself to because the snow had started up again, big time, and she needed to get up to the barn herself. (Never mind that J and S were ready and willing to do those chores, she decided she needed to be there too.) The snow was rapidly covering the ground, the trees, wind blowing madly.Around that time, I guess it was close to 2, the lights, computers, microwave, electric heaters, everything shut off quite suddenly. There we were, sitting in the dark. And it stayed dark.
Mom and J and S bundled up and went outside to do the barn and chicken coop stuff, and I stayed in the house with Murphy. He and I had played outside in the snow for about 5 minutes before I went in, thinking he'd be chasing after Grace the Akita, and enjoying the snow. No way-- he sat outside the back door, occasionally giving a sorrowful little bark. Meanwhile it got darker and darker. And colder.
When they all came back in, the first thing J did was get the wood stove started, and soon we had warmth, and found enough candles, and eventually we had light from about 8 candles in the dining and kitchen areas, sitting around the table talking. During those conversations, various awkward moments would come up: mom would say something completely outrageous and either J and I would quickly exchange glances, or S and I would; telepathically we all had to decide in an instant whether to comment or clarify, or ignore. Examples:
S asked her for what she knew about the candle sticks she had just been given, mom would give a little history, and always she was the Star of the story. Uncle Karl had given her, (and not Mr and Mrs so-and-so) the case of wine because she alone had commented on the "superb quality" of that wine which had been served at dinner. Uncle Karl gave her the candlesticks because she was full of "life and vibrant glowing beauty". Uncle Dean gifting her with $8000 because she had been the one person to stand up to him (when he announced someone's minor crime should be "shot outright"). Numerous other instances which I just could not think of anything to say in response to. I tried to busy myself with re-heating dinner, or cleaning up an area.
Finally after dinner, the power people arrived: in the middle of an extremely awkward moment during which J was being forced to explain or defend or something, he suddenly said,"there's somebody's headlights coming up the drive", which he could see in the utter blackness outside. The snow had stopped, and there was about 2 inches accumulation. We all hurried outside feeling like we'd been saved, and I swear mom would have thrown her arms around this rep from the power company: he said there was a fuse blown at the substation and they were tracking its effects. No word about when it would be fixed.
When we got back inside and thawed out again, someone suggested Scrabble. And that's what we did. Eventually the lights did come back on, and oh were we relieved! I was not looking forward to trying to stay warm with no electric blanket, no heat, no water--because by then mom had decided we didn't have a good enough water supply so no one could wash dishes or take a shower or even fill up the sink to let dishes soak.
This morning it is now 9:25, and it's gloriously sunny outside, the snow is melting, it's warm inside. S is sleeping on the sofa, mom hasn't woken yet. I've been asked to clear out the contents of the cupboards above the washer and dryer but not to throw anything away. Huh???
One more day. We'll be leaving at 9 tomorrow. Thank god the three of us are here together.
First, she slept until almost 1 in the afternoon. We were awake by 6:30. Because we'd gotten in about 5 the day before when it was already dark, it was too dark to look at the various outside chores she had planned. So in the morning, we learned it had snowed, but also that there was very little information to go on as far as what she wanted done. Yes, she'd left a chore list, but it apparently only "made sense to the writer", as J tactfully put it. He was very frustrated, and both of us felt groggy anyway. Neither of us had slept well. So he kind of milled around looking for stuff to do.
I made breakfast for us, and even lunch. Emptied the fridge of the expired stinking items, and later she retrieved the dead avocados. J and I exchanged glances of understanding, because we knew she'd object to some aspect of my cleaning!
I worked on the piles of mail and various papers in different stacks, learning that she hadn't been able to keep up with dealing with payments to a few crucial places. I found several "final notices", and hope we can deal with them today, a Sunday.
When she finally did wake up she appeared very groggy, too. I know she was up very late, at least until 1 or 1:30. J and I had fallen into bed around 10, while S stayed up with her for awhile. Took her awhile to get going, and by the time she did, she basically forced herself to because the snow had started up again, big time, and she needed to get up to the barn herself. (Never mind that J and S were ready and willing to do those chores, she decided she needed to be there too.) The snow was rapidly covering the ground, the trees, wind blowing madly.Around that time, I guess it was close to 2, the lights, computers, microwave, electric heaters, everything shut off quite suddenly. There we were, sitting in the dark. And it stayed dark.
Mom and J and S bundled up and went outside to do the barn and chicken coop stuff, and I stayed in the house with Murphy. He and I had played outside in the snow for about 5 minutes before I went in, thinking he'd be chasing after Grace the Akita, and enjoying the snow. No way-- he sat outside the back door, occasionally giving a sorrowful little bark. Meanwhile it got darker and darker. And colder.
When they all came back in, the first thing J did was get the wood stove started, and soon we had warmth, and found enough candles, and eventually we had light from about 8 candles in the dining and kitchen areas, sitting around the table talking. During those conversations, various awkward moments would come up: mom would say something completely outrageous and either J and I would quickly exchange glances, or S and I would; telepathically we all had to decide in an instant whether to comment or clarify, or ignore. Examples:
S asked her for what she knew about the candle sticks she had just been given, mom would give a little history, and always she was the Star of the story. Uncle Karl had given her, (and not Mr and Mrs so-and-so) the case of wine because she alone had commented on the "superb quality" of that wine which had been served at dinner. Uncle Karl gave her the candlesticks because she was full of "life and vibrant glowing beauty". Uncle Dean gifting her with $8000 because she had been the one person to stand up to him (when he announced someone's minor crime should be "shot outright"). Numerous other instances which I just could not think of anything to say in response to. I tried to busy myself with re-heating dinner, or cleaning up an area.
Finally after dinner, the power people arrived: in the middle of an extremely awkward moment during which J was being forced to explain or defend or something, he suddenly said,"there's somebody's headlights coming up the drive", which he could see in the utter blackness outside. The snow had stopped, and there was about 2 inches accumulation. We all hurried outside feeling like we'd been saved, and I swear mom would have thrown her arms around this rep from the power company: he said there was a fuse blown at the substation and they were tracking its effects. No word about when it would be fixed.
When we got back inside and thawed out again, someone suggested Scrabble. And that's what we did. Eventually the lights did come back on, and oh were we relieved! I was not looking forward to trying to stay warm with no electric blanket, no heat, no water--because by then mom had decided we didn't have a good enough water supply so no one could wash dishes or take a shower or even fill up the sink to let dishes soak.
This morning it is now 9:25, and it's gloriously sunny outside, the snow is melting, it's warm inside. S is sleeping on the sofa, mom hasn't woken yet. I've been asked to clear out the contents of the cupboards above the washer and dryer but not to throw anything away. Huh???
One more day. We'll be leaving at 9 tomorrow. Thank god the three of us are here together.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Wednesday
Not too busy a weekend. Meeting Saturday morning, walking in the afternoon,and my daughter called to say she had exciting news to share in person. She arrived at the end of us watching "Inception", and we talked a bit before she broke the news that she's been chosen Editor of the local site of a national campus online magazine she's been writing for. She's only been writing for them a few months. Clearly she has made an impression!
To celebrate she treated us to pizza, and then we tried to watch a movie, but the copy of the DVD we'd rented was defective. Arghhhh! Nothing more frustrating than settling in for a good show, and about 20minutes in the thing it started jumping scenes... I called them to complain and was emailed coupons for 2 free rentals--which expire Sunday. So we won't be able to take advantage of these after all. (Because we leave Friday morning and don't get back til Monday night.)
Before we started watching the movie I received a phone call from my missing son--I was very happy to hear his voice. He had good news too, having been promoted to manager of the sales crew. He was calling from Memphis; they had just taken a tour of Graceland! That's a place I've always wanted to visit... he was pretty stoked about it. Wonderful to hear his voice, and he sounded much less stressed.
Then to the coast Sunday morning, to write up and have signed an official bill of sale for the boat, to Travis. He said again we can of course take the boat out anytime, and also offered to set us up for crabbing. All supplies, boat, etc. Think we'll do that.
Then we drove down 101 to Lost Creek and had a wonderful walk/play/soaking-in-of the ocean. The place was almost deserted, just the way we like it. Water wasn't very cold, but I still wouldn't have wanted to step into it wearing a swimsuit. We walked a good mile down and back. Wonderful.
On the way back up the trail to the car, since Murphy was not on a leash, I decided to see if he'd follow my orders while he was not on that leash. Our code word is "with me", said firmly with a tug on the leash whenever he gets to pulling, or starting to get hyper, or barking, or jumping at another dog. So I tried it, and to my amazement he obeyed: his ears went back down, and he dropped back to my left side right by my foot. I had to say it a few times as we were ascending the trail back to the road, but he obeyed. J was awestruck, and kept commenting on how well I'd done in training him. Frankly I was awestruck too.
Stopped into a fudge shop, the only one which was open. The one I wanted to buy from wasn't open so this was a new place. Everything looked yummy, and we bought a hunk of fudge, and some chocolate covered caramels. Disappointingly they didn't taste as good as they looked. Maybe that's my lesson: another reminder to stay away from that which doesn't like me: wow, did I have a headache on the way home. Plus I could feel that intense chocolate in my system--quite a sugar boost.
Home to walk again, and then we just had a quiet evening at home. I called Mom and listened to her for close to an hour. She is all excited that we are arriving Friday. With any luck the composting toilet will be installed by then. This is Wednesday, and J and I have received so many emails regarding the shipment, the picking up of, the size and number of boxes...and then more correspondence regarding who is installing it, and when etc etc etc.
My daughter called and gave me a pre-birthday gift of a decision between seeing The Nutcracker ballet in December, or a ballet set to Beatles music on my actual birthday weekend. What a tough choice!! Love Nutcracker...love the Beatles. But in the end I texted her "Nutcracker...". And she called yesterday to say she'd gotten seats for us and for J too! I'm so excited...I'd thought it would be a mother-daughter thing, but I'm even more touched that she invited J too. He absolutely adores ballet, and is looking forward to this as much as I am.
Nice long email from my dad, bringing me up to date-- sounds like surgery is on the horizon there.
Most of my friends in the East do have their power back now after that October snowstorm. My old hometown's online headline was that " about 12 still remain without power" in the town. Jeez...
Guess I'm just mentally preparing for the upcoming weekend. Yesterday at work was just killer-- my monitor was there from 9 til after 4, and that's a loooong day for me. I was bushed when I got home. It was already dark, so I didn't walk-- took a break from that. Meantime, J had been the recipient of some money owed him, so jointly we decided to give in and take the dog to the vet, to fight the damned fleas. Since January we've been doing everything possible, and tried every potential home remedy and treatment. Absolutely nothing has helped. A friend has been having similar issues with his small dogs, and also finally took them to the vet, who prescribed Comfortis. Friend says it worked like magic.
So Murphy went to the vet. (I'd tried ordering this online but you need a vet's rx, and our previous vet wouldn't do it without seeing the dog. Sigh. I understand. And I hate the damn games pet owners have to play.) The new vet was someone J's son recommended, and J liked him a lot. The exam, and the one pill, and two worming pills cost $77. Not too bad. Interestingly, this vet says he doesn't even recommend Frontline or Advantage anymore, as they simply don't work. Maybe that's just here in Oregon, but it was nice to get that official confirmation, that it wasn't just anecdotal evidence among all my/our pet owning friends.
And that night, last night, he was scratching noticeably less.
Maybe this will truly work. Keepingmy fingers crossed...
To celebrate she treated us to pizza, and then we tried to watch a movie, but the copy of the DVD we'd rented was defective. Arghhhh! Nothing more frustrating than settling in for a good show, and about 20minutes in the thing it started jumping scenes... I called them to complain and was emailed coupons for 2 free rentals--which expire Sunday. So we won't be able to take advantage of these after all. (Because we leave Friday morning and don't get back til Monday night.)
Before we started watching the movie I received a phone call from my missing son--I was very happy to hear his voice. He had good news too, having been promoted to manager of the sales crew. He was calling from Memphis; they had just taken a tour of Graceland! That's a place I've always wanted to visit... he was pretty stoked about it. Wonderful to hear his voice, and he sounded much less stressed.
Then to the coast Sunday morning, to write up and have signed an official bill of sale for the boat, to Travis. He said again we can of course take the boat out anytime, and also offered to set us up for crabbing. All supplies, boat, etc. Think we'll do that.
Then we drove down 101 to Lost Creek and had a wonderful walk/play/soaking-in-of the ocean. The place was almost deserted, just the way we like it. Water wasn't very cold, but I still wouldn't have wanted to step into it wearing a swimsuit. We walked a good mile down and back. Wonderful.
On the way back up the trail to the car, since Murphy was not on a leash, I decided to see if he'd follow my orders while he was not on that leash. Our code word is "with me", said firmly with a tug on the leash whenever he gets to pulling, or starting to get hyper, or barking, or jumping at another dog. So I tried it, and to my amazement he obeyed: his ears went back down, and he dropped back to my left side right by my foot. I had to say it a few times as we were ascending the trail back to the road, but he obeyed. J was awestruck, and kept commenting on how well I'd done in training him. Frankly I was awestruck too.
Stopped into a fudge shop, the only one which was open. The one I wanted to buy from wasn't open so this was a new place. Everything looked yummy, and we bought a hunk of fudge, and some chocolate covered caramels. Disappointingly they didn't taste as good as they looked. Maybe that's my lesson: another reminder to stay away from that which doesn't like me: wow, did I have a headache on the way home. Plus I could feel that intense chocolate in my system--quite a sugar boost.
Home to walk again, and then we just had a quiet evening at home. I called Mom and listened to her for close to an hour. She is all excited that we are arriving Friday. With any luck the composting toilet will be installed by then. This is Wednesday, and J and I have received so many emails regarding the shipment, the picking up of, the size and number of boxes...and then more correspondence regarding who is installing it, and when etc etc etc.
My daughter called and gave me a pre-birthday gift of a decision between seeing The Nutcracker ballet in December, or a ballet set to Beatles music on my actual birthday weekend. What a tough choice!! Love Nutcracker...love the Beatles. But in the end I texted her "Nutcracker...". And she called yesterday to say she'd gotten seats for us and for J too! I'm so excited...I'd thought it would be a mother-daughter thing, but I'm even more touched that she invited J too. He absolutely adores ballet, and is looking forward to this as much as I am.
Nice long email from my dad, bringing me up to date-- sounds like surgery is on the horizon there.
Most of my friends in the East do have their power back now after that October snowstorm. My old hometown's online headline was that " about 12 still remain without power" in the town. Jeez...
Guess I'm just mentally preparing for the upcoming weekend. Yesterday at work was just killer-- my monitor was there from 9 til after 4, and that's a loooong day for me. I was bushed when I got home. It was already dark, so I didn't walk-- took a break from that. Meantime, J had been the recipient of some money owed him, so jointly we decided to give in and take the dog to the vet, to fight the damned fleas. Since January we've been doing everything possible, and tried every potential home remedy and treatment. Absolutely nothing has helped. A friend has been having similar issues with his small dogs, and also finally took them to the vet, who prescribed Comfortis. Friend says it worked like magic.
So Murphy went to the vet. (I'd tried ordering this online but you need a vet's rx, and our previous vet wouldn't do it without seeing the dog. Sigh. I understand. And I hate the damn games pet owners have to play.) The new vet was someone J's son recommended, and J liked him a lot. The exam, and the one pill, and two worming pills cost $77. Not too bad. Interestingly, this vet says he doesn't even recommend Frontline or Advantage anymore, as they simply don't work. Maybe that's just here in Oregon, but it was nice to get that official confirmation, that it wasn't just anecdotal evidence among all my/our pet owning friends.
And that night, last night, he was scratching noticeably less.
Maybe this will truly work. Keepingmy fingers crossed...
Friday, November 4, 2011
Friday
This morning we got to sleep in til about 6:30. Nice--normally J is wakened by the dog, who does a little submarine kind of tunneling in the space between our bodies, and gives him lots of doggy kisses and sneezes til J gets up. It's very cute to listen to, especially knowing I can just lie there and let him handle the morning chores!
I learned yesterday that my GI doc wants me to be alcohol-free for 7 weeks, before I do the repeat labs. That was news to me; my understanding was that I was to *cut back* if I wanted to, prior to the labs being drawn this weekend. So the new plan is a shocker for me. (Frankly I don't understand it. From what I've read, the alcohol needs to be gone from one's system for a month before the GGT level drops to normal. In any case, I certainly haven't been alcohol free!)
So I explained I wanted to wait and do this early next year, and then have the labs redrawn in mid-February instead. They of course agreed. Then I called my own doc and asked her to order the GGT only, so I can participate in the research study. She agreed. She had said I didn't have to be fasting, so we had breakfast...but when I did more research this morning prior to going to the lab, I read that the best and most accurate results come when one *is* fasting. Hmm. So I'll go Monday morning instead, first thing. Too bad all the docs can't agree!
And then we did our few errands: the bank, picked up some groceries, and the DMV to get a replacement handicapped tag. We also have rented two movies, using my free pass codes.
It's so cold here today. When I walked with the dog, I could see my breath...
We also discovered we'd made a miscalculation on the money: J filled up the tank using the debit card instead of the gas card... that was enough to cause an immediate hunt for more cash, so that we didn't overdraw. We found just over $30 in our change jar alone, and I took $40 from the $130 we had set aside for the drive up to Spokane. Both of those together are enough to make this work out. Phew! Thank goodness for the change jar...otherwise we would have needed to take a cash advance on a credit card, something we definitely do not want to do.
He is still very upset and mulling over what to say if/when his daughter calls him; he has sent her an email describing how upset he is, saying however that he is ready to talk with her if she wants to. Now the hard part is waiting for her to respond.This is so hard for him; knowing that *she* knows she messed up, but equally he is not willing to just let it go.
I learned yesterday that my GI doc wants me to be alcohol-free for 7 weeks, before I do the repeat labs. That was news to me; my understanding was that I was to *cut back* if I wanted to, prior to the labs being drawn this weekend. So the new plan is a shocker for me. (Frankly I don't understand it. From what I've read, the alcohol needs to be gone from one's system for a month before the GGT level drops to normal. In any case, I certainly haven't been alcohol free!)
So I explained I wanted to wait and do this early next year, and then have the labs redrawn in mid-February instead. They of course agreed. Then I called my own doc and asked her to order the GGT only, so I can participate in the research study. She agreed. She had said I didn't have to be fasting, so we had breakfast...but when I did more research this morning prior to going to the lab, I read that the best and most accurate results come when one *is* fasting. Hmm. So I'll go Monday morning instead, first thing. Too bad all the docs can't agree!
And then we did our few errands: the bank, picked up some groceries, and the DMV to get a replacement handicapped tag. We also have rented two movies, using my free pass codes.
It's so cold here today. When I walked with the dog, I could see my breath...
We also discovered we'd made a miscalculation on the money: J filled up the tank using the debit card instead of the gas card... that was enough to cause an immediate hunt for more cash, so that we didn't overdraw. We found just over $30 in our change jar alone, and I took $40 from the $130 we had set aside for the drive up to Spokane. Both of those together are enough to make this work out. Phew! Thank goodness for the change jar...otherwise we would have needed to take a cash advance on a credit card, something we definitely do not want to do.
He is still very upset and mulling over what to say if/when his daughter calls him; he has sent her an email describing how upset he is, saying however that he is ready to talk with her if she wants to. Now the hard part is waiting for her to respond.This is so hard for him; knowing that *she* knows she messed up, but equally he is not willing to just let it go.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Wednesday
Last night we sat down to pay the bills as we normally do on our 3 paydays a month. I had the pleasure of contributing an extra $285, what I'd earned doing my second job for those few weeks. That was nice!
Still, we also had to pay the property taxes (almost $1600) and the flood insurance ($754). Ouch ouch ouch. We had to basically wipe out the entire savings account to pay these. Can't put them off; and of course both are mandatory. I should be used to this by now, but other than the last 3 years with J, I've never owned a house long enough to have to pay taxes. It's a shock every time. But thank god the house itself is paid off, otherwise we'd never be able to make it.
So, we're back to zero. Usually we have something in savings, but since we also just paid for the Lincoln outright, that wasn't very long ago either and we just haven't had a chance to replenish. On the other hand, we're caught up for another year, and we paid off the less-than-$100 balance on the second to last cc. Only two left, each owing less than $1000.
And, we didn't have to use a cc to pay any part of the taxes or the flood insurance. I think last year we did do that, so yay for us. In the meantime, we will be eating lean for a few weeks, til my next payday on the 16th. That's okay-- we do have food.
J's utility trailer is up for sale on craigslist. Also his practically new voice-over equipment, which he never did get use from, because of the stroke. Hopefully someone will want either one soon. That would help replenish savings.
Monday morning we learned that once again J's youngest daughter has lied to him. Her birthday was this past Sunday, but because of her crazy work schedule she told him she couldn't come up, and even said that she wasn't free for him to go down to have lunch with her to celebrate. This was all discussed the weekend before her birthday, the weekend of the 22/23rd.
On Facebook then, what should appear but birthday party photos, from a family celebration and dinner at her mom's house on 10/23, which is less than a mile from where we live. Had V said, "by the way Daddy I *am* going to be at mom's so maybe I could stop by?" She had not. Not a word, except how long her hours were at the store, and how her schedule was jammed full. She usually does not respond to emails or phone calls either, except for several days later, complaining of being too busy.
But within 3 hours of those photos appearing, amazingly there was an email, all cute and perky and loving, asking if she could come here Thursday night for her birthday dinner. (God, I hate being so bitchy about her. I need to stop this.) (But I also need to vent.) I ache for J, he is so hurt, and puzzled, and bewildered.
There is a long back story to this, involving years of J being the sane partner in a bipolar marriage, and lots of verbal abuse from the wife toward the husband, etc. Lots of stress and drama. Even a vow by that wife that she was going to ruin the kids' love for their dad if it was the last thing she ever did.
So it seems this (and all the previous difficulties) are all related to the manipulating taking place.
On the other hand, the "kids" are now 24 and 21. They are old enough to make up their own minds according to what they see; that's my take on it. But J feels they are deeply affected, and aren't clearly seeing what is happening; and even if they did, that side of the family is very wealthy, and money is a huge draw for the kids. He's not making excuses, just explanations. And he therefore frequently feels compelled to point out to them exactly how they are being played. Despite my feeling that he needs to *not* do this, he does occasionally. The kids then seem to understand, and they promise that's not happening, blah blah blah, and then things seem fine for a period of time. That's where we were again, until Monday.
Maybe my divorce wasn't so bad after all! He refuses to speak to me, and has ever since the divorce was official. At the time I was frustrated because we still had an under-18 daughter with issues that needed (I thought) both parents' involvement. But that never happened, and eventually we (my daughter and I) were able to get past all that. At least I never had to deal with my ex's insanity in my AfterDivorceLife.
Today is also slow at work, so I'm catching up with email, blogs, surfing, doing research on my own. I'm ready for tomorrow's 3 patients, which in research world is a lot of work.
I was not mentally prepared to drive the Lincoln today, but I did: This morning it was bitter cold at 32 degrees, with extremely thick fog. J usually warms up the car for me in the mornings, so I can get into a cozy car, and that's what I was thinking when I went outside--"ah, a cosy morning drive"...only to see the Lincoln, headlights on, facing the road, ready for me in the dark. So sweet of him...but I panicked at first. I hope I didn't sound ungrateful!
The fog has remained, although now at least it's light outside. Still very cold. I want to get home today early enough that I can walk while it's still light. Next week after the time change I'll be walking in the dark again. I've noticed a lot of hawks around this season. I hear the coyotes at night, along with the owls. My cousin in Vermont commented on how many woolly bears she'd seen this year, and I was jealous because they are not at all common here; the very next week on my walks I must have seen 8 or 10. Weird!
My main concern is J, now. These issues with his daughter do come up regularly. It hurts me to see this happening. He will work through it on his own, and he does bounce back within a week or even less. In the meantime, he is very quiet, and sometimes he gets physically ill. I hope that doesn't happen this time.
Still, we also had to pay the property taxes (almost $1600) and the flood insurance ($754). Ouch ouch ouch. We had to basically wipe out the entire savings account to pay these. Can't put them off; and of course both are mandatory. I should be used to this by now, but other than the last 3 years with J, I've never owned a house long enough to have to pay taxes. It's a shock every time. But thank god the house itself is paid off, otherwise we'd never be able to make it.
So, we're back to zero. Usually we have something in savings, but since we also just paid for the Lincoln outright, that wasn't very long ago either and we just haven't had a chance to replenish. On the other hand, we're caught up for another year, and we paid off the less-than-$100 balance on the second to last cc. Only two left, each owing less than $1000.
And, we didn't have to use a cc to pay any part of the taxes or the flood insurance. I think last year we did do that, so yay for us. In the meantime, we will be eating lean for a few weeks, til my next payday on the 16th. That's okay-- we do have food.
J's utility trailer is up for sale on craigslist. Also his practically new voice-over equipment, which he never did get use from, because of the stroke. Hopefully someone will want either one soon. That would help replenish savings.
Monday morning we learned that once again J's youngest daughter has lied to him. Her birthday was this past Sunday, but because of her crazy work schedule she told him she couldn't come up, and even said that she wasn't free for him to go down to have lunch with her to celebrate. This was all discussed the weekend before her birthday, the weekend of the 22/23rd.
On Facebook then, what should appear but birthday party photos, from a family celebration and dinner at her mom's house on 10/23, which is less than a mile from where we live. Had V said, "by the way Daddy I *am* going to be at mom's so maybe I could stop by?" She had not. Not a word, except how long her hours were at the store, and how her schedule was jammed full. She usually does not respond to emails or phone calls either, except for several days later, complaining of being too busy.
But within 3 hours of those photos appearing, amazingly there was an email, all cute and perky and loving, asking if she could come here Thursday night for her birthday dinner. (God, I hate being so bitchy about her. I need to stop this.) (But I also need to vent.) I ache for J, he is so hurt, and puzzled, and bewildered.
There is a long back story to this, involving years of J being the sane partner in a bipolar marriage, and lots of verbal abuse from the wife toward the husband, etc. Lots of stress and drama. Even a vow by that wife that she was going to ruin the kids' love for their dad if it was the last thing she ever did.
So it seems this (and all the previous difficulties) are all related to the manipulating taking place.
On the other hand, the "kids" are now 24 and 21. They are old enough to make up their own minds according to what they see; that's my take on it. But J feels they are deeply affected, and aren't clearly seeing what is happening; and even if they did, that side of the family is very wealthy, and money is a huge draw for the kids. He's not making excuses, just explanations. And he therefore frequently feels compelled to point out to them exactly how they are being played. Despite my feeling that he needs to *not* do this, he does occasionally. The kids then seem to understand, and they promise that's not happening, blah blah blah, and then things seem fine for a period of time. That's where we were again, until Monday.
Maybe my divorce wasn't so bad after all! He refuses to speak to me, and has ever since the divorce was official. At the time I was frustrated because we still had an under-18 daughter with issues that needed (I thought) both parents' involvement. But that never happened, and eventually we (my daughter and I) were able to get past all that. At least I never had to deal with my ex's insanity in my AfterDivorceLife.
Today is also slow at work, so I'm catching up with email, blogs, surfing, doing research on my own. I'm ready for tomorrow's 3 patients, which in research world is a lot of work.
I was not mentally prepared to drive the Lincoln today, but I did: This morning it was bitter cold at 32 degrees, with extremely thick fog. J usually warms up the car for me in the mornings, so I can get into a cozy car, and that's what I was thinking when I went outside--"ah, a cosy morning drive"...only to see the Lincoln, headlights on, facing the road, ready for me in the dark. So sweet of him...but I panicked at first. I hope I didn't sound ungrateful!
The fog has remained, although now at least it's light outside. Still very cold. I want to get home today early enough that I can walk while it's still light. Next week after the time change I'll be walking in the dark again. I've noticed a lot of hawks around this season. I hear the coyotes at night, along with the owls. My cousin in Vermont commented on how many woolly bears she'd seen this year, and I was jealous because they are not at all common here; the very next week on my walks I must have seen 8 or 10. Weird!
My main concern is J, now. These issues with his daughter do come up regularly. It hurts me to see this happening. He will work through it on his own, and he does bounce back within a week or even less. In the meantime, he is very quiet, and sometimes he gets physically ill. I hope that doesn't happen this time.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday,Halloween
This holiday is not a big thing for me, anymore. In fact I'm relieved I no longer have to do *anything*--no costumes, no candy, no decorating. Nothing. (Okay, I'm old.)
Friday morning we went to J's doc to discuss coumadin vs baby aspirin. After an extensive discussion we had to agree with the PCP that he needs to be back on it, because his history of having *had* a stroke makes him more vulnerable to the possibility of a second. (Which coumadin will protect more than the aspirin.) So, sadly he is back on the "rat poison".
I walked the dog, planning on bathing him afterwards but that actually didn't happen.
My daughter came up for the afternoon just in time to see the last of the pulling-the-log-out-of-the-creek event, which J handled. We had rented a movie called "Thor" which wasn't terrible, it was okay. Also we watched (the second half of) the first show in which J was an extra last month up in Portland.
Saturday we both went to the meeting in the morning, and stayed afterwards for an inventory of the books/literature. Left at 12:30, headed to the jeweler and got a big $153 for some old stuff I will never wear anyway. Not too bad! Had to put it in the bank right away.
Then we headed for HomeDepot to find a particular piece of hardware he needed in order to fix the power washer he'd borrowed from Neighbor. I walked the dog, and then again we rented a movie, and fell into bed.
Sunday it was drizzling, raining, showering, humid; we headed out so I could get a hair trim, and then back home so J could do the power washing, yes, in the rain. Sigh. I was so worried he'd slip and fall, but nothing of the sort. He was very sure-footed, standing on top of the carport. I did the house cleaning, and my semi-annual removing all inside plants from their homes/shelves/ledges, and then cleaning, pruning, fertilizing, replacing. That was basically so I could keep an eye on him through the living room window. Then we both took naps!
Later I made what we call compost stew: taking everything I could find in the fridge labeled as leftovers, and simmering it all in a big pot with some water and seasonings and yams for a couple of hours. It was yummy--but good GOD it was way too spicy-hot for me. I don't know what I did to it to make it so spicy; I think we won't keep it--I think we will portion it out for the chickens. They like leftovers...
Later still I called mom. It was an hour long conversation. She is sounding... not so good. Verrry fuzzy, very forgetful, very prone to wandering, and meandering off the current topic. Sounds in desperate need of help, again. Not able to contact Jamie for the computer (he has one of hers which he'd said he'd fix) because she can't find his phone number. The Dell apparently is dead for good, and that panics and frustrates her. The laptop is what she is using, but she doesn't like it--something about the set-up, or the positioning. Not quite sure why she doesn't like it, but it all adds to her deep frustration level.
Plus she is dealing with the added extended pain in the chest/upper abdomen region. And more pain and swelling in her left leg, which she doesn't know where it's coming from. She'd been told to use heat on it, but that was causing a lot of other pain. So we talked about it, and I related my experience with the Not-Bursitis, in which I was told to use ice, and stretching after my walks. When I do this regularly, it really does help. (She kept calling me "mom" as in, "mom, this really hurts! what should I do?" I know she doesn't think I'm her mom. But I think she really feels helpless, like a child would be feeling, and she doesn't have the thinking capacity anymore to make simple decisions.)
So she listened to my story, and decided as we were on the phone, to go to the freezer and try it, with a bag of frozen English muffins. Sigh. Later on during that conversation, she reported the amount of heat coming from the site had actually thawed the muffins. But she also said it was much easier to get up and move around, so it sounds like the icing *is* helping.
On the other hand, as far as decision-making, she casually tossed off the idea of "just buying a new computer, just calling up Dell and telling them what she has, and asking for an exact replacement." I can totally see the CSRs rubbing their hands in glee--I think she'd be ripped off big-time. Hate to see that happen. I wish I could just order one for her. Or if J could order one for her--I know he likes (loves) the Dell he has... And by the way, how is she planning to pay for this?? She did agree to help us out with gas money, thankfully.
And now, for J to "properly" install the composting toilet, the linoleum will have to be put in place on the floor in the bathroom. I can't somehow see her doing this in the next 10 days or so, so that it's done by the time we get there. Hmm.
In J's email this morning was yet another email from her, asking him to think about building a platform for the fridge! Seems it is too low to the ground, and hard for her to reach the items she needs. She doesn't like the new fridge, because nothing "is where it's supposed to be".
AND there was also a plea to fix the back door handle!
This man is a saint. After he read this email out loud to me, humorously emphasizing all the capitals and italics, all I could do was look at him and apologize. He laughs it off, and says there is no need to apologize.
I'm very grateful for him.
In other news, my son N's ex (K, who broke up with him and then found out she was pregnant, insisting he is the father), has happily announced she is engaged to "Josh". She's all excited over this. Just by looking at her photos I can easily see why she is such a mess, frankly. She is *so* freakin young, so willing to put her happiness into the hands of someone who will take advantage of her. She's not even 5 months along, and has just started mentioning this young man; now they are engaged?? I'm so thankful she is not my daughter. I try to have compassion for her, as she is clearly from a dysfunctional family, but she does seem to have some advocates there who try to help her see what she is doing. It's sad. I kind of want to de-friend her; it's like watching a train wreck. Do I owe her anything? I don't know.
Tonight is the book study group. I'm grateful for the chance to do some extra socializing, but I sure wish it wasn't at night. However, we all agree with that viewpoint, so when it's 8:15, we are all promptly up and throwing coats on! Last week Nancy said (when I pointed out it was 8:15 and time to wrap it up), "oh yes, so it is! well, good night everyone!" We all laughed, and were out the door within 2 minutes....
Friday morning we went to J's doc to discuss coumadin vs baby aspirin. After an extensive discussion we had to agree with the PCP that he needs to be back on it, because his history of having *had* a stroke makes him more vulnerable to the possibility of a second. (Which coumadin will protect more than the aspirin.) So, sadly he is back on the "rat poison".
I walked the dog, planning on bathing him afterwards but that actually didn't happen.
My daughter came up for the afternoon just in time to see the last of the pulling-the-log-out-of-the-creek event, which J handled. We had rented a movie called "Thor" which wasn't terrible, it was okay. Also we watched (the second half of) the first show in which J was an extra last month up in Portland.
Saturday we both went to the meeting in the morning, and stayed afterwards for an inventory of the books/literature. Left at 12:30, headed to the jeweler and got a big $153 for some old stuff I will never wear anyway. Not too bad! Had to put it in the bank right away.
Then we headed for HomeDepot to find a particular piece of hardware he needed in order to fix the power washer he'd borrowed from Neighbor. I walked the dog, and then again we rented a movie, and fell into bed.
Sunday it was drizzling, raining, showering, humid; we headed out so I could get a hair trim, and then back home so J could do the power washing, yes, in the rain. Sigh. I was so worried he'd slip and fall, but nothing of the sort. He was very sure-footed, standing on top of the carport. I did the house cleaning, and my semi-annual removing all inside plants from their homes/shelves/ledges, and then cleaning, pruning, fertilizing, replacing. That was basically so I could keep an eye on him through the living room window. Then we both took naps!
Later I made what we call compost stew: taking everything I could find in the fridge labeled as leftovers, and simmering it all in a big pot with some water and seasonings and yams for a couple of hours. It was yummy--but good GOD it was way too spicy-hot for me. I don't know what I did to it to make it so spicy; I think we won't keep it--I think we will portion it out for the chickens. They like leftovers...
Later still I called mom. It was an hour long conversation. She is sounding... not so good. Verrry fuzzy, very forgetful, very prone to wandering, and meandering off the current topic. Sounds in desperate need of help, again. Not able to contact Jamie for the computer (he has one of hers which he'd said he'd fix) because she can't find his phone number. The Dell apparently is dead for good, and that panics and frustrates her. The laptop is what she is using, but she doesn't like it--something about the set-up, or the positioning. Not quite sure why she doesn't like it, but it all adds to her deep frustration level.
Plus she is dealing with the added extended pain in the chest/upper abdomen region. And more pain and swelling in her left leg, which she doesn't know where it's coming from. She'd been told to use heat on it, but that was causing a lot of other pain. So we talked about it, and I related my experience with the Not-Bursitis, in which I was told to use ice, and stretching after my walks. When I do this regularly, it really does help. (She kept calling me "mom" as in, "mom, this really hurts! what should I do?" I know she doesn't think I'm her mom. But I think she really feels helpless, like a child would be feeling, and she doesn't have the thinking capacity anymore to make simple decisions.)
So she listened to my story, and decided as we were on the phone, to go to the freezer and try it, with a bag of frozen English muffins. Sigh. Later on during that conversation, she reported the amount of heat coming from the site had actually thawed the muffins. But she also said it was much easier to get up and move around, so it sounds like the icing *is* helping.
On the other hand, as far as decision-making, she casually tossed off the idea of "just buying a new computer, just calling up Dell and telling them what she has, and asking for an exact replacement." I can totally see the CSRs rubbing their hands in glee--I think she'd be ripped off big-time. Hate to see that happen. I wish I could just order one for her. Or if J could order one for her--I know he likes (loves) the Dell he has... And by the way, how is she planning to pay for this?? She did agree to help us out with gas money, thankfully.
And now, for J to "properly" install the composting toilet, the linoleum will have to be put in place on the floor in the bathroom. I can't somehow see her doing this in the next 10 days or so, so that it's done by the time we get there. Hmm.
In J's email this morning was yet another email from her, asking him to think about building a platform for the fridge! Seems it is too low to the ground, and hard for her to reach the items she needs. She doesn't like the new fridge, because nothing "is where it's supposed to be".
AND there was also a plea to fix the back door handle!
This man is a saint. After he read this email out loud to me, humorously emphasizing all the capitals and italics, all I could do was look at him and apologize. He laughs it off, and says there is no need to apologize.
I'm very grateful for him.
In other news, my son N's ex (K, who broke up with him and then found out she was pregnant, insisting he is the father), has happily announced she is engaged to "Josh". She's all excited over this. Just by looking at her photos I can easily see why she is such a mess, frankly. She is *so* freakin young, so willing to put her happiness into the hands of someone who will take advantage of her. She's not even 5 months along, and has just started mentioning this young man; now they are engaged?? I'm so thankful she is not my daughter. I try to have compassion for her, as she is clearly from a dysfunctional family, but she does seem to have some advocates there who try to help her see what she is doing. It's sad. I kind of want to de-friend her; it's like watching a train wreck. Do I owe her anything? I don't know.
Tonight is the book study group. I'm grateful for the chance to do some extra socializing, but I sure wish it wasn't at night. However, we all agree with that viewpoint, so when it's 8:15, we are all promptly up and throwing coats on! Last week Nancy said (when I pointed out it was 8:15 and time to wrap it up), "oh yes, so it is! well, good night everyone!" We all laughed, and were out the door within 2 minutes....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)