Sunday

 We haven't found the old remote yet, but the new one has  such a vivid pink cover we always see it.  So far, so good.

J is working on the pool deck's second coat of paint this morning. Yesterday morning after we got back from the Meeting, even though we had just  a few hours before needing to leave for Sis' house he decided to "start the painting".  Start turned into finishing the whole thing just before we needed to leave, of course.

During the week he and I had moved all plants and in-bird-cage furniture ( glass table, chairs, pool noodle holder, etc) to either the far end of the birdcage or actually outside. That was a project. During which he talked with Chris-across-the-street and offered him the big ol glass table, as it was too big for us. (Now, I had told J this when he originally brought it home after having found it on the curb...did he listen? No. Lol...so we are now agreeing. Took a year or so...)  Fortunately Chris was thrilled at the size, and offered us his glass table in exchange. J happily agreed; so it's on the lawn waiting to be scrubbed down, the umbrella cloth has been washed clean, the 2 metal chairs we have need foot pads of some kind.

So this morning is the second coat on the pool deck. After we got home last night, he went and started the pool cleaning, which had been neglected all week, and finished that this morning too. Meanwhile I was completely wiped out, as I have been for a few days.

Monday I saw my PCP, and we had an awesome visit. Turns out she is dealing with a similar lung issue, caused by mold and dampness in the building; the building roof actually caved in one day a few months ago, which gave her an asthma attack at work, meaning she had to file a workman's comp claim and is now receiving meds and injections to deal with her decreased lung functioning.   The story is so typical of my former employer...denying all along there was anything wrong with the building despite multiple employees' health complaints...and literally the roof had to cave in before they believed her when she kept insisting there was a problem. Oh, I could go on.  

But the amazing thing is she completely understands where I am health-wise because she is dealing with identical issues. She is only 36, but she is one smart cookie. I really love her. She is so funny, so witty and quick. We laugh like loons at each visit now matter how distressed or worried or concerned I am about whatever issue I'm there for.

 She reassured me I am still considered disabled. I needed her to document that so that the Disability people will continue to consider me disabled and therefore keep paying those benefits--even though I have been overpaid and won't get any money until 15 months from now. June of 2023, maybe?

 I haven't seen her since November when she gave me the devastating news in the first place, so I had to break it to her about having had to retire when my employee benefits ran out. (Actually I think I told her on a phone call in January, but she didn't remember.) She was properly both shocked and happy for me. She totally understood the freedom I feel at being out of that particular office, wanting to know all the details of what was happening there now. 

Anyway, we left it that I will go back in July, for my annual physical and checking in on any other things related to the lungs. By then I will have had the second bronchoscopy, too. My recent CT did not show any changes--so, good news that it's not worsening, and frustrating news it's not showing any improvement. Yet. 

That was a good day, and we were both happy with that visit. Tuesday was the plumber's initial visit to determine what was wrong, and Wednesday morning early he was back to actually do the repair work. Now my tub hardware works like a charm, doesn't leak, and the hot and cold pipes have been corrected. We should have done this a long time ago; but then, one doesn't want to spend $260 if that isn't necessary.

Wednesday afternoon I got sidetracked outside and ended up doing almost 2 hours' worth of pruning, weeding, stacking loose brush after pulling it out of the growth along the fences, raking loose yard debris into piles. J was out there too working on the rain water barrels, and then he got sidetracked into helping me.

 I'd thought it was Tuesday and that we had plenty of time to drag these piles out to the curb for Wednesday's pickup, and was crushed to learn that it was Wednesday already, and therefore we'd missed the pickup and would have to wait another week. Because once we had that conversation, J decided he could go back to what he was doing, and just leave the various piles out there. Argggh! I wanted him to take it all out there that day so I could say that job was "Done!" but a 6-day deadline encourages him to relax until the day before. Sigh. 

So not only is the patio furniture and rugs and pool noodles, etc all over the lawn, the various yard debris piles are out there too. It's so hard for my confused and disoriented yet OCD brain to just look at these everyday, being helpless to change it. I'm certainly learning Life Lessons about patience, and  letting go of expectations.

Friday I was still tired from Wednesday's exertions, and yet we had multiple errands to get done. So we hit the grocery store, and Lowe's, and my pulmonology doc's office to get the missing chart notes from January, and Publix to pick up J's rx, and by that time I was done. I was so tired I was barely civil to J, for which I apologized, but he is a saint, and understood I was not feeling up to snuff. Then he felt guilty for all the work I had done, feeling he should have kept a better eye on me. So we talked about that briefly. 

Most of the week I was working on my needlework every afternoon, and I so enjoy that. It's so relaxing. Wednesday was a weird day, which is probably why I overdid it. Plus, the weather was absolutely perfect and I wanted to be outside as much as I could before the godawful humidity sets in.

Saturday afternoon at Sis' was very nice. We got to talk privately, and clarified some of the issues we had faced, and that was such a relief. We're all good now.  Food was yummy, and it was so nice to see BIL, and his son and daughter who had driven up from Orlando.

J made a vegan chocolate cake, and we sang Happy Birthday, and I gave her the Sister pillow/cross stitch I'd been making and finished the night before; and also I'd found a Freddie Mercury figurine, which went over well. It was a happy day.

J was dealing with his own demons last Monday; he thought Zeke was having a scan that day, and was going to be learning the results. When no one called to share those results, he was convinced he was deliberately being left out of important family concerns, and was alternately raging or deeply upset and hurt. He just knew it was bad news that no one knew how to break to J. He imagined those entire conversations, and left messages for his daughter and his daughter-in-law and even Z himself, reminding them he was "patiently waiting for news".

Finally daughter V texted to remind him the scan wasn't until Monday the 21st.  Oh, he was livid, thinking "they" had rescheduled that appt, and what was the dr thinking, and these are such incompetent fools, and the whole medical system is broken, and on and on. I finally said, you know normally the scan is done and then there is an appt or telephone call to discuss results a few days after that. How, why do you think the scan was re-scheduled?   

Turns out that yes, originally the scan wasn't scheduled until tomorrow, Monday, and J had misunderstood the day and date entirely. All the info was given to him in a text previously and he had just jumped ahead an entire week. So this whole scenario, this whole outrage and hurt etc was something he did to himself.

When he fully realized this and all its implications, he could finally laugh at himself, and so he shared this little episode with several people over the next couple of days, joking about his "zero to death" panic, and the anguish he'd endured. That was a huge thing, a huge lesson. 

He gives me a lot of credit for helping him, but I don't see this. I just get so frustrated at his insistence that any perceived "slights" are directed at him personally, making him the victim. I tried to carefully explain this, but he doesn't agree that's what he was feeling; and tried to explain to me exactly what he was feeling.  It's okay--we exchanged viewpoints, and the resolution is that he made a mistake, and needs to slow down in general when processing info regarding dates. We both know his extreme fear for Zeke, and how this has colored everything under discussion recently. Maybe the scan will show progression of the disease, maybe not. There is nothing he can do from here, or even if he was there in person, except pray. It is such a helpless feeling.

MissS is coming over this afternoon. Her main work project (for the past 4 months) is finally over. I know how tired she is.

TYG

Sunday

Happy Easter!  We are not having a big Family gathering after all for this holiday.  Next weekend is Sis' birthday (and SIL's birthday). So since Bro and SILwill be out of town (for a surprise birthday party for SIL's 70th), we two plus MissS will go to Sis' big house for a party there. 

I'm actually fine with this decision. Downtime here is always good! MissS will be over as usual for this Sunday afternoon, but we'll have a nicer meal than usual: ham, mashed potatoes, salad, rolls, and while we don't have a special dessert, we have boxed cookies here, and cupcakes and a leftover blondie, from Friday night's wonderful meal and dessert at Bro and SIL's.

That meal was yummy too. It was nice enough weather that although the humidity level is slowly rising, we sat outside for an hour or so, watching the squirrels and birds snatching peanuts and racing off to hide them. Very entertaining. They have also had home maintenance issues with their front porch roof, and have installed new plantings, and that was interesting to learn about.

Of course there was wine, and we caught up with events and health issues since our last dinner about 6 weeks ago, I think. It's always nice to spend time together. Right about the time we decided to go inside and eat, the rain which had been sprinkling intermittently suddenly became heavier, and we would have had to head inside to eat anyway.

The meal came from a local BBQ, and two different selections from the bakery ( blondie brownies, and a small key lime pie) plus my attempt at hummingbird cupcakes made for a filling meal.  We left just before 8, and by the time we got home it was almost dark. 

I had a rough time sleeping that night, but we went to my Meeting Saturday morning.  There weren't as many people as usual, maybe due to the holiday. I led the Meeting and felt fine about that.  My Sponsee is gone, and she is such a vivid presence that her absence is notable.

Afterwards we stopped at Lowe's and Target and then headed home. J took a long nap, before waking to discover another  issue with the pool, so that took some time to solve. We had cube steaks for dinner which I hadn't seen or eaten in years, and that was very tasty. We watched Barack Obama's new National Park documentaries, and really enjoyed that.

Friday was a quiet day: our pest control guy came in the late afternoon, and my doc's office called to let me know my triglycerides and LDL were both high, and my Vitamin B12 and D levels were too low. So now I'm back on an increased level of my Vitamin D supplements, and had to buy some B12 supplements.  Diet is responsible for the elevated triglycerides and LDL, so I said to the nurse,"I guess that means I have to give up cheese, huh?", and she said sympathetically, "Yes, that would be a good idea...".   Rats!!  

Well, I have a variety of different kinds of cheese these days, so I have been expecting those levels to rise; I certainly have been indulging myself since my last labs.  Guess I was fooling myself that an addiction to cheese is better than a sugar addiction. Sigh. 

Monday morning the kitchen sink stopped draining. J ran over to WalMart and got a snake, and spent quite some time working that, and eventually broke whatever it was blocking the drain. If we won the lottery we would have this plumbing replaced, updated, whatever it needs, but that will be thousands of dollars.  So until then we are dealing with old plumbing ourselves.  (Meaning, J. Thank God for him!!) Usually all I can do is hold the flashlight wherever he needs it.

Tuesday he came home from his early morning walk with a thing to use to wrap the outside hose on, so the front of the house can be watered easier. It was discarded on the curb, and available, so he dragged it home and began fixing it up, cleaning it, investigating why it had been put out for the trash. Several hours later he learned something wasn't working right inside, some part of the motor, and he decided to scrap the whole thing.  

Wednesday and Thursday he was working on the pool motor, and cleaning up outside; he is also working on the garden. For some reason he has decided to try it again, and spent a lot of time this week prepping that area, and moving rain barrels, trying to set up a watering system. He bought bags of potting soil to mix with our sandy soil, according to the how-to site he was referencing. He spent a lot of time working on this project over 3 days. He's started seedlings of broccoli and carrots already.  

I think he is increasingly concerned over the nation's food supply, and worried about having "enough". He also insisted on buying another book on how to prep foods and store foods long term. 

On Thursday he was also finishing installing a couple of nice white wooden shelves for me in the laundry room, aka J's bathroom.  He put them up above the dryer, and I can reach these a lot better. 

Saturday morning very early I suddenly noticed the gutters in front of the house were pouring  water like it was raining--except it wasn't raining. When  I told J, he immediately ran out to the pool pump to check it (some cap had "blown off"), but the actual problem is with the solar panels on the roof.

Unfortunately the company that installed them is not available on weekends, so he will call them tomorrow and arrange for repair.   It's always something!

Maybe we can use the pool next week. It just hasn't been sunny enough for several days in a row, enough to get the solar panels working anyway. The pool temp hovers around 76-80 degrees, which is far too cold for me.  I did order two more swimsuits though, recently discovering I "only" have two. (Never in my life did I ever think I would need more than one!) 

This week was our first week without "live" Hulu; we decided to cut costs and that was a biggie--almost $72 a month. We went to the plain Hulu, at $8 a month. So no more watching the evening news; we can watch it the next day though. We also no longer have live local channels. Frankly I miss that more, even though it was mainly the same crime reports and sports and weather every day. I can get those now online, but mainly it's the weather or local events I miss watching. We'll get used to the change. 

 I also haven't figured out how to get TCM, yet. I think it's an app on my smart TV, but I just haven't done it yet.  MissS will help with that, thankfully.

Really the big issue this week was relatively minor: J lost the remote on Monday.  The remote is crucial. We can't even turn the TV off and on without it!  We have searched the house inside and out, the work shop, outside, even the car. No sign of it anywhere. How can one lose a remote??  But he did. He is frequently misplacing things, and generally they turn up...eventually. The remote hasn't yet. 

So we had to buy a new one, which fortunately I found with a minor discount, and it was delivered the next day. Then of course you have to reprogram it and the TV, and sign in, and it requires your cable log-in, with re-connecting routers, etc, and your email, and blah blah blah. It was quite a project for both of us the figure out.  

When I ordered the new remote, I also ordered an actual case for it; it is a bright vivid  pink. If that wasn't enough, J insisted on tying a long piece of string to it also. But it makes him feel better; he can't possibly walk off with it or lose it now. 

Okay, well, MissS will be arriving soon, and I have a few things to get done before then.

TYG

 

Sunday

 First, updates: Finally the vanity and its difficult plumbing is done! He ended up buying a replacement whatever-it-was for under the sink, and uninstalling the one that came with the faucet, replacing it with the new to start all over again. This time it worked. He tested it over 2 days, to be sure. We are both so relieved. 

Then he finished repairing the bathroom's ceiling and wall above the dryer; it's all painted and plastered and ready to have the shelves put up. 

In between this process, one night he repainted the areas that were peeling on the kitchen floor. The next afternoon it was peeling again!   So he cleaned like mad, sanded it down, repainted two days later, and now we are holding our breath.  I think this time it will work. We'll give it three full days to dry before sealing it with the final clear coat.

I was in J's "new" bathroom to refill his medication container, and noticed that when I look into the mirror of the new cabinet above the sink, I can only see the top half of my face!  I hate to ask J to mess with it again, but I think he hung the cabinet too high up...and that we need to empty it, remove it, lower it, and rehang.  We are so fed up with this bathroom I don't want to disturb this bliss of having it done. Still, at some point I will have to, as it makes me feel like a midget. Not that I'm in there at his sink often, but other people are, and not everyone is that tall! Well, in a few days...

My jobs were all accomplished too, with less fatigue between these projects than I expected.  One morning and early afternoon I took down every single item from the  six shelves on the kitchen walls around our dining area, dusted and wiped down each item, dusted and wiped clean the entire shelf, and then replaced all items.  (Except for the big picture books, which had too much dust and dirt all over them to salvage; I just tossed those in the trash, sadly.  I hate throwing books away.) 

That job also involved climbing up on the step stool and climbing off, countless times throughout the process. That was tricky, I admit. But I moved carefully and slowly, and it all got done. I was so pleased. 

Another morning I again used the step stool to climb up and clean off every single AC vent in all the ceilings, and also cleaned and dusted all the six ceiling fan-blades. Those had worried me for a  few months, wondering what I was breathing in... but now it's done, and the relief is incredible. 

J had an appt one morning with his PCP, which he went to alone. He discussed his CT scan and the low back issue (arthritis...), and what various terms meant in the report. He felt better after that, his mind being eased over the contradictions between how feels and what the report actually details. Medical terminology is so confusing, and subjective, depending on which specialist is making the report.  It can be very frightening. I reassured J of this and I think he does feel better.

One night neither of us slept well, and since I was awake early I decided to do the fasting labs that morning. We were at the lab by 7:15, and got it done, and then drove to Walmart; there wasn't a lot of activity there at that hour, but J went in and got a couple of things, and then we went home and had breakfast. I did take a short nap that day, while J slept for 2 hours. If I'd slept that long for a nap I never would have been able to sleep that night. 

Thursday I was sore in the hip area, probably from the up and down activity on the step stool so I rested a lot. That was also the day J was extremely frustrated with our little rescue, Sophie. Some days the anti-anxiety meds just don't seem to have any effect: she wanders constantly, bumping into things, sometimes panting  for long periods of time, ears perked up and on alert, constantly restless, not wanting to cuddle or sit still or anything.  It's difficult to console her or relieve her--does she need to go out? Does she need food (no, she eats plenty, and in fact is  overweight)? Does she want to "play"?  She wants to, but she seems to have no concept of what to do, how  to play.  The other two dogs pretty much ignore her except for rare occasions when all three are barking--arghh!!  The noise level is incredible with all 3. They're great alarm dogs. 

Anyway, Sophie had -- once again-- almost gotten a hot pot dropped on her head because of her constant presence at J's heels when he is in the kitchen. J was scared that it might have really hurt her if he had tripped over her, so he snapped at her (not that she can hear him, but more to relieve his own frustration), and then shortly after the dinner was over, he mentioned the possibility of euthanasia for the first time.

We discussed it a lot. I then texted Kim at the rescue agency we'd gotten her from, and described the situation. She expressed sympathy, and said she'd get back to me, regarding the possibility of surrendering her to another hopefully more simpatico place. 

Neither of us wants to put her through that; it's taken almost 3 years now to realize she is sadly not going to bond with her two room-mates.  However, if she would do better with someone else, we would not mind, as it would be better than the euthanasia option. 

Kim has not gotten back to me, and it's been 4 days. During that time we've talked about and observed Sophie a lot. She's not unhappy, but...the question is if she would be happier anywhere else. We finally agreed, after J expressed remorse over losing his temper with her  that night, that the stress we are both living under just expressed itself that night, and he hated that he'd done so. We love her, and understand she is blind and deaf; life must be terribly scary for her, and we admire her so much.

 We will not choose euthanasia at this time. She's our furbaby, and we want to give her that fur-ever home; and we don't want to put her through the stress of learning a different home.

So that was a difficult thing to go through.   Another difficult thing to go through was a huge issue with my sister. I won't describe it here, but it has shaken me up a lot. J and I discussed it a couple of times as I was processing what had happened. 

Eventually I realized it wasn't anything I had said; that it has to do with what she was going through; nothing to do with me although it did feel like a personal attack.  Very hurtful.   I am now hesitant to reach out. I know she is going through a lot of stuff, and so I will just...wait.

I also felt a lot better about that incident after my AlAnon meeting yesterday morning. My dear friends always know the best thing to say.   My Sponsee is leaving town for 6 weeks, and is not looking forward to it, as the main purpose is to find another house, but in Chicago where she and her husband moved from. I hope she is successful, but at the same time I will miss her. She'll be back for long visits while staying at a short term rental, but they are selling their home here.

And yesterday afternoon MissS invited me to be her "plus-one" at a coworker's wedding.  She picked me up and we drove to the site. It was an absolutely gorgeous day--sunny, warm but not hot, and quite windy. But what a setting!  A chapel on a beautifully green and leafy garden/park type setting, with koi ponds, and brick walkways, white statues of angels, and cherubs,  gigantic live oak, flowers and plants and trees of all kinds set up like a fairy tale. So peaceful and what a memorable site for a wedding! It was held outside; guests faced the Halifax River with its view of sailboats and blue water and puffy white clouds, while the late afternoon sun was behind us. They had sangria or water to walk around with as we entered, and when we headed to the seating, there was a friend from AlAnon; it turned out she works with MissS!  Small world, and very welcome.

The ceremony, the Dress, the beautifully dressed guests! The groom I'd met briefly when he still worked with MissS also, but otherwise I was there strictly in support of her. We stayed afterwards, lining up for cocktails and appetizers before the groom and bride were planning to re-appear after their photo session. We waited so long that MissS finally decided we should not wait any longer (mostly out of consideration for me, her poor old mom, having difficulty with walking due to another injury to my knee); we left after about an hour's wait. 

My knee injury was from the day before. It was another gorgeous day, and cool, so I decided to tackle the ground areas around the four palms in front. We'd put a brick border around them, and filled the interior with mulch, but this was done a couple of years ago and it needed re-doing.  So that was the day. It felt so good to get that worked on, and it looks so much better after the weeding and re-placing the bricks.

 J got home from his errands in time to help me by doing the final palm for me, because by that time I was getting too tired. I was kneeling, squatting, bending, and getting up and back down as I worked around each of the palms. As I was getting up I felt dizzy and thought I might fall, so I twisted around to catch myself, and that must have done something to my knee. 

I'm using the Ace bandage now and moving slowly again. Third knee injury in the past month. Jeez. J tries to reassure me that it's a normal thing to happen since I haven't been able to walk or exercise really for several months. It just means I need to slowly start re-exercising or walking again. I will see my own doc and make sure this is okay.  Next week, Tuesday,  I have my CT scan.

J has an appt with a doc too on Wednesday. This coming week I will work on re-loading the CD changer. That's my big goal.  And I continue to work on my cross-stitch. It's so enjoyable; I'd forgotten how much I really love doing it. Even when I make a mistake and have to rip out some stitches and re-do, it's very satisfying. I also read in the afternoons, or do the needlework or coloring.  Mornings are for computer work, and various house projects or errands. 

This week I really didn't do any dinners, as J was very insistent on me staying off my feet. 

Tomorrow we'll wash all the dogs. That's a challenge but usually done in less than 30 minutes.

And MissS just arrived, so I will stop here.

TYG

Sunday

 This was a very quiet week for me, as in, I felt much worse. I didn't have energy and it was less my usual level of lack of energy, I didn't have brains really,  I was tired, and I felt more confused.

 Confused is a strange word. I was having trouble all week with just speaking, or getting up from the sofa to visit my desk or the bathroom or the kitchen--I would literally have to stop and think about what I was doing.  I'd think to myself, "I need more water", stand up, and then think to myself, "I know I needed something, what was it?"  

This happened over and over again, all week. All day.  On a couple of days I was able to do yard work (which was just re-potting a large plant, which Missy had knocked over in a mad dash for the back of the pool deck), and pull some weeds. One morning I swept the deck of cobwebs. J was out there both times with me, ostensibly doing yard work, but keeping a sharp eye on me.

One afternoon I finished removing all the CDs from the disc changer, and placing them back in their cases. I forced myself to do that over 3 days, because J had an appt at a repair shop for them to fix it.

That was an experience! I drove us over to the site of the shop, which was in a disreputable run-down part of town, and pulled into the parking lot of a warehouse building, all white, with one door on the side and the name of the store on a sign next to it.  It was a huge building.

 J carried the disc changer to the door and when I opened it for him, my mind was blown. We had walked into a musician's paradise. They were bustling with activity, both customers and staff.  Every square inch of the walls going all the way back to the far end of the warehouse was filled with guitars and stringed instruments of all types. Sections of the floor were devoted to various aspects of music: repairs for electronics, speakers and parts,  racks and racks of smaller items such as strings and frets and who knows what else. They must build guitars there, but in our brief time staring wide-eyed at everything available I couldn't possibly see everything.   It was an overload, but we immediately knew we were in the right place.

A staff person came right away and told J where to drop off the equipment,  and then we got a receipt with a brief description of what was wrong with it.  We were told someone would be in touch later that day.

Three hours later J got a call from them. It was all fixed: they'd replaced a belt, and fixed the jam.   Cost $75, and we were thrilled. This was an old CD changer, and our worst fear would be that it was not fixable.  J went right back and picked it up, and paid the fee happily. What a relief!  Great place. 

I was supposed to have some labs done, but each morning I couldn't face the idea of getting up and showered and dressed and out the door by 6:45, to be at the lab by 7 am opening time. I just couldn't move that fast.  Hopefully I can do this next week. 

I actually am feeling slightly better today; the flare-up is dying down, and I feel brighter, less heavy-minded. This illness is so strange.

Basically I would do any special plans in the morning after a couple of hours on the computer, then park myself on the sofa with my sewing and my book, and my water and meds. The dogs would join me, one on each sofa.  Most of the week I watched a fantastic series called Centennial, by James Michener. Back in the late 70s they made a mini series out of this book, and all kinds of big-name actors were in it.   It was just so enjoyable: every afternoon I would watch one or two of the 12 episodes (they were each 90 -120 minutes), losing myself in American history,  and work on my sewing too.  Some afternoons were heavy rain and thunder, so that was even more cozy.

J was mostly working still on the  cabinet for the bathroom,  or cleaning up his work room. He was and is dealing with a lot of grief and depression and anger over his son's cancer diagnosis.

 Zeke is not doing well. He ended up in the ER twice due to dehydration and vomiting and diarrhea, from the worsening side effects of the infusions he has weekly. He was unable to work, to move, to sleep, to do anything last week. To top it off, his wife Anna tore her Achilles tendon, and so she has to use crutches for a while. Those poor kids...we didn't hear about any of this until later in the week when everything had reached a serious crisis point. Z had a Telehealth visit with the oncologist, and they decided to repeat the CT scan tomorrow, and skip the next scheduled infusion, which was to be also tomorrow. Once they have the scan results, that will be forwarded to the University of California's Oncology dept for a second opinion.  

J was on the phone constantly with his daughter who is the go-between  everyone now. She is very organized, very smart, very assertive with her questions and concerns.  Friday night  things had gotten so worrisome, and J was beside himself with the frustration at not being able to do anything.  He decided, and then told V, his daughter, that he was coming out next week to do *anything*, even if it meant just sitting in the room.

So we researched flights and found a reasonable one, and called American Airlines. Their wait time on hold was almost two hours, so he chose the option to have them call him back. While we were waiting for the call back, he called Anna to let her know he was wanting to come out, and she described their small house, telling him there was no room but he was welcome to sleep on the floor or on a cot. He instantly agreed.  And later told me he was so torn: he wanted to be with Zeke, but how could he leave me?

Half an hour later  after we had discussed logistics, and what I would do while he was gone, and how I would manage with the three dogs, he called Zeke. But before he could say anything (Zeke's voice was so strong on his end that even I could hear it) Zeke said, "I really don't want you to come, Dad, I'm just not up to it, there's no room (his half sister and her family were also arriving Monday for a week) and honestly there's nothing you can do. Please, Dad, don't come. I'm not dying, and there's lots of help here as it is. I don't want you to spend your money on this, and I know it would be a difficult trip...."  He went on in this vein, sounding pleading, and sad, and sick, but firm in his desire for his father to not come. Poor J shot me a shocked and puzzled look, asking mutely if he should insist, but I shook my head No. J sat there with his head bowed, listening to his extremely ill son plead with him to stay home, while every fiber of J's heart and soul was desperate to be there in any capacity. He finally reluctantly agreed, and had to respect Z's wishes, mindful of the physical toll this call was taking on Zeke also. 

After that conversation, we sat there slightly stunned at the rapid turn of events. J wept, agonizing over the worst possible outcomes for Zeke, mourning him in advance I think. Out of all of J's seven children, Z is the one I know best, and the one I feel most affection for. Still, I'm not his actual mother; I can't possibly feel the depth of grief that J feels. But I can see how terribly this is affecting him. My heart aches for him. 

My chores this coming week are to reline the shelves in the kitchen and also J's bathroom vanity; I had to order the paper from Amazon because they had a better selection and better prices than the local options. 

J is still working on that vanity; there is a tiny leak somewhere in the pipes underneath and he is having trouble locating it. Until he does, I cannot line that cabinet. But most of the tools are put away, and that helps so much.

Another chore will be re-loading the CD changer. Ugh. But this time I will organize it a bit differently.

I made dinner for us three nights this week: one was a pork roast, one was corned beef and cabbage, both of those in the slow cooker, and one night was ratatouille, which MissS joined us for.  I gave her all the leftovers because there is absolutely no room in the fridge. I had brought home a deli chicken Thursday and we had that for lunch and dinner, and then I snacked off of it Friday and Saturday.We still have a bit left. Those are  a great value.

 MissS is due in a half hour, and we'll have our Sunday afternoon together. We'll have leftovers for dinner, as there is plenty of the pork roast from last night.

Time to clean up the kitchen and get moving for a bit.

TYG