Saturday

 I don't know how I have missed a week again. Well, I do know. Too much has happened in the last two weeks for me to keep up. 

 On Tuesday the 20th, the plumber came. Yes, it was only one guy, here for about 6 hours. J is quite upset , and currently in a dispute with the company, because the estimate was for 2 guys "all day". Unfortunately we paid by credit card on the day of the estimate, to make plans for the Tuesday. Now J is feeling furious with himself for having paid in full, when the job as of today still isn't finished. 

As of today, the dishwasher and washing machines work just fine. Everything doesn't drain into the bathtub anymore. But when the washing machine is running, it still backs up a bit into the kitchen sink; it's much better than before, though. So maybe it just can't be fixed because of the way the whole house is plumbed, I don't know. Neither of us knows. But the plumber has been out here twice since then, "fixing it". 

Meanwhile the company is dodging his phone calls, despite several messages for some negotiation on the price.

That Tuesday afternoon was also the day I met the surgeon, Dr W.  Sis went with me, for which I was very grateful. There was a long visit, and much information. Short story is the surgery can't be done until many other things are done. The nurse, Amy, called me two days later and gave me the schedule of events.  They start on Wednesday the 4th, with an MRI, EKG, and labs, one of which is genetic testing.

That was a discussion in itself: my dearest friend Jennie called me the next day. I'd sent out an email that night to 5 of my closest and oldest friends notifying them of the recent events. Jennie emailed me the loveliest  message, asking if she could help with any of the questions I might have--she was a genetics counselor before retiring. 

She called, and we talked for an hour, her explaining all the scientific background of the cancer, etc. I ultimately did decide to proceed with the testing, once I learned not only my daughter and sons, but their daughters would/could be affected by this health development.

Then Jennie sent a care package: it is a beautiful hand-made quilt she created this year, honoring breast cancer survivors. Her sister has breast cancer and I think she is remission now, and her mom died many years ago from this, so it's a subject close to her heart. The quilt was gifted to me, and when I am recovered, I return it to her, so it will go to the next cancer fighter. I was so touched, I was in tears.

Wednesday I woke with a bad cold. I'd had a mild sore throat the day before, but figured it was... the beginning of a cold. By Friday I was no better, and Christmas celebrations were being planned for Sunday. SIL wasn't feeling good also, and Bro had a bad headache, so it was debatable if they were going to attend.

My sister just happened to text that morning, and suggested I test myself for Covid. To my utter shock and dismay, I tested positive. J has consistently tested negative since. We are both vaxxed, boosted both with Covid and flu and pneumonia. We go nowhere.  Yet I have it.

I am railing against this. I cannot stand it. But I have no control.

So, I am resting. It still feels like a bad cold, lots of coughing, lots of runny nose and sneezing,  but no headache, no body aches, no difficulty breathing. And the dreaded loss of appetite. I don't mind that part, since it's a start on the loss of the damn weight I gained being on the antibiotics. But still, J is frustrated that I'm not hungry. Yet nothing really sounds appealing. 

And I am taking phone calls: my appts are lined up filling the first two weeks of January. MRIs this coming Wednesday, haircut Friday morning, and marker placement  at Twin Lakes in the afternoon.

Monday after that I meet with my GI doc, Tuesday I meet with the radiation doctor in the afternoon, and J has an appt with his cardiologist. Wednesday morning the 11th I arrive at Twin Lakes for the surgery, which doesn't start until 11. (??)  Two days later on Friday I meet with my pulmonologist in the morning, and the oncologist in the afternoon. And the following Thursday is my follow up appt with the surgeon.

All of this is dependent on whether I test negative for Covid by Tuesday, three days from now. I am so worried about this, but again, I cannot do anything about it. Arggh. It just has to play out, each day.

So no Christmas gathering at all. Bro and SIL stayed away because neither was feeling quite right. I had Covid, J was living with me although testing negative.  Sis wasn't feeling right either, and out of an abundance of caution she left her home and went to isolate at the beach house.  Jeez. SO NOT the picture of the holiday I dreamed of.

MissS and Kit came over for about an hour Christmas morning, which was bitter cold. We had a terrible cold spell for several days. Most unusual. We were all masked, and stayed across the room from each other, opened the gifts, and then they left. MissS and I risked a quick hard hug, facing away from each other.  

I normally write on Sundays, but I can't even remember the rest of that day, even though it was just 6 days ago. I do not know why I didn't write. It might have been the Covid--some days with this the coughing is worse than others, and fatigue kicks in. Just what I have been living with for the past 16 months anyway.

But this week, since I can't go anywhere, and neither can J, we worked in the house. J is prepping the sun room wall for repair, which means a lot of sanding, and dust. 

He also took care of (cut down and dragged to the curb) the plants we lost during the freeze: the big bougainvillea, most of the hibiscus, the tops of certain plants along the fence line, the palms along the other fence line...it's sad. Oddly I lost none of the 33 plants that were in the enclosure (bird cage!). 

During the week just past, we packed up all Christmas decorations inside and out, and took them back to the storage unit this morning for another year.  J did the rug cleaning of all inside rugs, and vacuumed.  We turned the mattress in the bedroom, finished the prep of the bedroom closet and electric panel, wiped down all fan blades, and carted out countless bags of trash from the sun room wall. 

One day I felt so badly about not remembering to give Dad the magazines I had for him, that we jumped in the car and drove up there. I sat in the car, masked, and Sis and Dad were masked too as they came out of the house and they stood in the driveway, talking. This whole thing is so frustrating.  But it was wonderful to get out of the house, and see the rest of the  world again. Cabin fever is a thing.

Missy also got a bath. Murphy sleeps til 1 or 2, sometimes even 3pm, before he wanders out of the bedroom and begins his routine of following me around. Normally I get my stretching done in the morning, and then settle onto the sofa for the rest of the day, with him by my feet. 

I'm stitching a lot, watching a lot of movies before they disappear off various networks, and drinking a lot of tea, which J makes for me. I just finished a mini-series Western called Lonesome Dove, which has some of the finest acting I have ever seen. I love this. Tommy Lee Jones, and Robert Duvall, among many others. So good I'm going to watch it again.

This past week the "new" mixer and both my mouse and my phone finally gave up!   I ordered a new phone which is almost identical to my previous one, so there's not too much of a learning curve. And the new mouse didn't work at all until I called MissS in desperation; together on the phone she walked me through all possible options, finally trying the option of "updating the driver". That did the trick. The newest mixer arrived quickly, and seems to be holding up. This is the third one since August! J is pretty hard on them.

I miss seeing MissS so much. But she and Kit are having their own adventures, and I am trying to heal. 

My head feels like... a big ball of cotton. I don't feel too bad, although I don't have much energy. That might be because I am not eating. But I'm taking all my prescribed vitamins and probiotics, all my other meds, and J makes a smoothie shake for me each morning which has fruit and protein powder in it. Some days I don't have much energy, other days I'm better. It's difficult to plan anything, especially right now with Covid.

I'm to let the nurse know by Tuesday whether I'm OK to proceed, or whether everything has to be rescheduled. 

On top of this, J's second daughter, the only one of his kids I haven't met yet, is coming to town Monday, and had originally planned to stay two days. But naturally she is terrified of getting Covid, so now poor J probably can't even invite her inside his own home, much less meet me. Sigh. I don't blame her one bit--she's a bit younger than me, and her husband just died a couple of months ago. She's feeling quite vulnerable, and I totally understand.

Lots going on. Some days I'm depressed, and other days J is depressed. But I think now this is the calm before the storm. This is our time to regenerate. The hard fight is still ahead. I have good mentors and guides, and a wonderful support system. I know how lucky I am. 

2023 will be a life-changing year.

TYG

 

Sunday

 Well, I'm trying yet another font. I heard from a certain relative that she hated didn't like my font, so I'm trying something new. Again.

Sunday morning: BIL and Dad have just left. Bro is picking up the big hutch we've been using, which was his originally.  We no longer have the space for it, and it's rather... large.  So he is taking it away. 

It's currently in the room leading to the slider door, which I call the sun room. With  the plumbing job now being done we will need to re-do that room.  Another big project, right before Christmas!  This means we had to take down all the book cases from the walls, and pack up all my books, my precious items that were in the hutch, all my trolls, my pictures, and things inherited from Gramma. Everything is loaded onto the sofa in there, and that was all to make the plumbing accessible to the plumbers/repair guys.

This past week we had RotoRooter here, which fixed the issue temporarily, and gave us an estimate on repairing just the dishwasher issue. We said we'd think about it. It would have been just under $500.

Later in the week, like 2 days later, the damn thing started leaking again, so J called our usual AC/plumbing/electrical company, and long story short (much discussion, two people coming to look at this, a third coming to give an estimate and make the sale), we have them coming this Tuesday to fix the whole damn mess. 

It's a massive job, because it was done poorly by the original owner who built the addition and plumbing. Anyway, it will be fixed. J was thinking it would be about a thousand dollars, but I thought more like 4-5 thousand. Sure enough, just under $4000 is the final number. Sigh.

We'll figure it out. We'll juggle some money , or take it from the IRA. But finally it will be correctly done and to code.

Also this week I got the call from my PCP, that I do have cancer. Yep, kinda figured. So I was referred to a surgeon and an oncologist.  The surgeon's office called two  days later (after the authorization was obtained), and I will be seeing them this coming Tuesday afternoon.

And the oncologist's office called the same day, and I will see them the following Tuesday; presumably I will have the surgery to remove the lump between these two appts. But I will learn all that this Tuesday.

My sister will go with me to the appt, since J has to be here at home to monitor the plumbing repairs, which of course got scheduled for that day also. I know J wants desperately to be there with me, and I understand that, but for  my peace of mind the plumbing takes priority! 

The doc appt is to meet the surgeon and schedule the date, ASAP. I honestly don't have a lot of questions. As yet. I probably will have more when I see the oncologist, who is in the same office as my sister's oncologist.

It feels like all I've been doing is waiting. For phone calls, for appts, for someone to show up to give an estimate. 

We rode up to Sis' house first on Monday afternoon, for my dad's arrival. Got to see Bro and SIL, exchanged some news, and welcomed Dad. We all sat around with wine and talked. We had brought a slow-cooker meal, and cookies, and we all enjoyed that. We could tell Dad was very tired, so we left shortly afterwards.

Tuesday was the day of waiting--the weather was horrible: cold, wet, windy, not a day to drive, so we stayed home and puttered. I did a lot of embroidery, as always.

Wednesday we did drive up to Sis' house early in the afternoon, arriving around 1pm with the Honda. J drove that one, and had insisted on new windshield wipers for both the Honda and the Nissan on the way up.   I have to say it made a big difference. Our auto repair guy replaced both, and only charged us for one set. What a nice guy!

That afternoon Sis and I talked, and organized the pet pantry and the laundry room's closets and cupboards. I love doing things like that. I love feeling useful. Meanwhile Dad and J played a couple of games of chess.

BIL was away most of the week on a business trip, so Sis was alone with Dad and the dog. Bro and SIL picked him up and took him for pizza on Friday night, giving him the night sights and the prospective on driving.  

The Honda is ready for him if he wants to, otherwise, we will consider again/still whether to sell it. I hate to do that, because of my paranoia about having only one car, but I also have a very difficult time driving it. Well, we'll see.

I've done most of my Christmas cards, and will be finishing them tomorrow.  

I've ordered J's Christmas present, and wrapped the ones that are here in the house. Tomorrow I need to do baking....and finish the cards, and figure out Gabby's and Crimson's presents.

So much to do, but all of this is second to getting the surgery. Christmas will be with Kit and MissS here on the Eve, and the next day we'll all go up to the big house. It will be a full house, 11 people. I hope I will be feeling okay.

MissS is on her way.

TYG

 

Sunday

 Today, Bro and SIL are driving back home here to FL, from VT. Bringing my dad and his dog, and all things required for an extended stay here. Its something none of us ever really pictured happening, since Dad alternately appeared to consider the idea, and then would change his mind and decide to stay in Vt. He went back and forth for a long time.

All of us are so sympathetic, and understanding of the various nuances. He has a long history with Vt, and has spent all his retirement there, buying the property before he retired and then making all kinds of changes and making it their own. At the time, it was Dad and Shirley. After she died, eventually Lottie came into the picture. Both of these marriages were long and happy ones. 

I'm sure I've written this before, but it was seeing Dad and Shirley in a happy marriage, and how they treated each other, which ultimately turned the light bulb on in my head. At the time I was in an unhappy marriage of 17 years; almost every time he and I would disagree he would either threaten to divorce me, or he would shrug and say, Do what you want. 

That was the polar opposite of Dad's marriage. In theirs, and in his and Lottie's,  I saw daily caring, concern, discussion of ideas, interest in and respect for each other, and laughter. Most of all, I saw what adult love and relationships should be.  I realized I was never ever going to see that in my own marriage; he wasn't capable or interested in working toward that.

So I began the 4 year journey to get out of that marriage; returned to school, taking night classes and day classes with total approval and support from my boss, and then finally graduating. My ex dragged his feet on each step the actual divorce process, so it took eight months to process.

Anyway, the fact that I am now in a successful, loving, happy, respectful partnership is strictly due to what I learned from my Dad. He treated his wives the same way my J treats me. I am so grateful, so blessed.

I also had a lot of support from my sibs (who both chose the right partners the first time), and most of all AlAnon.

My son sent me a brief video/audio clip of his brother and the mother of his child fighting. They were not actually shouting, but the loud voices, the taunting tones in both, the drunken slur of my son, the whining. Oh, my god, was that painful to hear. I don't know why SonJ sent it; I think he wanted me to hear what was going on with them, but he asked me not to let them know I'd seen and heard it. Both SonN and Amber knew the audio and visual was recording, but both are stuck deep into that merry-go-round of denial. So damn painful to listen to. 

In other cheery news, I had a biopsy Thursday. I won't get results until later this week. My left breast shows a very small lump, unknown at this point whether it's cancer. In my heart I kind of "know" (or maybe I don't know, but I am prepared for), and resigned to this strong possibility. The process itself was smooth, although they were running late and I wasn't actually biopsied until an hour after my appt. And those rooms were cold! 

The second mammogram 3 days prior on Monday was followed right away by an ultrasound, after which the radiologist and tech came back into the room, explaining that the findings were inconclusive. There is a small 7mm lump, and it needed a biopsy as soon as possible to determine if it's nothing, or something. I do know there is no lymph involvement, so that's good.

So began the process of sending the request to the PCP, who sent the order to my insurance for authorization (which took less than the expected time); the insurance *and* my PCP called to give me the go-ahead, and the facility called me the next morning, Wednesday. The next available was the Thursday afternoon appt. Everything went smoothly. I'm a bit tender and swollen, but it didn't require stitches, only steri strips.

Next step will be determined Tuesday or Wednesday when they have the results. 

In other news, as if that wasn't enough, the plumbing into the wall behind the dishwasher decided to begin leaking.  J has taken everything out from  under the sink and snaked out as much as he could. Next step is RotoRooter, which will come out tomorrow to give us a free estimate. Again, then we will know how to proceed.  It's so hard having no control over things!!

What a complicated week. J's wrist arthritis flared up severely this week, but he still managed to put up all the outdoor Christmas lights. He has mulch still ready for spreading, so maybe that will happen this week.

MissS and I put up our little tree. This is a brand new tree, which I do not remember buying. But apparently last Christmas I did, to replace the 5 year old tree which had too many burnt out bulbs to repair; they are wired into the tree and there's no way to replace them. So, I bought a new  tree, and then it went right into storage until last weekend when I discovered it. What is *wrong* with my brain that I don't remember this??

Anyway, we decorated it, and strung the lights on, and it looks beautiful. Most of the week I have been sitting on my new spot on the sofa, where I can see the tree and outside. I have my embroidery stuff around me and my water. 

J did a very sweet thing: I have been struggling with how to transfer the designs I want to embroider onto material, fabric. I finally successfully did it by taping the design onto the front window in broad daylight, and then taping the material over it, and then tracing the design. 

It worked...sort of. I had to modify the design quite a bit because the fabric wasn't taut enough. So I looked on Amazon (after doing some extensive research on other transfer options), discovering there is a wonderful invention called a light box. I promptly added the least expensive one to my wish list, but I couldn't justify buying it now, not until the cc debt is down again.

And J did some research...without telling me. He found a better one, and ordered it. It is my Christmas present, and I am just so thrilled. And touched. He insisted I open it early, because he was afraid that in a moment of frustration/weakness I might order one myself, spending less to save some money, but ultimately realizing the better one would have been a better choice long-term. If that makes sense.  I was just so happy to see it. I have a current work in progress, and then a second one planned, before I can try the transfer process again with the light box.

Last night J and I met MissS and Kit downtown and we all found a comfy spot on the curb. The downtown is all lit up and decorated for Christmas, and  we watched the Bells and Shells Christmas Parade. It was so fun!  Definitely a cool night and being on the water it was a bit windy. But there was so much excitement, and little kids running around, and lights and noise and decorations on the floats--it was fun. 

Well, MissS is on her way...

TYG, for my blessed life

Sunday

Another quick week flew by.

After my mammogram Monday we decided on the spur of the moment to drive to Mt Dora, where our favorite pizza place is. It's an hour away. We haven't been there in at least a year, maybe longer, so it was nice to get out of the house and enjoy a drive. Lots of changes. We saw a skunk, and a turtle, and a few days before we'd seen a deer.

Since it's a take-and-bake shop, we had the pizza that night. Yum. We actually got two, since there was a Cyber Monday deal of Buy one, Get one. We froze the other, although it won't be as good as the fresh one. Still, it was a great afternoon. After which we were bushed.

Tuesday morning we did outside work for about 90 minutes, re-setting bricks, pruning, weeding, watering, all in the front yard this time.  It was beautiful weather for outside work, windy, warm, sunny. Afterwards I was just drained. I showered and changed into clean dry clothes, and J took care of me, bringing me the heater, making sure I had everything I needed. Then he went out and did more!

Wednesday it was time for him to re-apply for the program that supplies his Creon, so there was a lot of paperwork and phone calls in the morning, and he mailed everything off.  

Thursday was the first of the month, so we headed out early to do grocery shopping before the store was too crowded. We stopped at Goodwill and I found a sweet little vintage lamp, which I'll use on my desk. It's not Gramma's blue and white porcelain lamp for sure. But it'll do. 

It needs a new base, which I didn't notice at Goodwill, and those are surprisingly difficult to find locally. I ended up ordering a very different base from Amazon (of course), and it along with a new cord should be here later this week. The base and the cord cost me more than the lamp and a beautiful old shade combined! Still inexpensive enough that I feel I got a bargain.

Early that afternoon I had my appt with the neuro; she is very pleased with my headache management meds, and how I'm doing. I think nonetheless she was also pleased when I asked about weaning off one of the meds. She explained how to do so, and this also is a very slow process: one of three daily I should drop, and then use that reduced dose for the next three months; then I drop another one, and go three months. The final one stops, and I'll be done. Assuming all goes well and my headaches don't increase or change for the worse in severity, I don't need to see her again until next December. I guess I'll find out whether this works, but it'll be nice to be off at least one.

And at 4:45 I got a call from my PCP office: they need more imaging on my left breast, and so I'll do that tomorrow.  Apparently my usual imaging place doesn't have any openings for three weeks, but they managed to get me in at a different location about a half hour away. 

After the meeting yesterday, which was awesome, we stopped at Ace Hardware to also pick up two 20 lb bags of birdseed for $20. Such a deal. That's where we got the mulch, too, also on sale.  Dropping that all at home, we then went out again to the storage unit and picked up all the Christmas stuff.

This morning I did some outside work (re-potting a plant that had cracked its original pot), and J is a ball of energy too. He moved the six mulch bags into position for where they will be needed, found a metal detector for Sis to borrow. 

This week I'll be doing the rest of the Christmas decorating, both in and outside. Dad's Christmas package arrived, too; a yummy treat of Vermont cheese, Vermont honeycomb, some apricot jam, and a bag of pancake mix. What a great idea, treats with food!

I do have an appt with the derm coming up, but I'm debating if I really need it. The itching has subsided, except occasionally, and I'm slowly healing from the rash. It does finally seem to be healing. 

J also has an appt with his PCP to check on the abscess. It's remarkably better. The bad news is his nightly anti-anxiety med isn't helping the nightmares anymore. He has them almost every night, despite the meds. This med isn't safe to increase, especially in older people, so I'll be interested in what his doc says.

MissS just got here-- I think I'm done.

TYG