Sunday

It's 11am, and I'm listening to Ringo and his Allstars, a live show. Just finished our walk with the dog, did the whole circle through the Park. Takes an hour, and we didn't hurry. Stopped a  lot to take photos, to enjoy the breeze and the beautiful views.

This past week was so nice. Monday I went to Target with MissS and we wandered looking for something appropriate for the little girls' birthdays. It was amazing to see what is available these days. S was a great help because she is around little kids a lot more than I am, and knows what Gabby in particular would enjoy. I spent less than $20 on each, and got several outfits, books, toys, and had a blast.

For a one-year old it was much easier to find things. In particular I found a set of 3 snugglies, in  different wonderfully colored patterns, and one said "Gramma's Little Angel",  something corny like that. Couldn't resist. Three of them, good quality, for $10. They'll fit her for at least 6 months.

Tuesday back to work, where an email informed us that a coworker's dad had died quite suddenly and she would be out all week.  That was a scramble because there are no float people available. We had to cover all her phone messages and all her patients, between the 3 of us. It was like that all week, very tough for everyone. Friday was a bit better because NP and I are in a different location entirely on that day, and therefore I couldn't do much to help; I could just focus on my own stuff.

Yesterday, Saturday, was  my company's annual picnic, held at the fairgrounds just up the road. S and I walked after I got home from my meeting, and then we waited to cool off before heading over to the picnic. There were some awesome prizes in the raffle; I won't know until tomorrow if I won anything because we didn't stay for the drawing.

But NP was there and I got to meet her 11year old stepson. She finally met J and my daughter. We all sat together at one of the long picnic benches enjoying a great amount of food. Hundreds of people came. If you consider there are about 800 employees, and it was a family-invited event, even if only a third of the staff showed up that's a lot of people. There was  a DJ with music, a session for teaching line-dancing, a photo booth, face-painting, activities for little kids including a bouncy house, Segways to ride-- I was impressed. It was all very low key, and I'm glad I went.

One of my former co-workers who got hired shortly after I did was there also, with her fiance. She's invited us to their wedding in December; I don't even know her that well, but I feel obligated to go. She kind of looks up to me for some reason, and is deeply grateful I recommended her to be hired, and although I haven't exactly encouraged a deeper friendship, I'm not quite sure how to disengage politely. Well, there's  plenty of time to figure that out.

After the picnic, J and I dropped S off at home so she could meet up with her tutor, and he and I drove over to Lebanon. Someone on craigslist had offered a 2gallon chicken waterer for only $5; our chicks have way outgrown the baby-chick waterer so we've been using a big mixing bowl for their water, but that is not ideal.

It was  a beautiful ride over there, and way out in the country.  Perfect day for a drive. It's beginning to look like fall, too: The leaves are beginning to change,  the grass is that golden shade of tan,  piles of wood are in lawns, the whole feel of this area is changing. Mums are beginning to appear on front steps. I know fall is near when that happens.

This afternoon S and I will wrap our gifties for the little girls, and then J will mail those off tomorrow.  Payday for him is Wednesday, none too soon!  He had a couple cubic yards of drive-way gravel delivered last Monday, and he spent the entire next day unloading it from the trailer and spreading it. That was a lot of work, but it looks much nicer. We particularly needed it spread in the carport because as J told the boys last weekend, during the winter months sometimes we need a boat to get to the house. So he dug that trench, and laid that pipe, and then the gravel over it all.  He's a worker.


The phone call  last week with my sister was amazing. We covered a lot in a short amount of time. Each time we do this we agree we need to do it more often...and then months go by. Well, we're getting better.

Heading out now with S for a small shopping trip and to get more wrapping paper. Then a long and lazy afternoon.

TYG.

Sunday

Another blazing hot day. This hot weather is so unusual for Oregon. First the two massive snows earlier this year (when one alone would have been an anomaly), then the long not-as-wet spring, then the very long stretch of freakin heat. Lord, it's making a lot of people cranky. Me for sure! We've run the room air-conditioner more this summer than in the previous six summers combined. No relief in sight, either. I am so ready for October when it usually cools off around here.

Yesterday was a day with my sons. I'm rapidly developing a dislike for these days, strictly due to the 4 hours we spend in the car. It will be nice when at some point they do have transport of their own. Right now it's a gigantic pain driving an hour to pick them up, and then turning right around for the hour drive home...then the question of what to do for a few hours, then dinner, and then we all pile in the car again at 6:30 and do the hour drive south, drop them off, and turn around. J and I are starting a bad habit of stopping at the DQ at the halfway point of that final drive for small ice cream cones...a reward.

 Also, Miss S. She is not ready to see them, so it means she leaves the house. I understand this is her choice, and that she could do other things.  Somehow  it feels like she thinks I am choosing to see her brothers instead of her.  I struggle with this; I don't know if she feels this way or not. I know it's not an ideal situation, but hopefully it won't last long.

Meanwhile, it's interesting to be with the young men. They are not terribly communicative, not great talkers. One-on-one is best, but if they are together, they tend to quiet down. Right now Jason speaks more, and more comfortably, and seems to be in the alpha phase. The two have always alternated who is more dominant  throughout their lives. Both have the same sense of humor, and will  laugh the same way at the same things; for instance, certain phrases J uses will strike them both at the same time. It's eerie to hear them, like listening in stereo.

J has noticed one has to ask them very specific questions. I asked them to tell me a story of something that had happened to them in the past 10 years. Both went silent, and couldn't come up with anything. But J later asked them "what tv shows did you watch in the motel rooms while you were on the road?", and immediately they were naming a few.

They already are tired of the job and are thinking of something else they could do for a living. Both do not like sitting at a desk all day talking on the phone. Can't say I blame them, but when I asked what they did want to do, neither could come up with anything. I suggested they look at those tests online where you match up your personality and skills with various  careers which would fit. (I cannot think of the name of these things...I'm getting old. Is it "career counseling"? something like that...)

J asked if they were in the same part of the building where their dad is, and there was a silence, and then one said that he wasn't working there anymore. What??  I really had to stop myself from asking more questions, because I wouldn't have been able to keep my tone neutral.  Fortunately J is under no such constraints, so he asked, and we learned he is now driving supplies back and forth to Grants Pass, not for that company even, but for something completely different. (I don't know why I'm surprised. He has always been like that. Took me a long time to catch on.)

After arriving home, we did feed them burgers for a late lunch because they hadn't eaten anything; then we all went outside. J and one son worked on digging the new trench in front of the carport, and the other son and I worked on stacking the wood which had already been split. After a half hour, we switched sons, and that one and I were about 3/4 of the way done with our job when he put one more log on the farthest stack---and the end third of two rows came tumbling down....Basically everything we had done had to be done over. No one was hurt, though. J and the other son helped us with re-stacking everything, and it did all get done much quicker with four doing the work. That all took an hour and a half or so. By that time we were all drenched with sweat, and ready to stop. It was about 4:30, and getting hotter by the minute despite working in the shade. Ugh.

Inside we talked more, and J began making the spaghetti sauce using ingredients from our very own garden. It simmered for an hour or so, and then we had a wonderful dinner with garlic bread. One of his better creations. We watched the local news and the national news; I had the feeling they don't normally watch the news. But J and I do become quite ...vocal...at times, which I noticed the guys paying attention to.

And then we all piled into the car, Murphy too, and headed back. Dropping them off always feels so sad; I am depressed thinking of how odd and difficult the world must be for them.  They are handicapped in some ways, and I wonder what will happen to them. N in particular is stuck paying $500+ per month in child support for the next 15 years at least. That leaves him with not much to live on. How discouraged he must feel! Sure, he's doing the right thing, and knows he is responsible for the two girls, but when I look at him objectively, he is kind of at a dead-end. It's hard not to allow myself to get sucked into his depression. He does seem light-hearted at times, and seems to have a deep faith. Thank God.

At home again, we collapsed. J took his long hot bath as usual, and I settled in to watch Outlander; which is my big treat these days. Only on episode two, and it is wonderful. I'm so enjoying this.

Today we did a long walk at 8:30am, and  then J watered the lawn and garden. He pulled a muscle in his upper back/rib area and is struggling to keep going. But he's tough, he insists on doing his regular stuff, just slower than usual. Today is my quiet day, to write, read, putter, water plants inside, straighten out my desk, etc. And my sister and I have a Plan to talk on the phone today. Funny that we have to plan this, but since neither of us enjoys phone time, we do have to make the effort to get more comfortable with it.

Tomorrow I have off work, because my NP is out. I will head out and look for something inexpensive and appropriate for each of my granddaughters. Gabby turns 7 on Sept 4, and Layla turns one year old on Sept 8. Gabby is already in second grade!  I must figure out a way to visit next year-- it's been 3 years since I've seen her. Too long. Then work the rest of the week.

I like three day weekends.Thank you, God.

Sunday

95 degrees today. It's been in the 90s again all week during the day, and dropping into the upper 50s at night. So grateful for that at least.

We were out and walking by 8:20 this morning, and then worked outside on the woodpiles. We have so much wood! Grateful for that too. J does the sawing and splitting, and I help with the loading into the utility cart, and then unloading it at the place where we are stacking. That part is all under a roof, so at least it's shady. Worked more outside in the gardens, and then I helped J with making the lower part of the  back deck more level. Over time it has sunk into the ground because we are so close to the water, so every now and then we get to re-level things.

Not feeling too productive today, after the stuff we did already. I am tired and cranky, and I will be lying down shortly with a book. Inside.

 Originally I thought my sons would be here yesterday afternoon, but their dad wanted them to be with him instead. Then they suggested to come up today instead, but you know what--I like my Sundays alone. I don't like doing anything on Sundays except staying home, reading, relaxing, puttering, listening to music--whatever. I had the ability to say to the boys that No, Sunday wouldn't work for me...so let's try for next weekend. I could tell they were disappointed, and I was kind of bothered by that, but not enough to dredge up the energy to change my mind and do something that I would ultimately end up resenting.

Their work shifts are 1pm to 10pm, M-F. I hope they continue to do well there.

Work goes well, nothing terrible happening. Well, we continue to have a lot of no-shows, to the point where the COO actually emailed NP and the docs, pointing out the number of no-shows for each provider, and encouraging us to turn this around. Hello!  We book every single day, every single appt! Not our fault if people are jerks and decide not to show up. The vast majority of the NoShows have been either Consults or Hospital Follow Ups (where the pt is seen one time after an ER visit during which our Neuro docs were consulted) and those have all been on NP's schedule because they can get in much quicker to see her. Naturally it makes us look worse when these folks don't keep the appt...

However, the docs and the BOD recently decided to have only the MDs see most of the new patient consults and all the HFUs. So we will see if this changes things. I don't know how it would, but since the MDs are booked up three months out,  that might be a clue right there. We have another MD joining us in January I think; that might ease up the congestion. NP should be seeing the recheck appts, or consults for headache issues, since that is her special interest.

Anyway, it's all internal stuff, and nothing to do with personalities. I'm very happy there; we have some definitely challenging patients, and recently we even caught up (and ultimately dismissed from the practice) with a patient who had Munchausen's. That is a special interest of mine, for some reason. People are so crafty, so challenging. It was exciting.

Too hot to sit in the kitchen typing. S is at her tutor's working madly on the hated trig. J and I will sit in the living room and watch a movie, I think.

Hot August.

Sunday

Three issues with the two cars, and boom, there's another $600 on the credit cards. DAMN IT. We keep getting so close to being paid off, and then something happens. These were necessary to keep the cars going though, and we do have somewhat of an emergency fund. And it's still a lot cheaper than a car payment. My Honda has 160K now, at nine years old. Still doing pretty darn well. I've been very pleased.

Well, it's a process, isn't it. Another $500 has gone to the Student loan people, and that's what's most important now. The rest will take care of itself, eventually.

 I did manage to get a hair trim/cut yesterday and had my straggly ends dealt with. Growing out my hair is also a looong process. None of the products (I've been using for 20 years) are working any more for managing  longer hair so I'm experimenting with new ones; and while my hair in front --my former bangs-- have grown out a lot, it's still not long enough to put behind my ears and out of my face. So, bobby pins. Not something I've worn in many years if ever at all. Can't help feeling bobby pins look silly on my head--I'm almost 60 for chrissake. I really don't see too many other people my age with this issue! Sigh.

Still, I keep getting compliments from people. So as strange and different and unruly and frustrating as it feels, it must be looking all right.

Had to let grandchild #3's mom know that I couldn't manage the trip down to Fullerton for the big First birthday celebration in a few weeks.  I thought she would be upset, because she'd been telling me how excited she was for everyone to meet me,  but she did totally understand. And it turns out her older sis lives in P'land, and so when they come up here next year to visit her, they will be stopping by. That's an exciting prospect.  In the meantime, I just need to get birthday packages ready for Gabby who will be 7 on Sept 4th, and Layla, who's turning 1 just 4 days later.

Weather here continues with its very strange harsh sunshine, heat, and brightness. This past week a lot more of my patients were complaining of searing headaches and/or migraines. For many, sun or heat is a trigger,  and so I gave about 3 injections this week. (Hate doing these, have I mentioned that before??) Too hot to walk when I get home, so I usually walk much later in the day, after 7:30. This long heat-spell is extremely unusual, and some people --certainly not me, oh no!--- get crabby in the heat. It's exhausting, too. I'm perfectly aware that I'm getting cranky, but I have a hard time controlling it.Thank goodness it does cool down to the upper 50s each night.

S got a job! it doesn't start til toward the end of August, but it's at the Boys and Girls Club in C-town, assisting with the after school program. She will be done with her trig class by then, and so with the substitute hours in the morning at the preschool, and after school hours at the Club, and working at the nursery at the church on Sundays, hopefully she will be able to fully support herself. She's talking now about moving in with a roommate in a couple of months. Yay! Not that we are pushing her out, but it's going to be nice to have our house back. J is endlessly patient, and willing to keep her here until she is on her feet;  and pays for her tutor and her gas for the car, and we loaned her some cash for a couple of bills. I know she will pay us back at some point, but at least this direction is upward. Just one step at a  time.

J and I went to our concert Thursday night and had a great, great time. Two big names, Rod Stewart and Carlos Santana. Both draw very different crowds. It seemed an odd pairing to me, but it worked well; Santana played first for 90 minutes, then there was a break while they switched the stage around, and then Rod came out; later they played one song together, and all seemed very chummy, very respectful and playful. It ended around 11.  Seeing Santana has been on my bucket list for many years, and hearing him live was a fulfilling of a dream. Had to buy a t-shirt, too. I never do that!...but I did.  I had to work the next day of course, but did all right. Wasn't until Friday night that the exhaustion kicked in.

Driving home from the show, the skies were lit up most of the way with the most intense and scary lightning display. We normally don't get thunder and lightning, so when it does make an appearance it also usually does some damage. Sure enough, as J and I were completing the loop of our walk today we found where just down the road from us was where a huge old oak was split, losing three of its giant limbs which are now leaning down across the telephone wires. J and our neighbor  H will go down to it tomorrow afternoon and chop it up for our wood pile and then carry it back to our house. That's a lot of wood.

And now, (poor me!) I have no concerts to look forward to. There's one band I'd love to see, have been a fan for many years, but not only is it again down in Eugene, but it's outside. And I'm old: it's just too hot to sit outside, bringing blankets and food and moving through the crowds...then driving home again. True I don't have to work the next day, but it does take me a couple of days to recover from the lost sleep, the whole experience. Not to mention the cost of the tickets.

Our company picnic is later this month, being held at the Fairgrounds up the road. The fair ground has lots of shade from the savannah oak trees, and lots of barns, exhibit halls, and lots of camping areas. I'd like to bring my three children, but don't see how it'll work (S is still not present if the boys are at our house).  Guess I'll see whether S is interested in going with us. If she isn't, then I have to figure out how to get the boys up here in time; It's being held outside, from 11-3,  and I like that we don't have to stay for the whole thing.

I have one three-day weekend this month, and two next month; then there'll be two more (I think) two-week stretches where my provider is out in Sept and Oct. I can't afford to take that much time off unpaid, so I will be assigned to work somewhere else in the Clinic. I feel a bit less anxious about it this time, but I'm trying not to look ahead too much.

Sunday afternoon. So Hot. Chickens are thriving, the garden is producing, we're eating a lot of salads and veggies from the garden.  No eggs yet from the chicks  but that will happen any day now; they are almost 4 months old. They are eating like hogs, especially anything green. They are desperate  for greens, so we pick weeds, and toss the trimmings in there along with the grass clippings. So fun to watch them.

S is cooking part of the dinner tonight, the quinoa, and J is doing the halibut and the salad. Should be good.

Gotta get going... happy life.