Sunday

Last Sunday of the year 2023. So damn grateful it's over, as it hasn't been a good year for me-- health-wise anyway. Tonight is NY's Eve, and tomorrow will be 2024.

 As exhausting as it was to pack up all the Christmas stuff on Thursday, I am so glad it's all done. Normally I pack up Christmas stuff on NY Eve. This year I was on a roll for a few days, and tackled that also.

 Fortunately J helped so much. I think he was searching for something to occupy his mind, instead of this endless holiday grief. He and his whole family are grieving the losses of son/brother, mothers/aunts, and husband/father. J is continuing with his counseling, and does not share what is happening there, but he comes back strangely calmer, more accepting. I assume he is getting help dealing with his lifelong grief.

 Anyway, J did the hard work of un-doing outside Christmas and packing it all up. (Except the flamingo: we are going to leave him up. I love that little thing!)  We also had bought a portable ornament holder/storage container, and also one for the  tree. Those made a hell of a difference. J was astounded at how much Christmas stuff/decor etc we actually have, because every year I rotate a lot of it out, so not all of it is displayed at once. It can be overwhelming, frankly. 

Once we were done packing it all up, and vacuuming, and it was all stowed in the car, we collapsed.  That was also the day the electrician came to figure out why the kitchen lights keep dimming intermittently.  I don't remember the explanation he gave J and that I overheard, but the impression was that it was all fixed, nothing to worry about. 

And the next morning, it started happening again. Arghh.  It means calling the guy and having him come out again. Fortunately there is no charge.

Okay, Monday was Christmas, and since we'd opened presents the night before with MissS, Christmas morning was quiet and peaceful.  MissS arrived at 1:20, and we were loaded up and out the door in her car by 1:30. Sis and BIL and Dad were all there at her house, and while it was sunny, it wasn't exactly warm. It was warm enough to leave the sliders to the pool open, so it was comfortable. Dad and J played chess. 

BIL's son and daughter were there, and  it was great to see them. I haven't seen Shannon since February, before I lost my hair, so I'm sure it was a shock. (There go the lights again, dimming and then brightening...)

There was plenty of food, and snacks, and wine, and the dinner was wonderful all around. We handed out our little snack bags of various stuff we'd made, which were a big hit.

Tuesday I was fatigued and nauseated. Actually that lasted most of the week.   

Wednesday, the new pest guy came and did his thing. 

Thursday packages arrived, and yet not the things I was expecting for MissS. 

Friday Dad admitted he was having a lot of pain, and so Sis and he went off to the ER. They were there all day, being tested, labs done,etc. Later in the afternoon it became clear he was being admitted, so IV antibiotics could be given and monitored.

We were hoping he'd be able to be released today, but we were just informed that's not happening: he is still having some pain, and unable to poo. Poor guy.  The worst thing is the effect this separation is having on both he and his dog. He is so worried about his dog, and it's clear the dog is absolutely not interested anything  unless it's Dad, coming home. 

Sis has been with Dad almost non-stop, while BIL stays at home with Rufus.  Bro and SIL visited him Friday night, and we visited Saturday afternoon after the Meeting. 

I was able to turn over the key to the building to someone else for the month of January, and that's a huge relief. I was also able to give the aloe juice to my friend, and help with the Secretarial duties again because another dear friend was absent.

 Another dear friend was home due to an injury, and yet another dear friend just turned 70! He looks just the same as he did when I first met him 7 years ago. He and I are good friends, and both of us are happily married to our spouses. That's a comfortable feeling.

Well. I will be having a quiet day today, and probably tomorrow also.  I'm pretty tired.

Happy New Year! 2024 needs to be better.

TYG

 

Sunday

A

 Another Sunday--although it's hard to believe. I have one more bit of baking to do today,  and that involves running to Publix, and then MissS is coming over for the afternoon and dinner. J is napping: this is his and his extended family's first Christmas without Zeke, and Beth's first Christmas without her husband George, and Jeremiah Jr's first Christmas without his mom (J's second ex wife), and Brenda and Brand's first Christmas without their mom (J's first ex wife).  So all in his family are grieving, going into the holiday season. 

My friend Cathy is also facing this holiday without her husband. But to balance that, my friend Jennie is celebrating her very first grandchild, a boy. She is over the moon excited. And my other friend Judy is celebrating her first Christmas with her second grandchild, so life is going on. As it does.

Tomorrow we'll go to Sis' house, and the family will be there, everyone except Bro and SIL, who are spending it with her side of the family. 

Monday last week I woke up with an actual migraine. It had been building for days, and that was the worst. I just took a big-gun pill and stayed in bed, staying in pj's when I did  get up.  Haven't had one that bad in months.

Later as it was getting dark, the transformer behind our house exploded again. This is probably the fifth time since we moved here. Everyone on our side of the street called and reported it. It took about an hour and a half, but they did fix it finally.

Tuesday morning I had my infusion: it was one of those days where everything was going wrong. Heavy traffic,  then we  pulled into the wrong driveway, then they gave me the wrong ID bracelet when I checked in,  and once I was checked in I was ushered to an exam room where I didn't get to see DrA but  saw the NP instead. She is notorious for being slow and methodical. Nice enough but OMG. 

Once I was in the infusion room, it was utter chaos, and I sat for quite a while. One of the nurses obtained my lab work from my port and then went to lunch (without telling the others that I was waiting for those results before my infusion could begin), so I sat there for another half an hour. (I learned that meanwhile, J had fallen asleep in the waiting room...)  

Finally one of the receptionists came back to inquire why I wasn't done yet, and at that point I could see all the nurses looking at me and whispering. Yep, I'm waiting... not so patiently. Oh boy, they all apologized, and blamed each other in low tones, and even told me I should have spoken up sooner. Like this was my fault. 

Well, finally I was done, and J and I raced for the echocardiogram appt, where we were about 20 minutes early. But soon enough the tech came out to get me. She literally introduced herself and then said "I'll be doing the exam today". And that was it. Not another word for the next 20-25 minutes. I just gave up expecting any small talk, or explanations (I have done this 3-4 times this year already), and just daydreamed. 

She did tell me DrA would have the results in 3-5 days. So I'll check my records online and see if it's there. We went home, and collapsed; the dogs were thrilled to see us and to go outside. 

Murphy is going through about 4 diapers every day, poor guy. He doesn't seem to be in as much pain as he was, so that's good.

Wednesday, another screwed up day: the door installer guy came, and instead of bringing a crew, it was he alone, installing the one side door--  because our double doors hadn't arrived!! Even though the organizer of the project said the doors were in, she was mistaken.  So we still don't know when those doors will arrive, much less get installed. 

Meanwhile we do have a wonderful new side door. Meanwhile...

...There turned out to be a flaw in this door, and we were given the option of returning it and waiting for a new perfect one, which we agreed to. However, J then discussed this thoroughly, and the guy managed to fix the flaw, and it doesn't show at all, plus he gave us a big discount. 

And then there was still another problem: the hardware, my beautiful door handle, wouldn't fit on this door. The door guy said, "They should have known it wouldn't fit when you ordered it...."  So he had to put the old lock set back on, and will order a new lock set, which he'll bring when the other doors are installed...sometime in January.

We have paid for all this of course, and it's such a helpless feeling. There's nothing we can do, except wait. If they'd originally told us back in October when we chose these doors that the install wouldn't be until January, fine; we would have relaxed. But they specifically said, early December.  Then it became late December. Then it was, well, the doors aren't actually here yet...  Now, we don't really know any thing.

Thursday, MissS came over and we made two batches of... oops! Can't say, since they are gifts... Everything turned out great, and we had fun doing this.

Friday I made more goodies, and then we went to the lab for my final sample after being off the nasty antibiotic.  

We also went shopping for a new handbag for me: I did find one that would do, and yet I will be returning it today, as the strap is extremely annoying. I have gone back to the bag I'd originally stopped using almost a year ago (because it was too heavy on my arm after the surgery), and happily it is just fine now. It feels fine, and not too heavy. So I am doing better, getting stronger.  

Saturday we went to the Meeting,  and had a wonderful time. As always.

Afterwards we did what we thought was final shopping, and came home. I was quite wiped out by then, and took the rest of the day off, sitting and embroidering, and watching a couple of Christmas movies. J meanwhile washed all the outside windows on the back and side of the house. Amazing what a difference that makes.

Now here the Big Day is, already. I realize  I am dealing with a chronic illness, and that affects my general health and energy level, but I look back and wonder how on earth I ever got All The Things Done, while working full-time.  Wow. 

My sons are in Oregon, and don't really stay in touch; but I did send each of them some cash for Christmas. Not a lot, but what I could afford. I haven't heard a word from them. So I will re-think this offering for next year. Probably won't do it again.

 Hard to not do it for one son, because he's the father of my youngest granddaughter. She was born after we left OR so I never got to meet her. But I love her mom, and the other two girls, despite how unhappy Amber is with my son's drinking.  

The kitties are all enjoying the Christmas tree, and have broken a few ornaments already. Sigh. But at least they haven't knocked it over.  They are loving, and fun to watch,  and so affectionate. I feel so lucky--these B&W brothers are just so sweet.

Okay, must go get final FINAL shopping done.

TYG

Sunday

 Another weekend, at last. Although I am retired, I still mentally think I can "relax" on the weekends. Ridiculous, but that's what a lifetime of working will do to you, or me anyway.

Last week was much better in ways: but Monday was a wash. 

Tuesday we got up very early so we could be on the road in time to make my 9:15 appt down in NSB, a half-hour drive. I was feeling ill, nauseated, headach-ey, metal taste in dry mouth, etc.  My doc saw immediately I was miserable. When I was weighed, I had lost 7 pounds, because I am unable to eat more than a few bites. She saw that and after I'd reported all my other symptoms, she said, shaking her head, "Well, we can't have you losing weight, and not eating, because you're anemic already. We'll take you off this (medication I still cannot pronounce) and in a few days you can start this other one instead." 

The relief! OMG. I was almost in tears. Knowing I don't have to put that medication in my body anymore is... indescribable. I don't even know if it was working; it's the same one I was taking back in March, so for future reference I won't be taking that one anymore, no matter how long I am fighting this infection. 

I'll see her in another month, and if anything else develops, I am to call. 

So we went home, and I got into my pj's, and rested on the sofa the next few days, feeling a bit better each day as that med left my system.

Wednesday J drove us to TLI for my mammograms, and this time I was able to actually wait in the waiting room afterwards for my results. It took about a half hour, but the radiologist was slammed, and I didn't mind waiting at all. Especially when I got the good news: all looks good now. 

He does want me to come back in May, to recheck the left side, "to monitor the changes". Hmm. Well, I'm not going to borrow trouble; I will live as though I'm cured. I'll see my surgeon in  a month, and she'll go over the results with me, although I was given a copy of the results.  J actually shed a few tears when I told him everything was good. His shoulders dropped about 3 inches.

We also picked up the meds I need, although I didn't start the new one until Saturday night. I only take that new one once a day. It does hurt my stomach a bit but nowhere near as bad as the previous one. I'm okay with that. Living with 30-40% discomfort is far better than living with 80-100% discomfort.

The next morning, Thursday,  J was up and gone early for a derm appt, to check out a strange area on his hand. The doc didn't know what it was either so she gave him a prescription cream to try. 

And at noon he left again for a counseling appt. They had sent him an email reminding him of the appt and location, but of course they gave him the wrong location... so the poor guy didn't have much of his hour by the time it was straightened out. He has another appt this week.

And maybe because of these difficulties, we had another ... kerfuffle that evening. Right after dinner. It was so stupid. I was feeling badly nauseated again, which comes and goes randomly.  I said something carelessly (because I felt so sick I could barely form a coherent sentence, trying not to throw up) in response to something he said, and he completely took it the wrong way, accusing me of "once again, as you have done innumerable times, insulting me, telling me how unattractive I am!"  And so on. OMG.  

I tried to explain. (It was because I had carelessly phrased something: that I had wanted to start an evening ritual of massaging each other's feet with this special thick cream, to help us with both our dry feet. But I added that I couldn't start it that night because I couldn't tolerate the bending over to do his feet. I meant that I would throw up if I moved that way, but he took it that it was his feet that would have turned my stomach. 

That was when he got up and went into the kitchen.  I had no idea anything was wrong at that point, as he normally does clean up after dinner. So I got up also to get my laptop, and in the kitchen I noticed he was placing things unnaturally harder down on the counter or in the dishwasher. Not quite slamming...but definitely to express some feeling.

I asked, are you okay?  And he turned and said NO. And he launched into the above tirade. For the first time, I threw up both my hands and turned, leaving the room without speaking, dreading the next few minutes. Sure enough, he followed me, hurt, angry, twisting my words, attributing some pretty nasty things/words/actions to me, all in an attempt to make him feel worse. 

That is so not me. Have I ever done that? Yes, in my previous marriage,  before I joined AlAnon and learned how to communicate frustration or anger in a healthy and safe environment. I have never, ever been rude, sarcastic,  or disrespectful to anyone since then. I know how much that hurts, and I will leave the room to bite my tongue or calm down, before I speak that way again. (I even stopped speaking to my ex that way, back then, because I wanted to demonstrate respect and patience, no matter how I felt about what he was saying to hurt me.)

So to hear this accusation again, well, it made me angry and hurt. I just stopped talking, and he eventually left the room once I wouldn't engage, and went to bed after his bathtime ritual. Meanwhile I was trying to calm down, and mentally rehearsing  how I wanted to handle this. 

When I was ready for bed, I closed the house down and did  my own bedtime ritual. When I entered the bedroom he was clinging to the farthest edge of the bed he could, without falling off. I thought for a moment, and then asked if he wanted me to sleep on the sofa. That set him off again, highly upset in a dramatic way, accusing me of wanting to sleep out there so I could make some phone calls to someone.  Ay-yi-yi.

I'm detailing this because these temper tantrums are slowly worsening over time. I want a record of these, because I cannot tell if these are a symptom of something medical, or if he is truly upset about something I have done and just unable to express it clearly.

 So we talked it out, me standing by the bed, him lying on his back, arms crossed over his chest, sounding like he was pouting? melodramatic? But this time I just let him talk it all out, ignoring the various accusations, and he gradually calmed down. 

Soon he was terribly embarrassed by his own outburst, and we could talk rationally. I still was cautious in my phrasing, but so was he, both of us trying to figure out why these kerfuffles were happening.  We talked a long time, and got things straightened out, and he apologized over and over again. He does a lot of self reflection in the following days, and apologizes multiple times.

Everything is fine now, we are back to the comfortable way of speaking to each other, and I can relax.  Until the next time. These do happen in the evening usually, so I just must be aware of his moods more than ever, and sidestep whenever possible. Ugh.

Friday morning I was feeling better, and we loaded up the dogs into the car. At the vet's office, we had a long talk with her about Murphy's aging, his dementia, his inability to see or hear much, his appetite, his incontinence. After which she wanted to put him on an anti-inflammatory for his arthritis, but needed to check kidney function first.  They took him to the back room for blood and urine samples, and we could hear him howling and crying. Apparently he was also growling.

That evening she called with the results, saying he was showing early signs of kidney disease, so she wanted to put him on something else instead. As it happened, we have plenty of the med she wanted to try, so J now adds it to his breakfast every morning. We also found a refrigerated fresh dog food to try instead of the canned stuff, and he and Missy just love it, scarfing down every bit.

That night was the first night of Reacher, Season 2. We started watching, one episode every night. 

Saturday morning we were out early again, to open up my meeting. I was filling in also for the absent Secretary, and it was  a great meeting as usual. One person insisted on giving me the box of dark chocolate-covered cherries she brought,  and that was so sweet.

We finished up our grocery shopping, and dropped off a package I needed to return. At home I made a couple of recipes I wanted to try, and they came out just perfectly. That stuff is so addictive!  These will be Christmas gifts.

I finished my Christmas cards and got them in the mail, while J prepped the outside for the big storm we had later. He fortunately tackled the area which usually floods--  so this morning we were bone dry, no flooding at all. YAY.  Such a relief, because we got a lot of wind and rain. The pool is overflowing again. No damage to anything outside, including the Christmas decorations. 

This week I have my infusion on Tuesday morning, and  my every-3-month-echocardiogram in the afternoon.  This time I asked for a woman to do the exam, because the guy I normally see gives me the creeps. No problem.

Wednesday morning at 7am the people arrive to install the new doors!  And that afternoon we have fence people coming. 

Thursday I have my labs done once again. And then we are obligation free until Monday, Christmas Day. We'll go to my sister's house for the afternoon, our first Christmas with Dad in who knows how many years. 

Maybe we'll do Christmas Eve dinner here for MissS and Kit? I don't know yet-- will discuss with her today.  If not, it will be a very peaceful evening. Which is fine.

Bro and SIL will be visiting her relatives over the holidays, so we'll miss them. We will plan on getting together with them after Christmas, maybe for New Year's.

Must get ready for MissS--she is on her way!

TYG

Sunday

 I can say that this past week was almost identical to last week. Health symptoms are the same,  except I finished the fluconazole on Tuesday, so my stomach has calmed down a bit. Not a lot, but some.

Monday we got the Christmas decorations  from storage, and I put the inside stuff up over the next two days. J put up all the outside stuff, lights, a new longer garland (because last year's are missing-- or they were tossed--I don't remember). That takes a surprising amount of energy.

Tuesday was more decorating. But before any of that, in the morning,  we (J) had sedated the boy cats enough for us to stuff them in their carriers. We woke up Murphy, something I don't like to do, and put everybody in the car. Missy was a ball of anxiety, shrieking and barking, while Murphy did well, and the cats only meowed twice while in the car.

Then 15 minutes later we arrived at a small salon called Doggie Stylz, which our vet had recommended.  I got out and walked around with Missy and Murphy to walk off their anxiety. J took the cats in first --it's a walk-in place-- and in less than 10 minutes he was outside again with them,  and then went back in with Murphy. This was to get all the animals' nails trimmed, at last. In 10 more minutes he was done, and it was paid for, and all taken care of.

I could not believe that I heard no whining, no crying, no yowling!  It is such a relief to have this huge weight off my shoulders; the cats' nails especially seriously needed trimming, but every time we tried they escaped and ran for their lives, or worse, squirmed in our arms and waved paws and claws  madly. It's a wonder no one was hurt.

But this guy! Wow. Seriously impressed both with the technical skills of trimming, and the speed. J loved this guy, and we will be back. It's a bit spendy, but well worth the $10 per animal. 

At home everybody ran around and got used to being home again, and then everybody went to sleep. I finished the decorating, and then worked on the embroidery. 

Wednesday, an AlAnon friend called me, and we talked for half an hour. That felt good to be able to help, despite my not having much of a voice.

Also: in the late afternoon, the cats were in the enclosure and so was Murphy, wandering around the back of it. Thank the gods I was there watching because Sammy misjudged a step while dodging around Murphy, and fell into the deep end of the pool!  As I yelled, and began to hurry back there, I watched as he pulled himself up and crawled out. What a shock. He immediately began licking himself, and I worried about the chlorine ingestion. I went back inside and got a towel to bundle him in and dry him off,  but he would have none of it, and ran like hell away from me. 

I eventually gave up, and J reassured me there was probably not enough chlorine to hurt him. We watched him for an hour or so, keeping him  INside, and he seemed fine.  That was a huge lesson for him. And a big scare for us.

Thursday I pulled myself together and we drove to the lab, for another sample to be drawn while I'm on this damn antibiotic.  That was my big adventure for the day.

Friday, I felt even worse, and J went to his counseling appt, while I had no energy or desire to do a damn thing. I watched a couple of movies, and cuddled the cats. I couldn't even do much embroidery. 

Saturday I again pulled myself together, and we drove to the Meeting. I admitted to a few friends how poorly I was doing, and everyone was so supportive and loving. My voice was gone that day, so it's probably just as well I couldn't share. All I would have done is complain, cry, whine.

I look around and see how much needs to be done, and while J is just working like a horse to keep the house going, meals prepped and cleaned up afterwards, feeding all the animals and emptying out litter boxes; well, I just feel worse. This poor guy didn't ask for a chronically ill wife.

I finally had a meltdown this morning. J listened and held me, and reassured me he loves me and loves taking care of me. There was more, but why bother writing about it. It's too depressing. 

I hope to god that my doc will think I've improved (although I sure as hell don't see or feel any  improvement. Maybe she'll take me off this one antibiotic. I see her on Tuesday, and then go for my first mammograms since the diagnosis on Wednesday. 

I also spent time this week looking for a new dentist. I found one listed online with a great website, and they take my insurance. I can't pronounce the name of the dentist I'm seeing, but that doesn't matter. I scheduled an appt (online!)  but it's not until February. 

 I forgot the Event of the week: The Nutcracker ballet!  It was just gorgeous, and colorful, and well-done. So glorious to watch. The music is unforgettable, so beautiful. I kept thinking of Fantasia.  My daughter had a great idea to do this, as a Girl Thing. I feel badly that we didn't ask SIL to join us; I bet she would have loved it too. Next time...

Well, the house is decorated inside and outside,  and we have a few more gifts to take care of, wrap, label; I also need to do my Christmas cards.  Maybe I can do that today.  I am pleased with how the decorations look.

We should be hearing from HD this week about the new doors; they should have arrived by now, and as soon as they arrive the install can be scheduled. It would be nice to have them done before Christmas. What a gift!

Despite my sadness and frustrations and helplessness, I feel lucky to have an amazing husband, and a loving, supportive family: siblings, daughter, father.  I need to concentrate on the good things, and focus on a gratitude list. There is so much to be grateful for while I am fighting this infection.

TYG

Sunday

 We  are eating banana pancakes J has made this morning-- they are yummy with the syrup from Vermont.  He made two giant-sized and thick pancakes for each of us, and I could only eat half. They were so good though!

So. Last Monday I went to my former work-building where the lab is. After checking in, I noticed someone behind the receptionist and she was staring at me. Just as I was thinking, "That person looks familiar...",  I realized it was one of my former co-workers, L.   I'd forgotten she was working per diem after leaving our pain management office in February. She came out to where I was and we hugged and got caught up for the next 10 minutes; also working that day was V, another former co-worker. So I got to see both of them and feel connected again. Both said I looked great, as they know my cancer and lung issue histories. 

Oddly, L has put on weight, and V has lost a significant amount. Amazing what working in a stressful environment will do. They both look happy and content. It was wonderful. They suggested lunch sometime, and of course I said yes. We'll see.

When I had my labs drawn, the tech revealed she is waiting to hear the results of a second mammogram, fully expecting it to be breast cancer. She seemed resigned to it, but interested in the process I'd been through.  It's becoming more and more common these days.

Tuesday I called my ID doc and asked for some meds for a yeast infection, expecting it to be one pill. That was the treatment in the past. But no, the return call from the nurse said a whole week's worth of this same med. On top of the antibiotics. UGH. 

So we picked those up after going to my infusion appt at 11. I didn't see the doc that day, but apparently my labs were ok. Everything went well, and I even saw the same lady as I had met at the last infusion, who'd given me a hug. I heard the nurse call her Janet, so as soon as I got into my recliner and was settled in, I looked over at her and smiled and waved. 

It turns out that when she left, done with her infusion before mine was over, she sat out in the lobby and talked with J for awhile!  They have a shared interest in the plumeria plant, and she gave J some tips ( we have 5 that are struggling, on our front lawn).

Wednesday I felt awful. It was probably the combination of the new med plus the antibiotics. I don't know for sure. I was dizzy, nauseated, upset stomach, headache, terrible dry mouth along with a constant metal taste,  and of course the ever-present fatigue.  This continued through Thursday also. It was miserable. There are times I really, really hate going through these treatments. I feel so sorry for myself, and angry, and helpless to do anything. 

J is such a lifesaver. Ever cheerful when taking care of me, bringing me more water, or preparing my food, which I cannot eat much of. Very tender, very concerned, never impatient or upset. I have a nebulizer I use twice a day, and he prepares it for me, and then cleans up and sterilizes it afterwards.  He is amazing. I fully realize how lucky I am. 

Friday I felt well enough that I sat down and we paid bills. Then I had an appt with my neurologist, my yearly check up. She was very pleased with my progress, and actually said the much-increased dosage of gabapentin was helping with prevention of the headaches (in addition to having been prescribed for the neuropathy). Science-type reason, chemical interactions I don't understand. However, since DrA is prescribing that one, and my PCP is prescribing the BP/headache control med, she said I actually don't need to see her again, unless the headaches get worse. 

Then we went to the CU with all the paperwork, and spoke with someone who knew exactly what to do and who would manage this. So she took the forms and we'll wait to hear from them. 

What a relief not to have to call JPMorgan again. (I'd done so that morning, and got someone who was clearly either just learning the job, or impatient with me: he kept putting me on hold "to check on this", whatever we were discussing. It took forever. Well, almost 30 minutes, but it felt endless.

To top this off, J doesn't understand why Chase and JPMorgan are separate entities, and that I can't call Chase for help with anything regarding the  IRA. That part is strictly handled by JPMorgan. 

It's especially complicated because we are leaving the one stock in the IRA, and have liquidated the others. I'm moving that portion to the CU, where it will be transformed into CDs.

J is still puzzled about why we changed to the CU anyway. Other than the rest of the family being there too, I don't have a great answer, except that I have had great confusion with Chase's accounting system. My checkbook almost never matched what they said, and it's defeating to continue with a system where I'm always wrong, and never sure how much is really in the account.

Unfortunately J seems to avoid learning about the CU's online checking/saving,etc. He lets me handle it all, which feels a bit overwhelming sometimes. He then grumbles, but says in a martyred tone of voice that he doesn't know anything, that "you're handling it all now, I have no idea".  

I really think he needs to know what I'm doing, but he seems resistant. We were talking again about the damn IRAs (I have three separate ones), and after I'd tried to explain yet again what I wanted to do (close down the use of Chase except for the IRA), he shook his head and just said "I can't keep it straight. What's going to happen if you die first? Where is all the money going?"

Now, we've had that  conversation many times over the years. He knows he is the beneficiary on all of the stuff, with Sis as a back-up.  He acts as if he... has forgotten all of that. 

So I tried to reassure him, repeated where all the various things were and what would happen, and he shook his head and said, "Is this all written down somewhere?" 

I guess I know what I have to do.  At 85 he is forgetful, and due to the hearing loss he mis-hears things, which I have no idea about until we are talking and he says something that I supposedly said, or Sis said, or MissS, anyone.  Then I'm the one trying not to stare in amazement over where he got this info. If I do stare he gets huffy/or hurt/  or angry, and says "Don't look at me like I'm stupid! Maybe I didn't understand or maybe I heard wrong!"  It's a tangled conversation, where I need to tread very carefully. 

He has an appt with his counselor next week, and maybe that will release some of his pressure. This fall both his first two wives have died, and while they no longer speak to him, he is grieving with his children from those wives.  Plus of course the grieving over Zeke.  

Saturday we went to  my meeting. I tried taking an anti-nausea pill, and that helped somewhat. I was supposed to get there early, as I was responsible for the set-up this month, but G was there first and had already started. Phew! Plenty of time to talk with friends, and catch up.

In the afternoon, Bro and SIL came over to drop off some of Dad's albums for me to go over, and return the deviled egg carrier. The big surprise was they'd found a light-up lawn Christmas flamingo for me!  It is so adorable, and I am just so appreciative. It was so thoughtful of them to remember I'd absolutely loved theirs. 

 J was visiting a neighbor so he didn't get to see them, but we spent a half hour or so here. Murphy and Missy were interested (Bro said he didn't recognize Murphy after his haircut), and the cats were out and about, so Bro and SIL got to see them in a relaxed atmosphere.  It was a great visit.

When J got back after they'd left, he was disappointed to have missed them. But he loved the flamingo too, and we promptly put it together. We haven't yet gotten our Christmas stuff from storage, but that is the plan for this week. In the meantime, the little flamingo (he's 3 feet tall) has a cheery holiday-ish scarf, and stands in front of the house. Tonight I will take a photo, and try to add it to this entry.  He just makes the whole area look Christmas-y.

This afternoon, Sis and MissS and I are going to see The Nutcracker ballet here at the Peabody. We are really looking forward to it, and I am determined  I will continue to feel well enough to enjoy it.

I am pretty lucky, really. I have so much support, and love surrounds me. I am very grateful. 

TYG

Sunday

 Almost 11am, J is still napping, after getting up at 6 and dealing with the morning chores. He not only took Missy for a walk, but came back home and dropped her off, and then went back out to walk another 2 miles. He wasn't strolling either, but pushing himself to walk fast.

This always results in exhaustion a few hours later, and yet he is still surprised that he feels the need for a nap.  He has been doing this routine for a month or so, maybe longer. His doc thinks he is in great shape, except for about 15 extra pounds. 

This past week was very satisfying. Monday afternoon I made turkey tetrazzini which came out well. So well that we ate that for two more nights. There was still enough left over for a couple of meals, so I froze it.

Tuesday my upgraded Kindle arrived, and I set that up. The difference in speed is astounding. Amazing what they can do in 5 years' time; it's the same tablet but faster and lighter and with more storage. I'm really loving the difference.

And then I gritted my teeth and made the phone call to JPMorgan.  Trying to liquidate all the stocks except the one money maker, and then remove that cash to be able to send it to my credit union to then put my IRA funds into a CD is turning out to be an endless process, requiring multiple phone calls.

But I did spoke with two separate people who walked me through what I needed to do on my end, and then explained what I needed to do at the CU. 

So we did that Wednesday; well, I did that Wednesday. J had to wait at home for the bug guy's visit, and so I headed for the CU only to have them tell me it wasn't quite that simple. There are more forms to be filled out, which unfortunately requires another phone call to JPMorgan. Ugh. I learned this the day before a long weekend/holiday. I was planning to call them when I got home.

But by the time I actually did get home (because on this, my first trip alone in months, I naturally had to go shopping/browsing at a few stores I'd been dying to check out), I was utterly exhausted. I get so frustrated with my fatigue level. I just didn't have the energy to make a phone call and try to understand what they were telling me.

So I will call tomorrow. Hopefully I will have the brain power to do so, because I also have to go have some labs drawn, and we are also planning on getting the Christmas stuff out of the storage unit. I don't think I will have the energy to actually put the tree up also, but we'll see.

Thursday, Thanksgiving, I made the deviled eggs and the hard sauce, for the family gathering at Bro and SIL's house. I misread the text explaining what time to arrive, so we were late. I hate that. I felt so stupid.

Anyway it was a wonderful get together,as it always is. The weather was nicely  cool, and we could sit outside and drink our wine, and then head in as it was getting dark to sit at a beautifully decorated table. Nine of us filled two tables. First Thanksgiving with my dad and the whole rest of the family: it was such a blessing. 

I think my last Thanksgiving with my dad was around 50 years ago, when we went to my aunt's house. 

(That whole thing was a disaster-- my boyfriend at the time said some horribly controversial and shocking things and basically ruined the gathering.)

At the end of this meal Dad shared an experience he had had with my mom  and my grandmother, when on their first Thanksgiving they had gone to my great-uncle's house to celebrate. Lots of family and cousins there. 

Someone, probably GreatUncle Stu (my grandmother's brother) , requested that everyone share what they were thankful for. Dad was very moved by this, and requested that we do the same. He had remembered this even though it was almost 70 years ago. It must have made a great impact on him.

I don't know about anyone else, but I was quite surprised, and feeling very emotional because of the memory he shared. Maybe it was the wine... 

And so we all did, going around the table and sharing what we were most grateful for. Everyone there said Family was the most important thing, and then health, and good food and a roof over our heads. The emotion in the room was palpable. It meant so much to me that Dad spoke up and requested this, because of his shyness and discomfort with speaking in a group. 

It was a great experience. The only thing that was ridiculous was that no one got photos!  Why, oh why, didn't we think of that!!

Friday both J and I were tired, and didn't do that much. Saturday I woke up feeling sick and nauseated and headache-y. Fortunately I remembered I had anti-nausea meds, and took one, and wow. In about an hour I was feeling so much better. We went to the Meeting, and it was a wonderful time.

That's about it. Murphy's diaper experience is working out very well. His fur is growing back incredibly quickly. Missy is becoming more of a velcro dog, seeming to sense Murphy's imminent passing. She apparently barked and howled the whole time we were at Bro's house for dinner, according to our neighbor.  Jeez.

In spite of that, life is amazing. I'm so grateful.

TYG

Sunday

 My wandering dude is SO happy in the garden window in the kitchen!  Along with my three new (baby) African Violets, and my previous three (grown) AVs.  One of my baby AVs is actually flowering already. They were one of my extravagant presents to myself with the inheritance money, and I feel so blessed!

The new dining table is just perfect-- we are so happy with it. My cats love it too-- one in particular decided my chair is a good scratching post, so we are covering it with towels to break him of this before it becomes a habit. He has several perfectly good scratching posts, anyway. Grr.

One of our other "extravagant" purchases is our new stove, which got delivered in the absolutely pouring rain and wind we had on Thursday. The delivery guys were drenched. I was all set to tip them, but they said no, it wasn't their job to install and manage the connections. They just brought it in the house and left it and dried all the rain off it. (I am almost positive I did pay for installation, but it is not listed on the bill.) So I didn't bother tipping them.

And so J worked on this installation and connecting for the next two hours. He felt bad it "took so long" but I was thrilled he even knew what to do and didn't mind doing it. He did kick himself for not having the wrist dexterity he needed for unscrewing the back panel, and then clamping the cords, and all the rest of it, but jeez. He's 85 and he has severe arthritis in his wrists. I admired him for attempting and succeeding in this.

The delivery guys also said there'd be a smell when we turned on the oven for the first time, and not to worry. So when it was all hooked up and in place J turned it on, planning to make a meat loaf for dinner when the smell was gone.

Instead, 45 minutes later it was still reeking of chemicals, so we turned it off and decided to get a pizza instead.  That turned into an adventure too.  It was dark by then, and the rain was insane, along with the wind. (Not a hurricane, my ass...)  Still,  the pizza place was just a few hundred feet to the right when you leave our development.

Unfortunately it was rush hour by then. Between the dark, the rain, the wind, and all the cars, J got confused and missed the turn into the pizza place, then had to drive on until he could make a U-turn and come back, and cross the three lanes of traffic into the  entrance... poor guy. 

After picking up the pizza, he left the place, again having to make a right turn into the southbound traffic and find a place to make a U-turn, and then drive until he could make the left turn across three lanes of traffic into our development. And again in all the difficulty seeing, and the lack of yellow curb paint, he missed the turn. Had to continue driving again until he could make the U-turn, and come back. 

By the time he came inside with the pizza, he was a mess. Not only was he drenched, but emotionally he was almost the worst I've ever seen him. He could barely speak. He was upset with himself, frustrated, scared that he wasn't able to see, very scared at how close he'd come to multiple accidents, angry at himself for being so upset. 

After he'd changed clothes and we were sitting down with hot food, and realizing everything was done for the day, and we had a brand new stove which was working beautifully, he felt somewhat better.  We both fell into bed by 8, and slept like logs.

The next morning, the clouds were leaving after three days of rain , and we saw sun and blue sky. What a difference the sun makes!  

Of course it didn't last.  The rain started again, and I went to do yet another load of laundry--- and discovered the back bathroom was flooding. I yelled for J, and he rose to the challenge. Threw his rain poncho on, and went outside barefoot to deal with the  source of the flooding.

Then we both tackled the clean -up. He wouldn't let me do much as it was so damp in there it exacerbated my breathing problem, but when it was all cleaned up, and the cats could access their litter boxes, and blah blah blah, I ended up doing two more loads of laundry to deal with all the damn towels.

But thankfully we did have those towels, and thankfully J fixed the leak, and we sat and considered what would have happened if I hadn't just happened to try to start a laundry load at that particular moment. 

 In other news, Tuesday we drove down to NSB to see my infectious disease doc for the results of the CT scan. The good news is, it's NOT cancer. OMG, the relief. I actually started crying.

The bad news is, the "congestion" is the mold infection, worsening.  Fortunately the nebulizer twice a day is helping a lot with the cough and the shortness of breath. But she wants to add another antibiotic so I'll be taking two, every morning and evening. This particular one I have used before, but it was through the PICC line back in March. You may remember I didn't manage to last beyond 2 weeks on that horrifying debacle. 

I think the oral form of that med is more expensive which is why it had to be special ordered through my pharmacy. So I continued with the first antibiotic, but didn't get the second one until late Friday afternoon, in time to start it at the evening dose.  

With this one, I also need lab work done every 10 days. Oh joy. 

That afternoon the new gel topper arrived for the bed (to try to alleviate J's ongoing back pain). It was bloody heavy, and after installing it and remaking the bed we were very tired. But whether it was the work done that day, the errands we'd had to do, the gel topper, or the new antibiotic, neither of us slept. 

He was restless, and muttering a lot, and trying to get comfortable on the bed. I was restless, and trying to get comfortable, too. I think between the bathroom visits and the experience of trying to adjust to what felt like a new bed, and therefore trying to adjust the pillow/neck position, I just didn't sleep at all. I finished a book, and started a new one, and would feel sleepy, put down the Kindle, and instantly feel wide awake again. Oh, it was a loooong night.

Saturday morning we felt, so groggy, we decided to just attend the Meeting, and then go home and nap, which we did. We slept for almost 2 hours. Most unusual for me.

We had stopped at PetSmart on the way home, because poor Murphy has become incontinent. We were both in denial about the need for the diapers, but Saturday morning he had two accidents while just standing there, even after having gone outside not 30 minutes prior. We knew it was time. 

At home we put one on him, and he was totally fine with it. No struggling at all. So we'll continue with this for now, and see how it goes. We both know this is close to the end for him. 

We are dreading what effect this will have on Missy, too. We really hope we don't have to do anything in the next two months. Friday was the one-year date since Fiona died.  We really don't want to face the emotions of losing Murphy. 

Well, it was a big and hard week. I'm so grateful the congestion was not cancer, and while I'm not thrilled to be on antibiotics again, I'll take it. I go back to see her in one month, right before Christmas.

And still, TYG

 

Sunday

 My last post ended rather abruptly, and I can't remember why. Did MissS suddenly arrive? Maybe...

Anyway, since we hadn't seen each other in weeks, we got caught up, and I learned all about her current difficulties.  She is so much smarter than I was at her age. (Of course, when I was her age, I had three kids under 4, and everyone knows moms lose brain cells...)  Still, she thinks clearly and logically, and stands up for herself. So proud of her.

Monday J finished putting together the chairs, and the table itself arrived, so he worked on that too. SO much cardboard, as it was coming well-packaged from VietNam. But a beautiful set, with a kind of wood we don't have here, so it's extremely heavy and sturdy. Very well-made. We are so happy with it.  

As it turned out we -- meaning MissS and J-- just dragged the old dining set to the curb. And Tuesday morning the garbage people picked it up, taking it away.

Monday afternoon I went for my back x-ray, where I ran into a dear friend/former co-worker. She gives the best hugs ever. She is so bubbly, and loving, and caring, and concerned. She hadn't known about my cancer, so I filled her in. Then she shared with me why she is about 30 lbs thinner -- she is dealing with a gastric disease. We reassured each other that we were praying for the other. It was so good to see her. I really miss (some of) my co-workers.

Tuesday I had my infusion and also saw DrA. He reassured me the back x-ray was not cancer-related (which my friend had already told me!), and actually didn't tell me what the x-ray said. 

But I saw the chart note later, where he talked about the x-ray "suggesting" spondylosis of the lower spine, and some narrowing at L5-S1. This would definitely explain why I am having trouble with standing for any length of time beyond 30 minutes or so. 

That's new, also. Well, the standing-problem I'm having isn't new, but it is much worse since starting chemo back in February. Now, I also know that it can't be treated except by managing the pain level; it is not something that can be surgically fixed.  Spondylosis basically starts slowly squeezing the spinal cord over time, which doesn't allow for long periods of activity due to the pain.

At this appt too, something strange happened:  four separate people commented on how cuddly and soft my blanket was. I've been bringing it to the center since February, and one person has commented. This time, 4 people. That was nice.

And as I was walking past a patient in the lobby to leave, she looked hard at me and then held her arms up, saying firmly, "Come here. Give me a hug!"  So I bent over and hugged her gently, as she was very frail. 

She said she had been following me, watching me, since February, and watching my hair progression: first having hair, then losing it all and wearing scarves for months,  then watching as it slowly began appearing again, and that day,  when I decided to just be myself and not worry about how it looked.  It's about an inch or so long all over my head. 

Do I feel like myself? No, not at all, but this lady was so teary-eyed at my returning health that I almost cried, too. I was quite emotionally affected. What a sweet lady, to further the connection we had other than patients in the same waiting room. I don't even know her name.

 After the appt, we decided to treat ourselves to a fast-food lunch, and J wanted Arby's. We both got the French Dip, and curly fries. Eating only half of mine filled me up entirely, so I saved the other half for lunch on Wednesday.

Wednesday we took both dogs for their grooming appt. Unfortunately, Murphy's matted coat was too severe for the PetCo staff; they suggested contacting our vet. But Missy came out of there looking like a new dog!  They basically shaved her, leaving her tail and long ear fur. I had asked for a puppy cut. Sigh.  

She was so happy to see us. It's the first time she's done anything on her own, without her personal emotional support dog. I could tell she was anxious, but also so proud of herself. She is just so sweet. But she missed Murphy.

I had wanted to explore a few stores in the Pavilion, but traveling with Missy made that impossible. Maybe I can do that this coming week.

Thursday J had another appt with his PCP to check on his fatigue. He was told to discontinue one med for his cholesterol, and take the metoprolol in the evening instead of the morning, as a possible side effect to that med is sleepiness.  It's been several days, and there's been no noticeable difference, but... whatever. 

J was also supposed to get a paper notarized, but that didn't work out since I had foolishly already signed it; we now have two forms we need to get done and mailed.  We had forgotten that banks and credit unions would be closed Friday due to Veteran's Day. Arghh!

Friday I had an appt at TwinLakes for another CT of my lungs. I felt nervous about it, but not worried. That is, until during the CT, I could tell the tech paused the scan, and there was silence. Then he went and got someone else and I could hear them speaking in low tones. Then he did one more pass over me. He then walked over to me, saying I was all done unless I was getting more imaging done that day.  I said no, this was it. He said okay, you're free to go. And the whole time he didn't look at me. Not once. 

Naturally my mind immediately started whirling. Oh GOD, what if it's cancer. What if this "congestion" is ... not just the mycobacteria infection, but the big C. I don't want to die yet, I have lots more I want to do!

By the time I got out to the car where J was waiting, I was a mess. I started crying in the car telling him what had happened. He did his best to be reassuring, and I began to realize maybe I was catastrophizing. Just a bit...

I just need to do one day at a time, and breathe, and remember I have a HP and everything happens for a reason. Even if it is cancer, there are treatments for it. (Ugh. More chemo.)  I eventually calmed down enough to relax, and even forget about it for a few hours.

To further distract myself we then drove to my old building and I walked in and asked for a flu shot. Ten minutes later it was done, and I felt fine; I have had no reactions at all. It didn't even hurt.  

Also, I didn't recognize one single person. None of the employees looked familiar. In two years that I've been gone, it looks like the staff has turned over. When I saw Brandi on Monday, she walked me outside that office while we were still talking. We saw a former co-worker who did a double-take when she saw me, but waved enthusiastically from down the hallway. But that was it.

I got a notice in the mail that my dentist there is leaving, and I need to find another one who takes my insurance. I'm so disappointed. I liked both him and my hygienist; I've seen them for 7 years now, and to think I have to start all over again. Not a pleasant prospect. 

Saturday we had the Meeting, and I chaired , not having done so in weeks. It was my turn.  My voice was working just fine that day for a change, and it was a wonderful meeting. 

Then we drove over to Bro's house and dropped off a couple of birthday cards for him (although he'd teased me that the big day was actually Sunday), and admired their plantings, and their Christmas decorations which are waiting to be put up. I loved the flamingo especially; I might need to look for one.

Sis came over to help with the grooming of Murphy. We'd sedated him, and by the time she arrived, he was groggy but not fighting too much. I held him and she did the shaving, all over. It took over an hour, and we were both exhausted and feeling furry ourselves. 

It definitely wasn't a "professional" grooming, but the amount of fur that came off him, and the freedom of movement that the shaving of the matting gave him was astounding. I've never seen him with his whole body shaved; I've always loved his gorgeous long white hair, as a true Havanese should look. But he is old, and his fur mats so quickly; shaving him seemed the best option. He is about as small as Missy now, which is mind-boggling. 

Even today we are still getting used to how he looks. Sis did a wonderful job, and we are so appreciative. J did all the vacuuming of the hair that fell off, and Missy supervised, hiding behind J but watching carefully.  Sis left, with her hands hurting from the long hour of using the clippers, and said she was going to take a nap when she got home. 

J then went outside and did more sawing of the cardboard; and I sat and  embroidered, watching an old TV series. Murphy went right to sleep at my feet, still feeling the effects of the medication.

I'd made a soup/stew out of my findings in the freezer when I cleaned it out Thursday, so we had the rest of that for dinner. It turned out so well. J was very impressed. He was quite exhausted, and I could tell he was in no condition to make dinner.

Another night I'd made cheeseburgers from the freezer-finding expedition, and we had those with baked beans, and pickles on the side. I was able to stand up  long enough to do those dinners, and to work on the fridge. I didn't even have to take a pain pill afterwards.

This week I will be re-potting a wandering dude I found discarded on a random shelf at Walmart, which cost a big fat $1.50. I am thrilled. I'd just read an article on their care and feeding, so I am very happy with this little guy. Just where I will put him is yet to be determined. I wish I had another garden window in the front of the house.

This week Tuesday I will find out the results of the CT scan. I am praying. 

TYG

Sunday

 A lovely Sunday--the weather is amazing. Cool, windy, sunny--perfect for raking leaves if I had any energy. 

Murphy is not doing well. To top that off his coat is getting matted again, and it's extremely difficult to get him to cooperate with grooming. So we'll schedule both dogs for a professional cut and nail trim at PetCo--listening to him cry while we are attempting the grooming is unbearable for me.

Monday was J's appt to have his stitches removed--everything looks wonderful. 

I also called my ID doc that day to see if I could get in sooner. To my complete surprise she offered me the very next morning at 8:45 am.  I am definitely not at my best so early, but I was grateful, and said we'd be there.

So Tuesday was breath-taking, literally. My doc wants another CT even though I just had one in June. When she listened to my lungs, over and over she came back to my left side. She said she hears "congestion" and would need the CT to figure out what it was. Ugh. In the meantime, I'm put back on antibiotics, and I was trained on a nebulizer. I've had one of those since February, but no one showed me how to use it, and it didn't seem necessary.  It is now.

Now I understand why: it is a different medicine, and I breathe it directly into my lungs. Within minutes I am not coughing, and am able to take much deeper breaths. What a relief!

I ordered a new clock for my bathroom, which arrived today. It is stunning. The other one lasted at least 20 years, maybe more, but it began jumping numbers, and was even more difficult to set.

Thursday, J and I chose a new dining room set, and were told it would arrive Tuesday, Wednesday,  or Thursday. Well, this morning, FedEx dropped off 3 gigantic boxes.  I am so pleased with this customer service. We found a hell of a deal, and it actually cost less than my old set. 

However I now have the problem of what to do with the current set!  J will have to clean the seats, and take it outside on the porch, because there is no room for it inside. He'll be putting together the new set either today or tomorrow.  SO EXCITING. (This is the first new dining set I've had since my first wedding, when my dad gifted us $500 as a wedding present, and we bought an oak table with 6 chairs.  He got it in the divorce.)

The one we bought Thursday is a beauty. No rolling wheels, to J's relief, and a lovely ivory shade. Can't wait to see it set up. 

We also met with Jim at HD, to choose the hardware and door for the single door. Unfortunately like so many other things in this old house that single door was custom-made at the time. It won't take a standard door, and so this means a steel door for us, which can be cut down to fit.  It doesn't look  bad but it looks slightly different from the double doors. 

But the same hardware will be on both doors,and Jim talked me out of one of the types of locks that has a number code. Too hard to remember, batteries are needed, sometimes they don't work in bad weather... sigh. But I did get my long vertical window panel on that single door. Yay!

And after that long appt/discussion at HD, I was exhausted and excited, but we still had to fork over the MONEY. Ouch. Totally worth it, but a big hit.

Then over to Publix where J was able to pick up his nighttime medication (after being brushed off by Walmart for an entire week). He has now switched back to Publix for all his meds.  And he slept so soundly that night, and the next, and even the next day he took an almost 3-hour nap, still catching up on the sleep he lost during the period of no meds. Poor guy! He's feeling much better these past few days.

Sunday

 This week seemed pretty busy, but I look on the phone's calendar and it doesn't seem too bad.

The big thing was our neighbor: the owner decided to remove 3 of the 4 giant live oak trees. These provided a lot of shade for our yard, and combined with their thick brush and shrub growth along their side of the fence, well-- it all contributed to helping us to feel enclosed in a private tropical jungle. We felt so lucky.

So all week we have been listening to the chain saws, and the 3 men taking down the trees, and then the heavy thumps and thuds as the pieces of the tree hit the ground, shaking the house. 

At one point there was a very loud thump, and then utter silence. I had a bad feeling. I got up and looked outside our patio door, and discovered a huge length of the oak had landed vertically on our side path, just outside the screened-in porch. It couldn't have hit our house any closer if he'd tried. J woke up at the loudness, and went outside to check. Fortunately no damage to the house or the fence, but the crew had to bring their saws and  chop it all away, carting it to their dump truck. It took the rest of the day.

All week they worked on it, that's how much wood was felled. So sad to see those trees go. Hundreds of years of growth, gone in one day.  The only good thing is we have much less worry over when/if those trees would fall on our house during a hurricane. There's one old oak left in his yard.

It's very strange to see so much open sky off to the left, now. We feel pretty exposed!

Monday J went to have his foot x-rayed, and we don't have the results yet. Tuesday was the oak trees removal, and I opened a high-yield savings account with the larger portion of the Inheritance. That feels good!

Then Wednesday, Bobby from HD showed up to take measurements on the front doors. While he was here, we'd decided the day before to get the other single door replaced too.  Yesterday we got the estimate, which was about what I expected. So I was fine with that. Tomorrow we'll go to HD and choose  the style of that door, and the hardware for both new sets of doors. He said it would be a month or 6 weeks. 

Thursday we received a notice that our mortgage was overdue. I was shocked, because I distinctly remembered writing a check and mailing it.  That set off a series of phone calls. Long story short, the check still hasn't cleared the CU. We had to declare it "lost", and very nicely they didn't charge us a fee to stop payment on the check. We paid the mortgage via phone call, and all is good now. 

Of course the next day a notice arrived that our November payment was due on the first. I can't pay online, because we don't have any accounts there (other than the actual mortgage). So we had to decide if we'd go and make the payment in person or pay via phone, again, which is ultimately what we did.  Jeez. Lots of money stuff this week.

Friday morning we did a couple of errands, returning items we didn't want, and stopping by the day-old bread store. All the work in the house is done, finally ... except one last thing in the kitchen. 

Friday afternoon we also did a major cleaning in the kitchen: taking everything out of all the bottom cabinets, cleaning everything, vacuuming it all,  replacing the items we really do want, and removing the items we don't use. That felt really good, but it was exhausting for both of us. 

We went to the Meeting Saturday of course, and I got caught up with a few people. The new Daily Reader finally is back in stock, and my copy arrived. That was nice; I've already started it.

The only bad news is that my cough has been steadily worsening for several weeks. It's a dry cough, but once it starts, I cannot stop. I cannot take deep breaths anymore because it sets off the cough. It's worse when I try to lie down, as I spend the next several minutes coughing. 

Poor J is very worried about this, and that worries me! He finally got me to agree to call the infectious disease doc, and see if I can be seen sooner than my upcoming appt. I can't remember exactly when it is --- I think it's December; but they both said I should call if my symptoms worsened. Damn it.

I also got my Covid vaccine and didn't feel too good last Sunday, because of my sore arm. I spent the day quietly, more quietly than usual. Next month I'll get the flu vax.

Also this week my new fancy AVs arrived, and their new little pots arrived the same day. The instructions which arrived with them said not to re-pot them too soon, but to let them settle into their new home. So exciting-- they are adorable, and one is even beginning to flower.  I just need to figure out where to keep them so they are out of reach of the cats... 

That's about it. I'm managing to get my stretching done most days, but the shortness of breath is really affecting my ability to do more than 15-20 minutes. 

Still, TYG, every day.

Sunday

 This was a quieter week. 

J saw his PCP on Monday (was it only Monday??) to discuss his toe (probably broken, given antibiotics and prednisone but was told to come back in a week and then will possibly start him on these meds, also to go have the foot x-rayed); his fatigue and nightmares (probably both due to the increase in watching the news--which gives him worse nightmares which interrupt his sleep, therefore making him unusually fatigued during the day-- the cure for which is to stop watching the news and to pray more. Yes, pray: for the victims, and for the evil in the perpetrator's souls); and the congestion (which could be allergies, or it could be due to his weird form of sleep apnea, which would contribute to the daytime fatigue also).  As you can see, this turned out to be quite a long visit. 

 I was impressed with this doc's patience, and the amount of time he spent with J and me. He wasn't exactly preaching but he was counseling J, especially with the spiritual aspect. He shared a lot of what he was doing in his own life to cope with his feelings of helplessness as a physician, while seeing the horrors in the Middle East especially, most recently. It was very moving to hear him. It was very touching of him to share.

Later that day was J's appt with the derm, to remove the squamous cell cancer from his forearm; this was about 4-5 inches long, and about 8 stitches were put in. It was much larger than I expected to see. 

Also that day the new vacuum cleaner came and J put it all together, and we stopped at Lowe's to get the correct size dimmer switches.

Tuesday was my infusion. It went smoothly, and there were no problems. After resting at home for a few hours, we drove up to Sis' house for a Not-Party for Dad's 91st birthday. 

Sis picked up pizza, and J had made a salad. MissS and  Kit were there too. Dad loved the two polo shirts we got him, and the Sudoko puzzles MissS gave him, and I think there was chocolate too...

Wednesday morning early, J drove up to our mechanic's and dropped off the Nissan. Then he walked back home with Missy on the leash, very proud of himself for doing that distance with the injury to his toe.

That was also the day I ordered the 3 new African Violets, and a flannel shirt from...somewhere, can't remember, and something from Etsy. Man, is that site addicting... I found a long-sleeved top with the name of my hometown in CT printed on it. I've never seen anything like it, and decided to spurge. 

I also learned my SS check had been deposited. So Friday morning we dragged out all the finance papers/bills and settled in to do the bills. It wasn't as difficult as I was worried about. But it did take a few phone calls, which J was happy to do.

It did feel good to pay these bills without worrying! 

The FPL bill was over $45 more than usual, making it quite a bit over $200.  At my distress, J called and learned that not only was September the month of the highest temperatures on the planet, therefore the AC was running a lot;  but we'd forgotten we added a service they offer: this insures our plumbing inside and out in case of any emergencies. It adds around $35 a month to our bill from now on. SIGH.

Yes, I get it, and I understand J's extreme paranoia over preventing accidents, therefore his insistence on insurance whenever possible. But this all adds up.We are paying well over $100 extra every month to have various kinds of insurance, not including the car insurance. I guess it's worth it, but when I pay the bills I really get frustrated. Insurance is such a gamble.

He's dealing with a lot of grief and depression the past couple of days; he even shared yesterday at the Meeting, something he usually does not do. Several people came to him afterwards and commented, which makes him feel better.

Then we went to my pharmacy to get the Covid vax but they were out of them. So J convinced me to try the other option of going to Walgreen's and we did; I waited not too long, and got the vax there. So today I am dealing with a sore arm. I'm also dealing with a neck thing-- on my other side, it feels like I twisted my neck down to my arm. Except I didn't. Frustrating. I'm living on ibuprofen and heat. Gentle stretching helps too.

Then at home we puttered; J is working on the kitchen opening (varnishing and then hanging up our new overhead light). I meanwhile found more potting soil and transplanted two AVs, and filled in the jade plants. 

The weather has just been beautiful: warm but not hot, windy, cool--so cool!-- at night, no rain. Temps in the low 70s to low 80s during the day with no humidity. Perfect. Not warm enough to swim, but it's nice to work out in the enclosure with my plants. 

J has also given up watching the news, but he still reads the articles online. At least he is not seeing those violent images. He does seem to be sleeping better. All of us (5 animals and humans) sleep until around 6:30 or 7; J even slept until 9:30 this morning. 

No MissS today, as she isn't feeling well either. I'm off to try to do my stretching, and then will try some baking. J will be attacking his own pile of papers, for which I am very grateful...

TYG

Sunday

 It's Sunday again, and what a freakin' busy week.

The attacks in Israel and Gaza continue, and after a while we just can't bear to watch anymore. It's been over a week now, and showing no signs of de-escalating; in fact it appears this will become much worse. 

My friend/Sponsee tells me she feels very vulnerable as a Jew,  and was glad to hear from me when I reached out. They have a strong community where they live, but still, that's certainly no guarantee of safety, even in the USA. Sad to face that reality.

Dad's "not feeling well" last week became an attack of diverticulitis. Bro took him to the ER, and he was treated there over the course of a few hours. CT scan, labs, and then the actual diagnosis. Explains a lot. Poor guy had to stay on a liquid diet for three days, then transition to a bland and low-fiber diet, and now is gradually back on regular food. Still it was a scary event, and could have been so much worse. 

My third granddaughter's mom, Lauren, reached out to ask if I was open to a phone call from Layla. She wants to know me better! She is 10 at this point. I had sent a birthday card with $10, but that was early last month. I wasn't sure she had received it. Then this surprise request. I had to step back and think about it for a few days. I wonder what Lauren has told her about me--does Layla know that her biological dad is not Gary?? I guess I'll be finding out.

Meanwhile MissS was over for that Sunday afternoon as usual, and  we got caught up.  Still not warm enough for a swim, unfortunately. I think we've missed the window for swimming any more this season. Rats. 

The rest of the week was quiet: I had splurged ordered a few things from Amazon that I had on my wish list, and over the week each day more packages arrived. I had the fun of ordering them, and then of course forgetting what I'd ordered, and then opening the packages when they arrived and being delighted once again.

So we have new ceiling light covers in the hallway and in the big bathroom. 

We have a bunch of bankers boxes which I will be using to empty out the boxes and papers in my filing cabinet, and in the guest room closet. (Ugh--that will be a big job--that one has all the Family papers/photos/keepsakes...)

Once that's done I will be ordering a smaller filing cabinet to replace the behemoth I've been dragging around for half my life.  That smaller one will sit by my desk. I've got it on my wish list at Amazon.

We also have a new cat tree for the kitties, and they love it. 

We have a wall-rack for the big bathroom, to help with storage. 

J got new towels. We also got two new rugs for that big bathroom, which are already much more satisfying than the ones previously bought (which have now been tossed).  

We have an over-the-sink light to replace the one which doesn't fit in the kitchen. 

We bought an "easy opener" for jars which fits under the cabinets--it's invisible unless you know where it is.

I also bought a new set of sheets to replace the stained set. 

The electrician came out to the house to help with estimates for a new wall socket, and to look at the over-the-sink light.

The car went to the mechanic for repairs which will be done this coming week. Parts had to be ordered.

The fence repair people are coming next week;  and the driveway repair person told J he should just fix the cracks himself: because of the way the driveway is slowly failing, it will cost a fortune to rip it up and re-do it.  He advised not bothering, and just re-sealing the cracks. (More work for J.)

J's been doing so much!  The new ceiling light covers are so bright and sparkly that we literally need dimmer switches for all 3, which J will be doing today or tomorrow. I absolutely love them--what a difference they make.

The other major purchase we will be working on this week is new front doors. They are double doors, which frankly we both are annoyed by, but we are stuck with them. (To convert them to a single door with two light panels on either side not only is twice as much money, but it would remove the option to bring in large furniture, as the workshop door isn't wide enough. So we need to keep the double doors, but we will be upgrading them. I cannot wait. We'll be using either Lowe's or HD. 

Then, or maybe just before the doors, we'll be replacing the oven/range/stove, whatever. This will be the 3rd or 4th we've had since living here, and we are both ready to spend a bit more this time. The current one not only isn't accurate on temperatures, but its electronic panel doesn't work reliably.

We also needed to buy another vacuum cleaner. I wouldn't have thought one could need a(nother)  new vacuum as often as we do, but the one I ordered this time was rated number one in GH's best of 2023. We'll see. I read all the reviews and the only con was that the cord is not self-retractable. Well, I can live with that!  Otherwise this got rave reviews, and some people had even bought it before and were replacing it after six years. Granted we've had several dogs and cats over the years, and even though the dogs at least don't shed, the new cats sure do. 

One of my two African violets that I brought from OR is slowly dying, and I cannot figure out why. I tried re-potting it and that has definitely not helped. I'm watching it droop every day; but I cannot bear to toss it. I did find an African Violet store online, and have fallen in love with their selection. I will be buying some AVs from this place, because they are just beautiful, and healthy, and so different from what I can buy here as a replacement. Still, the sentimental attachment to my two here is very strong, and I don't want to give up on it. Not yet.

I did manage to work on the front porch plants, and re-potted two jade plants into these giant containers. I actually ran out of potting soil and will need to add more to one pot. I need to bring some bricks from the back yard and finish edging the front area with them, but it looks so cool!  

Thank god the cooler weather is finally here for a while. Low to mid-70s during the days, and 50s-60s at night. Heaven. All week.

Okay, I'm done writing. I need to get my stretching done, especially since I was unable to do this regularly while Dad was here. Sis gave him the green light to return on late Thursday.  He was ready much earlier in the day, so to kill some time, we started watching one of my favorite Westerns, "True Grit", the one with John Wayne. And to my delight he enjoyed it, too. I loved seeing it again, of course, and yet wasn't sure what he would think. But the true test came when it was time for him to leave to go home, and he said he would have to look it up so he could watch the end. 

I'm sure there's more that happened this week, but I cannot think of it. 

TYG