Sunday

This is day two of the nasty cough/sore throat/ congestion I picked up from MissS. Ugh. Yesterday I had no voice--literally could not speak words without squeaking,  or whispering.

 Today I do have a voice again but I'm feeling somewhat worse. This is bad. Because tomorrow I am supposed to be shadowing the MA in PM, while NP follows the doc.  I have been taking my usual meds: mucinex, delsym, echinacea, B complex;  tea with honey and cinnamon, water. I'm more frustrated than anything else, because I've gotten more colds during this past year that MissS has been living with us. Sigh.

Thanksgiving was good. J cooked a turkey breast and some salmon, with a gluten-free broccoli rice casserole, and pumpkin pie. J's son and his gf brought gluten-free stuffing, lentil salad, and some fancy beer.  We all played our game of pick-up sticks (with the bamboo sticks adding an extra layer of challenge), and then just sat around and talked.

Friday, Black Friday, I drove down to where the Sons live, and met them at  the Mall where one of them works part-time. Interestingly, in one week they have lost jobs, been "evicted" and then both found part-time jobs, and then maybe not been evicted. That is an ongoing, developing issue.

The Son who got the weekend sentence had it changed: he now reports to the JusticeCenter daily for 3 hours every morning during the week and studies, along with others, reading and math skills, and then they get coaching in careers, interviewing, resumes, etc.

Anyway, this was the first time I'd seen them since September. I picked them up and we drove back up to this town, stopped at a bank so one could cash his paycheck, then home. J's son and his gf came again to have lunch again: this time J cooked a prime rib, and we had leftover turkey, stuffed eggs, the broccoli rice casserole again, and some pie for dessert. There was plenty of food.

Later it came out that neither one had a winter coat. They were wearing thick hooded sweatshirts, and that was all. So after some private discussion, J and I drove them down to the Mall  (Black Friday!) and went to Macy's where we found some good quality coats on sale, and that was their Christmas present.  Considering I haven't done anything for their Christmas for 10 years, this felt good. Both were very grateful, and very pleased. They both even walked differently, wearing those coats.

By then it had started to rain again, and so the drive home was horrible: it was dark, there was  heavy rain, lots of traffic--read: glaring headlights-- and foolishly we had decided to take a lesser traveled road home. It was two lanes, and not lighted. Normally there is less traffic, but I guess because of the holiday, and the big Sale day, there was a lot of traffic.  We should have taken the highway...better lighting, and the edges of the road more clearly defined.

Well, it was a white-knuckled ride. I was glad I wasn't driving, but J was having a tough time. I think his cataracts are getting worse. He has an appointment with his new ophthalmologist in two weeks, and we'll see whether he needs the surgery.

We finally got home and discovered that there was a crisis with the chickens. Earlier that day we had decided to experiment with letting them out into the yard. With 7 hens we should be getting more eggs, and more regularly. But it was my theory that because they were not able to get out and forage among the green, that they weren't getting enough good stuff to create the eggs on a daily cycle the way they should be. J didn't disagree, but he also had deep fears of letting them out, exposing them to the dangers of the world again. We've lost a lot of chickens, and don't want to go through that again.

 So, with deep breaths and crossed fingers, we opened the pen door that morning. It took a little coaxing over several hours but eventually most were out and about in the yard and garden, happily scratching and gobbling up the green grass. When we left to take the Sons back, it was still light, and we planned to be back before full dark to oversee the return-to-the-pen routine. This being their first time, we weren't sure how it would go.

As it was, by the time we got home it was black dark, raining, and cold. Four were in the coop, including the Rooster; he was crowing nonstop. We knew that 4 were missing, and that the Roo was trying to call them to him. We thankfully soon discovered that the others were huddled all together, in the pouring rain, just outside the open door; I don't know why they hadn't made it in the pen, but thank god they were together. I picked up two, and J picked up two, and we shuffled into the pen and placed them sopping wet into the coop.

 We both just breathed a huge sigh of relief. It could have been so much worse: we've experienced this before. We had no more energy, and just ate some chocolate pie for dinner, and were asleep by 9.

And Saturday morning I woke up feeling the sore throat and a strangled cough, and couldn't speak.  I spent the day reading, and drinking tea with honey. I'd had so many plans for the long weekend. I was going to start the gym, and walk a long walk every day, and get out all the Christmas stuff and decorate and put up lights... oh well.

It's a very cold morning--I think I read 24 degrees,  but bright and sunny. The chickens are all wandering in the various gardens, and having a wonderful time. MissS should be back anytime.

I have to make it to work tomorrow, no matter what, so I'm letting J take care of me, pamper me, and just... letting go.

Sunday

Not a lot to write about today. It was a very busy week at work. Lots of challenging patients. A couple in particular: one is a late 30s woman with an ongoing seriously debilitating headache which nothing has alleviated so far. Another is a divorced woman in her late 40s who has felt ill off and on for several years, with symptoms coming and going, nothing she can put her finger on in particular but now noting an increasing numbness in her feet which is creeping up her legs. Her ex called her one night not long ago, sobbing and apologizing, and telling  her she needed to get to her doctor. Turns out he had been deliberately feeding her arsenic and/or mercury for years...

There are others but those two and one other have been really in the foreground this past week.  NP deals so well with them. She technically is just supposed to rule out anything neurological (when patients are referred to her), and then return them to the PCP. In these cases, either there is no PCP or the PCP has flat out said to us, "You handle this". So NP is using all her skills and resources  and ordering every test imaginable. Sometimes the police are involved.

One patient was recounting something another MD had done to her while she was in his office under his care involving sexual acts. NP and I listened in horror, and then later she had to report that to the state Medical Board. We're now waiting to hear if we will have to be further involved, such as testifying. He had done this to at least 3 other women, so I'm assuming at some point there will be something in the news.

I usually come home drained. I force myself to change clothes and head out to walk, but on the rainy nights...I stay in and do my exercises. Or I try to do them, anyway. Still haven't made it to the gym, but I will next weekend, the long Thanksgiving weekend.

Thanksgiving Day will be spent here, and MissS and J's youngest son and his GF will be here. Friday I will drive down and pick up the Brothers and bring them back here for the day; we'll have a second Thanksgiving instead. Blended families are pretty challenging. 

Ten years ago son2 stole an expensive bike. He then left the state, and has had a warrant out for all those years. Now that he is back he went to court to deal with this, and was given 50 days in jail and 2 years probation. He was pretty disappointed, having been led to expect 18 months of probation and a fine, but  he walked across the street to the jail and turned himself in. Ironically, they don't have room for him and so his sentence was reduced to 25 weekends on the work crew,  and  also the 2 years of probation.  That started yesterday, so he will not be available on weekends until after March.  I'm glad he turned himself in, but it still seems a harsh sentence for something that happened 10 years ago. Well, he is learning to "pay for his sins", whether it involves fathering children, or making restitution.

It's a partly sunny day, very windy, very damp; clouds are threatening. I walked with a friend this morning, and got a text from my daughter while doing so. She is ill up in P'land at the BF's house. I don't know what will happen...  I hadn't wanted her to go, because she was pretty sick with a nasty cold all week, yet going to work every day. I'd hoped she would stay home and rest. The weather Friday night was terribly scary for driving: incredible wind gusts, heavy rain,  making for poor vision especially with her not feeling well. She insisted on going anyway, and did text me when she got there. So hard to be a parent.

I am looking forward to this short week...TYG.

Sunday

Health news: 1) Brother had his pacemaker implanted, and all went well. Thank you God.
2)  Co-grandparent can now say yes, no, and has been moved to the stroke rehab unit for OT, PT, ST. He can move his right fingers, and right toes. He has a lot of pain, but is surrounded by friends and family daily. I am so grateful for that. Thank you God.
3) MissS will be having an EKG done Tuesday, due to the severe and lingering chest pains she experiences with her panic attacks. Not that they suspect anything, but it certainly won't hurt to rule out anything actually happening with her heart.

The 4-day work week suits me just fine. I loved having the last two Mondays off.   Next week is a full 5-day work week, but one of the docs is gone, which means her MA is gone too...also meaning we will all be covering for that doc/MA's jobs. Covering means taking care of the tasks/phone messages that just cannot wait.

It was discussed at our staff meeting that since NP and I will be in PM on Mondays and Fridays, that our jobs/tasks will be covered by the MDs/MAs. I'm relieved for us, because I was wondering how we'd do both PM and Neuro every day. But I'm also concerned because I know the amount of work I come back to if I'm off even one day, such as the past two Mondays. Now that we will be out of Neuro on Mondays and Fridays, that does mean we will be heavily loaded on M/W/Th?  I'm already stretched pretty thin. We'll just have to see how it goes, how it progresses.

It's been so damn cold this past week. J spent last Monday winter-proofing the outside, covering and coating the outside pipes, replacing the insulating around the hot water heater outside in its little house. Numerous other outdoor chores, and inside too. Good thing because the nights have been bitter: it was at 20 this morning when we woke up. Coldest night this season so far. Supposed to be Fall weather these days, not Winter already.

Each day got colder and colder, and my lack of a winter coat became severe. Fortunately a nice series of events occurred: a coupon in the mail for 30% off any purchase, plus a sale on winter coats at the same store.  The store is over in Albany so Friday morning J drove me to work over there, and then when he picked me up at 5, we just went right over to Kohl's, not far away.

I tried on all the coats, debated various styles and prices. Once I got over my shock at the prices, it became easier. Without the coupon and sale prices, these are normally between $150 and $200. Ouch. But eventually I found one which is lightweight, yet warm and well-made, inside pockets, etc.

Even J approved of the one I found, and he is more than choosy about outerwear,  well, anything for that matter. He believes in the adage "you get what you pay for", and so he has always spent a lot on clothing. However, when he retired all that pretty much went out the window-- he shops Goodwill for everything, buying only when he needs to and buying good quality.

Anyway, my new coat feels like it has down inside, and has  ruff of (fake) fur (which feels real) around the hood, and with all the discounts, sales, and coupons, it was $94. I'm very pleased.  Plus I got a $10 rebate to use on anything in the store all month. Love bargains!

That Friday night was so cold that I had the cashier cut off all the tags and I wore it out of the store.  Heaven.  Last Sunday I also got some winter boots to walk in, instead of my sneakers, and so now I'm all set.

Each day when I come home from work, I'm so exhausted, or it's so cold or rainy that I haven't walked as far as I would like to. I have a membership at a gym, and why I haven't gone there, I don't know. After work I can think of nothing except getting home and putting my feet up. The problem is I feel like a slug, and I don't like that feeling. Must re-wire my brain. Must make the effort to make the gym a habit.

My dad has sent some wonderful books to add to my extensive collection, and so J is in the process of building me new shelves in the office. They are going to look so nice when he is done.  We are also searching for a rug or carpeting we can put down in the bedroom. Habitat for Humanity (where we do a lot of our buying) has a 10 x 9 light grey low pile carpet for $58. I worry about a solid color though. The other option is Home Depot which has nice varieties of patterns and solids for about 3 x that amount. Well, we're thinking about it...  Once we decide, it means a big production: dismantling the captain's bed and emptying the three drawers, removing it all from the bedroom, then laying the carpet and doing any trim work needed, and then re-assembling the bed. I'm not anxious to do that when the weather is so cold and unpredictable.

Also, the chairs we bought sight unseen from craigslist turned out to be beautiful. They are almost the exact shade of dusky soft green as our current sofa. The chairs are in perfect condition, and just needed some WD40 sprayed on the hinges. One is a swivel rocker, the other is a recliner.  J gave them a good cleaning and scrubbing, and they are good as new.

My old mauve swivel rocker is housed in the office for now, and so is mom's old wooden rocker, making for a crowded room. But MissS will be taking the rocker when she moves out, and then we'll have more room.

I think MissS and her friend are finally seriously looking for a place to live, and this is happening not a moment too soon. We are at the bursting point, and quite ready for her to be on her own. I never thought she'd be here so long! I'm glad we have been able to provide a nest, first while she was recovering and then while dealing with her health stuff, but it seems she is finally ready. She has two part-time jobs, health insurance, a friend to share expenses with, a boyfriend who is good for her and to her, and she seems less depressed.  Keeping fingers crossed.

 The whole holiday hassle  season is rapidly approaching, and this year will be even more challenging:
 Sister won't see her brothers.
Brothers moved back to this area partly to be "closer to family", but it requires a lot of effort to see them and a lot of driving. If Sister spends the holiday with BF, then maybe we would invite the Brothers here for the holiday. But if Sister stays here with us, the Brothers certainly cannot be invited. 
Meanwhile, I haven't even heard from the Brothers, so possibly they already have plans to be with their dad or their grandmother, although I doubt it. I need to just speak with them openly about this.
That doesn't even begin to cover J's side of the family. One Son/GF live here, but her parents/family are in Portland. The Ex lives here in town and just had a mastectomy for breast cancer, so we're not sure they will be doing anything--usually all the kids have one dinner with their mom, and another dinner with us.  The Daughter and her BF live down in the town where my sons are, but the BF's mom died within the last couple of years so the BF feels guilty leaving his dad alone on that day. Ai-yi-yi.

Sometimes I wish we could just do a big Open House: offer a meal at 1pm,  and whoever wants to be here is welcome. Other times I just want to say, you know what, we want to celebrate alone--it's a lot easier than trying to juggle everyone else's wishes. Does everyone go through this?? 

But Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family, right?

 Actually, it's a time of giving thanks-- for whatever.  Maybe we get to create the kind of holiday we want to.

Lots to think about. Health of loved ones is primary, and I certainly have a lot to be thankful for.

Sunday

Last Monday we drove down to a discount store in my old hometown, and I got a great deal on a pair of glasses. These will be perfect for the day (if ever) my contacts rip or I run out, or if I'm just tired and don't want to wear the contacts. These are not bifocals; I thought that would be best.

However, the new sad truth is that if I'm wearing these new glasses, I cannot read a book in my lap, or work on the computer.  Sigh. My near vision is worsening, to the point I need "reading glasses" almost all the time but especially for reading, or up close work. Rats.

Well, they will do in a pinch, replacing my old prescription. Next month I will get a refill of my contacts at work with my employee discount, which will be nice.

Tuesday I returned to work, and the rest of the week was as usual; one day in particular was absolutely insane, but I apparently appeared stressed enough to my coworkers, that they asked if I needed help. I gratefully accepted, and by the end of the day the tremendous load was much lighter. I work with great people.

The official announcement was made that NP and I are expanding  into Pain Management two days a week starting next month. That meant all the front office staff are now working on rescheduling the patients currently scheduled on Mondays or Fridays, as those will be the new PM days. NP is very happy, and I'm pretty sure she did sign the new contract reflecting this change. I'm excited to be expanding our base of knowledge. We will be re-evaluating this late next year as that is when the new neuro will start. Right now there is no room for another doc, so it doesn't take a lot of brains to see that someone will be relocating...or retiring.

All week I tried to get down to the pediatrics dept so I could get some experience with injecting the young 'uns...so I'd be ready for Friday night's flu clinic. But all week the schedule kept filling and there was no time when 1) they had kiddos available for me to train on, and 2) I wasn't needed with my own patients.

But finally Thursday morning there was a set of 4year old twins who needed the flu shot and also needed their regular immunizations. So I was able to give one their flu mist, the inhaler kind, but I just watched as H, the CMA,  tackled them both for the other vaccinations. She was incredibly fast, first drawing up the injections in the lab, and then going into the room again completely prepared: each kiddo was held down on their top half by mom and then H kind of lay on the bottom half of the kid, so she could give one injection in the thigh and another subcutaneously just an inch away, slapping bandaids on the spots and congratulating the by-now screaming outraged kid that it was all over. This was all done in less than 10 seconds for each kid.  

This also completely reinforced the shuddering belief in me that pediatrics is not my field. I would absolutely hate doing this over and over every single day.  Yikes.

That was Thursday. That was also the day I learned that my co-grandparent in Colorado had had a massive stroke. He was airlifted to the stroke center in Denver. He apparently had a clot in his brain, thrown out by a newly discovered hole in his heart,  and the surgeons have not been able to remove it all. He cannot use his right side, nor can he speak. He is responsive by nodding his head, can understand what people are saying, and sat up for most of the day yesterday. He is in his late 40s, or maybe he is 50 by now. Very healthy, eats well, physically active, a Good Person, foster father for kids and for animals. They have  a very strong faith, are a very close-knit family, with a lot of family also in the area. Still, it's frightening.  I'm praying continuously for them, trying to face fear with faith.

And on Friday afternoon I learned my brother is having a heart issue addressed with a cardiac catheterization tomorrow, and then either a stent inserted that day, or more probably a pacemaker inserted Wednesday, his birthday. He is very young for this kind of thing, turning just 57. This was a real shock for him, and for us. He sent me and my sister long, detailed, clear explanations of what is happening, and what his prospects are. But it sounds like he is in good hands, getting the best of care. Again, my prayers are continuous and focused. I have fear, and faith.

And also Friday afternoon the coworker who was going to be doing the clinic with me called me and announced "I'm such a dingbat". I said No you're not, what do you mean? And it turns out she had been told earlier that week the flu clinic was cancelled because amazingly we are already running short of supply, there isn't enough. (It's on back order, but whatever...I don't care.)  She was quite surprised when I was so excited and so happy to hear this; she was apologizing for not having remembered and told me sooner.  She was disappointed because that 3 hours of overtime would have come in handy.  And about 20minutes later I got an email from my boss confirming there was no Clinic that night.

But my feelings were Hell No. Never again. I don't have to do this  ever again, and I for damn sure will never volunteer again. I jumped off my chair when we hung up and had the biggest smile you have ever seen on my face; I skipped went into NP's room and said "There's no flu clinic tonight!! I don't have to leave early today to get there,  and I never have to go through this again!" She was totally relieved for me, because she knew how much I was dreading this. 

We had a pretty good afternoon. 

That evening MissS stayed with us, got some sleep, and the next morning we went into a frenzy of cleaning again, because the Boyfriend was driving down from P'land. J and I walked with the dog before he got there, and then J left right after washing the dog to run to the store for some last minute things.  Boyfriend arrived shortly afterwards, and it went pretty well. Very well. We like him. 

Shortly after that MissS and BF drove out to the coast, and J and I relaxed for awhile. Then he prepared for the night's feast. He had gone crabbing Thursday and came home with a big crab, plus one his buddy gave him. That all made 6 good sized crab-cakes.

In addition to those, he cooked ribs, and we also had asiago bread, and asparagus and broccoli. Carrot cake slices for dessert.  All was yummy.

We watched a movie afterwards, while waiting for their friends to arrive from the coast, and then they left. They spent the night in a motel.

This morning, we are waiting for a man to arrive with some new-to-us chairs for the living room, which we found on craigslist yesterday. I'm hoping they are as nice as they looked in the ad. It's the first time we've ever bought anything without seeing it first. But they looked perfect, and the owner was willing to both negotiate quite a bit down from his original price, plus deliver to us. If the worst happens and they are awful, we'll just put them back on craigslist, or have a local thrift shop pick them up. They were not a lot of money.

It's a cold day, 47 degrees, windy, grey, and doing that Oregon heavy mist thing. It's not quite rain, but it's so wet it might as well be.  I will be lazy today, knowing that I also have tomorrow off work. What a great feeling!

Special prayers being sent to my family in Denver, and my brother for tomorrow's  procedure.

Sunday

Last Monday I called in sick, claiming a migraine. I did have a headache, which was worse than usual, but I wasn't vomiting or nauseated, just extremely fatigued. I stayed home resting, and did help J in the afternoon with the raking and leaf-blowing, but felt just fine about not going to work. NP was out, so there was no reason for me to be there.

The next day I did go in, feeling a lot better. I sat in the same group area as the others, and really enjoyed the day despite being completely overwhelmed with tasks. Messages, orders, phone calls, prescription refill requests, etc. These took me most of the day to clear up. But being able to spend the day with 3 of the others, and laughing a lot with them, makes a lot of difference.

That afternoon NP's office was moved to the other side of mine, so that she now has a slightly larger office--with a window. The residents are now set up in her old office. I had texted NP to let her know this was happening, because she would need to come in early the next day to get it organized: the workers had just unplugged her computers, moved her desk to the other office, and plugged her computers back in. No books on the bookshelves, no pictures on the wall, etc.

Wednesday I was there early again trying to get caught up, and preparing for the short week. That afternoon one of the other girls covered for me while I was at the CPR training.  NP had brought me a Florida calendar, and a small container filled with beach sand and some shells, telling me I now had beachfront property.

Meanwhile, J got paid that same day so we sat down  that night with our bills and figured out the money situation until I got paid. We're doing all right. I struggle this time of year with the property taxes and the flood insurance both coming due just before Christmas, but there's no help for it. We're not starving, and we are keeping ahead of the bills.

Thursday was a crazy-busy day. I do not understand what makes certain days so hard, but that was one of them. I dragged myself home, utterly exhausted. I learned later that NP had stayed there at work until just after 10pm, trying to get caught up. 

And Friday we worked in Albany. It was Halloween, and that whole office had decided to dress up as Disney characters, even the docs. It was all so well-done, but of course neither NP or I were told of this plan. We hastily pinned some cartoon letters spelling out SUPER NURSE onto the back of our clothes, and that was it. There was plenty of food brought in, and the mood was pretty upbeat.

I was supposed to leave at 4:30 due to overtime, but circumstances didn't allow and I did end up leaving later than that. Sigh. I'd gotten my paycheck, so I stopped at the bank on the way home, and filled up the car with gas ($2.97 a gallon!!). Home, and discovered MissS had left for P'land to be with her bf.  J and I had the evening to ourselves. We walked our 2 miles, and then we pretty much went to bed early. We never get trick or treaters, thankfully, so it was peaceful.

Saturday I went to my meeting, and then J and I did our errands, paid bills, shopped, etc. In the mid afternoon it began raining, so once home again the mail had brought the extended version of the second movie in the Hobbit Trilogy... so we had our pizza and indulged in the movie.

MissS tiptoed in very late, long after we'd fallen asleep. This morning as she and I were talking about our various weekends, she began crying because she missed him so much. I'm very glad she is so happy with her bf... I can totally understand the tears. He lives 2 hours away, and while that might change, it might not. It's all up in the air right now.

Today, she and I tried some retail therapy, but despite looking for jeans, boots, shoes, winter coats, or new handbags, neither of us found anything we really wanted. Except left-over Halloween candy... so we did buy some of that. Not a lot, but how often does one see candy corn? A little of that goes a long way, thankfully.

Early this morning J called to me to Come Quickly! He was at the back door looking out over the creek. I was trying to dry my hair and was crankily holding my hair up trying to see what he was looking at. Suddenly a coyote jumped up in the air and pounced down hard! Then he skulked along again a few feet, and jumped up in the air again, pouncing down hard! I've seen this in documentaries, but have never seen this in real life. It was amazing. He wandered along across the creek, jumping up and pouncing down, and then disappearing, before leaping up again. I will be watching for him again, although J and I have lived here for many years now and never seen one this close to the house before.

Tomorrow I have off work because NP is off, and then this Friday after work I do the Flu clinic again. Somehow, some time this week I am supposed to run down to the pediatrics dept and get my training on how to give infants the shots...not sure how that will happen.

And next Saturday MissS's bf will come down, and we will finally meet him. They will arrive in  the late afternoon, and have dinner here with us before they head off to a motel for the night.  Looking forward to this, although I'm anxious too. This will be the first time she's brought someone home, ever. No pressure...

Daylight savings time now; it's 5:30, dark, and if I walk when I get home from work, it'll be in the dark. Ugh. I must visit the gym, and get over my fear and trepidation of new places.  Maybe tomorrow.