Sunday

 I'm making sure to write today--so much has happened this week. To me these things seem major; I can sometimes roll with the punches as they say, but other times things hit hard.

One, my first direct deposit was supposed to happen Wednesday, since I'm a third- Wednesday- of- the -month retiree.  And it was not there. I checked both the credit union and the bank before starting the phone calls.

After much time on hold on the phone (on three days in a row!!  because each day it still wasn't there despite my being told they--SS-- sometimes take a day or two to "update the system"), they had to re-issue my check. Which means another 7-14 days I need to wait. Or, as the lady at our local SS office told me helpfully, "Sometimes it gets deposited after only 2-5 business days!!"  

There was an option to go to that local office, and sit and wait to speak to an actual person who could write me a check instead, and then cancel the electronic deposit... but I wasn't in the mood to do so. Besides, I need to make sure the direct deposit is going to be successful.

J's direct deposit starts this Wednesday, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that all goes well with him.

So that was three days. In between time I was cleaning the house, organizing more paperwork, deciding what to do about the missing check, etc. Or I was outside, working on the front porch: most of my plants have died in the heat and I need to re-pot the ones that are still living. But I don't have enough potting soil or energy to do more than 1 or 2 at a time. Then I come inside and cool off again, and after I'm feeling better I can't bear to go out again. Ugh. 

However, the weather is cooling off. This might be that very welcome taste of Fall, that tease of what the winter is going to be like. It's going to be very welcome. There is so much to do outside...

Okay, the second thing this week was Sis and BIL's discovery of a major plumbing issue at their house. Such a major issue that they will have to move out for at least a week, maybe more, while the repairs/re-piping get done. I would be horrified if that happened to us, so I can only imagine how stressful this is going to be on Sis, BIL, and Dad, and the dog and cat.

Part of the solution is Sis and BIL and the cat are going to their beach house. Dad and the dog will come here for at least a week, and then possibly go with Bro and SIL to a rental house while their house is being dealt with (an electrical issue in their case). Such upheaval on everyone's parts, for different reasons. But this is an emergency, and we all will adjust.

Naturally there have been multiple ongoing emails and texts and discussions.   Dad and Sis and Rufus all came over yesterday afternoon, and took a tour of the house and yard, with Rufus on a leash. Missy was at first on a leash also, but she was extremely nervous about this new dog, and insisted on hiding behind me or sitting on my lap. She was in no way aggressive, but much more shy and anxious than I expected. I certainly didn't need the leash.

 Murphy missed the whole thing: he was sleeping so soundly he didn't even  know anyone was here.  The cats were astounded that there was such a thing as a bigger  dog!  They are used to M&M, small dogs who do not interact with the cats at all. But a big dog is something else.  My cats were intensely interested, but a bit fearful too; a couple of times Rufus lunged at one of them, who disappeared in an instant.  But then he would come back to do more investigating. Utterly silent, with huge eyes.

All in all, everyone got along all right, with plenty of treats. After they left about 10 minutes later, Murphy woke up and came out wagging his tail. Nothing was going on then; the cats were carefully prowling around, making sure the big dog was gone. Missy was happy to see Murphy again, and after a quick trip outside, the two of them settled down in the living room, sleeping again. 

Tuesday I'd had my followup visit with my surgeon; all is well. She said my breast had healed well, and we discussed the next mammograms which will be in December; I'll see her in January, and then yearly after that. 

Thursday J went to the ENT. It was discovered that J had inadvertently left a part of his hearing aid in his ear!! He had complained of that ear's hearing not being as clear, but it never occurred to either of us that a foreign body was in there! The doc removed it, and J will go back in 6 months. I think these will become frequent check-ups for him.

Friday evening we went to Bro and SIL's for a yummy pizza dinner and more talking, to cover the issues we'd not had time to discuss.  I loved hearing Bro's view of the various subjects; it has really helped me  know what to do. Plus his memory is fantastic.  It's shocking how much I don't remember...

The meeting Saturday morning was excellent as usual; got caught up with a lot of people.  A pal there walked last Saturday in a fundraiser for Vietnam era vets who are suicidal; he walked 22 miles, in 8 hours. I was flabbergasted. And I did give him $10 toward that cause.

Monday J has a dermatology appt, specifically to look at certain areas on his skin. Tuesday is my infusion, and I see the doc. 

I need to find a birthday card for my friend Jennie whose birthday is on Oct 4, and my own darling daughter's birthday is Oct 7; the same day is Kit's birthday. Those dates are moving up fast! Then BIL's daughter has a birthday on the 5th.

And Dad will be here Oct 2, a week from tomorrow. We have to clean up a bit, and get that room ready! First guest in a couple of years.  We'll be busy, with planning meals, etc. It will all go well, I'm sure.

I'm going to go and do my stretching. MissS will be here at noon; looking forward to seeing her, so much.

TYG

 

Sunday

 Sunday, and not too much happening. Both of us have been dealing with fatigue for  several days now, and as an added bonus, mine comes with dizziness. I haven't been able to do my stretching routinely,  although I do as much as I can until I start feeling I might fall over. So weird.

Meanwhile J sleeps a lot. I know his probably comes from a combination of chronic pain, and grief. He comes back from these counseling appts just emotionally drained. And then is very slow-moving, poor guy. He's been very sensitive, or vulnerable; I really have to watch how I say things. But I do understand. This is what happens when one buries the grief for so many years.

He went one day to the store to pick up an rx, and collapsed when he got home. That store is hell; he seems to run into or around some real oddballs there. When I shop, I charge in (if I feel up to it), and don't meander, or browse. I have a list and my objective is to get my items and then get the hell out of there.

The high points of the week were the Meeting Saturday, and then going to Bro and SIL's for dinner that night. What a treat!  Not only the simple act of talking with my brother, but enjoying gorgeous weather, being in such beautiful surroundings, and having someone else cook! We laugh, but it's really a treat to not have to eat our own cooking sometimes.

 And that meal was heaven--salmon for the three of them and swordfish for me, all cooked by Bro on the grill. Such a yummy combination of flavors-- swordfish was excellent.

We all talked a lot because it's been quite a while since we've seen each other. We might just have to get together again soon, because there was so much we didn't get to. 

I had taken a brief nap after we got home from the meeting, and so I was feeling wide awake when we left for Bro's house. Even so, I headed straight for bed when we got home. J took his evening bath, and then joined me. I slept until around 4 am, and then just dozed off and on until 8ish this morning.

It'll be another hot day today. J has mowed the front lawn and once I get those plants re-potted, it'll be a better looking area. Life is sure exciting here, isn't it!  

Next week J has an ENT appt, and I have my surgeon's follow up appt. And the week after that is my infusion again. If the dizziness is still occurring, I will definitely be mentioning it. 

Okay, I'm done. TYG

Tuesday

I cannot believe I forgot to write Sunday, but in my defense we had a difficult couple of days.

Monday was our LaborDay potluck, which went well. All food was great, and although we couldn't get in the pool, it was still a great get-together.

Tuesday I was nervous about the infusion for some reason, but we got to the appt on time, at 11, and by 11:45 I was being infused. That meant by 12:15 it was all over. I didn't see the doc so I didn't ask about the hair loss after all, but I will see him next time. I feel pretty sure it's somewhat normal, so I'm not terribly worried, just frustrated.

Wednesday and Thursday were good days: I had plenty of energy, did cleaning after my stretching, sorted through all the files, pulled out all the medical-related papers for me and J. Not quite sure what to do with them, where to store them. They are sitting on my desk, waiting for me to decide. 

Thursday J had his  second counseling appt; I actually love these appts too, because it gives me  some precious alone time. He is usually gone for about 90 minutes to 2 hours depending on if he has errands. Not like I do anything special when he's not here, but it's just the sheer quiet, the peace. No one talking to me. Heaven.

Friday I had a bad sleepless night, and woke up exhausted. It was also Layla's birthday, although as of yet I haven't heard from Lauren, her mom. I basically ached and felt sore in every joint. I barely made it through 2 stretching/ exercise routines, before I had to stop due to being breathless.  I stayed on the sofa all day. I think I even took a nap that day.

Saturday we went to the meeting as usual, which is always excellent.  One of my friends shared with me that one of our mutual friends has been absent for a few weeks and will continue to be absent due to having had a breakdown. She is bipolar, and checked herself into a facility, thank God. He had her address, so J and I sent her her a card with messages from each of us.

Then MissS came over for the afternoon, which is always wonderful too. J needed help with the laptop again, and so she patiently showed him what to do, and  that took some time. He also asked her to come help with something else, so she'll be here tomorrow afternoon also. Poor guy. It's hard to be continually patient. I admire her so much.

She and I talked a lot too, and I always enjoy that.

On Sunday, we had a leisurely day-- I actually didn't wake up until almost 10, which is insane--I hate sleeping that late, but sometimes my body just needs that. Still, I feel I am wasting the day.

I discovered earlier that week that J had finally taken everything out of the chest by the front door and labeled everything, and even tossed the things we didn't need, before putting some things neatly back. Amazing. Then he finally fixed the bit of baseboard by the workshop door--again, something that has been on my to-do list for literally months. These "little" things mean so much!

Anyway Sunday was calm and quiet again, until I woke him from his midday nap around 1:30. We had to start getting the dogs ready for Missy's vaccine appt. It's so freakin' hot that I hate putting the dogs in the car at all, because the car takes forever to cool down. But we had an appt at 2:30 and I wasn't sure what the check-in process was like.

We arrived with plenty of time, first in the line, Murphy standing patiently, Missy also puzzled but certainly willing to be in the cool building. We were done with her rabies shot, and out of there by 2:45 or so, and got in the car, only to discover the right rear tire was flat.  I could tell something was wrong as I was slowly backing the car out of our parking space. Also there was a strange icon lit up on the dash board; I haven't seen it before, but it indicated low tire pressure. 

I pulled over and J got out to check, saying sure enough, it was almost flat. What!  How could that be! I started looking online for a tire shop, thinking we'd just pull into the air pressure refill machine, and be on our way. Thank the gods Firestone was a few feet away at the entrance to the Mall, so I carefully pulled in. We sat in the car while J went in to get some help.

The bad news was the tire was trashed. Unable to be used. We would need to sit in the waiting room until they could get to us, probably another hour, and the tire would cost us $250. So we all trudged inside. While I am extremely grateful they were right there, the next hour and a half was  .... a reminder that it was Sunday afternoon in a mall, two little dogs, bloody hot outside so thank god the waiting room had AC, and oh well... we had no choices here.  

We waited, and took turns walking the dogs (Murphy) around and around the waiting room. He never once lay down, or sat. He walked constantly, or stood. He just could not relax. He hasn't stood up this long in a couple of years.

After a long time, the tech told J that they had managed to track down a better fitting tire for us, and it would only cost $160, plus tax of course. At that point, this chunk of money sounded fine. Anything! As long as it was soon.

We waited and waited. Finally a bit after 4, they were done; we paid and got in the car, and drove home. Did Murphy sit down? Nope.The two of them stood on the back seat, patient and quiet. At home they leaped out of the car and headed for the grass, and then happily pranced inside the house.

Murphy finally lay down for the first time in several hours after he had his dinner. He slept like a rock. When the nightly routine required that he get up and walk to the back door for a last pee, he moved so slowly that I was afraid for him. Again he slept without moving all night, and yesterday he was so stiff that I do understand the terrible toll it took on him. If there was such a thing as a doggie muscle relaxer, I would have given it to him. 

Monday was a very quiet day: I wasn't feeling good at all; I felt stiff, and dizzy, and unsteady on my feet. J took over the day, getting the groceries, and made BLTs for dinner. 

Today I felt better; I even went outside to do something with my front porch plants, and then moved to the back yard, where I did a lot of trimming and pruning along the side of the house. I left plenty of cuttings for J to pick up with the wheelbarrow so he could have the yard debris people pick up the mess. I ended up with four extra pots for my plants because easily 4 of them have died in this heat. I'm worried about a couple of others. 

By the time I was done, I was so tired and drenched with sweat that I jumped into the pool.  That always helps. Back inside I slowly and carefully took a warm shower again, and have been snuggled on the sofa ever since. 

I think my right arm/shoulder/neck has been injured by the time when the PICC line was installed 6 months ago, and I notice it's more and more difficult for me to move my right arm freely. I have been focusing on the shoulder/upper body stretching, but it hasn't helped. Might have to see my doc.

Meanwhile I also notice that after working outside for any length of time, I come back inside and my voice hardly works; I am very hoarse.   J pretends to yell at me for over-doing, and takes over, bringing me my heating bunny, and water, and ibuprofen.

This week he has his third counseling session on Thursday.  Next week we have two doc appts, me with my surgeon, and him with the ENT.

This is also the first month we have our SS checks deposited into the credit union instead of the bank, and I'm trying to look at it as a fresh start. We need to get ahold of the automated payment people for a couple of places and change the bank to the CU. Fortunately there's only three, fairly simple. 

Okay, I'm done. Sunday when I next write, hopefully I will have heard from Lauren about my card and the cash I sent, and I will only need to catch up on 4 days. 

TYG

Sunday

 Another Sunday  has rolled around.

Some important stuff has happened, but it concerns another member of the family, and I'm not at liberty to share. So that's hard; I would like to write about how I feel, but of course I cannot.

Today is September 3!  Good grief. Gabby's 16th birthday is tomorrow. And then Layla's is Friday. How weird is it that I have 3 granddaughters within 3 weeks of each other, and then the fourth one was born in February. 

I shared about the circumstances surrounding Gabby's birth yesterday at the Meeting, and how grateful I feel that each of the mothers are happy to have me involved, as much as I want to be. How unusual is that? And yet, somehow I completely missed Layla's birthday last year, and so I sent a card this year with a $10 bill, because she is going to be ten years old. (How can that be already?!)

Anyway, last Monday was a big day for receiving packages: my new-to-me book arrived, and I will start on that as soon as I finish the one I'm currently reading. 

J's birthday shirt arrived (from China), and it is beautiful; he loves it. It's just a bit snug, but not to the point of being necessary to return, especially since it took 7 weeks to get here. It gives him a bit more motivation to work on losing weight.

Which was an odd coincidence, considering I had decided  (before that shirt arrived) to make a certain pie recipe which I had carefully saved from the newspaper since the early 80s. I cannot believe I've had it this long and never attempted to make it. I finally did, and much to my disappointment I didn't think it was that good. J however absolutely loved it, and ate the whole pie in two days. 

That's partly why he felt so ill on Friday; I'd also tried a different recipe, cookies this time (based on what ingredients I had in the house) on Thursday, which was also incredibly sweet. I made only one cookie sheet's worth, and he ate all of those. 

Friday he woke up sick, vomiting, sweating, headache, GI issues. I also was feeling a bit queasy. I think it was due to the chicken pot pies he bought that day on a whim while he was picking up something at Walmart. I don't think they were cooked enough. My own opinion--I couldn't eat even a quarter of mine. He thinks it's due to too much sugar/bad food.  

Recently I haven't felt hungry at all, so when I tell J that in response to his daily question of what would I like for dinner, he is frustrated and decides not to cook. 

But I can't help it. What I should do is cook something anyway, and then he would eat that, even if I don't. Some days I just don't have the energy to prepare something. 

Wednesday was the day the hurricane Idalia was supposed to hit: all the schools were shut down, businesses closed, people warned to stay home...and nothing happened.  A bit of rain woke us up that morning, and I thought, okay this is it!  And then...nothing else happened. Oh, a bit of wind. But it didn't even knock over any plants. 

I mean, I'm grateful as hell nothing happened, considering how much worse we've lived through. But all that prep, anxiety, hype on TV...and that was it.  Next???

Thursday J had his appt with the psychologist/counselor. She was actually an intern, needing to get so-many-hours of counseling. He connected with her however, and has another appt for next week. 

He was dreading this, and knows it's all undealt-with  grief, so that's always hard to face, to dredge up feelings one has buried for so long. It's always painful. But he knows that to get any peace, any resolution, he must face it. He's particularly angry (again) at his daughter who hasn't yet sent Zeke's ashes, or his gun, which he was promised.

And also on that day I had my final appt on the phone, with my radiation oncologist. Basically a check-in, nothing new to report, my skin healed up, no additional pain anywhere, etc. So unless the cancer returns, I'm done with that office. Yay.

This coming Tuesday I have my infusion, and will ask about the continuing breast pain, and the loss of my eyelashes again. Although, according to my cancer support group, this is normal (for some people anyway). Looks I'm one of the lucky ones. One woman on the group has lost and regrown them three times. She's still in active treatment, too.

My hair however is growing back, and that's such a relief. One woman at my Meeting yesterday told me flat out that I shouldn't grow it out any longer, that it was very flattering. That was sweet to hear, but I don't feel like myself with hair this short. I feel I look like a boy with this hair. I think I don't look like a cancer patient anymore, but I am anxious for the hair to grow out more. It's been six months since it was shaved. I feel so vulnerable with my head uncovered, but I'm forcing myself to be exposed. I'm not sure why.

Tomorrow we will have a Labor Day potluck. J made the meatloaf today, and so it's all ready for baking. Today we'll clean up the house, after MissS leaves. Bro and SIL are "entertaining" her relatives, so they are unable to come.  Sis and BIL and Dad, along with MissS and Kit will be here.  

J is more disappointed that our neighbor hasn't come over to mow the lawns yet; it desperately needs it. He could do it himself, but it takes a tremendous toll on him. It's "only" 86 today with plenty of humidity-- much cooler than last week when it was in the mid 90s every day. 

MissS is on her way...TYG