Sunday

 It seems so odd not to have J sitting across from me, getting ready for his Zoom call with his children.  It seems odd that I am living here alone. I am still subconsciously waiting for his step, or his cough, or a phone call that I can hear his side of, or noises in the workshop indicating he is puttering. All the homey and background noises one gets used to living with someone else.

Well, it's been a better week.  Something about talking to "strangers", ie. not blood family, made the dam break and I have talked and cried with various people enough that it doesn't feel like I am unable to speak without crying anymore. Not sure that makes sense, but it's like I was too full, overflowing, and the slightest kindness or a look or a pat on my shoulder would cause the tears. 

Now I can speak about it. Indeed, my mind is still endlessly replaying that first day, and the immediate following hours. I don't enjoy that but it's hard to stop the reel.

Monday after work MissS came over the help me drag the pink kitchen cupboard out to the curb. As we were halfway to the pile,stopping every few inches, a neighbor pulled over; he and his son jumped out and insisted on helping, taking it over there for us. It was much heavier and more difficult to move than I'd expected, and so it was doubly appreciated that they took over. Very sweet of them.

Tuesday I cleaned and filled the bird feeders, moving two of them from front to back. I also tried to hook up the outside hose and clean off the pool deck, but no matter how I tried I could not get the pressure strong enough to spray it all down. Must ask Bro what I'm doing wrong.

Wednesday my replacement utility shelf arrived for the kitchen, and I got it put together all by myself. I've downsized a lot and everything fits perfectly on it. I love that it's pink steel. 

I also replaced an old shower curtain liner, and got groceries at the PO Walmart. (I did drive over to an area I'd been planning to drop off the food supplies, but I wasn't able to find a door open to get  assistance from anyone, so I decided to come home with it all and check with my former co-worker; she did enthusiastically accept those supplies for her church so I dropped all that off on Friday.)

Thursday my new-fake-vintage lamps arrived, and I got those put together. Dad was planning to come over that day but woke with a nasty cough, so he ended up resting at home. 

In fact it sounded worse the next day, so Sis took him to urgent care where he was examined and given atb's for use if symptoms worsened. Fortunately they did subside, and by Saturday morning he was much better.

Friday for me was a quiet day; I watched a lot of TV and did a lot of embroidery. I worked on my bills. MissS came over later and we discussed various sewing issues, and got caught up; I threw a pizza in the oven and we had that for dinner. 

Saturday followed a rough night, and I was awake by 4am. BIL arrived here when I'd left for my meeting, to pick up the storage unit key. He emptied it out and cleaned it up, finishing and coming back here by noon. My meeting was wonderful, and I talked with several people, feeling like I was coming out of a terrible fog.

BIL started in on organizing the work room tables, and the tool caddy, separating out what was useful and what wasn't. He'd bought me some brand new tools, and a tool bag of my own. Shortly after that Sis and Dad arrived, and the three of us headed over to Costco for Dad's hearing aid fitting; while he was doing that, she and I wandered all over the store. Mind boggling. 

Fortunately I am over the need for giant quantities of anything, not to mention not having a lot of room. So I limited myself to a bottle of ready-made margarita mix, a bottle of wine which looked tempting and had a gorgeous label, a 2 lb block of sharp cheddar for only $7, and a 3lb turkey breast which I will cook up for Thanksgiving.

Sis meanwhile found lots more to stock up on, and it was a blast staring at everything. We finished just in time for Dad's appt to be over, and wearing his new hearing aids, which made a big difference  for him. We are all so happy for him. He is feeling much better too.

Back at home we all oohed and ahhed over the amazing difference in the work room area. BIL is an ironman, just like J was. He had gotten everything done and was starting on dismantling the planes before tackling the biggest job: the work table.  The pile by the curb has grown immeasurably. 

When it was all done, all that I have left to do now is clean/mop that floor, then move the remaining table over, and organize my household supplies on it. The kitties' powder room is near the outside door, and Christmas stuff is occupying a much smaller are than I expected it would. The shopvac and two boxes of filters and the giant metal-lined wooden crate will be the only things actually on the floor now. INCREDIBLE. The difference is just mind-blowing. I love this room. I may buy a jute rug for the floor's protection...  No planes hanging in the air.  No overhead light over the workbench. I am just so thrilled with the transformation.

I think I am done. MissS is due here any minute.

My friend G will be here tomorrow to take down the kitchen shelves. 

I am so blessed. TYG

Sunday

 I really have to focus on what day it is, recently. I don't know why: maybe my brain has had to deal with too much, and I don't recall the minor things as easily. Anyway, today is Sunday, and while I usually write in the morning, Sis and BIL came over around 11 to join me in cleaning the work shop out. So they have now left and it's after 4 and I figured I better jump in writing, before I forget entirely.

Hurricane debris is scheduled to  start being picked up by the claw machines tomorrow, and it has to be separated from household debris/construction materials, and yard scraps/trees/branches. I felt completely overwhelmed looking at the workshop. J, I think it's safe to say, was somewhat of a  ... hoarder. 

Combination survivalist, hoarder, project lover, but not really organized. Oh, he tried so hard to be organized. But part of what left that room this morning and is now out on the curb was a metal filing cabinet, a wire storage unit, bags of trash (things he was keeping but we could see no use for), a few shelving units, countless pieces of various sizes of wood, trim, drywall, etc.  There's a few containers of household supplies I will keep, and that's also where the kitty boxes will go now. BIL and Sis were awesome workers; he also took the giantgenerator, and various other things.  Sis was fabulous and efficient at making decisions on whether to keep something, most of which I didn't  even know what they were. 

There was/is so much still  that they will need to come back next weekend to  disassemble part of the workbench and its (unnecessary) overhead light, two model airplanes, and review the tool-caddy thing. Some of those things I will need for my use here, and probably BIL will be able to use the rest, but Bro also might want to review things, and I have a friend who also loves old tools, who will be removing the shelves in the kitchen.

What a job that was. They were here 3 hours, and we took quite a bit to the curb for disposal, along with the stuff that got ruined in the hurricane (rugs, cardboard boxes, papers) . All the survival food he had spent so much money on is now in the SUV, so I can drop it off at the Salvation Army. And I have at least three more boxes going to J's kids.

Yesterday was  a good day, basically. I have had a rough week overall. 

Monday was the day I bathed Missy, which she needed and loved. Late in the day my new bug guy Edwin came, and was very personable, educating me on techniques he was using, making an effort to win over Missy; knew she was a Havanese, called her Havanese Royalty. What a nice guy.     

I finished putting all the CDs into my new storage bookshelf, and set my new rugs in place.

Tuesday I fell first thing, tripping over the step-up to the house. I scraped my knee badly and  bent my poor big toe backward. It turned a lovely shade of maroon,  and my knee abrasion is still gooey. I did my errands: picked up an rx, bought birdseed and got keys at Ace, got some groceries at Aldi. And at 3:30 the new washer was installed. It fit perfectly, and while it's slightly noisier it also holds a lot bigger load.

Later I took Missy for a walk as the sun was setting. As I came back up our road after rounding the block, there was my neighbor Kara pulling into her driveway, and we talked for about 10 minutes. She knew he had died and was so sorry, but actually he had never told her he had cancer, nor had he mentioned the treatments or the severe pain. She almost started crying when I shared how he had died. She wants to come to a memorial service if and when I decide to hold one.  

 It was nice to see her, since it's been several months. Her "little boy" is in college! Wow. We have lived here long enough that I remember him as a small, undersized boy, and now he is away at college on a music scholarship.

Wednesday was my "payday";  the CU is having connectivity issues, so it was a challenge to work on bills but I tried. I wished Brenda a Happy Birthday. And my indigo buntings are back!  It's only mid-October, so early for them. Normally I don't see them until November. Three pairs this time.

Thursday was Dad's official birthday.  I left a message on his cell phone. That morning I took the cats to the groomer's for the first time by myself, first time since J died. After Paul (I think that's his name) offered to take them out to the car for me when he was done, I left the money on the counter and walked out with him. I told him J had died and so it'd just be me bringing the kitties and Missy next time, and started crying. He set the cats in the car and then just enfolded me in this amazing hug.  What a sweetheart. That was only the second person, a stranger, that I had told. 

When I got back home, and got the cats re-settled,  I was in the middle of doing their cat boxes when my phone rang. It was my Sponsor, calling out of the  blue. She hadn't known about J, she was calling to check on me after the hurricane. I broke down telling her too, and we talked quite a while. She says she will try to visit here after checking on her finances. I am not going to count on this, but it sure would be amazing.  And then I got an email and a phone call that J's cremains would be being shipped that day.

The next day, Friday, was 4 weeks since J died. I'd had a horrible night, waking up crying, missing J so badly. I lay awake for  a long time.    I finally got up around 4, did the animal care, tried to go back to sleep.

I don't even remember what I was doing when there was a knock on the door. I looked out the window and saw a  dark grey car, and when I opened the door, there was a young woman with a sympathetic expression on her face, holding a box with big bright words on it: "Cremated Remains" on all sides. I had to sign for it, and as she handed me the box, she said, "I'm so sorry for your loss", and that did it. I barely got the door shut after whispering "Thank you," before I was in tears all over again. 

Somehow I guess it hadn't felt real enough, until I was holding that box. I couldn't open it. I just sat there and sobbed. I could barely look at it. I just set it on my desk and decided not to open it until I was good and ready.

I think I did a lot of embroidery that day, and watched a couple of movies; and I went to bed early.  Oh, yes: I also did a lot of baking.

Saturday was my meeting, and while I sat with my usual pal, I also made the rounds requesting hugs. After the meeting I spoke with (cried with) a few special friends. Kevin in particular just was so supportive. He listened while I cried, never taking his eyes off mine, patting me, hugging me, what a sweetheart.  We ended up walking outside afterwards and talked some more. I think I would feel comfortable actually calling him if I needed an ear. He said also that he knew I was struggling financially , and said if I needed help, he would be honored to help me. That nearly did me in.  

At home I packaged up the goodies I was bringing to Sis' for Dad's non-party to celebrate his 92nd birthday. Bro and SIL picked me and Missy up around 3:30, and we had a great time. Dinner was -- for me and Dad and BIL-- a roast done in Sis' crockpot which turned out deliciously, along with quinoa and mixed veggies and the deviled eggs I brought.

I had a meltdown shortly after arriving, so Sis kindly sat me down in the living room and let me cry on her shoulder. I keep thinking I have processed this death, and then more comes up. It's actually only been a month, so why do I think the process is done?? Of course it can't be. This was the love of my life, as she pointed out. There will never be anyone like him again. 

That part isn't so bad, honestly-- I don't want anyone else, I'm done with relationships. But the idea that I will never see him again, or hear his voice or his laugh, or be reassured by his comforting hand on mine, or a hug-- it's just so painful. 

Anyway, after that crash, again, I got another glass of wine and tried to take part in the gathering. Poor Missy was quite nervous and was either hiding behind my legs, or actually on my lap. At dinner she decided to jump up on Sis' lap and sat there the rest of the evening. Sis never got a chance to eat any of her dinner. Missy sat with her and trembled and shook. After a while she relaxed enough to fall asleep, and Sis let her remain there, not moving a muscle.  It was such a sweet picture. 

It was a very nice evening to be outside, together, enjoying the twilight and the great food and the conversation.   

At some point it was time to go, and we three packed up and loaded up into Bro and SIL's Honda, and we headed home. They helped to bring my stuff inside and we talked about the work shop plan for the next day (today), and they said they'd be happy to take me to the landfill when I was ready. So I'll contact them tomorrow to let them know I am ready; I have a bunch of stuff to take.  I didn't expect to  have so much to go.

I watched some more "Only Murders In the Building" episodes  to calm down after they left, and  fell into bed around 10. No problem getting to sleep, but again, waking up during the night multiple times, reading until I felt sleepy again, waking again some time later, etc. Over and over.  Sigh.

I paid off one credit card which had the washer and the computer on it,  and will put smaller payments on the other one, but having an $700+ credit at the utilities office really helps with that payment plan. So far so good.

I did get a notice from the SS office that they are looking into whether I am entitled to J's final payment.  I had to fill out a 2-page form, and  just give his DOB and DOD, my name and address and SS#. We'll see. If that happens, it would sure help. It would be an auto deposit into my account, so I'd be happy to take care of the remaining cc.  

I guess that brings everything up to date. I have no appts this week, so Wednesday may bring Dad here, depending on his schedule. Next week is just two appts: pest control, and GI follow up on Wednesday. I'm slowly getting caught up on the massive deep cleaning I am doing here, and then will be ready to work on the outside. 

With the work room almost transformed I feel so much better. It can actually be a room I'm not embarrassed to be entering. Usually I just felt so helpless and overwhelmed by looking at it; but I can see light at the end of the tunnel now. I have been blessed with my family. 

TYG

Sunday

I am typing on my brand new, more expensive, and more powerful laptop!  I'm so thrilled. I can see I will like it even better after MissS fixes a few things: I haven't been able to import all my bookmarks from my previous laptop. I have trouble logging into Amazon. The fonts seem very light, difficult to read. A couple more minor things I can't remember. 

Last week was both horrendous and  filled with gratitude. One odd thing-- one of J's former wives has reached out to me, and now we are "friends" on Facebook. She seems very similar to me, like Lydia is very similar in many ways. We three think very much alike. She lives in Bend. J never once told me that. They remained friendly, and occasionally corresponded via email, and he certainly would have shared that info if I'd asked about it.  Her son is the one he listed in his will, although she mentions him with a different last name. Anyway, I am grateful for that friendship.

And I am grateful for so many, many friends. I don't know what I did to deserve the blessing of so many friends who have reached out; but I am deeply touched.

Last Monday MissS and Kit and I met at Cracker Barrel for brunch. I've never been there, and was overwhelmed. What a mind-boggle for the senses-- it's a store and a restaurant. So many things/souvenirs/knick-knacks to look at. We had a great lunch,  and I had brought them their birthday presents.  They gave me a present too--they paid for the lunch!  I had been planning to, but they insisted. 

Bro and SIL came after work to check on the giant-generator and make sure I had enough gas/whatever to operate it. It is even more monstrous than I remembered. I'm terrified of it. But Bro seemed quite comfortable with it, and showed me a few basics which I promptly forgot. In my mind, either MissS or Kit were going to be the ones operating it, whichever one was here with me during the storm, and if I were going to be alone, I would not be using it.

 I did make a cake for her too, and MissS seemed very happy with it. 

Tuesday BIL and Bro were back here in the morning to put up boards over the windows,  and to drain the pool somewhat to help eliminate the possibility of flooding. Sis came with them, and we had a chance to talk, and exchange all kinds of information.  The new washer was originally going to arrive Monday, but they had rescheduled again due to shipping problems from leftover Hurricane Helene.

MissS came over later, and we went to get more sandbags; after a long wait in the rain, inching forward again, suddenly there was a sign for " handicapped" people to pull out of line and go down a different road. There were only 4 cars ahead of us that way, and we were out of there in 15 minutes. (I'd forgotten I had the handicapped pass hanging from the rear view mirror. It sure has come in handy.) (Technically I am not handicapped or disabled anymore, but I have no problem taking advantage of it if I can.)

She was prepared to spend the night, but on that evening's news it turned out that the storm was actually now going to hit Wednesday night and into early Thursday morning, so she ended up going home. 

Wednesday the 9th she came back around 11am, as the winds were picking up. Kit had gone back and forth about whether to come along, or stay to monitor the house and kitties, but in the end since his work was closed anyway, he stayed there. Poor MIssS felt so torn, I could tell. We passed the afternoon doing our stitchery projects and watching the whole Outlander season 7. Neither of us was hungry, but we each had a frozen burrito.

At a bit after 6 pm, just after the last episode started, boom. Suddenly there was no power, no lights, no TV, no Internet-- nothing. We scurried around lighting lamps and finding the flashlights.

We did go to bed fairly early because one, SO TIRED and SO STRESSED, but two, it was too difficult to see to do anything with the lamps,  and three, we hadn't slept well the night before.

Some noise woke me around 4 am. The storm was raging, and the wind was loud. Banging and crashes and bumps kept hitting the house. I got up to check and discovered all three cats lined up along the step-down , staring intently into the dark. That was when I too discovered the back room (the "sun room") and back bathroom were under 2-3 inches at the farthest end. Aiming the flashlight out the slider doors I saw nothing but water all over the pool deck, the waves lapping at the pink step. That's what they were looking at.

I knew I couldn't panic, because there was only me. No J was there to help me.

So I immediately started moving everything up to the living room level. Cat boxes, air purifier, the rolling cart with all the cat food supplies,  the laundry basket, banker's boxes, side tables, printer and shredder and 2-drawer file cabinet; the only things I couldn't move were the sofa and my desk. 

In my mind I just shut down and considered them a write-off. I figured them as lost already, and just tried not to think about them, their history, their sentimental value.  But every thing else I moved.  Once it was done and there was nothing else to do as far as moving stuff, I set up the cat stuff in the work room. 

And then I went back to bed, drenched with sweat and rain water swirling around my feet. I tried to sleep, but could not. Around 8 I got up again and with the daylight I could see outside. No problem with the enclosure or the house, just lots of destruction-- downed branches and limbs, wire draped across the back yard.  MissS found that my gorgeous hibiscus tree outside the back bedroom was actually yanked out of the ground, lying sideways. 

My neighbor Jason fared worse-- branches and limbs all over his roof, with multiple holes in their roof, causing leaking and flooding in their house. He was out there on his roof in the pouring rain and wind, wearing rain gear and boots, climbing around and removing limbs, and spreading the terrible blue tarp. I had memories of J doing that too.

Still, he was good enough to come and help with the generator; MissS was awake by then, and we had looked around and struggled with the reality of Hurricane Milton. Our road was flooded down by the corner, as usual.  But we were safe, the animals were a bit shell-shocked, but we were all okay. No broken windows or cars. More of a matter of staring out and gasping. 

The rest of the day is kind of a blur. Off and on the generator ran, keeping the fridge going, and a fan, and a couple of lights. We were in and out, trying to clean up. MissS was such a comfort, and so strong. We both dealt with headaches and heat. 

She was badly affected by the darkness in the house, so we did take off the boards in the living room, carefully leaving them just as they were to the side, since BIL had wanted to mark them all with his own system. We started to remove the boards outside that second bedroom, but the drill died. So much for that.

We of course had no Internet  but we did have our phones, with which we were texting the wonderful people who reached out to us.  Advisories were up not to leave our homes, to stay off the roads, so we could only imagine the destruction. 

Fortunately the weather was amazing; after the rain and wind stopped and the hurricane was gone, it was much cooler and drier. As long as we moved carefully, we didn't get too disgustingly sweaty. Both of us slept off and on during the night. Even with no AC, it was cool enough for me. MissS must have taken 3 brief showers, but I waited until Friday morning so I could do the whole shower and wash my hair. (It ended up being cool water. Just like camping. Sigh.)

We dragged most of the limbs out to the curb and I raked half the yard. Partly that was because she had lost a silver ring, and didn't know whether it was inside or out. I was hoping I'd find it.  MissS ran the generator, but by then her back was injured, and Jason came over again to start it after she started to refill it. Nice guy, very happy to help (considering my J had helped him just before and after the hurricane in October 2022; they had literally just moved in and J helped him by sharing our generator).

At around 5:30 I came back inside, exhausted and grateful to sit down in front of the fan. MissS was fairly depressed. I said to her,"It is so nice to be able to sit in front of the fan... and it'd be even nicer if the power came back on."  And miraculously, the TV clicked on, the lights came on, and the AC powered up. What a blessing!

Suddenly we weren't as tired. I closed all the windows and we undid all the extension cords lying all over, and turned off the generator. The silence was wonderful. All around I could hear people whooping and shouting for joy. Except the neighbor across the street, who calmly sat in his garage, running his generator, not moving. 

But we were nice and cool inside. MissS packed up and after some discussion she attempted the road out of the neighborhood despite the flooding, and made it safely home.  I think that was also the day my new laptop arrived; of course I couldn't set it up yet, but it was amazing to have it here so fast.

Saturday morning the sibs and spouses came over; window boards were removed, pool was shocked and its motor restarted, Sis finished off the yard debris clean up, SIL ran me to Walmart for a new better mop, and then promptly did the  sweeping and mopping of those two back rooms, all  by herself. She also moved the sofa back in place.  I was just so humbled and grateful. My family are all heroes. Everything was done and they were on their way to their own homes by noon.

We had a family discussion about the generator,  too. The final decision is that BIL will take the monster generator  home, and then find a smaller, lighter one I can manage on my own. That afternoon he did it: found the perfect one for me which he and Sis looked at and read reviews, etc. He ordered it and will do all the initial set-up for me, before bringing it over. Considering that Beast was $1400 and only used two or three times, I think/hope we both feel we each got a good deal. I am spared the hassle of trying to find a new home for it, and in return I get one I am not scared of.  Happy endings.

I had woken with a terrible headache around 1am and never got back to sleep. I was considering a nap, but knew it would throw me off my sleep "schedule" so I puttered to keep awake. Moving things, cleaning things, cleaning out the workshop, reading. Mid-afternoon I braved the roads and brought my laundry over to MissS so she could wash it for me. (My personal laundress.)

That was also the late afternoon the Internet and the TV came back. I set up the new laptop, as much as I could.  My Youtube was down, so I went for comfort-TV, and made my hot dinner (a tuna melt on sourdough), and watched Only Murders In the Building. I am completely hooked, currently on Season 2.   Just last night I started the first episode of Season 3; it's addicting. Next I'll watch Friends, and then Abbott Elementary, if I get bored with Westerns. lol

Sunday MissS came over bringing my laundry back, and I removed a splinter/sliver from her foot. We talked, and she fixed all the issues on the new laptop, and helped move the desk to its new location  (fortunately it survived sitting in the water). We watched the rest of the final episode of Outlander, and then switched to other HGTV shows. She left around 4.

More puttering after she left. I bounce around from job to job, moving the dryer away from the wall to clean under and around it, moving the washer too this morning. I'm hoping the people bringing the new washer tomorrow (yes, the delivery date was rescheduled again) will not balk at moving the sandbags from in front of that door to get the washer out of there.  I think I cannot lift them-- I'll try later today again, though.  

This morning I got the recycles ready, and dragged more stuff to the discard pile, and gave Missy a bath. I am currently waiting for the bug guy; not sure when he'll be here. 

So thankful for my dear friends in AlAnon, and my non-AlAnon friends who have all reached out.  Not only am I still grieving, but I am struggling with the hurricane clean up, both physically and emotionally. I know I am not the only one, but in the end, we all do this alone, internally. It helps knowing there is a whole circle of support.

TYG 

Sunday

 Nothing on the news these days except endless coverage and info about Milton. This new hurricane is supposed to arrive and hit Central Fl Wednesday. Aiming for Tampa, and then barreling across the  state to hit us directly.

So (today and) tomorrow and Tuesday things are happening, to prepare for this mess.  My amazing BIL and Bro are coming Tuesday to board up all the windows.

 MissS and I waited in a long line today to pick up 10 sandbags, pre-filled by the jail's inmates. It was a long wait, and totally worth it. I now have enough to block off most of the west side of the house on the pool deck, to block the flooding which has happened so often. I still need a few more, which I'll be picking up tomorrow, filling them myself.

Well, starting from last week, Monday: My new bug control guy came, and did his stuff, and will be back in two weeks to check on his strategy. I worked on the bills, a huge job. I learned that someone official knew J had passed away, and therefore removed his last SS check from our account. I could have sworn I was going to get to keep that last one. 

So I redid the bills, and figured out I can survive. It'll be tight, especially because I'm paying for the new windows for the next two years. Right around that time  when the windows are paid off, I think, is when I am required to start the monthly minimum withdrawals from my IRA, so that might help.

Tuesday Dad drove down here with Rufus and stayed a few hours. It was nice: we talked about several different things, and he suggested we do this regularly.  He tried to help me with clearing the little area outside the big bathroom, so my new washer could be delivered. However, neither of us was strong enough to lift the sodden sandbag, especially after it began to rip.  I decided to wait until my brother was available...

Wednesday I picked up my prescription and talked with Brand, J's oldest son. He reassured me in a few things: he will be paying for shipping J's things back when I get it done. He also will take care of the gun (it turns out J's Middle Son had a felony conviction 32 years ago, and so is ineligible to own a firearm). He said, "Don't worry  at all. I'll take care of it, even if I have to drive down to you and pick it up myself!" (Because it's going to be shipped back to me, unfortunately. What a waste of $60, to ship it out to Middle Son only to have it shipped right back... sigh). What a mess.  But such a relief that I don't have to do anything just yet. (I still cannot find the handgun, if J ever even had it.)

The big news is I took Missy for a walk that day, all around the whole  block. I chose a bad time of day, as it was pretty warm. I was sweating and she was panting by the time we got home, but she was so happy. I will need to do this more often-- after the rain stops.

And that evening I spoke with my cousins Alec and Liz. Mostly Alec, but Liz was in the background, and we all got caught up. They live in my Aunt Mary's house now, and are fixing things up. They along with their sibs sent me a beautiful gardenia house plant; I didn't even know they were okay to grow in the house. I'm looking forward to seeing it bloom.

I also learned that Heather's husband died of a heart attack during cancer treatment, and Aunt Mary died of a heart attack, alone in her house. Alec was the one who found her the next morning. I do know how awful that is. I wish I could do more to help with their grief.  We talked for around 40 minutes. It was so easy. 

Thursday I worked on the spreadsheet for the finances, and then moved to the living room to work on writing my sympathy card thank-you notes.  Sis stopped over after school and brought me wine (yay!), and Bro and SIL stopped by to move the sandbag, and also relocated some spiders from the area of the enclosure they'd decided to inhabit. Every morning I walk into the web-- and yelp in surprise. UGH.

Friday was my friend Jennie's birthday, and I had sent a card. I honestly don't remember what I did that day. Oh, yes: I got an email and a phone call from the people at Lowe's, to let me know that the hurricane we just experienced, Helene, had smashed all their schedules. My washer, ie, wasn't going to arrive until next Saturday, the 12th. DAMN it.

Most nights I have trouble sleeping, so I lie awake thinking. Or I pick up the Kindle, and read the current book until I feel I can try to sleep. 

Some nights I do take half of an anti-anxiety pill, but I don't want to grow too dependent on them.

Saturday was the Meeting, and I desperately needed that. So many friends came to hug me, and express sadness over losing J. So many wonderful things said about him. I sat with my two favorite buddies, and learned R's wife had been in the hospital with a heart problem this week. So... coincidental? She's all right, though.

I brought cookies and brownies to add to the goodies available already. F brings donuts every meeting. But we both went home with leftovers.

 Meanwhile Bro and SiL came and mowed and weed-eated the front and back yards. Every thing looks amazing, I am so thrilled. When I got home, I immediately went and weeded and re-set the bricks around the aloe garden,  and dug around the stone pathway to see if I could find the first one. It seems to have disappeared.

In the afternoon, MissS came over and assembled my new bookshelf! This is what I'll be using for CD storage.  She also ordered a pizza for us for lunch!  That was so nice.

The next day, Sunday, today, she came at noon and we left fairly quickly to get in line over at the jail, where they were giving away pre-filled sandbags. We inched forward in the line for almost a full hour, but in the end we got the bags.

I made ratatouille for dinner, and she took most of it home for Kit and she. 

Sunday morning before she arrived I did the cat boxes, vacuumed, swept, and the biggie, ordered 3 copies of the death certificate.  I also talked with Brenda first thing in the morning.

Then G, a friend from AlAnon called to check on me, and assure me he meant what he said/offered, that he was available for "muscle" if I needed him. It was so nice. I explained about my family  helping with things that needed to be done, but asked if he could take a look at this shelf that I think J glued to the wall in the kitchen.

That sounded fine to him, so we left it  pretty open-ended, and we will talk more after the hurricane threat. How thoughtful of him to call and  almost insist on helping somehow. If he can take off that shelf, I'll be thrilled.

Another AlAnon friend, B, called this evening: I think she needed validation of a conversation she had with her daughter, but she also was calling to check on me, and offer any help I need. What a sweetheart! We talked about a half hour. Good practice I think, for me: getting comfortable with the phone.

No appts this week except Wednesday with Milton. MissS (and Kit) might come here to stay with me. Tomorrow is their joint birthday, too. I'll be taking her to Cracker Barrel for breakfast/lunch, and then she will need to leave to take Kit to his job.  But she specifically requested a Funfetti birthday cake, so I will make that in the morning. 

We get to "hunker down" after Tuesday. I know we'll come out the other side, just not sure when-- I don't want to assume we'll lose power, but we might. That will be why we need the generator. I will be getting a crash course in its use. Gulp.

TYG; see you on the wind, as J used to say.