We had a great afternoon yesterday:   MissS and I took the dogs and headed for Silver Falls State Park, outside of Salem.  It's the largest park in the state, and has a lot of trails leading to the numerous falls. Sadly the largest one we wanted to see up close doesn't allow dogs even if they are on leashes. No clue why.  There were a lot of people there, families, all sizes of dogs on leashes, but certain trails were off-limits to the 4-leggers. That one largest set of falls you can even walk behind. That would have been awesome, so we'll come back another time without the dogs.

MissS took these photos; I especially love the top one, because so rarely do I see a good photo of me, where I look relaxed and happy, and I was. The bottom photo was taken just seconds later, and is included here because of the great view of Missy.

This was her first time in a car for any length of time--it was just over an hour's drive. We have to start thinking of the long ride ahead, and getting the dogs used to being in a car for longer periods (as in... all day... for several days).  She did pretty well. On the way back she was a bit carsick, but fortunately it was a fairly contained accident. And she was fine the rest of the way home, snuggled in my lap.

The fourth photo shows the path on the right which leads down to the falls on the left side of the photo. Those falls were so loud; even at that distance we were able to hear the water falling and crashing. We didn't have time to do all of the trails, but there was certainly a lot to explore.

Last week was a good week at work. While I am still not up to par, I'm far better than I was. Monday I worked in Urology all day, learning a lot. (Not the most interesting body part, let me tell you.)
Tuesday I was in Neuro just til noon, working on a few projects my manager had asked me to do, and then I was free. I went home and slept, staying quiet on the sofa.
Wednesday I went in to Neuro, but an hour into my day, my manager emailed and asked if I could go back over to Uro because someone had gone home sick. This time it was much better--I knew what I was doing, and could be a real help. They see between 18-25 patients on her clinic days, and the other two days she is in surgery.  She's a fun doc, and she bought us all lunch too. I left at 5, but with a bad headache.
Thursday I was back in Neuro for a half day, finishing my projects. My manager was very pleased with what I'd done--I'd been asked to create two separate forms documenting what tasks and duties all the staff does, both in Neuro and in Pain Management; this will be used to train and evaluate all staff.  I got to leave at noon. (I always feel guilty leaving, but hey, managers won't allow you to work a full day if your provider is out, which is why they float you to other offices. So no reason to feel guilty, right?)  I actually am fine with working half days.

J and I then did some quick errands, and to the bank, and the gym. It was nice enough to go for a long walk. Leash training is ongoing. Walking by the sheep fields is exciting these days because the lambs are appearing, new ones every day. They are just adorable. The dogs are fascinated not with the lambs, but with the guard dogs, who pace along the fence with his, growling and barking. That makes Murphy and Missy growl and bark in return. We are trying to teach them not to respond, and to just keep walking.

Friday morning I woke with a headache, and just called in sick. It hung around most of the day; and I just puttered here, cleaning, sorting some boxes, re-potting some plants. Nothing drastic. It's been a pretty few days, not really raining, but lots of clouds and wind. All the flowers and shrubs and trees are blossoming--gorgeous. It's all looking extra beautiful to me, because with any luck this will be my last Spring here.

We've gotten far enough ahead in our finances that we could --rather, I could and J was completely supportive-- spend just a bit before the serious savings begin. So I chose to have a ring repaired, and to have a beautiful old piece of embroidery  framed.

The ring was one I last saw mom wearing years ago, and I can't remember what she told me about it. It's a flat round 14K gold ring, and the flat round part is set with small diamonds. It fits perfectly on my little finger which is where I think she wore it too. I can't wait to be able to wear it. 
The embroidery was something I found while cleaning out mom's desk in those last days she was alive. I came across it, in a plastic baggie. It's about 8 inches long and  4 inches wide, and the back side is one long piece of material. On the other side are 3 different patches, all embroidered and hand sewn into three little open pockets; at the top is embroidered the date 1824. I just gasped when I saw it and brought it carefully to mom, who was sitting up on the side of her bed. I asked her if she remembered  this, and she said softly, "Yes".  I asked if she could tell me anything about it. She took it from me, holding it so gently, and couldn't say a word; then she was waving me away and saying, "Get Angela!" (the caregiver). I did, and briefly explained what had just happened, and she went into mom's room and shut the door. I could tell mom was crying, but I had no idea why.  That was the end of that story. Never did find out anything. Was she crying because she couldn't remember?

We brought it to J's friend William's art gallery downtown. William was out but his daughter was there, and she also just gasped when she saw it. We chose a frame and backing for it, and she'll call us when it's ready.   The ring we brought to "our" jeweler, also downtown a few blocks from the gallery. I'm excited about both of these projects for different reasons.

NP will be out tomorrow, Monday, before finally returning Tuesday. I will either be in Neuro for my four hours, or somewhere else all day. The heck with it: I'm getting over my anxiety with this, thankfully.

Now I'm meeting MissS to assist her with one of her big anxieties, grocery shopping.  Then back home to plant some spring flowers, and work on the wood pile.   A nice relaxing Sunday.

Sunday

Another whirlwind week. I'm getting too old for this.

First, all the house hunting stuff has come to a screeching halt, temporarily. Friday we were finally ready to contact the account manager for my IRA, to request a withdrawal. In that discussion, we learned that the gov't frowns on people removing money before they are 59 1/2. Which I am just 5 months shy of.  Oh, we could go ahead and withdraw it, but there would be a hefty fine, plus they would tax it. Doing the math, it just isn't worth it to lose so much, when waiting just 5 more months will allow me to do this with no fines or penalties.

So, second,  J has cancelled his trip to FL and we lose about $300 due to the cancellation fee, but that's the way it goes. (That was an expensive lesson.) We will resume the house/property search in August, and plan on removing the money after mid-August. By that time I should also have some cash from the sale of some jewelry, and we'll also use that for the down payment.

It was kind of disappointing, but also a reality check. Both of us had been feeling this was happening pretty quickly, and that we were missing some groundwork, namely, the practical step of having enough money. Duh.  We've just sat down today and gone over our finances in detail; we feel pretty confident we can save close to 10K by December, barring any emergencies. Yes, we will be living very stringently. I hope we can do it. We are planning to.

That will give us our nest egg to live on, and to cover the cost of the actual move. It's hard to stop the search: so many amazing and affordable properties are out there!  We have to believe that things happen for a reason, and that the right home will appear when we are truly ready.  I've heard (and do believe) that if your path is rocky or difficult, it's a sign that maybe  this is not the right path. When the timing is right, it will all flow smoothly. Not that Life should be easy, at all.

For instance, I know my job is the right one for me. That doesn't mean I don't have challenging or difficult days; but overall I feel this is a very good fit.  The same way I know that moving to FL is the right decision, but we need to approach this a bit differently.

Monday morning was our first day in the new locale. Things went badly at first while we adjusted to the new flow--printers and faxers not hooked up yet-- but after all the patients had been seen, we both felt it would be okay.  Then we walked back across the street to the other building to finish out our afternoon in Neuro. That went fine too.

The rest of the week was smooth enough; we had a lot of no-shows for some reason so we weren't terribly busy, but I got to research a lot of different subjects on the Internet (work-related, of course).  And Friday afternoon in the new building  was the same: it's all new for the patients too, and a couple of them went to the wrong location,  so there was  a lot of hand-holding and reassurance, and for me it was getting to know some new hall-mates, co-workers. It turns out that an AlAnon member I don't know well at all is also working there, right across the hall from my desk. We both are happy to have someone in the Program so close by, and I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

NP will be gone next week on vacation in FL. So I am available as a float person. If no one calls in sick, that means I then go to my regular Neuro office and am allowed to work 4 hours before being sent home. Those four hours can be helping the MAs who do have patients, or it's helping a different person in the office.

If someone does call in sick, then I am sent to that office to fill in, and I've now done that a few times. Each time I do, my anxiety level relaxes a bit more. My manager texted me late Friday to let me know that I will be needed in the Urology dept on Monday. Fortunately, I'm very familiar with that office, as they are physically connected to the Neuro office; I know all the staff and the two docs, and I'm very confident it will go well. That knowledge alone made my weekend much better.

J has been sick all week, but is slowly recovering. On Friday, he was starting to feel a measurably  better, but around the same time I was speaking to the IRA people, he was discovering that the compressor (or something like that) had died in our fridge. So he had to remove everything and put it all in the freezer in our pantry outside. Then he contacted our friend Mal, who is a repairman for the company we bought it from, and  he was busy with Mal and the damn fridge the rest of the day. Poor guy; by the time I got home he was utterly wiped out.

I made us dinner that night, and we both went to bed early. This weekend we have really not done much: we did go to the gym both days and last Wednesday, and J mowed the lawn yesterday, and also did clean out the chicken coop. But we really are both still recovering from this damn sinus/congestion/headache thing. Something is really going around. It's been two weeks for me now.

I did go to my meeting yesterday morning. One of my coworkers had a meltdown this week while at work, and it turns out she is dealing with an alcoholic partner who has relapsed;  they also have an 18month old son. The partner isn't working, and my coworker is just at her wit's end. I knew some of what had been happening, but hearing the rest of it was heartbreaking. I asked if she'd considered AlAnon, and she ended up coming with me on Saturday. I think she will be back.  She will find hope there, even if she and her partner don't survive this.

I led the meeting because I always sign up to lead the meeting closest to my AlAnon birthday; it's been 13 years now that I've been attending. Without AlAnon, I wouldn't be anywhere in my life; it has saved my soul, and my relationship with my children.

Also both weekend days, J and I walked the dogs, one a short 30-min walk, the other was about an hour and a half. Missy especially is having a tough time learning to walk on the leash, and J was not his usual extremely patient self with her this morning. Our walk took a lot longer because he had to keep correcting her. Reading Cesar Milan's book regarding dog training was eye-opening; I wish I'd heard of him years ago. It's made a world of difference for me, and I actually enjoy walking with Murphy now. 

I think the issue with his youngest daughter is bothering him more than he expected it would. She is still not speaking to him or communicating with him at all.  J is very sad over this, and has a tough time "letting go"; he keeps wanting it to be different, and is puzzling a lot on what he can do to "make it better". Of course there is nothing he can do.

I feel like  a lot happened during the week, but when I go to recount it, only the highlights appear in my memory. Every minute was packed, but not every minute is remembered. Spring is coming: it's raining today, but the flowers are out and the trees and bushes are blooming. It's all so beautiful; I think it's especially beautiful to me this year because if all goes well, this will be our last Spring here. Bittersweet.

Sunday, additional info

I knew I was forgetting to write about something: a very exciting development.

Once J realized our credit score was so high, he redoubled his efforts in the search, and with my sister's help he has been able to speak with her friend who is a realtor in the DB area. We discussed this (although I was brain dead much of the time due to this horrid cold) for a couple of days, and we both did think that now would be a good time to go there and look. So yesterday morning we bought him a plane ticket!   He leaves in two weeks, to spend 5 days there scouting the area and hopefully he will see something that is do-able. He has quite a list already of properties he has seen on the Internet.

Our plan is to buy something already rented out to a stable tenant.   We are looking for 2+ bedrooms, 1+ bathroom, cement block construction with central heat and air, a fireplace, and a fenced yard. I personally don't care if there is a fireplace or not,  but this is one thing J really wants. We are looking for something that is not on the beach, but rather inland enough that we don't have to worry about storm surge during a hurricane. Then  he will put a down payment on this (which I will take from my IRA), and determine what if any cosmetic repairs are needed. 

We will keep on renting it out, while saving money here like mad, until we have enough to actually do the Move. And we are hoping to do the move in December. We would give the tenant 30 days' notice, and then move into that place. At which time I will begin my job search.

Of course if my sister and her hubby find their dream property sooner, who knows. All plans are fluid... Between J's and my monthly checks, we hope to be able to save $1000 a month. That's double what we were paying on the student loan, but I don't see why we can't live on $2000 a month. There's only the two of us now, and we have no huge bills anymore (after the one credit card and LOC are paid off--and that will take about 2 months).  But if we need to, we can wait until February or March.

It's almost unbelievable how fast this is all happening. He will be staying with my sister and her husband. I'm jealous that he gets to go, but I don't have any time off available, and besides someone does need to take care of the house and animals here. 

J hasn't flown on a plane since long before 9/11 changed everything flying-related. He has no idea how much things have changed.  Plus he is taking the red eye: he leaves on a Friday night out of Portland, changes planes at 6am in Charlotte, then arrives in DB at 9:30am. My sister's hubby will pick him up.   I think he will be fine, but oh, how I wish I could go too!! 

It's all pretty exciting.  In the midst of all this, you can imagine how achingly bittersweet it was to learn that Lauren is moving up to Portland in January.... I'm missing the chance to see a precious grandchild grow up at close range, and to be  a much bigger part of her life. I almost cannot stand it. My heart hurts to think of this.  But if anyone understands, it's Lauren, who after all is moving there to be close to her sister.  I have already told them that they have an open invitation to visit us any time in FL.

And when we do the actual drive across country, we will be stopping overnight in Denver to see the other two grands, who will also have an open invitation.  You never know what will happen.

Life is exciting, and bittersweet, and full of choices. I think of my dad and his wife, my brother and his wife, my dear sister and her husband, my cousins, my CT friends. I am blessed.

Sunday

This has been an eventful week.

Monday I was surprised to find a singer whose work I adore had sent me a friend request on Facebook. Interesting. Of course I accepted. A short time later I received a private message from him. In this message he thanked me for being a fan, and told me I was a beautiful lady and asked me if I were single. Uh-huh.  I went right to his Facebook page and wrote him, posting that  I thought his page had been hijacked, because much as I admired him, I didn't believe out of thousands of fans that I was someone he would want to date.   And later that day when I checked Facebook again, sure enough, there was an announcement about it, and they were requesting all identifying info be sent to them, to be able to track this person down. I went back to my private message, but there was an error, indicating there was no such person. So apparently they did catch him, but only after he had messaged hundreds of others.  Very weird.

Tuesday not a lot happened, but I awakened with a sore throat. Uh-oh. By Wednesday I was feeling the cold full on, but went to work anyway. I was able to leave early, and then actually called in sick on Thursday. I literally lay in bed or on the sofa all day, feeling utterly miserable.

Meanwhile, J had spent the week searching the entire Volusia and surrounding counties in FL, checking out every single house possibility. He has visited most of the major realtor sites, and the larger Trulia and Realtor dot com sites. He did work outside some of these days because the weather has been so nice to do so. He is on fire, preparing the house and property to be able to rent it out. Lots of clean up and sorting and tossing. This is of course making me very happy...

Friday I absolutely had to go to work because it was the day we were scheduled to move our office to the building across the street. (Well, we moved the Pain office. Our Neuro office didn't change.) So it meant I had to make copies of all info I would need, and anticipate what medical and office supplies would be needed, and order all those things, box them up and get them moved. Basically we were setting up an office in a new location. I felt slightly better, but really if I hadn't had to go, I wouldn't have. I was the person who was physically setting up the office, so I had no choice.

So we had only a few patients Friday morning, and then after a quick lunch we traipsed over to the new office and spent a couple hours doing that. We wanted to test out the ability to get onto the work computer, the phone, faxing, and printing out prescriptions, but IT hadn't gotten that far yet. In fact, there was not even a phone at either of our desks. So, not only could we test run this stuff, but we couldn't even do any other work. So we both left at 3. I came home and went for a brief walk with J and the dogs before we spent the rest of the evening lying down.

There was also  much excitement that afternoon, because J had decided to contact our bank and get pre-approved for a mortgage. He was actually on the phone when I'd gotten home, taking care of this. On Monday we have to supply my pay stubs and our tax returns for the past two years, but we have been pre-approved. Oddly we "have to" look at something for 50K and up to get the best interest rate. But the max we are looking for is 55K, which really does increase our availability of options; previously we had been searching in the 25-40K range, for fixer-uppers. Now we can look at turnkey options or merely cosmetic fixers, too.  Our credit rating is 801. Paying off that student loan did wonders.

Saturday morning, yesterday, J woke up feeling like a truck had hit him. The same thing I had grabbed him hard. Poor guy.  He almost never gets sick, so it's kind of scary when he is.

Meanwhile I had heard from Lauren-- my (third) granddaughter's mom-- that she was available on Saturday afternoon, not Sunday, which is what MissS and I had been planning for:  MissS had arranged to take the  Sunday morning off work, so we could be available all day if necessary.  With this change, we had to re-arrange some things, but we texted back and forth Saturday morning, and finally came up with a plan to meet for a late lunch up in Portland.

It was a nasty rainy gloomy day, all day. I picked up MissS and we headed up in the pouring rain. I really don't like driving in rain on a highway, but there it is; we had no choice. At least it was daylight. Let's be grateful for small favors.

MissS gave us perfect directions and we arrived at a place on the SE side of town around 2pm. There was a line down the block outside what looked like a hole in the wall dive, in an industrial area. I couldn't believe we were in the correct spot, but sure enough, the sign said Portland Pie Company. (Get it? Pie? for Pi day?...) 

Lauren and her sister Joss were already thankfully inside, waiting in line. Lauren was holding a tiny little sprite with huge eyes and the plumpest cheeks I've seen in a long  time. Let me just say now: we had a wonderful time.  I love Lauren; she is smart, caring, thoughtful, loving and gentle with this child. I think she is a fabulous mom. I'm very grateful that she is happy to have our involvement.

I know my son is sending her child support (and is practically broke with supporting two children) but that is something he needs to do;  I would expect no less. However, what I cannot understand is why he doesn't want to be involved!  (What is wrong with them?? ...then I remember they are active alcoholics, and definitely not ready for long term commitments...)

Later in the meal, I explained to both Lauren and her sister that I did not raise either of my sons to be this way, but I had no control over what they are doing. I'm not going to apologize for them.  But I said I definitely wanted to be as involved as she, Lauren,  will allow. Obviously  it'll have to be from a distance, but I am already in love with this sprite. I simply cannot stand that we once again are going to be so far geographically from grandchildren. Sigh.

Lauren and her sister-- whom she was visiting for  few days-- are very close, and I liked both of them so much. (Joss is so much like MissS it was funny--same backgrounds in school, similar interests, a year apart in age.) We all exchanged background info, and shared photos of each side. I brought a small photo of the twins when they were the same age as Layla, and we could all see a strong resemblance.

Layla was watching me a lot, which completely captivated me.  It's very clear we are related, and I'm so enchanted with her. I dearly wanted to hold her, or hug her, or something! but  she is at that fearful-of-strangers age, and of course I wasn't going to push it. I was thrilled to my bones that the old-fashioned cube block puzzle was something she loved. I had a hard time taking my eyes off her. 

MissS kept the conversation going during the quiet moments, but honestly I felt it all went perfectly. (My sons clearly know how to choose wonderful people. That's a good sign. Bodes well for when they are ready.) MissS is very good at talking with people, and knew just what to say. We took lots of photos, and thankfully MissS's photos are far better than mine.

She is so precious, and I totally know how much of a besotted grandmother I sound like. I feel so blessed, so grateful.

Sunday

Last week flew by. I don't remember a lot of details-- wonder if that's a good sign, a sign that things are "normal", calming down.

Oh, I do remember a few things:  J took my car on Monday to have the tired rotated, the oil changed, the transmission fluid changed,  and new wipers put on. Feels like a new car now.

Thursday my sister sent me a link to a particular piece of property they were intrigued by, and so J and I looked at it, admired it, and sent it back with the comment that yes, it looked wonderful for them.  She responded, "well, actually we were wondering and considering what you two thought about us jointly purchasing this one...maybe...if..."

So we went back and looked again, and did a lot of confused talking about it. How would this work?? Financially we are not ready to move, have no savings yet, still have some cc debt. What about the house here, what would we do with the reverse mortgage issue?  Would I just quit my job? Could we survive on just J's salary until I had another one in FL? We talked a lot.

That same evening, J's oldest daughter announced she would like to come for a visit in June, and his middle two daughters also said they'd like to come visit in September. All of them live in Ohio. Now,  I haven't even met these middle two, and while I'm not worried, exactly, it's always a bit alarming to consider having "people" stay here.  He hasn't seen them in many years. So between the upcoming visits, and the mortgage thing, and the potential move happening a lot quicker than we'd been thinking, we were feeling a bit rattled. Excited, but with a feeling of "whoa, this is really happening!"

So Friday J called his reverse mortgage company, and also the insurance people, to clarify how a possible move would affect these issues. Basically, it won't have any effect. We can leave most of the furniture, and rent out a room to someone, and then we can take our personal belongings and our pets of course, and leave. The renter obviously will be care-taking the house, and the chickens, and the garden. We don't have to give it up or sell it, neither of which J wanted to do.  That way if Florida suddenly is swallowed up by a sinkhole or wiped away by a hurricane, we do have a place to return to.

And on Friday Sister and her hubby actually went to see this property, and were able to view the inside too.  Apparently it needs a lot of work but it's definitely do-able. With her hubby being an architect he can see potential. With my hubby being a builder and having had lots of previous experience with being a landlord and remodeler/fixer-upper, he can also see potential.  Later today Sis and I will talk on the phone about this all. 

And we both know that if this particular property doesn't work out, that doesn't mean we can't start the search anyway, for a smaller place. We're considering a time frame of being in FL by December. This year.  Yikes.

Friday morning I'd been awakened at 5ish by a miserable migraine. Took my meds right away, but despite that this migraine hung on all day. I made it to work, partly because NP and I had a lunch seminar to attend for CME credits. And partly because I wasn't actually vomiting; It was just incredibly painful, and exhausting. The meds did help ease the pain about 50%, and I took some more at 11. But then I just didn't dare take any more while I was still at work. I managed to last til about 4, then I left. Went home and J immediately took over, while I did take another pain pill and put pj's on, and just lay quietly the rest of the night. We watched Maleficent on TV which we both enjoyed.

Saturday morning I had the migraine hangover, but it was much better than Friday. I did go to my meeting, and then came home because J and I had an appt to get our taxes done. We are getting a bit of a refund, but about 1/3 less than last year's.  Probably due to the change in jobs, and therefore I'm earning more, and the tax laws changed just slightly enough to affect us.

 Still, we are getting a refund, despite not being able to claim MissS after all.  Uncle Sam doesn't care that we supported 3 people on our salaries last year instead of 2. Sigh.  She'd met us there at the appt so we could all get clarification on this, as we'd each been told something different. Then she was able to leave for her afternoon down in Eugene. She is looking so much happier.

By the time that was over it was about 4 so we did some brief shopping, and then home; We walked with the dogs up at the park because it was a glorious Spring day, about 65 degrees and sunny. It was wonderful to see signs of spring, the flowers, the buds on the trees, the pussy willow trees blooming, people wearing t-shirts and shorts and even sandals. Not us of course, but the Younger Generation. Far too cold for shorts for me... still, we didn't need coats.

My new phone arrived yesterday, too.  I ordered a brand new one (not refurbished like my previous old iPhone3)  basically because the camera was pretty bad in the iPhone.  J and I now have the same model, and the camera is phenomenal. I'm learning the whole phone now, and am really enjoying it. I'm very pleased. Funny, I don't use the phone to talk much, but I text my kids and family, and I use it to check email and now I can also use it to do photos. Since I am about to meet my new granddaughter next weekend, I will be better prepared to get quality photos.

I was supposed to walk with a friend this morning, but she forgot about the time change, and so never showed up. Instead J and I quickly changed clothes and went to the gym for almost an hour. I did my treadmill, the rowing machine, and the strength training on the upper body. Lord, those are hard.

Our wonderful neighbor brought us some more oak, so J is out there this afternoon chopping it up, and I will out there helping him for awhile before I take back my Sunday Rest Day.

Missy the Pest  had her final puppy vaccinations last Sunday. It was her first birthday, too. I guess technically she is not a puppy anymore, but she zooms around here like a hyperactive child, insisting on sleeping cuddled next to Murphy, sometimes sitting actually on him, but it's so fun to see them playing, chasing each other, playing tug of war; sometimes the shrieks of joy when we come home are a bit...ear-shattering...but they are both such fun! 

She continues to chew everything. So far I've lost  a bra, some socks, 2 pairs of my cheap dollar-store reading glasses, a computer mouse, a shoe, and a few book corners.  Why don't we buy her toys, you may ask? Well, we sure have. She has a whole container full of toys, including bones. She also chews on the corners of tables, chair legs, J's belt if he leaves it hanging over a chair; she at one point was caught carrying my old phone over to a hiding place...she stands on her back legs to peer onto the coffee table, and scope out something she wants.

She's not happy at walking on the leash, but we continue with this training. Murphy trundles along like an old man, patiently walking a pace behind our feet, but Missy leaps and bounces, or snuffles along the ground, or darts between our legs. We've ordered Cesar Milan's latest book for a crash course in training the dog whisperer's way...

It feels like a lazy Sunday. I need one of those lazy days.

Sunday

This past week was so anxiety-producing for me, and I just had to ...roll with it.

J accidentally dropped and broke another of the Audubon plates, so I had to reassure him it was not a big deal, while inside I was thinking about how long it took me to replace the last one. It's not a big deal--- but to me it was, that week.

Monday was a usual day for me. Fairly quiet, so I prepped for later in the week.

 J had a final appt with our counselor that day and they discussed what his approach/response should be to V, and her reaction to his accidental sending of that revelatory  email. In the end, he simply wrote to her, "I love you, and when you are ready to talk, I'll be here." She hasn't responded.

For Tuesday and Wednesday my manager had told me since my provider was out, I would either be "floated" to another office as a fill-in if someone called in sick, or I'd be only doing my 4 hours in Neuro before leaving. So, I ended up filling in for my co-worker in PainManagement all day because her little kiddo was sick. This was actually a good thing, because I do need to know how  this doc works; we will be covering for each other as needed when we move to the other building so I was okay with this. The doc is great, very easy going, and respectful. The day was a breeze, especially since my desk was in the middle of a common area and the other MAs in that department are all friendly.

At lunchtime the doc and I headed over to the other building where he was scheduled to give a presentation (to the front office staff who do all the scheduling, and the back office staff of the docs most likely to refer chronic pain patients to him). He answered questions, and talked about why pain management is a growing field, and what he hoped to accomplish. Introduced me and sure enough, all eyes turned my way, where I was standing with the manager.  He explained that both his usual MA and my provider were out, but that this was the whole PM department, and we'd be happy to accommodate any issues. It went well. Plus there were free cookies...

Wednesday I was in Neuro just for the morning before being free for the afternoon. Then  I could drive home, feeling like I was getting a holiday. (Yay!!)

 J had a scheduled visiting nurse appt  at 1, which is provided by his insurance company once a year as a free service. They thoroughly review his health history, and monitor for any changes. She was here for a couple of hours, a funny, smart,  and quick-witted nurse practitioner named Melinda. She was quite obviously gay, and so when J thanked her for coming he said tongue in cheek "Well, it's so nice you get to go home early to your husband and cook him a nice dinner!"  But he says things with such a straight  poker face that she wasn't quite sure he knew, so she came right back with a Look, and "Really?? Do I look like I'm going home to a husband??"  We all had to laugh, and when she left, we had the feeling we had made a good friend.  She got a big kick out of him, and the way he phrases things.

Then we went to the gym, and did a few other errands as it was his monthly payday, and walked both the dogs.

Thursday morning I was preparing for the day with NP (who was back at work just for the morning; she had a meeting to attend in Salem for the afternoon). Then my manager texted me asking if I would fill in for yet another MA at an office in Albany, the one we used to go to on Fridays. (At least I knew this doc although I had never worked with her.)   So I started out my day at work feeling depressed and grumpy and mad that I had to do this. Took me a few hours to work through my mood and resentment and anxiety, but by the time I drove over there to do the afternoon shift, I was okay. The doc, again, was very grateful I was "willing to help out", and was very easy to work with. She has a reputation as a micro-manager, but hey, in a brand new job I'm totally fine with that. She didn't strike me that way at all, but even if she had been, I'd have appreciated it. Not a bad day at all.
 

By the time I drove home it was pouring rain, so that wasn't fun; that continued throughout Friday too. I didn't walk either day due to the rain. But Friday was payday-- thankfully my 45cent per hour raise was on this check. Not a lot more money but it all helps. I stopped by the bank and deposited my check.

Meanwhile Friday was a big day for J, as his tree-trimmer buddy stopped by and removed three of the larger, more dangerous limbs from the giant oak overhanging the carport. They not only removed them, but chainsawed them into manageable logs for J to cut up,  and then made wood chips from the smaller stuff. We have a lot of wood chips...and a lot of wood. The tree looks and feels lighter and safer. Plus it actually lets more light into the living room.

Saturday  morning we started doing our bills, and due to the amount of time it took and having to call a couple places to clarify or change services, I didn't get out in time to go to my meeting. I was sorry to miss it, but J and I did talk a lot about what we are planning for the next couple of months and years. Then we mailed out all the bills--what a great feeling that is!!-- and went to the gym for our workout. Then home to find MissS waiting; she and I walked the dogs and then did some shopping. Both my work and walk sneakers again needed replacing, and we both had grocery shopping to do, and visiting the bakery thrift store (6 loaves of low-cal wheat bread and 6 packages of Thomas' English muffins--2 each of banana bread, cinnamon raisin, and original-- all for $16). We freeze most of it, and that will last easily 6 or 8 weeks.

Home to unload the car and collapse, watched the news, MissS stayed for a yummy dinner and then we all watched the next in the HarryPotter series. Bed by 10.

Up this morning by 6, despite wanting to sleep in. Grrrr. But between the dogs and the cats wanting breakfast, it's impossible.

We have a lot to do today:  J needs to clean out the chicken coop, work on the new log piles, spread out the wood chips, wax the cars. I'm "relaxing" today by taking both dogs on their walk, then taking Missy to Petco for her rabies vax. That's always an ordeal, but it's also fun to see the other dogs and cats in line with us. And it's only once a year. It's worth it.

We heard the news this week about the potential recall of Beneful, the dog food we'd been using. So we hastily switched to a new brand, and while it's more expensive, it's only available at Petco,  or the local farm and garden store on the other side of town. It's not available in the chain stores we shop at for groceries. So we will be in Petco a lot more often now.

One of my grands turned 6 yesterday, and I sent money. A small part of me feels like a failure that I'm resorting to sending plain cash instead of a personally-chosen and thoughtful gift, but hell-- she is 6, I haven't seen her since she was 3 months old, and I don't know her well enough (despite her mom's best efforts to keep me informed.  Frankly I do wonder how much she is keeping me in the loop, because  I am only the mom of the ratfink who fathered this child; and Heidi has already told me she and her current bf are officially having the bf adopt the child once they actually get married. Who knows when that will happen.) Til then, my son sends child support every month. I'm not bitter, just disappointed. I wish I knew them all better, but they are in Denver...and that's an expensive plane ticket.

Then again, I'm grateful for the contact at all. And in two weeks MissS and I will drive up to Portland and meet the final --please god, let it be the final!--grandchild. The mom, Lauren, is coming up to visit her sister for a few days and bringing Layla, so we've been officially invited to join them. I can't wait to meet this one: She looks a lot like me as a young one, and I plan on taking lots of photos. She is 18months old now.  Lauren is an excellent mom, though young, and I'm pretty excited to meet her. I need to think about what I can bring them of her dad's, whether its photos, or whatever. I've given a lot of the boys' childhood toys and books to the first two babies, so I will need to think. Both my sons seem to have learned their very expensive lessons by now.

I don't know if MissS will ever have kids of her own, but I think her children will be in a totally different category.  I don't see her raising a child as a single mom; I see her in a relationship, and I believe she will always be nearby, wherever I end up living.


Off to continue the day.