Well, more stuff is conspiring to make me feel old. I had my bi-annual eye exam yesterday, and while my prescription hasn't changed one bit, he noted I do have the beginnings of cataracts. CATARACTS. Is that an old-person ailment or not. Mine aren't anywhere near the point of surgery, and in fact this was a complete surprise to me. I'm not aware of any difficulties with my vision. He said I'd experience it as more of a glare problem with night driving (I've had that trouble for years, that's nothing new), or I might notice I need brighter light to read. (No, actually. I have not noticed that.) I've been seeing him for years and in fact he was the one who alerted me to the elevated cholesterol issue 4 years ago. So I'm not doubting him. Just...the dx. Yeah. (No, actually I'm not doubting him; I'm just adjusting to this yup-I'm-old feeling.)
And in four years I'll be 60. Speaking of old.
I'd had to have those dilating drops for this, and so the drive home was not fun. Out of all the past 2-3 weeks, it's been cloudy and grey. But yesterday of course the sun was out, and blindingly bright, so it seemed even worse to me. I was wearing my usual sunglasses, and finally out of desperation I added the horrible little roll-up plastic shades he'd given me too. That made it bearable.
I was pretty busy all morning at work, and today too. I'm glad to be finally "earning my paycheck", although BossJ assures me I'm earning it even by just being available to answer the phone. Still, actually doing something makes me feel better.
During the morning I'd noted my cell phone vibrating but couldn't take the time to answer. Later when I did have time I saw the voice message--it was my other little granddaughter, calling to thank me for the birthday book and the small bit of cash I'd sent. What a sweet little voice she has! I can't believe I've only seen her once at 3 months old, and now she is 3 years. I definitely don't feel as close to her (and her mom) as I do to A and Gabby. I wish I did, but I have a real problem with Vaeh's mom H, who is my son's ex. The being an ex isn't the problem; but being a "B" to my son is the problem. I can't say anything to her, either. This is none of my business. Still, it does affect my thoughts on whether to make an effort to visit. So far I haven't felt like I wanted to make that effort...
At my book club meeting on Monday night, I was the only one who showed up. So the hostess and I reviewed the chapter we'd planned to discuss, and then just ended up talking about our lives. I think we have a tentative plan that she'll be a sponsee, very informally, and I'm happy about that. She and I had an instant connection when we first met that's difficult to describe, but I'm glad for the opportunity to get to know her better in the coming months. She works at a place that creates the dragons I have several of. How odd. I didn't know that this company was right here in this little town. The artist who designs the dragons is extremely well-known in the fantasy art world, and so I'm thrilled to have that little bit of a connection.
The price of gas is beginning to concern me more and more. I only have about 18 months left here at this job, but I'm spending proportionately more of that income on transportation. Quitting is not an option for me, so I need to figure out options that will work. If J's new career takes off...that will really ease things a lot. Tomorrow he goes back up to P'land to pick up the head shots, and discuss the next steps re auditions. It's exciting to think about. I hope it really does work out.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday
Found a great glass amber-colored fixture for the office; it was marked at $30 which was more than we'd budgeted for, but for the value it was worth it. Got it to the checkout counter and it was marked with an orange sticker, which meant it was half-price. Score!!
Got it home, J installed it---and it was too dark. The amber color meant that the light didn't provide enough light. Seems obvious now, but it didn't occur to either of us as we were choosing it. (Now I can't imagine where this type of fixture would be appropriate anyway.) In any case, J went back the next day and exchanged it for the very same thing in clear glass, got home and installed it, and it's perfect.
Friday when I was home, we did our walk and groceries in the morning, and then tackled the office in the afternoon, the final cleaning. This involved taking everything off the shelves and wiping the plaster splatter off, and then replacing it all. It had gotten sprayed everywhere. On pictures, knick-knacks, papers, books, photos, floors, walls. J did a lot of the cleanup with me, and then left (to finish getting his clothes ready for the audition and photos Saturday up in Portland). He built a nice new bookshelf above the entire back sliding glass door, and it looks wonderful. J is next going to take down the plasterboard on that one wall left, where the three standing bookcases are in one long row, and then install shelves in between the supporting beams. It's going to look amazing. But it'll be awhile before he gets to it.
In the process of cleaning, and rehanging pictures, I dropped a print Gramma had given me breaking the glass inside, along with the frame. Sigh. Also my big elephant painting fell and lost a small corner; now it matches the other broken corner. Sigh. However, a hideously ugly glass container with a red bow and which is filled with red and white marbles that one of my sons made me for Valentine's Day years ago? That fell also, and did not break. I can't bring myself to throw it away. But I wouldn't be heartbroken if it broke. Sigh.
Saturday J was packed and gone to P'land by 6:30. He had to bring 3 changes of clothing, and a lunch, for his all day seminar and photo shoot at the agency. It was very nasty weather yesterday, with rain and heavy snow mixed, all the way there and back. We had it here, too; when I walked with the dog I was carrying my umbrella and holding the leash, and trying not to let the umbrella blow inside out. I normally go 2 miles, sometimes 3, but yesterday I was soaked and exhausted after less than 1 mile, so we turned around and headed home.
As soon as we got inside, the weather changed: the wind stopped, and the skies were briefly blue, the rain and snow stopped. I dried off the dog, and checked the fire, and then headed out to the Library book sale up the street at the Fairgrounds. Had a wonderful hour or so, found several books I wanted, and paid a big $8. Today we'll go again, because the books are only $5 for a whole box.
S came up around 4:30, and we had a nice time, sitting in the warmth and talking about her move yesterday. Her dad helped her, and apparently it did go well. She seems a bit down and depressed, due to a variety of reasons.
In the midst of all this, my son called, the one in Reno, N. First time I've spoken with him in several weeks; I was so glad to hear his voice. He's already gotten a job in a call center, says it's full-time starting at $9 an hour, and after 3 months it goes to $11. It sounds wonderful and I'm very happy for him. (The mother-of-an-addict part of me thinks, sure, we'll just see how long it lasts... but I certainly did not share my skepticism with him. I hope he can keep it up.) The girl he is now living with is named Shannon, and she has a 2yr old daughter. I know he is a good father to his own daughter, so we'll see how much of an adjustment it is for him to be living with a little girl again; it must be breaking his heart not to be with his own child.
Apparently the mother of his little girl has blocked him from contacting her on facebook and refuses his phone calls, encouraging their daughter to refer to him as an a**hole. I can't stand knowing that, for his sake. It's so hard being in a contentious relationship anyway;why would you be like that to your child's dad?? What kind of an example is she setting?? It would make me crazy if I thought I could do anything about it. But I can't. I need to let it go.
Tomorrow and Tuesday will be pretty busy days for me at work. I have major appointments involving ECGs and labs, and psych evals. I'm glad they will be busy. Tomorrow afternoon after work I have an eye appointment; it's been 2 years already since my last exam, and thankfully I can then buy more contacts.
I've been running low, and making my last 3 pairs of contacts do since September 2011...no online seller will refill my rx if it's over a year old, which seems ridiculous to me: My glasses prescription was just made a few months ago, and it was given to me at the same time as my contacts rx, but for some reason only the contacts rx expired. Sounds like a big scam to me...anyway, I'm happy to be seeing the eye doc again. J has his semi-annual dental exam tomorrow too.
Got it home, J installed it---and it was too dark. The amber color meant that the light didn't provide enough light. Seems obvious now, but it didn't occur to either of us as we were choosing it. (Now I can't imagine where this type of fixture would be appropriate anyway.) In any case, J went back the next day and exchanged it for the very same thing in clear glass, got home and installed it, and it's perfect.
Friday when I was home, we did our walk and groceries in the morning, and then tackled the office in the afternoon, the final cleaning. This involved taking everything off the shelves and wiping the plaster splatter off, and then replacing it all. It had gotten sprayed everywhere. On pictures, knick-knacks, papers, books, photos, floors, walls. J did a lot of the cleanup with me, and then left (to finish getting his clothes ready for the audition and photos Saturday up in Portland). He built a nice new bookshelf above the entire back sliding glass door, and it looks wonderful. J is next going to take down the plasterboard on that one wall left, where the three standing bookcases are in one long row, and then install shelves in between the supporting beams. It's going to look amazing. But it'll be awhile before he gets to it.
In the process of cleaning, and rehanging pictures, I dropped a print Gramma had given me breaking the glass inside, along with the frame. Sigh. Also my big elephant painting fell and lost a small corner; now it matches the other broken corner. Sigh. However, a hideously ugly glass container with a red bow and which is filled with red and white marbles that one of my sons made me for Valentine's Day years ago? That fell also, and did not break. I can't bring myself to throw it away. But I wouldn't be heartbroken if it broke. Sigh.
Saturday J was packed and gone to P'land by 6:30. He had to bring 3 changes of clothing, and a lunch, for his all day seminar and photo shoot at the agency. It was very nasty weather yesterday, with rain and heavy snow mixed, all the way there and back. We had it here, too; when I walked with the dog I was carrying my umbrella and holding the leash, and trying not to let the umbrella blow inside out. I normally go 2 miles, sometimes 3, but yesterday I was soaked and exhausted after less than 1 mile, so we turned around and headed home.
As soon as we got inside, the weather changed: the wind stopped, and the skies were briefly blue, the rain and snow stopped. I dried off the dog, and checked the fire, and then headed out to the Library book sale up the street at the Fairgrounds. Had a wonderful hour or so, found several books I wanted, and paid a big $8. Today we'll go again, because the books are only $5 for a whole box.
S came up around 4:30, and we had a nice time, sitting in the warmth and talking about her move yesterday. Her dad helped her, and apparently it did go well. She seems a bit down and depressed, due to a variety of reasons.
In the midst of all this, my son called, the one in Reno, N. First time I've spoken with him in several weeks; I was so glad to hear his voice. He's already gotten a job in a call center, says it's full-time starting at $9 an hour, and after 3 months it goes to $11. It sounds wonderful and I'm very happy for him. (The mother-of-an-addict part of me thinks, sure, we'll just see how long it lasts... but I certainly did not share my skepticism with him. I hope he can keep it up.) The girl he is now living with is named Shannon, and she has a 2yr old daughter. I know he is a good father to his own daughter, so we'll see how much of an adjustment it is for him to be living with a little girl again; it must be breaking his heart not to be with his own child.
Apparently the mother of his little girl has blocked him from contacting her on facebook and refuses his phone calls, encouraging their daughter to refer to him as an a**hole. I can't stand knowing that, for his sake. It's so hard being in a contentious relationship anyway;why would you be like that to your child's dad?? What kind of an example is she setting?? It would make me crazy if I thought I could do anything about it. But I can't. I need to let it go.
Tomorrow and Tuesday will be pretty busy days for me at work. I have major appointments involving ECGs and labs, and psych evals. I'm glad they will be busy. Tomorrow afternoon after work I have an eye appointment; it's been 2 years already since my last exam, and thankfully I can then buy more contacts.
I've been running low, and making my last 3 pairs of contacts do since September 2011...no online seller will refill my rx if it's over a year old, which seems ridiculous to me: My glasses prescription was just made a few months ago, and it was given to me at the same time as my contacts rx, but for some reason only the contacts rx expired. Sounds like a big scam to me...anyway, I'm happy to be seeing the eye doc again. J has his semi-annual dental exam tomorrow too.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Wednesday
I met the endodontist this morning. After a very thorough exam, and much testing, the verdict is-- I'm not in enough pain, and there aren't enough indicators to do a root canal procedure. I guess this is good news. It seems odd: I'm glad on one hand that there is a choice. But because I can't tell for sure whether it's the upper tooth or the lower one (even though I'm pretty sure it's the lower) and because the other tests aren't conclusive, that is the main reason to hold off. There isn't a medical reason to rush in and fix anything that he can see. He says at some point in the future I will know which tooth it is, and at that moment I will be hurrying to call the doc. Then they will get me in asap for the procedure. Til then, it's just something to keep an eye on, and monitor.
This evaluation cost my insurance $173. Of that I only pay $20. Phew.
J is still working on the office. He's almost done, and oh wow, does it look nice! We chose a shade of skyblue for the ceiling this time, instead of cream or antique white. We held our breath until it dried, and heaved a big sigh of relief: it's looking perfect. The colors of the wood on the walls and trim and floor all are in the same family, oak, but different shades. And it all looks so nice with that blue. We are thrilled. That means we'll be doing the rest of the house's ceilings too, with this same shade.
Now that I know what's involved with "finishing the ceiling", I'm just dreading when it's time to do the living room. J's estimate on how long a project takes is quite a bit different from the reality. The office was supposed to be done in 2 days; it's been 5 so far. Not only is the living room twice the size, but of course that means the mess will be awful...Oh well. It's all going to finally be done, and that's what is important.
We've had a severe mouse problem too, during the past week or so. Somehow word has gotten out among the outside mice that we have dry cat food in bags, in a container in the bathroom. A plastic, lidded container. (The lid doesn't quite match the box, but so far it hasn't been a problem; our main concern was to make sure that the dog couldn't nudge the lid off and eat all the cat food. <Wow, this system has been in place a long time: originally we needed to keep Simba out of that box. He's been gone for almost 3 years now.>) I don't think little Murphy could access that container, but it is convenient now to have the dog and cat food bags right there next to the feed bowls.
So the mice: I've been hearing little rustling noises if I'm in the bathroom, and when I do, J sets a trap. Usually that's the end of it. A couple of times, Sheba was on the case, and even caught one or two, and then lost interest. The mouse problem has been continuing.
Last weekend it all came to a head when I opened the container one morning to refill the cats' bowl and there were not one, but two little mice in there, jumping and squeaking frantically to get out. I was screaming too, not because I was scared, but because they startled me so. I wasn't expecting two. I removed the bags, trying not to scream each time they jumped, and then carried the container to the door and tried to shoo them out of it onto the porch. Finally they were gone.
This time I dug around in our stuff outside and found a plastic container with a matching lid, tightly fitted. Cleaned it out, replaced the bags of food and put it all back in place. Then J set his trap, using the dry cat food stuck in some peanut butter as bait. That was Friday morning. Saturday and Sunday and Monday and Tuesday each brought little dead bodies. But there was nothing this morning. Maybe they have learned...I've seen them eating the chicken feed outside, and seeing as how they live under the coop that is okay with me. But inside-mice are not an option!
This afternoon when I get home J and I will stop at Habitat and look for a replacement ceiling light fixture. I loved the one I saw at my dad's home in his office, and have been secretly hoping I could find one like that. But so far nothing like it has appeared at Habitat. A couple of years ago we had replaced the dangerous fixtures (in the office and living room) with two that we found at Habitat, and the very day we installed them, the thin glass cracked in the fixture in the office. So all this time it's been doing its job, yes, but with a visible crack if we used the overhead light. I usually don't, so it hasn't been a huge issue...just one of those things that sits in the back of your mind to fix someday... well, today is someday. I hope we can find something we like.
This evaluation cost my insurance $173. Of that I only pay $20. Phew.
J is still working on the office. He's almost done, and oh wow, does it look nice! We chose a shade of skyblue for the ceiling this time, instead of cream or antique white. We held our breath until it dried, and heaved a big sigh of relief: it's looking perfect. The colors of the wood on the walls and trim and floor all are in the same family, oak, but different shades. And it all looks so nice with that blue. We are thrilled. That means we'll be doing the rest of the house's ceilings too, with this same shade.
Now that I know what's involved with "finishing the ceiling", I'm just dreading when it's time to do the living room. J's estimate on how long a project takes is quite a bit different from the reality. The office was supposed to be done in 2 days; it's been 5 so far. Not only is the living room twice the size, but of course that means the mess will be awful...Oh well. It's all going to finally be done, and that's what is important.
We've had a severe mouse problem too, during the past week or so. Somehow word has gotten out among the outside mice that we have dry cat food in bags, in a container in the bathroom. A plastic, lidded container. (The lid doesn't quite match the box, but so far it hasn't been a problem; our main concern was to make sure that the dog couldn't nudge the lid off and eat all the cat food. <Wow, this system has been in place a long time: originally we needed to keep Simba out of that box. He's been gone for almost 3 years now.>) I don't think little Murphy could access that container, but it is convenient now to have the dog and cat food bags right there next to the feed bowls.
So the mice: I've been hearing little rustling noises if I'm in the bathroom, and when I do, J sets a trap. Usually that's the end of it. A couple of times, Sheba was on the case, and even caught one or two, and then lost interest. The mouse problem has been continuing.
Last weekend it all came to a head when I opened the container one morning to refill the cats' bowl and there were not one, but two little mice in there, jumping and squeaking frantically to get out. I was screaming too, not because I was scared, but because they startled me so. I wasn't expecting two. I removed the bags, trying not to scream each time they jumped, and then carried the container to the door and tried to shoo them out of it onto the porch. Finally they were gone.
This time I dug around in our stuff outside and found a plastic container with a matching lid, tightly fitted. Cleaned it out, replaced the bags of food and put it all back in place. Then J set his trap, using the dry cat food stuck in some peanut butter as bait. That was Friday morning. Saturday and Sunday and Monday and Tuesday each brought little dead bodies. But there was nothing this morning. Maybe they have learned...I've seen them eating the chicken feed outside, and seeing as how they live under the coop that is okay with me. But inside-mice are not an option!
This afternoon when I get home J and I will stop at Habitat and look for a replacement ceiling light fixture. I loved the one I saw at my dad's home in his office, and have been secretly hoping I could find one like that. But so far nothing like it has appeared at Habitat. A couple of years ago we had replaced the dangerous fixtures (in the office and living room) with two that we found at Habitat, and the very day we installed them, the thin glass cracked in the fixture in the office. So all this time it's been doing its job, yes, but with a visible crack if we used the overhead light. I usually don't, so it hasn't been a huge issue...just one of those things that sits in the back of your mind to fix someday... well, today is someday. I hope we can find something we like.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Sunday morning
I'm a bit woozy this morning. Already. This is because I've had to take a Tylenol3 for the jaw pain. (This med-- thank the gods--- does work.)
I've been having jaw/tooth pain (which I interpreted as an increase in headaches) for about 2 weeks now. It took until Thursday afternoon for me to finally realize it wasn't a headache, but an ongoing ache in my jaw; I can't pinpoint where the pain is specifically. So I called my dentist and explained what was going on. I was offered a 7am appt the very next day, which I couldn't do because of having to work. (I normally do not work on Fridays, but last week I did have to because the doc is going away all next week, and needed to see these two patients before he left.) So I instead took the 7am Saturday appt.
At 7am (OMG that is early) J dropped me off, and I ended up with xrays of upper and lower areas where I described the pain; long story short it appears I might need a root canal on the lower jaw. One tooth's ligament is widened. Do I know what that means--hell no. But I've been referred to an endodontist, and given an rx til I can get in to see him. Argggh.
Last week was a looong one. I had either patients or monitors every day--which was unusual for me. It was good, because I kept busy.
I also got paid--yay! I think we might have actually paid off some of the medical stuff we've been making payments on for so long, because we had money left over. Gasp. And we got the state refund, too, so that went directly into savings. I'm feeling so much better now with our finances.
J is struggling with setting up a new gmail account. For his casting work, he has to have a gmail account which incorporates his name, so he's been literally he has been working on this for at least an hour. Each step requires doing other steps...yada yada yada. He gets so frustrated!
He has started the final remodel/finish of the office. This means wetting down and scraping off the "popcorn" effect from the ceiling. It is very old, and very dirty--having had nothing done to the ceiling since the original application of the stuff in the 70s. And first this means taping up plastic everywhere to protect the stuff in there--my books, my desk, photos, my Staffordshire dogs, glass sculptures, etc. Then he stands and scrapes...over and over. So patient. I so admire his work ethic. Then he uses the shopvac to clean it all up. Dust everywhere, even though the plastic is up. He did this all afternoon yesterday, over and over.
During all that, I was a zombie, having drugged myself to block out the pain. And I read an autobiography of an actor I admire. Later I recovered enough to make dinner, spaghetti and French bread. I didn't dare take another Tylenol3, and we started the watching of "Return of the King". We gave up after an hour or so, simply too tired to stay awake.
For my bed-time reading I began again on The Lord of the Rings a few weeks ago, and I've read to about halfway through the ROTK...almost done. This is all in prep for The Hobbit, coming out in December. (I've recently learned they are making it into two movies. PJ, so clever on so many levels.) I am so relieved; I'd been wondering how they would cram all of The Hobbit into one movie...This makes much more sense, even if we do have to wait yet another year to see the final half.
I've lost track of what I wanted to write about-- I'm thinking this will be another zombie day for me.
Usually I call mom on Sundays, but I am tempted not to today; otoh maybe this mellowed out feeling is a good way to listen to her...I probably won't get so stressed out.
I've been having jaw/tooth pain (which I interpreted as an increase in headaches) for about 2 weeks now. It took until Thursday afternoon for me to finally realize it wasn't a headache, but an ongoing ache in my jaw; I can't pinpoint where the pain is specifically. So I called my dentist and explained what was going on. I was offered a 7am appt the very next day, which I couldn't do because of having to work. (I normally do not work on Fridays, but last week I did have to because the doc is going away all next week, and needed to see these two patients before he left.) So I instead took the 7am Saturday appt.
At 7am (OMG that is early) J dropped me off, and I ended up with xrays of upper and lower areas where I described the pain; long story short it appears I might need a root canal on the lower jaw. One tooth's ligament is widened. Do I know what that means--hell no. But I've been referred to an endodontist, and given an rx til I can get in to see him. Argggh.
Last week was a looong one. I had either patients or monitors every day--which was unusual for me. It was good, because I kept busy.
I also got paid--yay! I think we might have actually paid off some of the medical stuff we've been making payments on for so long, because we had money left over. Gasp. And we got the state refund, too, so that went directly into savings. I'm feeling so much better now with our finances.
J is struggling with setting up a new gmail account. For his casting work, he has to have a gmail account which incorporates his name, so he's been literally he has been working on this for at least an hour. Each step requires doing other steps...yada yada yada. He gets so frustrated!
He has started the final remodel/finish of the office. This means wetting down and scraping off the "popcorn" effect from the ceiling. It is very old, and very dirty--having had nothing done to the ceiling since the original application of the stuff in the 70s. And first this means taping up plastic everywhere to protect the stuff in there--my books, my desk, photos, my Staffordshire dogs, glass sculptures, etc. Then he stands and scrapes...over and over. So patient. I so admire his work ethic. Then he uses the shopvac to clean it all up. Dust everywhere, even though the plastic is up. He did this all afternoon yesterday, over and over.
During all that, I was a zombie, having drugged myself to block out the pain. And I read an autobiography of an actor I admire. Later I recovered enough to make dinner, spaghetti and French bread. I didn't dare take another Tylenol3, and we started the watching of "Return of the King". We gave up after an hour or so, simply too tired to stay awake.
For my bed-time reading I began again on The Lord of the Rings a few weeks ago, and I've read to about halfway through the ROTK...almost done. This is all in prep for The Hobbit, coming out in December. (I've recently learned they are making it into two movies. PJ, so clever on so many levels.) I am so relieved; I'd been wondering how they would cram all of The Hobbit into one movie...This makes much more sense, even if we do have to wait yet another year to see the final half.
I've lost track of what I wanted to write about-- I'm thinking this will be another zombie day for me.
Usually I call mom on Sundays, but I am tempted not to today; otoh maybe this mellowed out feeling is a good way to listen to her...I probably won't get so stressed out.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Monday
Feels like it's been days since I wrote. Happy and busy days, but a looong time.
Friday I had my labs drawn again, and everything is totally normal, as I expected. He wants me to have these re-checked in 6 months, and advises me to watch the alcohol intake. So I will. I feel good about this though. Whatever it was that was affecting my stomach and liver for so long was never confirmed: could have been the gallbladder, could not have, could have been the ibuprofen, could have been the combination of alcohol and the pain killers--who knows. I'm no longer on the narcotic pain reliever, or the ibuprofen. Maybe it was the combination of a lot of things---but at least it's not an indicator of an underlying illness. That is what I was concerned with. I remain on the stomach meds, and at some point I will try weaning myself down, or even off.
J has met with the agent, and will be signing up with them, non-exclusively. They get a 20% cut of whatever fees he earns, and provide a discounted professional photo session this weekend, along with a 4 hour seminar on the business, and what to do/learn/watch for, which is the background and information he needs. So that's pretty cool. He's looking forward to this a lot, and is excited to have the opportunity to earn money and have fun. He's supposed to bring 4 changes of clothes, and that will be the basis for the photos; that's how and why casting people will choose him. He was encouraged to think of 4 categories, 4 personas, so he's been busy trying on clothes, and planning what he'll bring. So he'll be gone all day Saturday. I might go down to M's for her meeting, since he will be gone.
I received a wonderfully generous check from my dad for my birthday, and with some of it I was able to buy 4 rose bushes; they were on sale, and I'm so excited! I know exactly where I want them...it was rainy and too cold to plant them though, so hopefully this weekend I can do that.
My daughter drove up for my birthday dinner, and J made a great pork roast with yams and carrots--yummy. Then there was a huge splurge--a chocolate mousse cake-- heavenly! and we rented a movie we all enjoyed, "Midnight in Paris". I love WoodyAllen movies, generally, but I'm not a huge fan of Owen Wilson; however he was perfect in this role of a writer wanting to live in and experience his fantasy of Paris in the 20s. S wasn't feeling very well with a bad cold, and she almost stayed overnight again, but decided not to at the last minute. I'm grateful that I don't get colds very often--she seems to get them frequently.
And Sunday morning was an email from mom, asking me for my phone number yet again; she'd lost it, and wanted to call me for my birthday. Of course I sent it, and later she did call. We had a long talk, about an hour. Yikes. She really tried to keep it focused on me, and pointed out this is probably the last birthday she will experience with me, told me she had never once considered an abortion when she found out she was pregnant. (And then added that once I was born, there she was, "trapped with a child". Sigh.) (I don't take this personally, but I try to hear this as one person to another.) There was a lot of questioning of what I remembered from my childhood. This seems to come up pretty often. Her memory seems pretty bad, as in not remembering people's names, or when certain events happened--mis remembering timelines. Once again she asked if I knew when my sister and her husband were sending the replacement computer, describing how frustrated she was with the system she is using now.
But she does also sound very tired, very fatigued. Not eating anything really, except those Ensures. Does seem to see that if she continues not-eating, that she will likely die sooner rather than later. Described again her battle with the constipation, and how no one is really helping with that; I did ask if she was absolutely sure she is mentioning the level of difficulty she is having with this. I didn't tell her, but in reviewing her medical records, there isn't a lot of mention of this particular complaint. I don't know that she *isn't* bringing it up, or if they just aren't documenting this correctly.
J and I took long walks each of the three days off. We finally remembered to track the mileage, and one of our walks is 3.2 miles. This takes us about an hour and 15 minutes on a good day. Depending on how bad my hip is aching or if his foot is bothering him, sometimes it takes longer. It involved uphill and downhill walking, and usually on a paved road; (one of the other walks is just a dirt path through woods and fields). It doesn't sound like a lot of exercise, but somedays I am just exhausted afterwards, or rather, I should say the toll it takes on my hip problem is severe. I have finally learned to take a tramadol before we leave, and that helps. Still, climbing the steps to the house, or prolonged standing afterwards is much more painful. I think I need to renew my stretching and icing regime...
I did decide to drop google+; I'd been considering keeping it strictly because of my brother being on it. But over the past few days we've all been discussing it via emails, and after the numerous articles about privacy and what is being done with the information obtained, etc, I just decided that I don't really have the energy to manage another social network. I hope I don't lose touch with my brother-- I don't hear from him very often as it is, and I'd hate to lose that.
Friday I had my labs drawn again, and everything is totally normal, as I expected. He wants me to have these re-checked in 6 months, and advises me to watch the alcohol intake. So I will. I feel good about this though. Whatever it was that was affecting my stomach and liver for so long was never confirmed: could have been the gallbladder, could not have, could have been the ibuprofen, could have been the combination of alcohol and the pain killers--who knows. I'm no longer on the narcotic pain reliever, or the ibuprofen. Maybe it was the combination of a lot of things---but at least it's not an indicator of an underlying illness. That is what I was concerned with. I remain on the stomach meds, and at some point I will try weaning myself down, or even off.
J has met with the agent, and will be signing up with them, non-exclusively. They get a 20% cut of whatever fees he earns, and provide a discounted professional photo session this weekend, along with a 4 hour seminar on the business, and what to do/learn/watch for, which is the background and information he needs. So that's pretty cool. He's looking forward to this a lot, and is excited to have the opportunity to earn money and have fun. He's supposed to bring 4 changes of clothes, and that will be the basis for the photos; that's how and why casting people will choose him. He was encouraged to think of 4 categories, 4 personas, so he's been busy trying on clothes, and planning what he'll bring. So he'll be gone all day Saturday. I might go down to M's for her meeting, since he will be gone.
I received a wonderfully generous check from my dad for my birthday, and with some of it I was able to buy 4 rose bushes; they were on sale, and I'm so excited! I know exactly where I want them...it was rainy and too cold to plant them though, so hopefully this weekend I can do that.
My daughter drove up for my birthday dinner, and J made a great pork roast with yams and carrots--yummy. Then there was a huge splurge--a chocolate mousse cake-- heavenly! and we rented a movie we all enjoyed, "Midnight in Paris". I love WoodyAllen movies, generally, but I'm not a huge fan of Owen Wilson; however he was perfect in this role of a writer wanting to live in and experience his fantasy of Paris in the 20s. S wasn't feeling very well with a bad cold, and she almost stayed overnight again, but decided not to at the last minute. I'm grateful that I don't get colds very often--she seems to get them frequently.
And Sunday morning was an email from mom, asking me for my phone number yet again; she'd lost it, and wanted to call me for my birthday. Of course I sent it, and later she did call. We had a long talk, about an hour. Yikes. She really tried to keep it focused on me, and pointed out this is probably the last birthday she will experience with me, told me she had never once considered an abortion when she found out she was pregnant. (And then added that once I was born, there she was, "trapped with a child". Sigh.) (I don't take this personally, but I try to hear this as one person to another.) There was a lot of questioning of what I remembered from my childhood. This seems to come up pretty often. Her memory seems pretty bad, as in not remembering people's names, or when certain events happened--mis remembering timelines. Once again she asked if I knew when my sister and her husband were sending the replacement computer, describing how frustrated she was with the system she is using now.
But she does also sound very tired, very fatigued. Not eating anything really, except those Ensures. Does seem to see that if she continues not-eating, that she will likely die sooner rather than later. Described again her battle with the constipation, and how no one is really helping with that; I did ask if she was absolutely sure she is mentioning the level of difficulty she is having with this. I didn't tell her, but in reviewing her medical records, there isn't a lot of mention of this particular complaint. I don't know that she *isn't* bringing it up, or if they just aren't documenting this correctly.
J and I took long walks each of the three days off. We finally remembered to track the mileage, and one of our walks is 3.2 miles. This takes us about an hour and 15 minutes on a good day. Depending on how bad my hip is aching or if his foot is bothering him, sometimes it takes longer. It involved uphill and downhill walking, and usually on a paved road; (one of the other walks is just a dirt path through woods and fields). It doesn't sound like a lot of exercise, but somedays I am just exhausted afterwards, or rather, I should say the toll it takes on my hip problem is severe. I have finally learned to take a tramadol before we leave, and that helps. Still, climbing the steps to the house, or prolonged standing afterwards is much more painful. I think I need to renew my stretching and icing regime...
I did decide to drop google+; I'd been considering keeping it strictly because of my brother being on it. But over the past few days we've all been discussing it via emails, and after the numerous articles about privacy and what is being done with the information obtained, etc, I just decided that I don't really have the energy to manage another social network. I hope I don't lose touch with my brother-- I don't hear from him very often as it is, and I'd hate to lose that.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Wednesday
So it turns out mom feels conflicted about her recent shaming/guilt tripping email. Enough that she asked my daughter to call her last night. Poor S was fearful that somehow the article on "my grandmother has cancer" was pointed out to that grandmother, and that somehow that had upset her. But oddly, the reason turned out to be a question: she had sent a bcc of that email to S, and now was asking her opinion!! I about fell over. Specifically she wanted to know what S thought about the use of exclamation points--do they in fact convey a tone of "fun" or "humor" as she thinks they do.
Fortunately S was honest, and told her she'd thought the email was pretty harsh... and there was more to that conversation. But the kicker to me was learning that one, mom had bcc'd her on that email in the first place (because she didn't want S to be unduly influenced by my opinion). And two, that she was re-thinking the whole exclamation point defense. Verry interesting.
Earlier that evening my son Ja called. So glad to hear from him...and it was a long (for him) talk, about 25 minutes. Amazing. Sounds like he's had a lot of time to think clearly, and while he and Y have their challenges, they are together in this, and seem committed. He was dumbfounded that I had raised not one, but two, 3yr olds at the same time. Y's son is now 3, and they are having a tough time. He was properly awed that I had managed at all. If I'd been thinking clearly at the time of this talk, I would have asked for forgiveness for the times I lacked enough patience with him and his brother. Love for one's children does not cover a multitude of sins...but I did my best.
He is looking earnestly for work, earned $110 for 4 hours of shoveling snow two days ago; told me what the various charges had been and how, now that he's on parole, he is financially responsible for that cost too. Yikes; I hadn't realized people had to pay for their own probation costs! His PO was stunned to learn how minor his offenses were, and said that the State was just assigning him to her caseload so they could collect those fees.
He was also calling to ask if it'd be all right to get in touch with his grandfather. He said he was just realizing how lucky he was to have a grandfather, living, and even though he hadn't been in touch in years he wanted to reconnect---but wasn't sure how.
Meanwhile N texted me, too. He is finally (again) off the road, not selling magazines anymore. He said he'd met "a cool chick" and she was letting him stay with her in Reno, while he looks for work. I think he's done the right thing to get off the road of course, since that is clearly a dead end, no better than white slavery. He will owe so much in taxes if he ever gets around to facing that...just as Ja will. But there's nothing I can do about that--it'll be an issue for each of them.
And I heard from my other granddaughter's mom, when I texted asking for her physical address to mail Valentine and birthday cards to. She is talking about moving to Alaska! Seems she can work for a hunting outfit, and she'll be there 7 months. Taking the child with her, "of course!" as she said. I am debating on whether to make a quick trip to Denver, to see her before they go. Otherwise it'll be another year. If I go, it means I can visit Ja also; so that's a big draw. I'll do some research into costs...
J had an interview with a casting agent up in Portland today! His contact person on the Grimm set arranged this, and it seems to be on the up and up. He'll probably go have some professional photos taken. That's the only cost involved, other than the driving to various jobs for interviews. This agent would take a 20% cut of any fee if/when he does get hired, but there's no contract to sign, and who knows what might happen.
Life is so interesting!!
Fortunately S was honest, and told her she'd thought the email was pretty harsh... and there was more to that conversation. But the kicker to me was learning that one, mom had bcc'd her on that email in the first place (because she didn't want S to be unduly influenced by my opinion). And two, that she was re-thinking the whole exclamation point defense. Verry interesting.
Earlier that evening my son Ja called. So glad to hear from him...and it was a long (for him) talk, about 25 minutes. Amazing. Sounds like he's had a lot of time to think clearly, and while he and Y have their challenges, they are together in this, and seem committed. He was dumbfounded that I had raised not one, but two, 3yr olds at the same time. Y's son is now 3, and they are having a tough time. He was properly awed that I had managed at all. If I'd been thinking clearly at the time of this talk, I would have asked for forgiveness for the times I lacked enough patience with him and his brother. Love for one's children does not cover a multitude of sins...but I did my best.
He is looking earnestly for work, earned $110 for 4 hours of shoveling snow two days ago; told me what the various charges had been and how, now that he's on parole, he is financially responsible for that cost too. Yikes; I hadn't realized people had to pay for their own probation costs! His PO was stunned to learn how minor his offenses were, and said that the State was just assigning him to her caseload so they could collect those fees.
He was also calling to ask if it'd be all right to get in touch with his grandfather. He said he was just realizing how lucky he was to have a grandfather, living, and even though he hadn't been in touch in years he wanted to reconnect---but wasn't sure how.
Meanwhile N texted me, too. He is finally (again) off the road, not selling magazines anymore. He said he'd met "a cool chick" and she was letting him stay with her in Reno, while he looks for work. I think he's done the right thing to get off the road of course, since that is clearly a dead end, no better than white slavery. He will owe so much in taxes if he ever gets around to facing that...just as Ja will. But there's nothing I can do about that--it'll be an issue for each of them.
And I heard from my other granddaughter's mom, when I texted asking for her physical address to mail Valentine and birthday cards to. She is talking about moving to Alaska! Seems she can work for a hunting outfit, and she'll be there 7 months. Taking the child with her, "of course!" as she said. I am debating on whether to make a quick trip to Denver, to see her before they go. Otherwise it'll be another year. If I go, it means I can visit Ja also; so that's a big draw. I'll do some research into costs...
J had an interview with a casting agent up in Portland today! His contact person on the Grimm set arranged this, and it seems to be on the up and up. He'll probably go have some professional photos taken. That's the only cost involved, other than the driving to various jobs for interviews. This agent would take a 20% cut of any fee if/when he does get hired, but there's no contract to sign, and who knows what might happen.
Life is so interesting!!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday
One note of unpleasantness occurred Friday morning: I checked my email to see a very nasty one jointly written back to me and A. (Mom had asked me to find out if a certain package ever arrived at A's so I emailed A and heard back that yes, it had, and she described to me where each item had been, during my recent visit.)
So I forwarded that email/response to mom, and mom then responded, to both of us. She assumed that since there had been no TY email, she hadn't received one. (It never occurred to her that A might have communicated via FB, which it later turned out she had.) She jumped right on A, deliberately attempting to manipulate and shame her into feeling guilty, closing with a plea for A to write and tell her what was on her mind to have forgotten even basic politeness when one receives a gift, especially twisting the knife over the "dear little panda of Mother's".
It was a very unpleasant email, and I wrote back briefly: OMG mom, that was completely uncalled for. Why would you write that way, and I hope you now have re-read it and seen how ugly that was and I hope you re-think what you wrote, and can apologize to her. I stopped myself then, because I saw I was getting angrier, and that this wasn't helping my sanity. I felt so protective of A!
Then I wrote A, and apologized for mom. (I see now I shouldn't have apologized "for her", but that instead I could have phrased something like "I'm so sorry she is writing you like this, and please don't take it personally," etc.)
Later in the day I heard back from A, who told me yes, she'd written via Fb when the package arrived, and that she was glad for my support, and that she couldn't understand why mom was treating her this way. She knew she'd done nothing wrong, and she didn't know that mom didn't have access to Fb until that very day. She even sent me a copy of what she'd written mom. A did apologize for not knowing mom hadn't had access to Fb all month. (How was she supposed to know that-- mom didn't write and tell her...) I hoped mom would write and apologize big time...but didn't expect to be involved in that. I thought, okay, end of story.
So when I talked to mom yesterday, Sunday, I wasn't going to bring it up; yet she actually wanted to discuss this. She told me she was glad she'd written to A that way, that she was proud of that effort, that yes, she wanted A to feel guilty. Seemed to think that because she had exclamation points in the email, that took all the nastiness away. Seriously. She said that. Ai-yi-yi.
I was just going to drop it then because I could see it was going to go nowhere satisfying, but she insisted on talking about this, said she was very curious about why I'd been so angered. So I finally said that I thought she'd jumped the gun, in assuming Lys just had blown her off once there was no emailed "thank you".
She asked what I would have done, and I said, "If that ever happened to me, before jumping to conclusions and blasting someone, I'd email or write or call and *ask* if the package had arrived, before assuming the worst".
Believe it or not, she said that was "stuffy". I just about choked, and said, not believing I'd heard her correctly, "What-- what was that?" And she repeated, "STUFFY", and even spelled it for me so I'd know. (It is a challenge talking to her when she is on the speaker phone, as she is nowadays...sigh.)
So I forwarded that email/response to mom, and mom then responded, to both of us. She assumed that since there had been no TY email, she hadn't received one. (It never occurred to her that A might have communicated via FB, which it later turned out she had.) She jumped right on A, deliberately attempting to manipulate and shame her into feeling guilty, closing with a plea for A to write and tell her what was on her mind to have forgotten even basic politeness when one receives a gift, especially twisting the knife over the "dear little panda of Mother's".
It was a very unpleasant email, and I wrote back briefly: OMG mom, that was completely uncalled for. Why would you write that way, and I hope you now have re-read it and seen how ugly that was and I hope you re-think what you wrote, and can apologize to her. I stopped myself then, because I saw I was getting angrier, and that this wasn't helping my sanity. I felt so protective of A!
Then I wrote A, and apologized for mom. (I see now I shouldn't have apologized "for her", but that instead I could have phrased something like "I'm so sorry she is writing you like this, and please don't take it personally," etc.)
Later in the day I heard back from A, who told me yes, she'd written via Fb when the package arrived, and that she was glad for my support, and that she couldn't understand why mom was treating her this way. She knew she'd done nothing wrong, and she didn't know that mom didn't have access to Fb until that very day. She even sent me a copy of what she'd written mom. A did apologize for not knowing mom hadn't had access to Fb all month. (How was she supposed to know that-- mom didn't write and tell her...) I hoped mom would write and apologize big time...but didn't expect to be involved in that. I thought, okay, end of story.
So when I talked to mom yesterday, Sunday, I wasn't going to bring it up; yet she actually wanted to discuss this. She told me she was glad she'd written to A that way, that she was proud of that effort, that yes, she wanted A to feel guilty. Seemed to think that because she had exclamation points in the email, that took all the nastiness away. Seriously. She said that. Ai-yi-yi.
I was just going to drop it then because I could see it was going to go nowhere satisfying, but she insisted on talking about this, said she was very curious about why I'd been so angered. So I finally said that I thought she'd jumped the gun, in assuming Lys just had blown her off once there was no emailed "thank you".
She asked what I would have done, and I said, "If that ever happened to me, before jumping to conclusions and blasting someone, I'd email or write or call and *ask* if the package had arrived, before assuming the worst".
Believe it or not, she said that was "stuffy". I just about choked, and said, not believing I'd heard her correctly, "What-- what was that?" And she repeated, "STUFFY", and even spelled it for me so I'd know. (It is a challenge talking to her when she is on the speaker phone, as she is nowadays...sigh.)
She said, "I can just see my great grandmother now: 'Did the package ever arrive, dah-ling?' And I can see her oh-so-polite and haughty face." I was speechless. I tried to change the subject, asking about her pain pill regimen, and how that was working. There was a lot of venting about how much pain she was in, unrelenting. And then alot about her new aide, and how this was the same aide that worked with Gramma all those years ago, and what a small world, etc. I tried to be sympathetic, and comment appropriately.
Later she came back to the subject: told me that Lys and she had a "special connection"...and that Lys was now just fine with this latest issue. Told me (to demonstrate this apparently), that Lys had one time told her (mom) that she wished she'd been her mom. Well, I was stumbling to think of something to say to this. Politely, you know, instead of laughing out loud. But I said, "Oh! well, that sounds so nice, for you! I'm happy that you have such a good connection with her!" ( Or maybe I said, "Oh, what a nice thing to say"-- I can't quite remember my exact wording. I was wondering what the hell was I supposed to say?? why was she telling me this??) And there was this awful little silence, and she said, musingly, "My, you really *are* detached, aren't you."
Again, "what??" "Detached! you know-- you really have no emotional connection to this, do you."
It was one of the oddest conversations, ever.
And yet at one point when I said I had to go and help J get ready for his trip to Portland tomorrow, she said "Oh, no--but I so enjoy talking with you!" I said I was glad to hear that. And she said, "Don't you?! Enjoy these talks?" I responded, kind of laughing, "well, when you're making sense I do!"
That's when she threw in that one of the Hospice nurses had commented that she was making a lot more sense these days, in just such a short recovery time, only a month. So this apparently is to make me realize that she *is* making sense. Okaaay.
Sometimes I just can't see this clearly until later; at the time it's happening, I feel panicked and fuzzy-brained, and I wonder if I'm "saying what I mean, without saying it meanly". I try really hard to choose my words carefully. I speak slowly while this is going on, and apparently this upsets mom. But when I've reviewed the conversation later with J or with my sister, each of them seems to understand why I'm halting in my words, or why I said what I did. Each of them seems to "get me".
I remember many years ago, mom told me one time she didn't understand how my brain worked, didn't understand why I thought certain things. At the time it sounded like a bad thing, or somehow a failing on my part. Like if she didn't understand, then there was something wrong.
Now I think, huh: J and my sister understand, and when I talk to other people, and even my AlAnon group, everyone else seems to understand. Maybe it's a failing on her part. Why did I assume it was a problem with me??
And yet at one point when I said I had to go and help J get ready for his trip to Portland tomorrow, she said "Oh, no--but I so enjoy talking with you!" I said I was glad to hear that. And she said, "Don't you?! Enjoy these talks?" I responded, kind of laughing, "well, when you're making sense I do!"
That's when she threw in that one of the Hospice nurses had commented that she was making a lot more sense these days, in just such a short recovery time, only a month. So this apparently is to make me realize that she *is* making sense. Okaaay.
Sometimes I just can't see this clearly until later; at the time it's happening, I feel panicked and fuzzy-brained, and I wonder if I'm "saying what I mean, without saying it meanly". I try really hard to choose my words carefully. I speak slowly while this is going on, and apparently this upsets mom. But when I've reviewed the conversation later with J or with my sister, each of them seems to understand why I'm halting in my words, or why I said what I did. Each of them seems to "get me".
I remember many years ago, mom told me one time she didn't understand how my brain worked, didn't understand why I thought certain things. At the time it sounded like a bad thing, or somehow a failing on my part. Like if she didn't understand, then there was something wrong.
Now I think, huh: J and my sister understand, and when I talk to other people, and even my AlAnon group, everyone else seems to understand. Maybe it's a failing on her part. Why did I assume it was a problem with me??
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Sunday morning
Such a nice weekend so far. I was successful in getting our tickets to the concert in SanJose--SO EXCITED. That alone made my week!! I was so happy I actually started crying...there's just nothing like a Springsteen show to make me feel revitalized, re-energized; it's a joyous re-creation of my soul. Like being re-birthed, or spiritually cleansed. Impossible to explain. Been too long since a show.
So then I was drained, but the day was just getting started. We did our grocery shopping, home to unpack those and have a quick lunch and rest before gearing up for the TaxAide appointment. We remembered all papers this time, and because J can't hear so well, I'm usually the person the Aide talks to about the forms, etc. It all took about an hour or so, maybe longer. Seems pretty intense at the time, but it's actually painless. We're getting about $1800 back, phew. That will wipe out one cc entirely. (The rest we'll hang on to, and use for our trip to SJ. Should cover gas and the hotel, and some food. I can now email Audrey and make plans for where and when to meet.)
Home after all that, and we did our walk, a good long one. By the time we got home it was much colder although still sunny and clear, and we were ready to cozy down in the house, check email again, watch the news, and for dinner got a Papa's pizza with a coupon we had.Then we watched a movie we'd rented with Richard Gere called The Double-- a good spy vs spy political thriller.
Saturday I went to my meeting, returned the movie, picked up another pair of dollar sunglasses and some Valentine cards for my grandchildren and for S. She arrived around 1:30, and we were right in the middle of watching the Eukanuba dog show results. After that S and I did the looong walk while J napped. The three of us met up again at the portion of the walk where free sandbags are available for us residents, and we helped J load up the truck with more. J has already made a couple of trips loading and unloading along our portion of the river bank.Then S and I finished our walk and met J at home to help unload the bags. Once again it was a sunny and clear day, and lots of people were out walking, biking, riding with dogs and little kids. Beautiful. Really lifts my spirits!
At home, unloading involved transferring about a dozen sandbags to a wheelbarrow, which was then hauled over the lawn to the back of the house, where the bags were unloaded and then stacked. I've never seen S work so hard. Those bags were heavy! I couldn't lift a lot of them myself, but she threw herself into this. We got fairly muddy and dirty and sweaty doing this, so we all changed afterwards, and got clean clothes on. Then S reminded me she needed to go get a birthday present for a child, so I went with her, and that was fun. By the time we got back it was definitely time for a drink; S and I had some of those pina coladas you buy in a 4-pack. Tasted yummy.
Later J made dinner and we watched the news, before settling in to watch The Two Towers. I have the extended version, so that took us to 10:30, pretty late for me! S had asked if she could spend the night, and of course that was fine, so she headed upstairs, and I tumbled into bed, joining J who had given up an hour before.
This morning we were all up fairly early, and J made us breakfast, before S left about 8:15 to go to work. She seemed to be in some pain from the labor yesterday, and I know I'm pretty sore in my low back; she worked much harder so I can only imagine the soreness!
She showed me a (new-to-me) website called Pinterest. It's fascinating, and addictive...I will have a lot of fun browsing there.
This morning it's very cold again, but sunny. We'll be walking when it warms up a bit more, and then this afternoon we'll be settling to watch the Game. Actually, J will be watching--it's the only game he watches all year, so I'm not complaining! I think I'll sit in the living room also (because it's warm, and because we like to be together), and go through a big box of papers I've been saving for too many years. Feels good to clear things out, and keep winnowing down.
Tomorrow J goes to Portland. He was remembered by the casting director for "Grimm", and they asked him to come back up and play "a farmer with an old farm truck", and asked if he even *had* an ol truck. Does he ever! He was very happy to know they remembered him, and he'll pick up a hundred or so; that'll cover the gas costs. (Maybe they won't cut him out of this scene. Last time he was in "Grimm", all you saw was his elbow...after playing this whole swaggering-across-the-room and-sidling-up-to-the-bar thing.) I imagine he'll be pretty tired but well-fed by the time he gets home. I have my final meeting for the AlAnon book club tomorrow night, but we've all been enjoying this group so much that we're considering going onto another book to continue...
Off to start the day.
So then I was drained, but the day was just getting started. We did our grocery shopping, home to unpack those and have a quick lunch and rest before gearing up for the TaxAide appointment. We remembered all papers this time, and because J can't hear so well, I'm usually the person the Aide talks to about the forms, etc. It all took about an hour or so, maybe longer. Seems pretty intense at the time, but it's actually painless. We're getting about $1800 back, phew. That will wipe out one cc entirely. (The rest we'll hang on to, and use for our trip to SJ. Should cover gas and the hotel, and some food. I can now email Audrey and make plans for where and when to meet.)
Home after all that, and we did our walk, a good long one. By the time we got home it was much colder although still sunny and clear, and we were ready to cozy down in the house, check email again, watch the news, and for dinner got a Papa's pizza with a coupon we had.Then we watched a movie we'd rented with Richard Gere called The Double-- a good spy vs spy political thriller.
Saturday I went to my meeting, returned the movie, picked up another pair of dollar sunglasses and some Valentine cards for my grandchildren and for S. She arrived around 1:30, and we were right in the middle of watching the Eukanuba dog show results. After that S and I did the looong walk while J napped. The three of us met up again at the portion of the walk where free sandbags are available for us residents, and we helped J load up the truck with more. J has already made a couple of trips loading and unloading along our portion of the river bank.Then S and I finished our walk and met J at home to help unload the bags. Once again it was a sunny and clear day, and lots of people were out walking, biking, riding with dogs and little kids. Beautiful. Really lifts my spirits!
At home, unloading involved transferring about a dozen sandbags to a wheelbarrow, which was then hauled over the lawn to the back of the house, where the bags were unloaded and then stacked. I've never seen S work so hard. Those bags were heavy! I couldn't lift a lot of them myself, but she threw herself into this. We got fairly muddy and dirty and sweaty doing this, so we all changed afterwards, and got clean clothes on. Then S reminded me she needed to go get a birthday present for a child, so I went with her, and that was fun. By the time we got back it was definitely time for a drink; S and I had some of those pina coladas you buy in a 4-pack. Tasted yummy.
Later J made dinner and we watched the news, before settling in to watch The Two Towers. I have the extended version, so that took us to 10:30, pretty late for me! S had asked if she could spend the night, and of course that was fine, so she headed upstairs, and I tumbled into bed, joining J who had given up an hour before.
This morning we were all up fairly early, and J made us breakfast, before S left about 8:15 to go to work. She seemed to be in some pain from the labor yesterday, and I know I'm pretty sore in my low back; she worked much harder so I can only imagine the soreness!
She showed me a (new-to-me) website called Pinterest. It's fascinating, and addictive...I will have a lot of fun browsing there.
This morning it's very cold again, but sunny. We'll be walking when it warms up a bit more, and then this afternoon we'll be settling to watch the Game. Actually, J will be watching--it's the only game he watches all year, so I'm not complaining! I think I'll sit in the living room also (because it's warm, and because we like to be together), and go through a big box of papers I've been saving for too many years. Feels good to clear things out, and keep winnowing down.
Tomorrow J goes to Portland. He was remembered by the casting director for "Grimm", and they asked him to come back up and play "a farmer with an old farm truck", and asked if he even *had* an ol truck. Does he ever! He was very happy to know they remembered him, and he'll pick up a hundred or so; that'll cover the gas costs. (Maybe they won't cut him out of this scene. Last time he was in "Grimm", all you saw was his elbow...after playing this whole swaggering-across-the-room and-sidling-up-to-the-bar thing.) I imagine he'll be pretty tired but well-fed by the time he gets home. I have my final meeting for the AlAnon book club tomorrow night, but we've all been enjoying this group so much that we're considering going onto another book to continue...
Off to start the day.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Thursday
Several things going on: first and foremost today is I'm trying to figure out how to use /manage / coordinate using Google+, in addition to Facebook. My brother is fed up with fb and its privacy issues, and decided to go to google+ instead. I can see the reasoning behind that, so I agreed to join up too, but now...how to do so. The technical aspects are taking me some time to figure out. My poor old brain doesn't learn new things very quickly.
Second is thatwe I am dealing with what feels like overwhelming cc debt. I know it's not, really, but it sure feels like it. If we weren't pretty sure of getting a nice refund I'd be even more worried. But tomorrow is our day to get that figured out--our appointment with the AARP TaxAide bunch is at 1:45. And then we'll know for sure how much is coming our way. Even so I know it won't be enough to wipe out all debt, but if it wipes out half, that's sure better than going on the way we are.
I think my level of concern is what has spurred J on to resume looking for part-time work. I just hate knowing that we really need to count on that money to get under control again. Maybe it's "just" my anxiety rearing its ugly head...maybe our situation isn't that bad. We owe just under 10% of our annual income. I don't know if that's good or bad. It just is.
And that doesn't include my student loans, which have once again been sold to a different entity. I now make my payments to a group called Mohela. Had to sign up and get yet another user id and password, security questions, etc. Sigh. Sickening the amount of interest they are charging...
Third: is not really my issue at all. Mom. Her latest crisis is the broken ribs. It's odd, because she's been complaining of left-rib-area pain for a looong time, many months. But it's been checked out several times before during all this, and nothing ever turned up. All anyone could vaguely say was "cancer pain...". Now, this is no longer a vague term, it's an actual fracture. For which there is no treatment other than pain control. So the quest for adequate pain relief is on again. I thank god I am not there; I thank god for Alan. I wonder how long he can deal with it all, and yet, maybe being a non-relative makes enough of a difference that he'll be able to keep going. Maybe it's because I'm her daughter that it's become an issue for me.
On the good news side is that I will be going into debt again~~ tomorrow morning! Yes, Springsteen tickets are going on sale for the city I will be trying for. I know I sound completely hypocritical when I was just yowling about debt... Yet I am still willing to add to it. I have no excuses, no explanations. Except for that promise to myself I made years ago, that I would no longer deny myself concerts (these in particular). I have no other vices. So at 10am, I will be on the phone and online. Madly punching buttons and typing...
Other good news: earlier this week I saw an ad on craigslist for a free haircut, by calling a certain number and scheduling a time. Since I needed it, I decided to forgo the one-dollar-off coupon I received from my regular place, and go for the free one; and it turned out to be the place I regularly go anyway! They were finishing the certification of a stylist and were looking for guinea pigs-- me. When I walked in, the regular staff (who all know me by now) were all, Hey! this worked out well for you! Perfect timing! I had a great time, and a great cut, and feel blessed.
J's energy seems to have come roaring back with the ending of the holiday season: something about the hype and mood just drains him. He is no longer consumed with fatigue and depression. He's busy, every day; working on the Jeep, getting the yard cleaned up after the flood, making trim and finish pieces for the inside of the house; these chores have been on the Honey-Do list for months, and he just couldn't bring himself to do them. Plus we walk every day, and do a 3.5 miler 2-3 times weekly. With January weather having been for the most part fairly mild, and the days steadily lengthening, there's more incentive to be out and about. Phew...
The chickens are not laying. This raises the ugly question of What To Do. Do we get more baby chicks and start another flock? Keep the older ladies as...um...pets? Will our current flock resume laying in the spring? Why the heck aren't they laying!!! They've done their moulting thing, and are looking normal again. Guess I'll have to research this...
Turns out we won't be babysitting RN's dog after all. J will be relieved to hear this; I just found out this morning. J was concerned that their beloved Abby would not feel "at home", and might possibly bolt. I hadn't thought of that, nor of the possibility that she and Murph might not get along... and RN must have wondered about that too. So he is getting an in-home pet sitter for her, so as not to disturb her routine. I'm a bit disappionted; it would have been fun to have another dog around, just to see how it'd be if we ever did get another Havanese. But I'm also relieved. It would have felt like a large responsibility, and if anything *did* happen, it'd be awkward...
Today is my Friday...I'm looking forward to a happy time ahead. I'm counting heavily on scoring those tickets...
Second is that
I think my level of concern is what has spurred J on to resume looking for part-time work. I just hate knowing that we really need to count on that money to get under control again. Maybe it's "just" my anxiety rearing its ugly head...maybe our situation isn't that bad. We owe just under 10% of our annual income. I don't know if that's good or bad. It just is.
And that doesn't include my student loans, which have once again been sold to a different entity. I now make my payments to a group called Mohela. Had to sign up and get yet another user id and password, security questions, etc. Sigh. Sickening the amount of interest they are charging...
Third: is not really my issue at all. Mom. Her latest crisis is the broken ribs. It's odd, because she's been complaining of left-rib-area pain for a looong time, many months. But it's been checked out several times before during all this, and nothing ever turned up. All anyone could vaguely say was "cancer pain...". Now, this is no longer a vague term, it's an actual fracture. For which there is no treatment other than pain control. So the quest for adequate pain relief is on again. I thank god I am not there; I thank god for Alan. I wonder how long he can deal with it all, and yet, maybe being a non-relative makes enough of a difference that he'll be able to keep going. Maybe it's because I'm her daughter that it's become an issue for me.
On the good news side is that I will be going into debt again~~ tomorrow morning! Yes, Springsteen tickets are going on sale for the city I will be trying for. I know I sound completely hypocritical when I was just yowling about debt... Yet I am still willing to add to it. I have no excuses, no explanations. Except for that promise to myself I made years ago, that I would no longer deny myself concerts (these in particular). I have no other vices. So at 10am, I will be on the phone and online. Madly punching buttons and typing...
Other good news: earlier this week I saw an ad on craigslist for a free haircut, by calling a certain number and scheduling a time. Since I needed it, I decided to forgo the one-dollar-off coupon I received from my regular place, and go for the free one; and it turned out to be the place I regularly go anyway! They were finishing the certification of a stylist and were looking for guinea pigs-- me. When I walked in, the regular staff (who all know me by now) were all, Hey! this worked out well for you! Perfect timing! I had a great time, and a great cut, and feel blessed.
J's energy seems to have come roaring back with the ending of the holiday season: something about the hype and mood just drains him. He is no longer consumed with fatigue and depression. He's busy, every day; working on the Jeep, getting the yard cleaned up after the flood, making trim and finish pieces for the inside of the house; these chores have been on the Honey-Do list for months, and he just couldn't bring himself to do them. Plus we walk every day, and do a 3.5 miler 2-3 times weekly. With January weather having been for the most part fairly mild, and the days steadily lengthening, there's more incentive to be out and about. Phew...
The chickens are not laying. This raises the ugly question of What To Do. Do we get more baby chicks and start another flock? Keep the older ladies as...um...pets? Will our current flock resume laying in the spring? Why the heck aren't they laying!!! They've done their moulting thing, and are looking normal again. Guess I'll have to research this...
Turns out we won't be babysitting RN's dog after all. J will be relieved to hear this; I just found out this morning. J was concerned that their beloved Abby would not feel "at home", and might possibly bolt. I hadn't thought of that, nor of the possibility that she and Murph might not get along... and RN must have wondered about that too. So he is getting an in-home pet sitter for her, so as not to disturb her routine. I'm a bit disappionted; it would have been fun to have another dog around, just to see how it'd be if we ever did get another Havanese. But I'm also relieved. It would have felt like a large responsibility, and if anything *did* happen, it'd be awkward...
Today is my Friday...I'm looking forward to a happy time ahead. I'm counting heavily on scoring those tickets...
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