Sunday

 Another later start, although I did manage to get out of bed by 8:30. It's almost 90 degrees at 11am.  

Yesterday morning was a very bad start: I'm scared to think the lung thing is worsening. I can hardly breathe, the shortness of breath is scary, and the coughing is pretty out of control for a few hours. The thing I have to start keeping track of is whether it's a result of the two weeks on the antibiotic, or if it's just in general. I am coughing up stuff more, and it's pretty intense. I can feel/hear the wheezing. 

At the Meeting I just stood and leaned on my chair next to B, who was the only one there. He asked if I was okay and I said, finally  admitting it to myself out loud, that I think this is getting worse. I could barely get those words out before I started coughing.  Once again I was pretty quiet during the meeting except for the frequent cough. 

Afterwards my friends came to me, and expressed their concerns. A few encouraged me to call the doc and report this. My other friend N walked outside with me, and shared that she thought I was not only coughing more but it was more intense and it looked painful. She noticed I was more fatigued, too. She is also dealing with a chronic heart/lung thing, so she understood my reluctance to call the doc before my next scheduled appt in September. But she gently encouraged me, reminding me we have to be our own advocates. 

Frankly, I am scared. What if...

But I will call Monday. I have a list of things to do Monday, which I haven't had the energy to do, but damn it, I have to force myself. 

I stopped at Target to pick up more cough medicine, and the bank to get some cash. Then I went home and took care of chores before settling in to start reading a book Dad lent me. It is utterly riveting. I started on page 1 and read 90 pages before I couldn't bear any more. It is frightening. It's called Nuclear War, a detailed description of exactly what happens from the first warning of a launch by a foreign country.

Last Monday was another day I didn't do much. I meant to do those phone calls on my list...  but made excuses to myself and didn't. I heard from one cousin-- I had sent an email with photos asking if any of them wanted these items. Later another cousin said she would get back to me, but she hasn't yet. Frankly I don't think I could bring myself to sell these items, even if no one wants them.

Tuesday I forced myself to get up early (8am) and did both my nebulizer treatments, and then drove to my haircut place. Christine did my cut as usual: I asked for a "classic shag" with shorter layers on top to add volume. I'm very pleased with it-- it always takes a few days for my hair to recover from a new cut. I'd had a coupon for 9.99, so that really helped.

On my way home I stopped at Publix for a couple of things, and then headed home. It was about 11:20. But there had been a horrendous car accident just at the entrance to my little neighborhood. It looked like one car and one truck completely crumpled, with pieces of the cars all over the road. The police were already there, and as I along with the other cars in that lane crawled past, I could see an ambulance behind me and one coming toward me. What a complete mess! The southbound lanes were blocked off a half mile before that turn. There was no getting near it. 

I was thinking frantically what to do. I ended up driving north to the Aldi at Mason so I could use their bathroom, and bought a few things, still not finding the one damn thing on my list. Then I sat in that parking lot for a half hour. 

Meanwhile MissS texted me she was on her way to the house. I texted her back to just go home, because of the accident, but she decided to see for herself. It took her an hour to be diverted and crawling along the backed-up roads; that is a heavily traveled road. Eventually she gave up too, and texted she was going home. 

And eventually I decided to head back in that direction too. I parked in the 7/11 lot at the intersection in the shade, so I had a clear view of the cops blocking those southbound lanes, and there I sat until 1:40 when they finally drove off, opening the road. There was no sign of anything left by the time I entered my neighborhood.

I don't even remember the rest of that day-- Missy was delirious with joy, and it was not until 2:30 that things kind of settled down. I did get in the pool though, before the thunderstorm arrived. It was massive, and loud, and seemed like it was right overhead.

Wednesday morning I met N for brunch at Mel's Diner, and we had a wonderful time. I got home a bit after 1, to find MissS had mowed the lawn in back, and was cooling off in the pool. She is amazing, and I am so thankful.  She fixed the messed-up icons on my phone, which again I am so appreciative of.

Later Bro and SIL came and picked me up, to join them for dinner at the clubhouse with Dad. I was so tired by then, and not hungry at all, but I ate the Caesar salad with chicken and took most of it home. Dad had brought the book I am now reading. 

Thursday was a very quiet day, to recover from the previous day's activities. I found Gramma's daily diary, which I know I've read before, but certain things really stood out. There are dates and events and a lot of family information.  

Friday was scheduled to be a quiet day, ie, I had no plans. However, Sis' bathroom in the beach house is being remodeled, so MissS and Kit cannot do their laundry there. They asked if they could come here and do their laundry along with some pool time, and of course I said yes.

They also brought subs from Firehouse Subs,  and I saved mine for dinner, which was yummy. While they were here my two trellis's arrived, so Kit put them together for me. He also knew exactly where to spray a ton of WD40 on the dishwasher which has been squealing and getting worse for months.  Thankfully the application of a lot of that lubricant helped quite a bit. 

 I got in the pool too after they left, and that always helps to calm me down. The cats circle the pool meowing to me, which is interesting. I feel I have to reassure them I am okay.

Saturday was the worst day of shortness  of breath and coughing. Today is maybe not as bad as far as the SOB goes, but I am still coughing. I have finished the two-week period on the antibiotics, so I'm monitoring the frequency and severity.  Now that I've decided to call the pulmonologist I just want to do this and get it over with. Sigh. 

This coming week will be J's birthday. I so wish I could dream of him again. He would be 88, which seems insane. 

TYG 

For my friends, for my family, for my animals, for my house, for my life.